It was a welcome relief from the day to be back in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey and I were on shelf stocking and unpacking duty in her office, which smelled of rubbing alcohol and medicinal herbs. A Murphy bed was built into the wall; and doubled as Madam Pomfrey's bed and a workstation. I sat marking inventory as Madam Pomfrey magically refilled my cup of chamomile tea. I had no need for elderberry tea anymore now that the pre-coital and post-coital contraception spells were under my belt.
"We'll have to stock up on Pepperup Potion," Madam Pomfrey said, thinking aloud to herself as she stocked the glass-door cabinets in her office. "This time of year, there's always a bug or two spread around the castle..."
"Madam Pomfrey, why doesn't Hogwarts provide a more comprehensive education on contraception?"
Madam Pomfrey nearly knocked over a whole shelf of neatly arranged dittany vials when she heard my question.
"A more comprehensive education on..." Madam Pomfrey echoed my words to herself, slowly turning to look at me with bemusement. "Erica, where ever is this coming from?"
I gave her a hardened, purposeful look and hoped she could connect two and two. "Do you recall when I seemed a bit distracted a few months ago? Well, that distraction has become... a bit more distracting." Madam Pomfrey's eyes widened.
"Erica," Madam Pomfrey said with soft gasps, "Are you... with child?"
"No, no no," I shook my head, looking her earnestly in the eyes. "I've been doing everything in my power to prevent that. And by everything, I mean..." my voice lowered to a murmur and winced, "the post-coital contraception charm."
Madam Pomfrey looked down at me with a mixture of emotions. Her grey eyebrows arched, and her kind, watery eyes caught the reflection of the glittering potion bottles on the shelves. Her unfalteringly steady hands were clamped together in a position I knew all too well as worry. Guilt; and worry.
Madam Pomfrey magically brought a stool over and sat beside me.
"Contraceptive spells are very easy to abuse," she tutted. "It was always the best effort of Hogwarts to keep students from using them. That is why I am permitted to only teach abstinence-only education." She said those words as if they left a bitter taste in her mouth. "The assumption was that if we inform students of the contraceptive charms' existence, students would begin to use them freely and without restraint, causing potentially irreversible long-term injury." Madam Pomfrey's eyes clouded. "There were.... incidents, many years ago. Older students got their hands on the charms and used them multiple times a day. Then, many years later, a number of females found themselves left permanently infertile."
My stomach clenched at the word. Permanently infertile. The reason why the spells were kept a secret was beginning to make more sense to me.
Madam Pomfrey straightened. "I have been advocating for more in-depth, honest sexual education at this school for... I don't know how long. But the incidents of the past loomed over Hogwarts for a long time. The most I'm allowed to recommend is Muggle contraception. I wish I could change things, but ultimately, this is what the parents of students are most comfortable with."
I cupped the warm chamomile tea in my hands, listening to Madam Pomfrey's explanation. "If you could teach what you wanted to teach... what would you say?" I asked hesitantly.
Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips, deciding between whether to speak her mind or keep it inside. After a moment of deliberation, she waved her hand and magically shut the door of her office. In a lowered voice, she said to me, "The pre-coital charms are relatively harmless. They can be performed on either the man or woman to be effective, but should not be used more than twice a day, or else it may cause nausea. Ultimately, I have not heard of a single case of long-term detriments caused by the pre-coital charms. However..." her voice grew more serious, "It is the post-coital one that causes such long-lasting damage when abused. It was created to be used as a last resort, as it is very physically taxing. The recipient should be in a reclined position, and the caster should deliver the spell in a gentle voice, barely moving the tip of the wand. This can be done no more than three times a month."
Based on Madam Pomfrey's description, Draco and I had done the charm all wrong- which would explain why I started suddenly bleeding later that day.
"When performed by untrained, unknowing teenaged wizards multiple times a day...well, let's just say, some girls were lucky to be left with any uterus at all-" She stopped herself, looking at me warily. "Just who performed the charm on you, dear?"
I chewed my lip, looking sullenly into the yellowy color of the tea in my hands. "Draco Malfoy," I said in a half-whisper.
I looked up and saw Madam Pomfrey's expression of absolute shock. It was like her face was frozen for a moment, and I fretted that maybe I had broken her- but then she sighed worriedly.
"Of all people..." she said under her breath. Her lips were terse as she said, "You know, Erica, I remember every single injury I've treated in this school. And quite a few of those injuries were caused by the young Mister Malfoy."
