Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
by James A. Baldwin
At the sound of someone coming in through the door into the penthouse, Kiana quickly jumped to her feet and made her way out of the living room. At the very sight of Enrico, she came to a standstill. As he caught sight of her, he came to a standstill as well. Silence and untold stories filled the air. Kiana could barely tell herself what next to do at the moment. She had been crying, trying his number and waiting for hours for him to get home, but when he was there, she stood like a statue unable to do the needed purpose.
The hardest part about staring at him was the fact that she couldn't seem to tell what was going on in his mind. His face held no expression. Sadness, happiness or, at least, anger. Nothing could be seen, but she was thinking back to the way he left the restaurant, she was sure that he was crossed with her. Suddenly, he shifted his eyes away from her and to the direction towards his room.
"Enrico, wait." She instantly rushed to catch up with him, without thinking twice about her action. All she really wanted to do was clear up this misunderstanding. Seeing him that way was hurting her way too much.
He eventually came to a stop, but wouldn't look to her side.
"What you saw really isn't what it seems." She stated, hoping this one statement would make him interested in hearing what she has to say. Her eyes hadn't gotten dry from all the crying. They still grew watery with fresh tears ready to roll down her cheeks. No matter what she did, she couldn't help it.
Ignoring her once more, he attempted his first step away, but Kiana quickly rushed to his front and blocked his path.
"There's nothing between me and Nicolas. I promise. In fact, the first time I met him again after all these years was a few days ago. He promised me that he's a changed person and would only like to talk and patch things up. I didn't tell you anything about tonight, because of your history together. Please believe me." She explained all at once hoping this would be sufficient to clear up the misunderstanding, but Enrico just stared at her blankly for a moment before speaking up.
"What do you want to happen now?"
"What?" She asked, her voice a little lower than earlier. His question had taken her unaware. That was not what she was expecting.
"You lied to me, Kiana. You... you proved once more that my feelings don't matter to you."
"That's not true!" She defended right away, amidst tears.
"Yes, it is... I don't even know why I'm bothering to speak to you. You'll never change, Kiana." He stated, before walking past her and heading directly towards the staircase.
She stood there as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Every part of his words were like a stab to her soul, but she was also mad. She really did all this for him and it didn't make sense to her that he wouldn't listen. She wasn't going to bed with yet another riddle on her mind. She needed answers and she was going to get it. With that thought, Kiana made a turn and hastened her pace to block his path once more.
"What do you mean I'll never change? Enrico, I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to make everything around me work. I accepted this job knowing fully well that you might take out all your anger regarding the past on me, but I did it anyway. I didn't tell you earlier about Nicolas, because I knew you would be hurt if you were to set your eyes on him. I'm sorry, I lied to you. Please, forgive me." She pleaded, sincerity evident in her eyes, her voice and on her face bit Enrico just forced himself to look away from her once more as he attempted to walk past her. Kiana, on the other hand, wouldn't let him.
"Why won't you forgive me!? I said I'm sorry!"
"Sorry isn't going to fix this."
"Why not!?"
"Because I have feelings for you, okay?" He exclaimed, a little louder than normal and for a second, as they stood there in silence, Kiana's eyes slowly widened at the not so expected reveal.
"Kaina, I'm in love with you." He continued, even though his every being was yelling at him to stop. He hadn't planned on confessing anything. He just blurted it out and when he realised it was already out there, he kept going. He looked away from her to get a hold of himself.
"When I thought about the fact that you hid your meeting with Nicolas because you felt I was too weak to take him on, it reminded me of the past and the one fact that I... I'll always be just a friend to you." He expressed, before shifting his eyes back to her. That very moment, Enrico could see something different in her eyes and on her face. It wasn't what anyone who just proclaimed their love would love to see, but then again, his love story was different from others.
Who gets their heart broken twice and on purpose?
"Enri..."
"No." He interrupted, stopping her from saying anything that'll make him feel more pathetic than he already had.
"You don't have to say anything. I really don't need a pitiful comment from you... This... these feelings I have is not your fault. I'm not blaming you. You asked a question and I told you the bitter truth out of frustration." He explained, whilst trying his best not to portray any emotion on his face. It was very obvious he was trying to be as strong as he could, but she could see just how much he was hurt.
Kiana didn't know what to do, but one thing was sure, she felt really guilty. It made her lower her eyes away from his. The tears wouldn't stop gathering up in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. She was practically sobbing in silence. If only there was something she could do. At the moment, she had no idea on what step she should take. She really shouldn't have come back into his life.
"Forget it." He suddenly added in a sigh, as he looked anywhere else but on her. She managed to raise her eyes up to him.
"It would be better you pretend I never said those words to you." He shifted his eyes back to her.
"I'm sorry for once again putting you in this state... Don't you worry. It'll never happen again." He added, before walking past her and heading up the stairs.
