He was moving fast steps. He didn't even know where he was really going, running from one side of the city to the other, but one thing was certain: he was attracted to something, someone. His body seemed to move automatically, pulling him towards the source of that strange attraction.
He could not see clearly. In front of his pupils everything was dark, blurred. He sensed the presence of his brother at his side, but he could not even pay the slightest bit of attention to him. Not because he didn't want to, but he wasn't in full control of his body.
That vision had triggered something in Loki, who by now hadn't even realised that he had managed to open a portal without a problem, and had put in weeks of recovery and hard work in the blink of an eye. A great achievement, gone up in smoke because of anger.
Before he could realise it, his legs dragged him in front of that big building.
He could see the imposing white marble structure from a distance, emerging from a large tree-lined avenue. On the way he kept hitting people with his shoulders, some pretending not to notice and others shouting at him. If only they had known that after a second they would have found themselves knocked to the ground by a mere glance from Loki.
Thor took care to apologize to everyone and pick up anyone who had been affected by his brother's magic. They couldn't see the beam of green light leave the god's body and surround the Midgardians, but he could, and each time it seemed to hurt more and more.
Loki's visual range began to become clearer as he approached the palace.
Not a single second seemed to have passed since what he had seen in his vision: The thin layer of snow covered the stairs, and a boy with long curls exclaimed something incomprehensible with his arms wide open, making his way towards two girls, sitting next to each other.
Thor struggled to understand what was going on, but when his gaze fell on the scene of the man making his way between the two girls, everything seemed clearer. And his instincts told him to do only one thing.
He began to run. And he started running because Loki didn't seem to have any intention of stopping. He did so to position his body in front of his brother's, who placed his hands on his chest to kick him away.
"Stop it."
"Get out of the way, Thor. I'm not afraid to do to you what I did to those ridiculous beings before," he had muttered through clenched teeth, keeping his gaze fixed on that scene.
"What do you think you're doing?" he had exclaimed in a low voice, moving his gaze from his brother's face to that of the girl clutched in the man's arms. "He's a human, what do you want to do?"
"Solve the problem?"
Thor laughed. "Not like that."
"I think I'm old enough and mature enough to know how to deal with problems," Loki had judged.
Thor laughed again.
"I'm not going to say it again. Get out of my way, Thor."
Thor wished he had reasoned. He would have liked to prevent any catastrophe. He would have liked to avoid detection, to avoid someone witnessing an unpleasant event. But he didn't even have time to think straight.
Loki seemed to dematerialise. As Thor spoke, asking him to come to his senses, a second version of himself quickly emerged from his body and began running towards the stairs of the palace.
Everything happened in an instant. No one had time to realise what was really going on, as Loki grabbed the boy by the collar of his shirt, pulling him to his feet in a second.
Facing each other, a silver, blue-handled dagger materialized in his hand. The sharp, shiny blade met the boy's neck immediately. He had no intention of cutting the head off his neck, but God, it would be satisfying.
The boy did not even seem to be able to formulate words. His face immediately turned pale as they looked into each other's eyes. Loki could feel a lot of emotions: Fear, remorse, sadness, anger, confusion. He was absorbing every drop of all those feelings.
As much as Thor was shouting his name, threatening to use his powers to stop him, nothing seemed to be able to calm his anger. Nothing or no one. And what's more, Loki was more than aware that his brother would never lay a finger on him, after what they had been through together in an attempt to save the world.
Every attempt had been in vain. Until that moment.
"Loki?"
Though in a confused state, he could recognise that voice. It wasn't distant like when they spoke in opposite dimensions, or muffled like the one in the visions. It was real and clean. And broken by sobs.
"Loki, what are you doing?"
Fear.
"Please."
Terror.
"Loki!"
Betrayal.
He couldn't take his eyes off the boy's, not even as he moved his lips slowly, formulating a question that was certainly not directed at him, but at the girl who was hiding her frightened best friend behind her.
"I spent months on end in a cage like I was a lab rat trying to save the world," he had begun, as the grip on the poor Midgardian's shirt collar became tighter. Although he couldn't see it, he knew that Thor behind him was silently asking the two girls to stay put. "I have lost every ounce of my power to do a good deed. To make me what you always thought I was. And what do I get?"
"Loki—"
"Experiments. I have been subjected to billions of experiments in an attempt to regain my magic. I have spent days writing to you. I could hear you talking as I was studied," he had continued, slowly brushing the boy's skin with his blade. He began to cry, praying in a low voice that nothing would happen to him.