I stiffened. Silence hung heavily between us. Madam Pomfrey would know better than anyone just how disliked Draco was. I couldn't deny that he was dangerous and had a reputation in this school as a villain. But he was the person I chose to fall in love with.
"You said it didn't matter if it was a man, woman, or giant. That I could confide in you," I pointed out to her. Madam Pomfrey's expression softened. She did have a soft spot for me, her one and only apprentice.
"I insisted that we use the contraceptive charm- because we were depending on the presupposition that pureblood conception was rare and unlikely. But then we began spending time together more.... Regularly." I blushed, feeling embarrassed to be admitting this information to my mentor.
She smoothed her apron and leaned in towards me slightly. "You were wise to suggest it, then," she said kindly, her tone insinuating that this was information to be kept just between us. "I know that you are smart enough to use discretion in these matters. My only advice to you, dear.... Is that you do not allow things to get out of hand. You best not use the post-coital charm again, unless in an emergency." Her lips flattened into a line. "I do not want you to be yet another person Mister Malfoy has sent to the hospital wing."
"I trust him," I said earnestly to Madam Pomfrey.
She rose from the stool, quickly going back to her restocking. "Well, if his taste in girls is any indication of his character...there may be good in him yet."
---
I was surprised to see Draco waiting for me outside of the Hospital Wing. He was leaning against the stone corridor wall, hands in the pockets of his cloak, glowering at anyone who looked at him. But when our eyes met, his mouth turned up at the corners in a handsome, self-assured smile. I swiftly walked past, pretending like he wasn't waiting for me. He followed me, chuckling.
"You don't have to escort me to the Great Hall," I muttered as he fell into step beside me. "As much as I'm dreading it, I have to eat eventually."
Draco leered at some students ogling him, his shoulders braced and head high. "Just another inconvenience caused by the flesh prison we call a body," he remarked sarcastically. Slowly, more and more students that we passed in the halls turned and gawked at Draco and I walking in-step with each other. Their shocked faces were close to comical. But any laughter that bubbled in my throat was swallowed when we entered the Great Hall.
I had almost forgotten how commanding Draco's presence was; but when we passed through the threshold of the Great Hall together, it was like a synchronized hush fell over the four tables. As I shyly followed Draco down the aisle between the Ravenclaw and Slytherin tables, hundreds of curious eyes landed on Draco, the villainous Slytherin prince whose appearance in the Great Hall was rare nowadays. Then after landing on him, their eyes slid to me.
This must be what deja-vu feels like, I thought to myself, remembering how icky it felt when Draco and I presented ourselves before the dining room of Death Eaters at his Manor. The Death Eaters had leered us like we were meerkats in a zoo- but the students at Hogwarts gawked at us like we were lions. A few people dismissed our appearance together as coincidence and went back to their meals. But others- namely, every single person at the Slytherin table, knew that Draco and I walking into the Great Hall together meant something. They just weren't sure what.
I dared myself to look back at the spot in the corner where my friends sat. Penny, Evelyn and Greta were watching me like bloodthirsty, vengeful hawks- as if finally seeing me with Draco had affirmed their right to be furious. I averted my gaze quickly.
"So then I said, Millicent, why don't you suck it and see?" Blaise Zabini said, finishing a story that he was telling to a captive audience of Crabbe and Goyle. Goyle banged a fist on the table and laughed until his face turned red. Crabbe snorted, making pumpkin juice come out of his nose.
"Please, try not to act like animals for once," Draco said to them, taking a seat beside Zabini, who was the least messy of the bunch. Zabini looked at me curiously and smiled.
There was something about his smile that was so contrived- like he was luring me in, and hiding venom in his teeth. "Glad you're joining us, Thorncroft," Zabini said to me. I took a seat beside Draco, the weight of everyone's stares hot and heavy on the back of my head. Zabini continued, "Or, do you prefer Erica-"
"Only I get to call her Erica," Draco replied firmly. "She's Thorncroft to you."
Zabini's eyebrows flexed, and he returned to his food.
"I'm surprised to see you here, Draco," Crabbe remarked.
Draco looked annoyed by Crabbe's statement. He set down his goblet with menacing slowness. "I'm here because I need to eat. And Erica needs to eat." He glanced over at me. "Why aren't you eating?"
I was actually feeling very nauseous, but I started to take small bites of my food, still painfully conscious of all the vindictive eyes that were still upon me. I glanced up and saw Goyle staring intently at me- and then it occurred to me that he was likely staring because he's seen me in my knickers. I quickly returned to my food, trying to imagine that he wasn't there.
