Hit And Run With It

Chapter 16 - Belle

A/N The song in the link is meant to be played while Belle is trying to fall asleep, or you can just listen at the end.

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I don't bother going to my room because I already know I won't be able to sleep tonight. I throw the keys onto the shelf just inside the door, quietly slipping out of my flats and padding up the hardwood steps to the kitchen.

The coffee maker calls my name from the kitchen, my body aches at the thought of caffeine coursing through my veins any minute. Setting my bag down on the kitchen table, I shuffle my way to the counter quietly and scoop a hefty amount of coffee from the can above the sink into the filter. Opening the cupboards quietly, so Mom won't realize that I'm home - and probably thinking I'm stirring up trouble - I lift a mug from the shelf and place it under the machine, pressing the start button. The machine gurgles to life and for the first time tonight I take a deep breath and lean into the counter.

Caleb sits in the back of my mind, quiet but persistent, like a song playing in the background that you can't help but listen to. I used to think he was someone so gentle, somebody who wouldn't hurt a fly, but now I see that there's a darker side to him and I'm not sure I want to see it again.

Before long, the machine stops brewing and, like clockwork, I grab the sugar container from beside the machine and spoon a teaspoon of the white crystals into the brown liquid, stirring it slowly. The coffee in the mug between my hands is soothingly hot, taking away my attention from Brett and Caleb and instead focusing on the steady throb of pain pulsing through my palms. The kitchen light above the table dimly illuminates the room and it feels glaringly bright compared to the total darkness that enveloped the party. Each sip of the coffee sharpens my senses and erases any trace left of the drug that Brett gave me. My body shudders involuntarily at the thought of him pinning me down, completely helpless and totally vulnerable.

That is the last time I ever party with those people. Or anyone for that matter.

Before I realize it, I've drained the entire mug and almost pour myself another until I realize I really won't be able to sleep with a second cup even if I wanted to.

I gently set the mug inside in the sink and flick the lights off in the kitchen. There's something oddly comforting in the darkness with the moon illuminating a square on the floor near the window. The shadows tuck around me, a soft blanket that I can hide from the world in. Black matches the shade of my mind, all memories shrouded behind a dark veil, that when taken away, leave me feeling bare and defenseless against the world and its people that constantly study me like a dissection in a science class.

How could they know what I'm going through? How could they ever know?

My mind continues its train of thoughts even as I lay down on my bed and close my eyes. As hard as I try to make myself fall asleep, my thoughts are still too loud and the caffeine in my veins is winning the fight against sleep. Cracking open my eyes, I find an iPod with earbuds wrapped around it sitting beside the lamp on my nightstand. I reach out and pick it up, untangling the cord slowly, like its a foreign object. I brush an earbud with my fingertips and the memory of it crashes into me with full force.

The last time I was wearing these, it was my accident.

I screw my eyes shut, dropping the iPod onto the bed and trying to shake the memory from my mind, but it clings to me with a death grip. My side aches with the memory and I can feel myself slam into the pavement all over again.