CHAPTER NINE.
The spring of Mith was always beautiful but Phoenix preferred to observe it from afar. Her little painting studio in the high towers of the city was the perfect place to observe. The perfect hideaway for her and now, Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi Padawan who she had spoken to in the market not a few weeks earlier.
It was strange how the universe had them meet repeatedly until eventually, Phoenix asked him to accompany her to the studio one day. She had suggested the morning but it turned out he was busy with Jedi business. So it was now the evening hours of the spring day and the sun was still relatively high in the sky, creeping down soon to set.
Phoenix was painting, as she had been all afternoon, and Obi-Wan was reading. He was sitting behind the easel in the armchair. His elbows were rested on his knees, the book held up in front of his face. It was a Jedi book. Phoenix wasn't sure what book and she didn't want to overstep so she didn't ask. Not unless he wanted to talk about it.
Phoenix continued to glance back at him as she painted. Her smile widened just a little bit more each time before she eventually was too distracted to paint. With the last flick of her brush, she gave in and placed it down before stepping back a few times. A soft sigh escaped her lips.
But she didn't say anything to him and simply walked over to the window seat and got a little more comfortable. She pulled the hand-knitted blanket over herself and watched him for a moment before finally speaking, "Do you want to sit with me?". A hopeful note to her voice as she smiled softly. Obi-Wan looked up from his book and almost seemed relieved by the question.
Without even responding, he closed the book and walked over to her. He sat by her side but was too far away for her liking. So, she grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, a nervous smile on her face. He looked at her and she gave him puppy eyes which surprisingly, worked. This made him give in and shuffle closer, the blanket being draped across his lap by her a moment afterwards.
"Sharing a blanket with me won't kill you, Obi-Wan," Phoenix teased with a small smile. Obi-Wan looked at her and there was something in his gaze that confused her. It was almost like he was cursing her for saying that but instead, he tutted and tried to keep his face neutral but he couldn't help but smile.
"The Jedi Code does not forbid this but sharing a blanket could lead to anything," He said, teasing her a little. Phoenix had always been curious about the Jedi way. Well, not always. She was only curious after she met Obi-Wan because she wondered why he had chosen this lifestyle. It was so different to anything she had experienced and she always wanted to know more. He hadn't indulged much thus far. Though, granted they had only known each other for a few weeks. It was barely enough time to share stories, let alone their reasons for whatever lifestyle they picked.
"What could this lead to, Obi-Wan? What could sharing a blanket possibly lead to?" Phoenix asked, nudging him playfully He looked at her and stayed silent for a long moment. Phoenix watched his eyebrows pull together and could practically hear the cogs turning. Then he smiled and shook his head disapprovingly.
"So many things, especially with you here" Obi-Wan responded. The teasing conversation between the two of them made Phoenix grin but almost feel insecure. She was suddenly so aware of the closeness between them. The brilliant colour of his eyes and the freckles across his cheeks. She turned away from him, leaning against the glass.
"Is the Jedi Code forbid you to be close to him?" Phoenix asked curiously. Obi-Wan shook his head and she tilted her head, "Explain it to me." It wasn't a demand, more of a request that Obi-Wan gladly took on board. He began to explain the Jedi Code. Not all of it and not in great detail but enough. He made comments on his own teachings and what his master's thoughts on the code was as they discussed. Further explaining his own interpretation of what everything meant when she asked him.
She enjoyed just hearing him talk, listening to him intently, nodding her head and asking questions when she needed to. She would never admit it to Obi-Wan but she had drifted slightly during his explanation. Rather than focusing on the information, she was distracted by his voice but she was quick to right herself and it left her wondering if Obi-Wan knew that she had. If it was something he could sense.
By the end of their conversation, she felt oddly enlightened. Curious more than anything but content with her knowledge. Even if the attachment rule left her feeling a little deflated. She didn't like that they couldn't have attachments, not when she had grown so attached to him so quickly. It had been a few weeks and she didn't want him to leave, maybe ever.
"My Master had always had a different view of the attachment rule which I had never truly intended to follow but then I talked to you. You made me feel unlike anyone has before and I realised that it was going to be difficult not to get attached to you in some form," He explained, trying to play it off as something casual but it made her eyes widen as she turned to look up at him. His cheeks were burning a pale pink and she couldn't help but smile. She didn't know what he meant by that and as they sat under the knitted red blanket, Phoenix's face began to flush a soft pink. The way he was looking at her sent her head spinning.
"You're attached to me?" Phoenix asked, her voice quiet and a little nervous. Obi-Wan glanced down, his braid falling from behind his ear but he was quick to tuck it back into place. His fingers pushed through his hair as his smile grew. It was small but made her heartbeat quicken. Butterflies in her stomach.
"I am, I suppose. I like you, you're funny and sweet. You don't care about what people say. You're talented. You're like a ray of sun in the eternal darkness," He smiled, his eyes returning to her face. They looked into each other's eyes and her smile slowly began to broaden before she just broke out into the biggest grin. It went from ear-to-ear and she just couldn't help herself as she looked away nervously.
