Chapter 28
I can't believe that he has the guts to say those words to me! Nagpupuyos pa rin ako sa galit sa mga salitang binitawan ni Wilbert and I can't seem to move on with it!
I'm not using him at mas lalong wala akong plano na gamitin siya. 'Yong kusa kong pagtanggi sa perang inaalok niya sa'kin ay magpapatunay na ayaw kong tanggapin ang kahit na kinseng duling mula sa kanya.
"'Di ako makapaniwala kay Wilbert, Tito," saad ko kay Tito Rodel na nagtitimpla ng kape niya.
"Narinig ko nga kayong nagsisigawan—"
"Ang bobo bobo niya!"
—
Nilakad ko lang ang daan patungo sa university habang tinitignan ang certificate of enrollment ko for this year. Ang unang pasok ko ngayong week ay basic accounting ang subject namin.
One of my feared courses.
I made my way to my designated room and the first thing that greeted me was the stare of that evil man. Naalala kong he's taking some units para sa business program niyang kinukuha and maybe it happened na accounting din ang course niya ngayon.
I sat front row and listened to the whole discussion. Binigyan kami ng overview kung ano ang mangyayari ngayong term.
Our prof also introduce some things that we will be needing for the term. She suggested some financial accounting and reporting book na kailangang bilhin for this course.
"Before I dismiss this class, magdala kayo ng ⅛ index card next meeting and we will be having our first recitation. Dismiss."
Nauna akong lumabas ng silid at nagtungo sa student's lounge para magpahinga. I heard about Wilbert early this morning. Umalis na raw siya at baka hindi na bumalik.
Ewan ko kay Tito Rodel.
"Have you made up your mind?" I looked up at Luke.
Luminga ako sa paligid at para bang wala ng pakialam ang lahat ng tao sa amin.
"Luke, please lang I want to live peacefully. You've destroyed my life. Ano pa bang gusto mo?" Without even my permission, he sat in front of me.
"Other than you, I just want you."
I don't know but bakit ako nakikipag-usap pa sa isang ito?
Tumayo ako at maglalakad na sana palayo nang magsalita siya.
"Kung hindi mo susundin ang gusto ko, I will hunt your parents down in Manila and make sure they will get fired." Naramdaman kong tumayo siya at ilang segundo lang ay nasa harap ko na si Luke.
"I'm so desperate for you, Trist. I don't know what you did to me, but I will do everything. If I say everything, I mean it." He put his finger tip below my chin and lifted it up to his expressive eyes.
"You don't know what you are talking about, Luke." Tinanggal ko ang kamay niya sa mukha ko at naglakad papalayo.
"I'm knowledgeable enough of what I am doing and I know eventually you will be mine." His last words before I went to the university's cafeteria.
Dahil may two hours na vacant pa ako, kakain muna ako. I lined up with this group of students who don't give a shit about me. A good thing.
Nang ako na ang nasa counter, I ordered some sweet and sour fried chicken and one rice. It cost me like a good 65 pesos.
Naghanap ako ng mauupuang table para kumain and it happened na nakita ko ang dalawa. Si Fhil at Hyden na kumakain din ng lunch.
I neared their table and sat beside Hyden. Matinding gulat ang naramdaman niya nang tabihan ko siya dahil napa igik siya nang tumabi ako.
"Hi. Kamusta?" I smiled and put my things on the table. Binaba ko ang plato saka nilagay sa kabilang lamesa ang tray kong ginamit.
Looking at Hyden, he still has that initial shock on his face. Tinignan ko naman si Fhil na umiiling-iling lang.
"What?" Naguguluhan kong tanong ngunit naka ngiti pa rin. Bumagsak lamang ang ngiti ko nang maalala ko kung ano ang nangyari nitong mga nakaraan.
Tumayo na ako at lilipat na ng lamesa nang may humawak sa braso ko.
"You can sit here." When I gazed back, it was Hyden. That sincere look in his eyes made me go and sit back.
Nagsimula na akong kumain kaya sila rin ay nagpatuloy na ulit. We sat in complete silence until this man beside me broke it.
"I'm sorry."
My brows knotted in an instant that made me realize what happened and why he is saying those words.
"You don't have to, Hyden," I uttered in my calmer but raging voice. He's not at fault and he shouldn't be sorry for doing that.
"I know it's just the only thing you could do to save your company—"
"But how's your parent—"
I stopped eating and faced Hyden whose face is crestfallen. "They will be good, trust me." I made myself sure na sinabi ko 'yon without sounding so sarcastic. I don't want him to feel uneasy dahil sa ginawa niya.
"I'm sorry, too." Mas kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi ni Fhil.
"Huh?" my response.
Kung si Hyden magso-sorry nang ganito, I know where he is coming from. However, Fhil? What's the reason?
Maybe napansin niya ang katanungan sa aking mga mata. Nagbaba siya ng tingin sa kinakain saka umiling.
"Don't even think about it. Basta I'm sorry."
I inhaled a big breath and let it out immediately to release some tension inside of me. I'm not claiming this negative energy and I don't want it.
I have to make things lighter.
"How's class pala? Are you two good?"
Because of my question, Hyden's stiffed body came easy. Mabuti 'yan.
"Ang boring ng subjects when it comes to economic," pangunguna ni Hyden. Sumandal siya sa upuan at nilagay sa sandalan ang kanyang braso saka tinitigan si Fhil.
"Bro, the subject's not boring." Fhil rolled his eyes. "The teacher itself." Natawa si Fhil sa sinabi niya pagkatapos. Luminga rin siya sa paligid to see if may nakarinig ba sa kanila.
I smiled half way through and continued with my food.
