From Me To You: A Tale Untold

Ibrahim

29th April, '19,

Dear Diary,


It's been three days since Abba's death and I can't stop my tears. It happened so fast. One moment he was healthy and in the next, he complained of a burning sensation in his heart and severe pain. He collapsed to the ground. Without wasting time, Amma called our family doctor, and he stated that he had suffered a cardiac arrest. The doctor tried to revive him, but he failed. Abba was already dead before he arrived. He couldn't be revived. The doctor said that it wasn't his first attack—he had one before and he had ignored it. Apparently he had a heartbeat fluctuation problem since some time and he did nothing about it.

Wish I knew so I could have done something. (sobs uncontrollably)

I couldn't save Abba.... Abba. I couldn't save my father. My support, my happiness. He left a void. Looks like its been so many days, but only three days have passed. It was the ziyarat today and I was so numb, I didn't want to pray.

I hate Allah for taking my father away. At the time, I needed him the most. You know, he wanted to see me married, have children of my own. He wanted to play with his grandkids. And...and, I just couldn't fulfill that wish, that desire of his. Wish there was something I could do to bring him back. A prayer, a miracle. I want my Abba back. Any how and any way.

Ammi has been unconscious ever since. She had fainted in when the doctor confirmed Abba's deathand had to be revived for the muah dikhai-- the last time she'd see my father's face before I buried him. It was so heartbreaking to see her breakdown. Her heartwrenching screams still echo in my ears. The cries of lament, grief and pain. Amayra is young, but she's sad. She was Abba's favourite. His ladli daughter--his pet.

And I'm here. Penning my thoughts to you. Because that's all I can do. My grief is mine alone, never to be shown. I'll be the strength Ammi and Amayra need, without a thought for deed. I'll fulfill Abba's dream- making his daughter an engineer.

(Cries and muffles his voice) I don't want others to hear my sobs, otherwise they'll barge into my room. When everything is gloom. There's nothing to say. Abba took everything away. He was the life of this house and now I'm in doubt. Of myself and Ammi. Don't know when I'm going to be complete! My tears don't stop and I'm distraught. I'm tired and want to sleep. Something which is denied to me. My body refuses to sleep. His last moment has been on a loop non-stop.

Bye for now.  Don't know when we'll meet again...