"I think I'm very attached to you too, Obi-Wan," She said and he grinned just as brightly back at her. It was just as wide, if not wider than hers. He didn't know what to say. He had never expected himself or her to be so bold. But he was glad they had. He gently reached out to her and pulled her closer to him. His forehead rested against hers as he smiled softly.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked. His voice was gentle and warm as he admired her. His blue eyes bore into hers and she nodded. Letting out a soft 'yes' before she moved to face him more comfortably. Their lips connected in a soft kiss as his hands moved into her hair. Just taking her in and taking in that moment. He was so happy to finally be able to admit the feelings that he'd harboured since that first day he met her. He was glad to be able to kiss her. He couldn't have been happier than he was in that one fleeting moment.
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Phoenix woke up with a start. The sun had already risen and was shining through the gap in the curtains. Jax was gone and she could hear the shower spray patting against the wall. He was showering then. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she realised what she had been dreaming about. Obi-Wan kriffing Kenobi.
She hated that it was him of all people. She hated that she dreamt about him because he was most likely standing outside her door, protecting her. She just hated that it was him of all people that Palpatine had chosen to protect her. She knew that it was likely unintentional but Obi-Wan had accepted. He knew her name, he knew what she had hoped to be. He knew her and yet he had accepted this task despite their past.
Phoenix's thoughts ran wild in her early morning sleepy haze. She knew she was thinking far too much about Obi-Wan's appointment as her protector but it felt like there was something more to the story. Palpatine didn't know their past but Obi-Wan did. He was very aware. He had broken her heart.
"You're staring again," Jax commented as he walked back into the room. His towel wrapped around his waist as he walked towards the oak dressers on the other side of the room. Phoenix pulled her gaze off the wall and looked at him, cocking an eyebrow. She definitely was not staring. She rolled her eyes at him and slid off the bed, gently shaking her head.
"I wasn't." She said, putting emphasis on her words, "I was just thinking that's all. I need to get ready for the Senate. I've got so many things I need to do. I still haven't finished that speech from last night," Phoenix said as she grabbed her dressing gown and pulled it around her shoulders. The fluffy warmth was a nice change from the suffocating warmth that the covers gave her. She needed to get away from Jax and hopefully Obi-Wan.
So she walked into her study without saying a word to her fiance and closed the door firmly behind her. Jax would probably come in at some point and tell her when he was leaving but at least for now, she would be left alone and be able to focus for a little bit.
Grabbing the pen from the side, she picked up from where she had left off with her speeches. The different books and statistics were scattered on the desk and she looked through them all again. Pursing her lips as she tried to pick the best to convey her argument. She had a couple of rather awful Senators that she needed to argue with so she had to make sure her arguments were airtight and perfect otherwise she would make a fool of herself. And she could not fail in front of them.
As she was finishing up one of the speeches, she heard the door open. Glancing back she saw it was Jax. A smile spread across his freckled face and his messy hair was tamed every so slightly while also keeping that wild look she adored. He always seemed to look better with messier hair, Phoenix had always believed that.
"I'm going to be going out. I'm assuming you'll be okay. I'll be back by the end of your Senate day," He explained. Phoenix nodded and then went back to her work before he disappeared out of the door. Phoenix eventually finished her speeches and she got up, taking them with her to the other room.
Leaving a few of her speeches on the counter, she took one with her and began to make her caf. She read the speech out to herself, speaking it out loud to make sure it sounded Senate-worthy. It was eloquent enough. She didn't want to come back to it and have to stumble and repeat herself due to inaccurate grammar but it was up to standard. There would hopefully be no issues or debacles in the Senate meetings.
As she finished up her caf, she finished her speech. It was probably a little short but she knew that it would be fine. Checking the time on the holo-clock, she realised she would be needed soon. So, she grabbed the pot of coffee and tipped most of it into a cup that she could carry with her. She then crossed to her room and quickly changed into a Senate-appropriate dress before grabbing her caf on the way out. Her speeches slid between her fingers as she opened the door.
Obi-Wan was there, waiting for her with a small smile on his face. She looked at him, cocking an eyebrow before taking a sip of her caf that was a little too hot and ended up burning her tongue. He noticed her wince but didn't comment on her pained expression as they began to walk down the corridor.
"You've always been a very good speaker," He said after a moment of silence. Phoenix had been itching to ask or just try and start a conversation but he seemed to beat her to it and she was glad. She looked at him, raising an eyebrow. She hadn't read anything to him recently and he didn't seem interested in the discussions at her meeting the previous day. But he seemed to notice her confusion and added, "I heard you reading your speech out and I was listening yesterday." He shrugged, acting so nonchalant. But Phoenix was desperately trying to stop the blood from rushing to her face and cool her suddenly warm cheeks. She knew that she couldn't show him how he actually made her feel.
