Trigger warning: Verbally abusive parenting, alcoholism, cutting
❝Forgiveness is a personal process that doesn't depend on us having direct contact with the people who have hurt us.❞
Anna wanted to be there for the training with the wolves, but alas she had made a commitment to herself with meant she had to go see Saoirse. This was the first time with her therapist since Saoirse it had been necessary for her to come to the Cullen house, and Anna had made the decision that she was going to tell Saoirse everything, why she was here what had happened, now she had already told her about her father, but there was so many more reasons why the girl couldn't smile, couldn't laugh, couldn't exist in social gatherings, and she was going to explain why
FORKS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
10 YEARS AGO
A seven year old Anna was sitting in the hallway waiting, she didn't really know what she was supposed to do, her mom was still at work and she was supposed to walk home with her sister, but she had long since lost her patience and left Anna by herself, Anna understood though it wasn't the first time, hell it wasn't even the second time, but the third time this week that Anna had completely lost her shoes and couldn't walk home, of course she knew where they were, based on what had happened the last few times, but she didn't want to know, she didn't want to go to the bathroom to find her boots stopped in a toilet full of pee, so instead she sat there in the hall, and waited for the adults to find them for her.
She had been right, after waiting for 30 minutes, she had finally gone and found her shoes herself, she had put on the plastic gloves she always brought with her in case this happened again and lifted her dripping shoes out of the toilet, the adults were furious when they found out, but just like the first two times there wasn't much they could do seeing as no one knew who had done it, Anna had a sneaking suspicion that everyone from her grade had been involved one way or another.
FORKS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
5 YEARS AGO
It was an important project, Anna needed it to be perfect, anything less couldn't be accepted, and so she drove not only herself but her entire group really hard, Anna found them annoying, all they did was watch their stupid videos and listen to their stupid music while Anna did all the work, and they took the credit, at least for a long time that's how Anna told herself it was, she was annoyed because they didn't help her. But it wasn't true, she wasn't annoyed at all she was sad. Sad that they didn't include her, sad that she didn't know anything about their stupid videos, or that she didn't know the. lyrics to their stupid songs, she just wanted to fit in, but she couldn't no matter how hard she tried, she started conversations, but no one wanted to talk to her. She came up with funny games, but no one wanted to play with her. She participated in sports like baseball that she far from enjoyed, but it was pointless because no one wanted her on their team anyways, in retrospect it made sense, she wasn't very talented at sports anyways, sure she was unusually strong for a girl her age, but she wasn't fast, or good at shooting with a ball, so she learned to stop trying and keep to herself, even though it hurt her. It hurt her so very badly because she cared so very much she wanted to be someone that everyone liked, someone that was good at everything in school, someone who was extraordinary at everything she did, because nothing less than perfection was good enough, not to her.
STANLEY HOUSE
4 YEARS AGO
The silence was deafening, Jessica and Anna had just gotten home from a weekend trip with their cousins and were now sitting on the couch looking at their parents, 'it's a joke' was all Anna could think it had to be, and so she did the only thing she knew how too, she started laughing, "good one dad" she said, but both her parents kept looking at her in all seriousness, then it hit her, it wasn't a joke, it was the cruel reality, her parents were getting a divorce, she didn't understand - they had been so happy - sure there were the issues at school but that was irrelevant because they had each other, then there were her dads drinking problem, but he had been sober hadn't he? yet in that moment she raised he was once more sitting with a glass of whiskey, she was in shock, their family was falling apart.
The divorce had been tough on everyone, Jessica wasn't as cheerful, her mom cried, her dad drank and Anna was anxious and borderline depressed, no one knew that though, she was only 12 years old, but she had been depressed for a while now, it wasn't necessarily a new thing, but the recent events had triggered a new self awareness in the young girls mind, everyone at school hated her, and it could only be her fault, she was unlikable, bossy, annoying, a know-it-all... stupid?, and she hated her, god she hated herself, just like everyone else did, of course back then she wasn't aware that it would get much much worse.
3 YEARS AGO
Anna didn't care much anymore, she couldn't, it was exhausting, she was exhausted, it didn't matter what she tried. The people around her just didn't like her, when she was younger she was convinced that it was their fault, they were the bullies after all, but now she was starting to realize that maybe it was her there was something wrong with, it made sense, there were approximately 50 people in her grade, and none of them liked her, not one, so it had to be her fault right? it had to be her that there was something off with, and so she gave up, she still got the best grades, and like she always had, and she looked happy and well accomplished due to her academical performances, but she wasn't, she had a hole in her chest, a constant emptiness filled her up inside, right up until the moment she reunited with her
A few years prior on a summer camp Anna had met the funniest and most lovable girl with a smile that could light up the darkest of nights, her name was Cassandra, and the two girls had instantly hit it off with each other, the summer spent with Cassy, as she like to be called, was the best summer of Annas life, but Cassy lived in Seattle, and Anna didn't yet own a phone, so the two girls had no way of keeping contact when they lived so far apart, and so when summer came to an end as did their wonderful friendship.
That was up until that day in freshmen year where Cassy came strutting through the halls of Forks high school looking as confident as ever, now at first Ana was too shy to approach Cassy, seeing as she quickly found her spot with all the 'cool kids' may whom had been part of bullying Anna all those years, so for six months the two didn't say one word to each other. Not until one day Cassandra came up to Anna who was sitting alone in the cafeteria because her sister was ill leaving Anna without anyone to sit with, and just like before Anna and Cassandra clicked again like had they been at summer camp just yesterday.
Cassandra was depressed, it was difficult to spot when she had her facade at school, but the second Anna was alone with her after hours all of the girls walls came crashing down. She had been bullied just like Anna, her parents had been divorced, just like Annas, and so much more, Anna saw herself in the girl now more than she ever had and the two girls found solace in each other, they shared their thoughts and their feeling, they confessed things to each other that no one knew about them, and they became each others rocks, a source of comfort, for a few months.
It started at school, Cassandra didn't want to be seen with Anna, the Stanley twin understood, she was an out cast, and Cassy had been through so much she needed to stay popular in order to survive at that moment, however it didn't stop there, before the girls would go for a walk every evening but now Cassy started cancelling last minute.
In the end she would disappear for weeks at a time, not answering her phone or anything, leaving Anna to be worried sick because she knew the girl would do thing, bad thing to herself, including both drinking, doing drugs and cutting, quite frankly Anna didn't think that the girl would survive much longer. When Cassy had been MIA doing god knows what, with some people that Anna knew was bad for her, she would return telling begging Anna to forgive her, sometimes he would go as far as to say she would kill herself if Anna didn't forgive her, and so Anna did the one thing she knew how to, she came back, she let herself get pushed over, she let her heart be stepped on, and she let herself get broken down mentally, all to make sure that her best friend was okay, because Anna would always do anything to make sure others were okay.
Cassy had disappeared again, Anna texted her every day to check up on the girl but she never answered, until a month later where she got a text message saying that Cassy couldn't do it anymore, because Anna was too 'clingy', and so Anna experienced her first real heartbreak, and not only that but she had been broken down mentally time and time again, and she simply couldn't do it anymore.