"Leave him. Let's talk about this, alone, just the two of us" she had said, beginning to take a few small steps in his direction. Lola had tried to stop her, grabbing her by the wrist, but she had turned around and barely nodded, soothing her. "Loki, look at me. It's me."
Her tone of voice was constantly broken by gentle sobs. She was visibly trembling, her eyes frightened and an expression of pure confusion on her face. No one could see how this was going to end.
"Please," she had murmured again, in a faint whisper.
Loki didn't look away from the boy's face for even half a second, but his grip began to be full strong as time passed. When he was finally free, touching the ground with his feet, he fell to the ground at dead weight, breathing heavily. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he had exclaimed, bringing a hand to his neck, probably to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
"Shut up before I change my mind," Loki answered him, making the dagger disappear with a snap of his fingers.
Thor ran over to the boy, offering him a hand to put him back on his feet. Although he was frightened and hesitant, he grasped the hand of the god, who lifted him up with a minimum of effort. He had muttered something like "You beings are out of your minds", but no one was paying the slightest attention to him now.
When Loki chose to turn around, something changed, in and around him.
Their gazes met. She could not stop shaking, her eyes wet with bitter tears that threatened to streak down her face. Beside her, Lola was clutching her arm again, holding her close. Her best friend no longer seemed afraid, but defensive.
"Go away," Lola spat venomously, planting her gaze in his.
Loki understood what she was ordering him to do, but he had to blink more than once to find the strength to move his lips. "Excuse me?"
"You got it."
"I have no intention of listening to you," Loki replied, moving closer to the girl. Although she had taken a few steps back, still unsure if she really wanted to talk to him. "Please," he continued, looking at her.
They walked away from the three. Thor immediately took advantage of his brother's absence to apologise to the two of them, briefly explaining the situation. It was clear that neither of them knew what was going on and what had triggered that reaction. Or at least how Loki knew, since Thor swore he didn't know any of the details of his strange vision.
She walked far behind him, moving slowly, and Loki moved faster, though he had to stop every now and then to keep from losing her.
She clasped her arms to her chest, as if to protect herself in one way or another. Loki didn't speak, but he thought a lot. He thought about how in a moment he had managed to ruin everything. How he could have dealt with it better. How he could have solved the problem without turning into a monster. But it was too late.
"Why did you do that?"
Loki froze upon hearing those words. She no longer trusted him, and she had every obvious reason to. And yet.
"I'm talking to you. Why did you do that? You disappear into thin air, I give you up for dead, and you suddenly appear threatening to kill a friend of mine."
"You wouldn't understand," he replied angrily, shaking his head. "It's difficult."
"Make it simple, then."
How to explain to her what he had been up against? What he'd been through, experienced on his own skin? She couldn't really understand, probably wouldn't even believe him. But he owed her an explanation anyway. It was the least he could do. "I've listened to every one of your words..." he had begun, resting his back against the trunk of a tree. She made no sign of moving closer, still clutched in her own arms. "I was answering you. You weren't listening."
With her head bowed on one end, she began to look at him, her eyes still wet with tears. He hated this vision, this condition of hers. Caused by himself.
"We helped the Avengers. When Thor disappeared, and we were left alone, he'd snoop through the comics and all that stupid stuff in your world. He found out a lot of things, and we decided to fight together to prevent it."
"I saw you die," she interrupted him, looking away from his face. She'd mentioned to him that she'd had similar visions, but she'd never gone into detail. "Just like in the movies. I was part of the scene, there was Thor screaming, Thanos and his minions killed Heimdall, and you..."
"But I'm alive."
"I couldn't have known," she said again, cutting him off. Loki had to shut his mouth. "Try putting yourself even for a second in my shoes, Loki. I kept dreaming of you dead, and you wouldn't answer me. I was losing my mind!"
"And you think I was okay?" he had raised his tone of voice, moving quickly away from the tree. Pointing a finger at his own face, he continued. "I killed my sister. I had visions of you. I was locked in a cage like an animal, subjected to constant experiments because those fools took away my powers! I looked like a carcass, I felt powerless!"
This time they both remained silent. They no longer knew what to say. Not that it was a battle of who had suffered the most, but they both seemed to have had at least one good reason to give up. Even if they didn't want to.
Loki had to steel himself not to lose his temper and burst out again. "I worked day and night to get back to you. I've watched you suffer, and all your pain has spilled over to me."
The girl squinted her eyes, seeming to think for a moment. Loki looks at her skeptically. He can't understand anything. "That is not a valid justification for threatening to kill my friend."
