Eye Drops (#2)

b l u s h

"Laughing is the best medicine, but if you laugh without any reason, you need medicine." – Gecko&Fly Quotes

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"This is Westerden Optometrist, what are your symptoms?"

"Peanut, I have a new nickname for you!"

"Oh, crap."

"Do you want to know?"

"If there is a button which can emit an arghhhh noooooooooo sound, I would be pressing it right now."

"Now I'm going to call you Optometristan! Get it? Optometristan?"

"Did you just make a pun?"

"Yes! Gosh, Peanut, you're teaching me how to be funny and weird."

"Yeah, because those are such horrible things to be. Totes weird."

"Are you mocking me?"

"I'm just wondering, you always call yourself popular, or whatever, but you don't seem to be as bad as the other airheads at the top of the food chain. Are you as bitchy as you say?"

"Look, I told you, I used to be nerdy. I actually have a couple of academic scholarships for college, but don't you dare tell anyone."

"Whoa, you have multiple academic scholarships?"

"Yeah, I just said that, moron."

"And you're not proud about that?"

"Not really."

"Wait, didn't you say that reading's for nerds, just last week?"

"Well, I didn't sound like Severus Snape on helium, but yes."

"I thought you hadn't read Harry Potter."

"I lied before. I have read all seven books. In two days."

"Holy smokes, you're talented."

"Back to the point, I used to be bullied at my old school for being nerdy and fat, which is why I'm so touchy about food and academics. I'm actually quite kind, believe it or not. I treat people the way they treat me."

"Well, yeah, that seems fair. But why–"

"I know what you're going to ask. People actually like me now, Peanut. I never used to get that, and I don't want to let it go. But gossip about me spreads like wildfire behind my back, and I don't know who to trust anymore. Except you, I guess."

"Wow, I'm flattered."

"I just– well, I don't know, you're the only one who doesn't try and ride the coattails of my popularity, you know? I can be nerdy and weird around you, whereas I need to put on a façade for my friends."

"Er, I'm flattered? Again?"

"What I'm trying to say, Peanut, is thanks."

"You're thanking me? Thanking me for what?"

"Thanks for, uh, um–"

"You sound like you're choking. Are you secretly a cat and you're choking on a hairball? Are you okay?"

"No, you idiot. What I wanted to say was, thanks for being my friend."

"Oh. Well, in that case, I'm hungry."

"What? I thank you for being my friend, and you say that you're hungry?"

"What? I am! Also, I'm not good at dealing with this sappy friend stuff."

"Sappy deep stuff? Peanut, I just told you something I never tell anyone else, and you–"

"Uh, I gotta go! New customer. Bye!"

"What? You don't even get customers!"

"Hello, Bob! Nice to see you again. Let me fix your eyes! No, I insist. Let me fix your goddamned eyes."

"What the–"

"Sorry Retina, Bob is starting to get impatient. See ya!"

"Don't you dare hang up on–"