the fact that we're almost done this book is,, insane 👁👄👁
***
Angie's fingers fly across the screen of her phone.
Her legs are crossed as she leans against the headboard of my bed, a yawn escaping her lips as she continues typing. From where I'm seated, I dangle my foot over the ground from the opposite end, trilling my lips as I inhale our room.
Half-packed bags litter the room.
It's weird to see them there, but somehow, a strange sense of familiarity washes over me. I'm so fucking used to seeing my packed-up bags, to being tossed from place to place.
Seeing my bags all packed up always used to tug at my insides in the most painful way. After all, it was just another fervent reminder that I'd never have a home, that everything in my life was temporary.
But now, something like relief curls at my chest. For the first time since I've been in this position, I feel some sort of comfort once my eyes land on the bags that Angie and I have spent the past couple of days packing.
Angie raises her phone to her ear, nodding at me as she speaks into the phone. To one Richard Whitehawk. She nods, once twice. She taps her feet on the mattress, tilts her head to the side, smiles. Then, she's nodding, a grateful smile rising to her lips, a small "thank you" escaping them.
She ends the call, glancing over at me. "Richard'll be meeting us at Grandma's place."
I blink, shake my head profusely. "So, this is it," I murmur to myself, eyes finding hers, "we're actually leaving."
"And now we have a place to go," Angie replies, a grin curving onto her lips as she glances over at me. She blinks rapidly, repeating softly, "now we have a place to go."
Before I can think of saying anything else, a figure at the doorway drags my attention away from the conversation.
Willis.
She's holding a margarita, her eyes blank as she uses the doorframe to support her weight. There's a blink, a purse of her lips as she takes a sip of the drink. "So, everything's prepared," she says slowly. Her eyebrows narrow. "And it was arranged that you're going to—?"
"Our grandma's place," Angie says after we exchange brief glances.
"You know," Ms. Willis drawls, head tilted to the side. "I didn't even know that lady was still alive. How the hell did you find out?"
"Found an address," I mutter, lips pursed as my eyes flick over to hers. In a shoebox, I think, in your room. Scanning her features, I try to decipher whether or not she genuinely didn't know. But as usual, I can't read anything.
"So, you two were scheduled to leave today. That's what you're doing now?" She asks, voice as blank as her stare.
We nod, Angie pursing her lips as she does so.
Ms. Willis takes another sip, saying nothing.
I send a glance towards Angie before my questions bubble out. "How did you not know that Grandma was still alive? And the contact details?" I shake my head. "At least, why didn't you tell us we had a grandma?" A couple of blocks away.
Because it's fucking strange that the information has been here, all this time. And now that we've actually foraged the place and found it, Willis doesn't seem to give a shit. This could've changed everything, and she doesn't give a fuck.
"Have you ever heard that saying?" Ms. Willis asks, thumb tracing over her bottom lip in thought as her eyes take on a vacant expression. She snaps her fingers, grinning sardonically. "Not my problem," she finishes, enunciating every syllable.
"Why are you like this?" I ask, because the questions won't stop spilling out. This is (hopefully) the last time I might ever get to face her head on like this. This is the last time I'll get to ask her all this shit, wonder if she's really a sadist or something else entirely. "What the hell do you gain?" I ask, one hand flying upwards.
Ms. Willis just lets out a laugh. It's raspy, cold. There's frost that coats the sound as it escapes her lips. "I wasn't supposed to spend my life looking after you. No one else wanted you." Grandma did. "And when my aunt died, she left you two with me."
The words cut through the air. "I didn't want that shit," Ms. Willis continues. A grin pops onto her lips. "The property she left behind is nice, though."
My fists clench before releasing slowly. I shake my head as Ms. Willis leaves the room.
"Bitch," Angie mutters, simply.
With that, she crawls over to our bags and starts adjusting the last of hers, and I do my finishing touches, zipping up the last duffel bag and giving it a firm pat as I shake my head.
"What'd you think of her excuse?" I ask, swinging my duffel bag over my shoulders and glancing over at Angie who rolls her own bags as she falls into step with me.
Angie gives me a look. "What do you mean what do I think of her excuse?" She knits her eyebrows together, exhaling a scoff. "Selfish bullshit as usual."
"Yeah," I yawn, before smirking. "But, hey the one good thing she did?" Angie blinks, as though to ask whatever the fuck that could be. I plow on, "she had Mr. Whitehawk arrange for Grandma to have custody over us."
"Bitch," Angie says, eyebrows raised, "we're practically eighteen. At this point, I don't think she could've stopped us. Even if she wanted to."
"There's a point there," I decide, as the two of us exchange matching smirks.
We make our way down the hall, and I breathe in the decor, the gaping halls, and the designs that stretch onto it.
It was a nice place, not going to lie.
But not home. Never has been.
I won't miss it.
Angie seems to share the same sentiment as we make our way down the stairs to the foyer. There, Ms. Willis is seated on the back of a couch, watching with cat-like eyes as we make our descent.