"Gago ka, kapag may nakarinig sa'yo baka umabot 'yon sa Dean," paalala ni Hyden kay Fhil. "Nga pala, we heard na break na raw kayo ni Wilbert?"
That question made me choke on my food. Naubo ako at inabot ang water bottle ko saka ikinalma ang sarili.
So they already knew huh?
"Matagal na."
"Why?" Tinignan ko si Fhil.
"Personal reasons, and I think alam n'yo bakit umalis si Wilbert?" A statement that sounded like a question. Fhil shrugged his shoulders and so did Hyden.
"It's impossible na hindi n'yo alam."
In a fast manner, I finished my food para ulanin ng tanong ang dalawa. I can't seem not to ask for Wilbert lalo na wala kaming communication and I don't know what he is doing by now.
"Actually, before you even came here, a minute before that, we received a message from Luke, saying that Wilbert left the town."
Nakakapagtaka and paano naman malalaman ni Luke na umalis na si Wilbert here if…
"We're still his friends, Tristan, kahit na Luke is doing you a bad thing," Hyden answered and that must be why.
After we are our lunch, we headed back to our next class. Nagtagal ang klase ko hanggang 5 ng hapon bago ako naglakad palabas ng gate ng university.
Rowena shifted from our program to hospitality management so we wouldn't be seeing each other most of the time. And now, I have to spend my life doing things alone.
Maliwanag pa nga ang daan pero natatakot na akong maglakad mag-isa and I can feel someone is behind me. Paglingon ko, it was Luke.
Hindi ko siya pinaglaanan ng pansin dahil na alam kong guguluhin na naman niya ako. I have no time for that bullshit. Now Wilbert is gone and no one's going to protect me, I am sure Luke can take over me now.
"You good?" Luke asked.
It was like having a guardian beside me, not an angel though. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang sabayan akong maglakad basta wala siyang gawing kagaguhan ayos lang.
Minutes passed, he's taking about things and saying some things I don't care about.
"You know, I never imagined that this thing would go this far," kuwento ni Luke. Mariin akong pumikit at hinintay kung ano pa ang iba niyang sasabihin.
"I can't imagine myself being this addicted to you. You're like a drug, Tristan. I just wanted a taste of you, some part of you inside me, but now that I'm used to it, I can't remove it from my life. You're my drug and you're driving me insane." Napailing ako sa sinabi niya and this time I can't keep it to myself dahil sobra na siyang nakakainis at nakakaasar.
"Then that's the answer, Luke." I stopped walking and glared at his eyes sharply. "You have to wake up from this fever dream and stop bothering me!"
"Trist—"
"Hindi ko alam if you're really into me or you're just messing around dahil sa ginawa ko sa'yo noon! Can't you see, napapagod na ako and I want to stop this!" Hindi napigilan ng mata ko na tumulo ang aking mga luha dahil sa nagbabadyang emosiyon.
"Hindi mo ba makita 'yong mga bagay na ginagawa mo sa'kin!? Imbis na mabigyan mo ako ng magandang buhay or at least hayaan mo ako maging masaya, you're making it worse!"
"First of all, you took our land and then what? I gave you a part of me you can never give me back. You took my parents away from me and ano na ngayon?! You want me to live this hell life with you—"
"I just want to love you—'
"THEN YOUR LOVE IS HURTING ME!"
Natahimik siya sa sigaw na ginawa ko. Hinabol ko ang aking hininga at hindi na pinansin ang mga taong nakapaligid sa amin na nanunuod.
This is a losing game, and I know every part of it. Kahit na anong gawin kong pagtakbo, hahabulin niya pa rin ako kahit na saan.
Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin sa kanya.
"Can we fix it—"
"There's nothing to be fix, Luke!!" sigaw ko. "Kung may aayusin man, 'yon ay ang ugali mo! If you want me, then want me! Gustuhin mo ako hanggat gusto mo. Hindi 'yong pipilitin mo ako na magustuhan kita when it's clear as day I don't like you. I don't even want to look at your way." I took my eyes away from him and crossed my arms.
"If you love me then show it and make me care about the love you're giving me, but this?" Tinitigan ko ulit ang mga mata niyang nagbabadyang umiyak.
"This is not love. This is not what you are looking for and this is you getting out of hand. I'm nowhere else to go, I'm not rushing and I just want to live my own life and no one owns me now. If you love me like you say, prove it."
After saying those words, I left him there standing still. Hindi na niya ako inabala pa hanggang sa makauwi ako sa bahay namin.
But there's one thing that keeps on bugging me while I was on my way. It's what I just said.
Did I just indirectly say that he has a chance on me? Or masiyado lang akong nag-o-overthink sa mga sinabi ko dahil galit ako kanina?
Yeah, maybe.
Perhaps, that's the least thing I could do for Luke to leave me alone. I'm getting tired of it and it happens repetitively.
Inayos ko ang sarili ko pagkauwi ko mismo. It is going to be another phase of my life that I have to face. It just had another turn.
Kinagabihan, Tito and Tita visited us.
"How's school, anak?" Naupo silang dalawa ni Tito Fed sa harap ko. Like what I usually do, nagmano ako sa kanilang dalawa.
Kinamusta nila ako about my life lately and how was school. I said it was good but I didn't mention the part about Luke. It's better to keep it for myself now.
When I got the chance, tinanong ko sila kung ano ang balita kay Wilbert and nalaman kong 2 weeks na mula noong umalis siya nang walang paalam kahit na kanino.
Nang magbandang alas otso ng gabi ay nagpaalam ng uuwi ang mag-asawa. Inabisuhan din nila ako na kapag may pagkakataon ay dumalaw ako sa bahay nila.
Oo naman ang sagot ko.
I just hope he's fine.
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