I doubt I'll ever get used to this, I thought sourly.
"Uh, Thorncroft?" Goyle addressed me. I looked up from my food, imagining that I likely resembled a frightened gazelle.
"Yes?" I blinked.
"You're quite good at illustrations?" Goyle asked. I opened my mouth, a little surprised that he was bringing this up, or how he was even aware that painting was a hobby of mine. "Draco said you were quite good," Goyle added. I looked over at Draco, who was spearing a tomato and moving it to the side of his plate. He glanced at me smugly, as if to say 'so what if I bragged about you a bit?'
"I-I suppose," I stammered weakly. "Why do you ask?"
Goyle put a hand to his neck. "I'm in a bit of a bind. I took Art as a blowoff course this year. I have to turn in a painting of a tree before term ends, or I'll fail." He leaned in across the table slightly. "Do you think you might help me out?"
"She's not going to do your homework for you, Goyle," Draco growled. "Draw your own bloody tree."
I shrugged. Seemed easy enough. "I could certainly make something for you. I would make it reasonably amateurish, of course."
Goyle beamed at me gratefully, which was possibly the first time I've seen him smile at something other than someone else's pain. "Splendid. I owe you."
Zabini chuckled to himself. "Shiiiit. Maybe I should get myself a younger girlfriend, too."
"Piss off, Blaise," Draco snapped. He looked irked, but beneath the table, Draco's hand found mine. Concealed beneath our robes, our fingers intertwined.
Before I knew it, Draco's mouth was at my ear. "You're too good for these heathens," he whispered. I bit my lip, feeling butterflies in my stomach. I wished we weren't in public so that I could kiss him.
A guttural hocking sound caught my attention. Pansy Parkinson had seated herself at the table not far from us, Daphne and Millicent by her side. The 6th year girls side-eyed me with venom.
"I don't understand what all the fuss is about," Pansy said not-so-quietly to her roommates. "She's just some boring 5th year. Millicent's cat has more personality than her."
Daphne and Millicent chuckled, but I seethed and pretended to be bored. I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me react.
Unfortunately, Draco was on a different page.
"Oy, Parkinson," he said. Pansy looked over, feigning surprise at hearing her name called. My stomach twisted into knots. Don't cause a scene, Draco, I begged, but my silent prayers could not stop what came next.
Draco held Pansy's vicious stare, his voice smooth and dark as the polish on his shoes. "If you really must know," he said, his lips curling into a satisfyingly sinister smile, "Her cunt has healing properties."
My hand flew to my mouth to hide the smile that had appeared on my face. Pansy Parkinson made a noise of disgust that sounded rather pitiful, and her friends simply gawked as Zabini let out an amused, "ooooooh."
Pansy's eyebrows arched furiously. "You-," Pansy began, but her words got caught right at her lips. She exhaled in frustration and tried again. "That is the most vulgar thing I have heard in my life!" After seeing Pansy's face, Crabbe and Goyle hollered with laughter.
It came to my attention then that everyone at Slytherin table was looking at us. I pressed my fingertips to my lips, feeling a sort of twisted joy at Pansy's despair. What Draco did for me- that was one of the boldest things I had ever seen. And it made me feel, as Draco had said many times before, powerful.
I reached out and moved Draco's jaw towards me, everyone else falling away to the background. Without giving it a second thought, I thrust my lips upon his. He growled in delight and pulled me closer. I had intended for a quick but passionate kiss- however, it seemed my sudden act of affection had excited Draco, and he was unwilling (or perhaps unable) to tear himself from me. We made out like animals in the middle of the Great Hall, his hands running down my arms, my flanks, my hair; and his tongue lashed at mine as we twisted up in each other, entirely shameless. It was so unlike me to do such a thing- but I was high on power, and feeling invincibly bold. Like a true Slytherin.
I don't think the Great Hall had ever been that quiet before. The only sounds my ears picked up as Draco and I nipped at each other like Hungarian Horntails in heat was a utensil clattering to the stone floor, and then someone whispering, "My god, is that Malfoy snogging a 5th year?"
Our moment of public snogging was ended by a sobering, stern, "Aguamenti." We pulled apart from each other when a freezing sheet of water dumped upon our robes and the sides of our faces. Droplets ran down Draco's cheek as he glowered up at Professor Snape.
"Malfoy. Thorncroft," Snape said with menacing slowness. "Come with me."