In seconds, we're packing the door, shoving our shit into the back of my car. Then, we're both sliding into the car, my hands firmly gripping the wheel. Looking back, it's kind of a fucking good thing that I purchased my own car insurance on this shit. The last thing I need is any part of me still tied to Ms. Willis.
I glance out the window, and my eyes catch onto Ms. Willis who stands at the front steps, a grin that's far too smug and blank and cold curving onto her lips.
"Just start the car, Jace," Angie says, narrowing her eyes at the scene before glancing away. "Ignore her."
And I'm truly about to heed my sister's advice, but my eyes catch onto Ms. Willis' eyes, and I realize I can't part without a proper farewell.
So, with that, I roll down my window.
Her eyes stay on mine for a few cold seconds.
Then, my middle finger rises, and I grin like the immature dumbfuck I am.
Willis blinks. The window slides back closed, and then, I start the car, cruising off as hysterical laughter fills the air.
At this point, I can't tell whether or not it's Angie's or mine.
But truly, with the wind flying through my hair and freedom brushing my skin, I can't give a fuck, because never in my life have I ever felt more free.
Never.
***
When we arrive at Grandma's house, Angie unlocks the door. Somewhere within the whole transition process, Grandma had given us a key. A smile tugs at my lips. Just a sign that we're really going to be here. With her.
Once the door opens, light chatter greets us. Grandma's seated at the dining room table, and across from her, Richard's there, both of them raising porcelain teacups to their lips. And I have to admit, the whole scene is eerily entertaining.
"You're here," Grandma chirps, rising to her feet as she approaches us. "How was the drive?" She asks, arms slinging around us before she pulls away. "Was it smooth? I'd hope so. You know, I wanted to pick you up but you all said—"
"It's okay, Grandma," A laugh escapes my lips, "everything was remarkably smooth."
"Good, good, good," Grandma says, turning towards Richard who's still seated at the table, and who raises a hand in greeting. "Richard is here."
"Man, thank fuck for you," I say, eyes finding his as Grandma shoots me a withering stare. Sorry, Grandma.
Richard laughs, letting his mug clink as he sets it down onto the table. "I enjoy doing my part."
"Well, your part is appreciated," Angie grins, and Richard rises to his feet as they shake hands, before he offers a warm grin my way and shakes my own hand.
"I'm glad," he says.
"Man of the year award. And we didn't even see any of the shi—" I halt, Grandma's eyes narrowing. I swallow, "—stuff you did." I say, blinking slowly. "Everything was all," I wave my hands majestically, "behind the scenes."
"I'm happy you reached out," Richard says, returning to his seat as he adjusts the collar of his dress shirt.
Me fucking too, I think, but I'm smart enough to choose not to voice that statement in front of Grandma.
My eyes catch onto Grandma who's back to being seated. She claps her hands together. "Would you like to settle? Bring your things all up here?"
"Yeah, for sure," Angie grins. And with that, we're making our ascent up the stairs.
It's insane, really. The way everything's fallen into place. And even though it might appear to be a pointless decision—seeing as we'll both be heading to college in a couple of months, and we're eighteen tomorrow—it's worth it.
Worth it to me.
Angie and I part ways with matching salutes, and then, I'm shoving all my things inside my new room. It has a soft aura, paintings hung on the back wall. On the bottom right, one of them reads:
Sam.
They're drawings of nature, of animals. And soon enough, I'll cry. I'll cry because this was my dad's room, I'll cry because I can still smell his scent, even though I don't know what that is. I'll cry because I can't be more happy that I have a piece of him left with me.
My phone vibrates on the bed next to me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
my luc 🤩: asdhgh hi
my luc 🤩: que pasa ?
my luc 🤩: are u settled ?? are u in gran's house ?? how are u ?? i hope ur doing great 😡
my luc 🤩: mom says i should save u as torpe
me: estoy bien hehe
me: i just spoke spanish to you le gasp
my luc 🤩: that laugh is creepy as hell 'hehe' what is that
my luc 🤩: but yes u did mi amor
my luc 🤩: now answer my questions bitch.
me: wow,, aggressive </3
me: neways yes it was good :')
me: i flipped off ms. willis hehehe
my luc 🤩: JAJAJA shut up no u didn't
me: oh but i did
me : debby ryan smirk
my luc 🤩: STFU PLS
me: no ❤
And with that, I spend the next few hours with the stupidest grin curving onto my lips. I tell him everything, about Willis, about Grandma, about Richard, about Dad's paintings. And we laugh, too. I text him about everything and anything until I fall asleep.
And for the first time in years, I feel safe.