It was wrong and she wasn't even sure what she was feeling. She knew that she had loved him but if she still did love him, she didn't know. She knew that she needed to love Jax or tell him about her feelings for Obi-Wan. She needed to tell him but she didn't really know what she should tell him. Where would she start? He didn't even know that they had dated once in the past.
"Thank you. I'm trying to do the best for my people," Phoenix responded, trying to stay as diplomatic and formal as she could. Her thoughts were pushed down and into a box so she could deal with them at a later date. She was used to the formality of general conversation so as much as she wanted to make this casual, they weren't kids anymore. They could not afford to be so flippant with their admiration for each other.
"I know. I always admired that. You claimed you weren't going to end up like me but you're just trying to protect your people. I'm trying to protect the galaxy," Obi-Wan said as he looked down at her. Phoenix glanced at him, not giving him her full attention and sighed. There was a part of Phoenix that had forgotten that moment of their relationship but it was no surprise he never forgot. It was a silly argument that they'd had once about the role of a Jedi and how it can be corrupt easily
"That was years ago. Opinions change Obi-Wan. I always thought what you did was admirable but I couldn't abide by the code. It is too restricting," Phoenix responded, trying to keep her words diplomatic. She had spent a good few nights thinking about that argument after it had happened. She knew she never got her actual thoughts across adequately but now she could. They were older and diplomatic by nature. Trained debaters and negotiators. Neither of them were allowed to be informal and overly argumentative anymore. It could not spiral like it did when they were stupid teenagers in love.
"You only believe it is restricting because you were brought up without it. It's enlightening even if I do not believe or follow all of its rules," Obi-Wan responded and that had Phoenix stumped. She knew he was not the most loyal to the Code despite his reputation but openly admitting that seemed wrong. If he was caught going against it, he would be kicked out of the Order, she was sure of that. She also didn't understand why there was any need for him to admit that he went against it. Their relationship was a prime example of his disregard of the Code. It was not something that had to be repeated and yet he did.
"I feel like this is a debate that is not necessary at this moment. It is not an argument that is relevant to either of our lives," Phoenix responded in an attempt to move away from the topic. The topic of the Jedi Code always made her think about the possibility of a relationship. She didn't know if she wanted him back but there was some small voice whispering in the back of her head saying that she did want him back even if that was wrong.
"Many debates are not necessary but politicians continue to have them. This is just another one," Obi-Wan responded. His response was quick and despite his diplomacy, he was being cheeky. She sighed and went silent unsure of what to even respond to that because he was right. She took a sip of her caf in an attempt to hide her annoyed facial expression.
Obi-wan had always hated politics. She knew that much. He found it boring and seemed to find it unnecessary when politics is what allows the Jedis to have their privileged position. She would always disagree with him about the topic of politics. He was ignorant when it came to it just as Phoenix was ignorant about the Jedi Code and what it actually meant. She didn't want to find out more, it was irrelevant to her now and it only angered her or made her sad.
"You always hated politics, Obi-Wan. I don't even know why you took this job if you despise it so much," Phoenix responded. Her formality dropped as she looked up at him. Obi-Wan looked at her for a moment and for the first time, he was properly looking at her. Taking her in, the smile lines, her eyes, her hair which was over-dramatically styled and the light makeup that she wore to hide any impurities that had sprung up over the years.
But in that moment of truly seeing her, he shook his head and turned and began to walk again. Phoenix followed him and her arms dropped to her sides. Her coffee thankfully not spilling as she looked at the back of his head. Obi-Wans' behaviour had been peculiar since he had arrived and she did not understand why he was here. Her mind ran away with her thoughts as she stared at the back of his head. Her mouth turned down into a frown.
"I have an obligation to protect you and the rest of the galaxy. If you have a problem with me accepting this position. I would suggest you speak with Chancellor Palpatine. He was the one that assigned me to this mission. I had no option but to accept," Obi-Wan responded, his words harsher than she had expected. A hint of venom in his tone as she looked at him. He didn't look at her as the two continued to walk.
The rest of the walk was taken in silence and she didn't understand why he had taken such a sudden and hostile stance. All she had done was point out the facts. He had no reason to be her protector. It was a conflict of interest first and foremost. She didn't understand why he was here, Palpatine would not be so cruel as to not give him a choice. It all felt like an excuse. But he had no reason to take this permission if he was not forced to.
Well, there was one reason she could think of but she refused to entertain that niggling thought because there was no way in the galaxy that it was true. He was not trying to do that. He wouldn't. He was a Jedi, an honourable Jedi at that and his intentions had always been honourable.
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NOTE; happy holidays everyone! whether you're celebrating or not i hope today is good day for y'all <3 here's a little update for y'all to read if you need a distraction or are alone, fanfic is always where i turn so i hope i can do a little bit of good for everyone here! this chapter isn't the happiest but i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless since it leads to some eventual fluff and much more happiness for these two!