AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you're sensitive to conversations about depression, suicide, or anything that talks about mental and emotional health matters, please skip this chapter.
AGAIN, SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU DON'T LIKE DEPRESSING CONTENT. Thank you.
This is a chapter that I wrote for awareness that depression is not just a "shallow emotion" but it's something that we cannot force to just stop. So, yeah.
LAST WARNING IF YOU'RE STILL HERE AND YOU DON'T LIKE DEPRESSING CONTENT, PLEASE LEAVE THE CHAPTER. THANK YOU.
----
[3:45 PM; May 12, 2022]
Dear readers,
I am just a writer. I am not a "god" to predict the future, I am not a genie to grant your every wish and I am not a robot to accomplish everything on time.
I cry at night as I spend my time, my blood, my sweat and tears writing all these chapters in a book you never spend your time to read
You criticize everything in my book thinking that I won't be affected by your words. You are so wrong
Your actions contradict your beliefs. You seemingly acted like an angel with all those comforting words to others but with your words towards me, you're a devil
I never liked the fact that I was criticized when no one has ever seen my works; my hardships. My father appreciated the fact that I'm a writer but the rest of the world didn't
And so I tried to end my life like a movie
I cut the strings, I broke my promises and I tore myself like paper hoping that my suffering will come to an end
I close my eyes to see the clean oceans; so clean that you can see the clear shore with tiny little fishes swimming about around my feet. I breathe in the fresh air; so fresh that I can smell that beautiful aroma of steak cooking nearby...
I mumble my words and let the forest hear them as the little birds sing along to the forest's beautiful rhythm
This is the world I hope for. A place I can call home. No pollution, no stress, no feeling of depression; I want to see them all
But I live in such a toxic environment. I wish to live so soon. I wish to end my movie so soon. I'm so fed up with the world's gibberish. I'm so fed up with people's complains yet they're the ones creating their own problems
I want to put an end to this rubbish documentary I'm living in. I want to live in a fantasy like the one in my dreams
Clear skies, clean rivers, greeny forests, healthy animals, peaceful homes, kind and humble countries...I want to see all of these
No pollution, no toxicity, no oppression, no depression, no anxiety, no fear, no rubbish, no poverty, no senseless pride...I want to feel all of these...
I want to feel sad without feeling more neglected, I want to feel happy without feeling like an attention seeker, I want to enjoy my life without having to encounter people who don't even care...
If we can't change ourselves...how else are we supposed to change the world?
I have decided to choose this path...the staircase to the underworld. It may be a place no one likes to be in...but it's better to live under than to live high and be too privileged to even care
I am not an immortal to last long. I am not an immortal to go on until the universe ends. I am not an immortal. I tried to end the story but...
Someone told me it's too soon. My story is only half way from its ending. I don't even have a job yet so they question me...'why do you wish to leave so soon?'
I was astonished. I don't know what to say...why do I wish to leave so soon? I don't know...I don't really know why I want to leave so soon...I just want to...
The darkness which I thought will always remain as darkness opened itself and showed me the light. It showed me the beautiful light reminding me that there's more to this world than pain...
There's more to this world than just "I give up". There's more to this world than just poverty, there's more to this world than just corruption...the world can still be a better place...
But then again...I questioned myself..."How? How will the world become a better place when the people living in this world don't even care?". I don't know anymore...
Should I just give it all up?
I lie in my water-filled bathtub and attempt to drown myself with all my sorrows and regrets...
The blood that dripped from my scarred wrist, the purple bruises I gave myself...my rumbling stomach begging for food for I haven't eaten in 2 days...
I was desperate to die but someone proved me wrong...
God, my family, my friends and him...the guy I fell in love with.
I miss them, I miss myself...
And so I stayed.
Thank you for waking up, Cali.
A semi-colon for a life kept;
Calista.
---
Hello! This chapter is quite sensitive so I'm sorry about that but please don't get the wrong idea! I didn't do anything to myself.
But I do want people to know how I feel inside. I didn't physically hurt myself but I am suffering mentally and emotionally, it's just that no one knows other than myself.
If I triggered some people (or someone complained about why is this chapter depressing), I would like to apologize.
I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. BUT I DID SAY PLEASE LEAVE. So, if you didn't leave when I told you to, that's no longer my fault.
I already warned you that this chapter will have a sensitive content so I don't and I should not take the blame.
Thank you. To those suffering with emotional and mental issues, thank you for continuously fighting your battles. Please don't give up, KEEP FIGHTING! I love you :)
YOU ARE READING
LOST MEMORIES
Short Story[ 𝙲 𝙾 𝙼 𝙿 𝙻 𝙴 𝚃 𝙴 ] This book compiles all letters, poems and short stories that I have written in the past that I nearly have forgotten. These works were written from the past 2 years and these written outputs were works that I wrote in th...