***
When the sun filters through my window, the first thing I wake up to is a text from Dani.
dani !!: hello good sir
dani !!: this is a formal request to come to an elite shawarma dinner with daniella shanice romano and amir ali karim and riya (no middle name) khatri
dani !!: and no. you may not refuse <3
tall-ass fucker: yo we're coming to pick you up
tall-ass fucker: i want shawarmas baby
brown bicon: yeah we're about to get into that good arab cuisine bitch
tall-ass fucker: can't wait for you to pay mr. nguyen 😌 we coming in a bit get ready fam
brown bicon: you may also bring the better twin
I roll my eyes, letting out a scoff. But a half-smile curves onto my lips. It's always been tradition for the four of us to celebrate my birthday in a nice place to eat. This time's a shawarma place. After sending a quick middle finger to the group chat, I make my way over to Angie's room, knocking at her door.
"Yeah, what?" She asks once I make my way into the room and flop onto a spare chair.
"The group wants a bite to eat for my birthday and shit, I guess. And they said I could invite you. Wanna come?"
Angie purses her lips before shrugging. "Sure. Don't really have any plans today, anyway. My friends are busy."
"Alright, well," I say, flicking her in the forehead as she cracks a half-grin. "Happy birthday, Angie."
"Happy birthday, Jace."
With that, we part ways, both of us getting ready and tossing on something half-decent before regrouping at the staircase. Soon after, we're descending the stairs, filling Grandma in on the trip, and sending quick goodbyes to her as she watches us with a half grin, stirring her coffee.
We wait next to each other, the soft breeze brushing against us as sun touches our faces. I purse my lips, waiting for Amir's car to pull up.
And finally, it does.
The gray car pulls into the space in front of Grandma's house, and the front window is lowered, music blasting out of it.
"Get in here!" Riya yells out through the back window, waving a hand. Angie lets out a laugh, and I shake my head.
With that, we make our way to the car. Angie easily slides into backseat next to Riya, and I lean on the front window.
"So, where we headed?" I ask, as Amir smirks up at me from the drivers seat.
"You'll see," Dani's head tilts slightly to the side from the passengers seat, a huge grin on my lips.
I let out a groan, and Amir directs me towards the back where Riya tugs me into the seat on her other side.
The world passes by in a blur, trees and houses and neighborhoods melting into each other. Amir, however, keeps his gaze on the road, Dani flipping through his playlist and Riya showing Angie videos on her phone.
"This shawarma place is far as fuck, Amir." I say.
"Silence, maggot," Riya declares, flicking me in the forehead as Angie's cackles at the video on her phone fills the air.
Rolling my eyes, I keep my gaze out of the window, minutes passing by until we finally make a turn into a parking lot. My eyes flick upwards as I blink at the glossy building that stands in front of us.
"This is our stop," Amir says, sliding out of the car as the rest of us follow suite, his car doors shutting behind us as we take in the space.
I knit my eyebrows together. "Here?" I ask.
"It's on the third level, smartass," Amir says, and I nudge him with my shoulder as the five of us make our way out of the parking lot and towards the building.
"They have the best shawarmas," Dani chirps as we make our way into the building, down a hall and into an elevator. Amir clicks one of the buttons before leaning back as the elevator takes us to the third level, as promised.
Then, we're all making our way down another hall, glass doors at the very end of it. Amir comes to a slow halt, and I raise my eyebrows, pushing the door open as he juts his head towards it.
The room is dark.
And all of a sudden, everything is bright. All of the lights come on.
"Surprise!"
Somehow, I'm unable to process what's in front of me.
Bright lights, balloons, even brighter smiles.
Everyone. I see everyone.
Monday, Ellie, Peter, Avery—the entirety of the GSA. They're all dressed in wide grins and vibrant colors. I see Evelyn Perez—Riya's girlfriend—and a handful of kilt and vest-clad private school girls who Angie shrieks at.
"Fucking busy, my ass!" She yells, wading further into the room as they engulf her in hugs and grins.
So fucking predictable. Except I can feel wetness rising to the rims of my eyes as people surround me, melodical laughs fill the air.
And then I see him. I always fucking see him.
Lucas.
And he's smiling at me like I'm the most precious thing in the world, and I'm laughing, but I'm crying, and he's approaching me.
"Happy birthday, dipshit," is what I hear from Amir, and he gives a rub on the shoulder before losing himself into the party.
And then Lucas is in front of me, and his smile is a fucking wonder, and he slings his arms around my shoulders like I'm his world.
He's saying something, and I'm nodding. My face flushes pink as I let out an abundance of curses.
Then, his lips are on mine.
Music fills the air, and in this moment in time, I feel like the world stops.
"Happy birthday," he's whispering against my lips.
And fuck, if this is how it feels to be eighteen, I'm taking that shit.
Because at this moment, I'm overwhelmed with the universe. I'm overwhelmed because I'm fire, wind, ocean, and the storm that runs rampage. I'm everything. I feel everything at once. Like I'm harnessing the fucking stars.
I feel fucking loved, feel like all the seasons at once.
And no one can ever take that away from me.
***
i'm happy ugh 🥺 but our journey is coming to an end </3