His gaze immediately fell on the scene behind the girl. In the distance, Lola was holding the nameless boy in her arms, while Thor was looking at them awkwardly and embarrassedly. They spoke softly, as if they were afraid Loki might hear them. When it was Loki who was primarily afraid of himself at that moment.
"I couldn't see straight in anger," he found it hard to admit, but he felt almost obliged. He lowered his head, looking down at his own hands. Raising a hand, a green flame escaped from his hands, making the girl — no longer used to this — flinch. "I was trying to remember something that would make me smile. But I saw you, in his arms... I felt a feeling that is, unfortunately, very familiar to me."
It was then that she began to really move, with small, hesitant, uncertain steps. With a nod, she invited him to continue. Loki had her full attention.
"I couldn't focus on anything that could in the least be deemed happy. I felt betrayed, and perhaps replaced? Those are feelings I've lived with for hundreds of years because of my family, because of Thor, but with you..."
"Loki, did you really think I could pretend you never existed?" she murmured softly, incredulous.
They were physically attracted to each other, like two magnets. But in both their hearts, something prevented them from throwing themselves into each other's arms. They needed to confront each other. They needed to bring the truth to light and leave nothing unresolved.
A few inches away, they looked into each other's eyes. Loki nodded, "I thought so."
Though unexpectedly, Loki could feel something change in her. A sudden change in her aura, which immediately became much softer, much more... Understanding? One way or another, something had managed to calm her trembling, and her breathing began to be calmer, more regular.
"If I really wanted to replace you, I would have stopped trying to contact you one way or another, even though that dream felt so real," she admitted, moving her gaze from his face to the floor for a moment, as if thinking about what to say. "I was there, Loki. It was all real. I was suffering with you. It was something terrible. Imagine watching someone die who is forever bound to you, irrevocably. There was nothing I could do."
"I believe that the fact that I was stripped of my powers has also influenced this, our... complicity." She didn't seem to understand immediately as she looked at him with narrowed eyes. Loki nodded, "Steve Rogers was afraid I might cause some trouble between the different dimensions, after all that's happened. And everyone else thought it was a good idea to deprive me of what keeps me alive."
"I couldn't hear you for once."
"I felt you constantly. And that was what hurt the most," Loki whispered now, feeling sick at the thought that he was laying bare his greatest weaknesses.
"I could never have done that to you," the girl admitted, shaking her head. Barely bending her lips upwards, she then began to speak again. "That... That's Lola's soulmate. We formed a strong friendship in a short period of time, since Lola was always with me and took him with her. He helped me, you know. While you were gone."
"I couldn't have known," he repeated her previous words, making her barely laugh. Not that it was totally untrue, though.
"Then I'll tell you again: It's not an excuse," she insisted, moving even closer to him. Little and nothing separated them now. "I'm glad you're okay... That you're alive. And that you didn't kill Jasper."
"So, his name is Jasper, the wimp," Loki then replied, causing her to burst into laughter this time. "Wimpy Jasper, sounds good."
Shaking her head, she brought a hand to her lips. "We were all scared, even Thor. I think you owe a couple of people an apology..."
"You're the first person who deserves one", he admitted, extending an arm in her direction. The girl seemed to think about it for a moment, before grabbing his hand. "I'm sorry. Honestly. I never meant to react like that. I suffered, I was nervous and tired. I was foolish."
"You have all the time in the world to make it up to me. Now let's get back to those three," she giggled, resting a hand on his chest.
But before they could pull away and return to the others, Loki was quick to take what he had needed for what had seemed like months. Resting his fingers beneath her chin, he lifted the girl's face and lowered his head, resting his forehead against hers. Silently searching for consent in her eyes, he knew it was the right thing to do when they took on a new light.
And without another word, their lips met. Interlocking perfectly, as if they had been created especially for that.
The other three watched in disbelief from afar. A few moments before, they were shouting at each other, while one cried and the other tried to quell his homicidal mania.
In that moment, their worlds became less grey and gloomy. Loki knew, in his heart, that he would never have to suffer as he had done until that moment. Not as long as they were together.
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Happy Christmas Eve, my babies! As always: Please vote and comment. It's important for me to see how the story is progressing and what you think of it, I really care.
That said, here we go again. I was faster this time. And I'm definitely telling you, I'm sorry if the spiciness was short-lived, but I can't make Loki a monster. I feel like crying at the thought of seeing him suffer, writing certain things makes me feel bad but it was needed.
We are close to an end anyway. If you have any advice, or requests, they are all always welcome. I love hearing your opinions and reading your comments. I am so sorry if you are not enjoying the story, as the numbers show. I never wanted to bore you, but I will try to make up for it!
Needless to say, I love you all,
Giada. xx