Alyssa ♔
_______________
News of my break up with Justin makes its rounds across school again. Marnie and Tiana are already at my locker, and while Tee pulls me into a hug, Marnie's eyes narrow.
I pull back from Tiana and open my locker, shoving my things inside. When Marnie doesn't take her eyes off me, I turn and say, "Is there something wrong, Marnie?"
"What is this, the third breakup?" she asks. "It's always drama with you two. You'll be back together tomorrow."
I slam shut my locker. "We won't. It's for good this time."
She rolls her eyes as if she doesn't believe me, and I don't blame her. This back and forth with Justin has made me look weak; it won't be long before she's moving against me.
"Why'd you break up?" Tee says. "I mean, people are saying all kinds of crazy things like you cheated on him with some poor street kid."
I tense. There are two ways I can play this thing: a half-truth, or a downright lie. I'm no novice when it comes to spinning tails, and I've learned the closer you keep it to the truth, the less likely it is people will question you.
"I broke up with Justin because he's abusive."
They collectively breathe in, then look at one another like they can't quite believe what I'm saying. Why would they? In front of others, Justin has never been anything but the model boyfriend. It's only in the shadows that monsters come out.
"Abusive how?" Marnie asks. The scepticism in her eyes is unmistakable.
I pull my top down a little to reveal the fingermarks left behind on my neck. "Like that."
Tiana's eyes widen, and she grabs my hand and pulls me toward her. "I'm going to kill him," she says. "Run over him in my new Audi and then dump his body into a bag full of rocks before dropping him into the river."
I smile a little. Tiana is the shy one, the one who rarely speaks when we're in a group of more than two, but when it's just us, it's like she comes alive.
"He can't believe I had the guts to leave him for it," I say, "so he's making all kinds of stuff up about me. Anything that comes out of his mouth is a lie to hide what he did."
"I figured as much," Tee says, giving Marnie an, I told you so, look.
"Hey, I didn't fall for it, either," Marnie insists. "Alyssa hooking up with a street rat from Burbank? Please. I mean, can you imagine?"
I let out a nervous laugh just as the bell rings, and we hurry to class before they can grill me further. I head to my desk, where Kino is already sat in his seat, organizing his pencils.
"Hey," he says when I take my seat. "I heard about the breakup. I'm really sorry."
I nod. "It's fine. It was a long time coming."
"If you want to talk about it–"
"There's not much to talk about," I say softly. "I kind of just want to forget he exists. But thank you."
He's silent for a moment or two. "My dad used to say, 'If you don't like something, take away its only power: your attention.'"
I think about this for a moment before smiling. "I like that." Then I pause before adding, "Your dad sounds like a very complicated man."
"He was," Kino says, looking at his hands. "Some days, he was your biggest fan. Other days, it was like you didn't exist."
The teacher comes in and we're forced to settle down. For the rest of the lesson, I try to focus on Romeo and Juliet but instead keep replaying Justin's words in my head. I have the power to ruin your family. What will this mean for my parents? For college? Have I just sacrificed everything for pride? A few more weeks, and I could have ditched Justin forever. Have I just ruined everything?
My fears are put to rest when Justin catches me at lunch. He takes me by the arm and leads me over to the bleachers, where he asks, "You calmed down yet?"
It's then that I know I've made the right decision. "I've always been calm."
"No, you're being irrational," he says. "C'mon, Alyssa. What is this, a mid-life crisis kind of thing? You don't belong in that gym with those people. You're not cut out for that life."
"Why was it okay for you to spend the last six months boxing?" I ask. "For you to fight?"
"That's different," he says.
"It's always different when it's you." I pinch the bridge of my nose and say, "Look, we're done, remember? You don't need to concern yourself with what I do or don't do."
He laughs, but I can see the anger in his eyes. "This is ridiculous. You really think someone like you can box? You're wasting your time. You wouldn't last a minute in a ring, Alyssa. "
My eyes narrow. I straighten up. I've never had any intention of boxing–not really–but now I am furious. "Guess we'll see, won't we?"
His face drops. "You can't be serious."
I step closer until I'm right in his face. "Never tell me I can't do something." Then I push past him and head back to the cafeteria.
***
I'm home long enough to grab a snack and change before I head to the gym. I'm dressed all in black for the occasion, with my hair scraped back into an efficient looking bun. It's my, I'm serious about this, look. My, You can go to hell Justin, look. Mom tells me I look like I'm about to commit a burglary, and I laugh and tell her I've got a pilates class with Tee.
The place is relatively quiet, but Maddie is over by one of the punching bags, lost in the rhythm of her hits. She turns when I approach her and smiles before saying, "You're early."
I nod and take a breath before saying, "I want you to show me how to fight."
She raises her eyebrows, and I expect her to say something like, You're not cut out for fighting, or Boxing is too difficult for someone like you. But instead, she says, "Okay."
I raise an eyebrow. "That was easy. Don't you want to know why?"
She shrugs. "It doesn't matter. If it's something you want to do, I'll help you. Why me, though?"
I frown. "Why not you?"
"I just mean you train with Max every day. He's more experienced than me."
"Because it's you I want to be like, not Max."
She grins, and I swear, it's the cutest grin I've ever seen anyone wear. I can tell why Hayden fell for it. I put on some gloves and she tells me to follow her into the ring.
"When I first started, Hayden had me jumping rope for a million years, and I hated it," she says. "We're going to learn some footwork alongside basic fitness to speed things up a little bit."
I nod and she goes through some basic footwork with me. Some of it I'd learned when sparring with Max, but other things are new and somewhat complicated, which makes me feel hopeless.
"It's the first day," Maddie reminds me when I start to feel dejected. "You're already starting in a better position than I did."
I smile at the reassurance. "What got you into boxing, anyway?"
We continue to dance around each other, practicing moving between different stances. "Straighten your spine more," she says, sidestepping around me. I do as I'm told, and she nods. "My dad was abusive. I needed to be able to protect myself." She pauses. "The sport though–the feeling it gave me–is why I continued."
My body feels better with a straighter spine, like I'm divided perfectly down the center. My weight feels more distributed, and it's easier for me to side-step.
Maddie taps my foot with hers. "When you step forward, the ball of your foot needs to touch the ground first. Try it again." I step forward, this time putting my tiptoes down first and not my whole foot. "Better."
"So, what happened with your dad?" I ask.
She smiles a little. "I beat the crap out of him and he got arrested. We're still awaiting his trial."
My eyebrows fly up. "I had no idea. I'm sorry."
We spend the next few minutes honing my new footwork techniques. When my feet start to ache, she laughs and we head to the bench to take a break.
I watch as she sips at her water bottle. From the sounds of it, Maddie started out just like me, and look where she is now; it gives me some hope for the future.
"I wanted to do something that people wouldn't expect of me," I say suddenly, and she turns to look at me. "That's why I want to fight."
"You don't have anything to prove," Maddie says, but she's wrong. I do, and it's not to Justin or to my parents or to my friends.
It's to myself.
A/N
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