Kiana quickly turned to him, but all she could do was watch in silence as he went up the stairs. The tears rolled down her cheeks and for some reason, the sense of him losing hope in something different ever happening between them, broke her heart. She felt the need to say something, to ease up the whole situation, but she had no idea what that was. At the moment, she was just confused. She couldn't entirely say they were just friends, but at the same time, she couldn't express the exact words that would make him happy. Everything was a mess and that fact troubled her a lot. She slumped to a squatting position and sobbed a lot.
* * *
After stepping into his room, he shut the door afterwards and rested his back on it. Tired as he was, he slid down to the floor. A tiresome sigh escaped his lips as he shut his eyes for a moment. He recalled the look on her face, her eyes and all the things he said to her. Opening his eyes once more, he felt terrible. Truly, it hadn't been his plan to tell her the truth. In fact, he had decided to never burden her with knowledge of the truth about his feelings.
It had been a good decision until about a few minutes ago, when he let his emotions get the best of him. He knew and understood her act of hiding the truth about Nicolas from him had been from a good heart, but he really couldn't help feeling that way. She didn't trust him enough to take care of himself. In fact, she felt the need to act out the friend character, just like what she did in high school and looking back, the end of it all hadn't turned out great.
Drawing his knees closer to his chest, he placed his arms on them and buried his face down. There, he couldn't hold back the tears anymore, so he let them roll down his cheeks as he sobbed a great deal. If only he could take back everything he just said. Take back the burden and wipe the tears off her face, then he would, but he couldn't do that. What ached the most was the fact that he might never get the requited love. It would always be one-sided. He had been such a fool, falling in love with the same woman that broke his heart in the past. Perhaps, that was his destiny. Kiana would never be his.
* * *
She couldn't sleep. How could she, when the tears wouldn't stop coming out of her eyes? As she laid on her bed in the darkness of the room, all she could do was sniff countless times and cry her eyes out. She couldn't stop herself. She had tried, but they wouldn't stop. It felt as if her heart was being pricked by thousands of thorns at the same time and it hurt. Kiana knew Enrico wouldn't be able to sleep properly as well. In fact, he was probably off worse than she was, at the moment. If only she could turn back the hands of time and stop herself from accepting to work as his P.A., then everything wouldn't have gotten this far. She wouldn't be living in his home and he wouldn't be heartbroken. It was all her fault. She just had to prove that she could take it all and that she was stronger than anyone might think. If only she gave up right from the start, then Enrico wouldn't be hurt as much.
Now, the one question that lingered in her mind was, what could she do to make it all better? What could she do to make him return to his usual self? Was there even a way for her to make it all better?
Nothing made sense to her and that fact made her sobb some more.
* * *
Enrico stepped out of his room the very next morning. He was all dressed up and ready to leave for the office. Not even a brief smile was worn on his face. The look in his eyes, on his face yelled out the word DEPRESSED. Throughout the night, he barely had enough sleep, but he figured out working would help him take his mind off his present situation. So with a heavy heart, he got dressed for work. He made his way down the stairs and towards the exit out of the penthouse. Suddenly, he came to a halt and had to turn his head to the direction of the kitchen. He could see the usual breakfast tray Kiana laid out on the counter for him, and the little note by the side. Taking a deep breath, he looked away contemplating whether to ignore this act or not. Eventually, he gave in and made a complete turn towards the counter. He picked up the note from the tray, unfolded it and read through.
I know you didn't have dinner last night, so I made breakfast. I hope you have it.
Looking away from the note, he let out a loud sigh. Even her words on a piece of paper had an affect on him, but he had made up his mind to seal these feelings of his. Earlier this morning when he heard a few sounds coming from downstairs, he made a choice to pretend like he wasn't awake, whereas he remained seated on his bed like a statue till she eventually left the penthouse. First step to getting rid of his feelings would be to see and spend less time with her. It broke his heart, but that was his true cure to his ailing heart.
Thinking back to that decision, Enrico admitted that was going to be a lot more difficult than he thought. She was his assistant and thus, he might never avoid having to spend a lot of time with her. Somehow, he would have to make it happen. He took one last look at the tray food, before continuing on his track towards the door. Just as he took hold of the handle, he suddenly stood frozen unable to perform the next action.
Eventually, he made a frustrating and not quite voluntary turn, then walked his way quickly back to the kitchen counter. He stood in front of the tray for a moment staring at it. He reasoned the fact that she did make this food spending some time and energy, plus it wouldn't be nice to waste food; so, with this thought, he uncovered the food in front of him. Without wasting a second more, he dug in, eating, as quickly as possible. Only after did he take a minute to swallow did he realise he was truly hungry.
Somehow, she always managed to make him go back on his decisions.