Something was off.
He's sure of it.
Ever since he had woken up from that surgery, all of his friends had acted weird.
Or if they, as he assumed, were his friends.
He get that it's not everyday your friend wakes up with literally no memories of you, but still, he knew something wasn't right.
Junho could see it in Yohan's eyes, Dohyon's constantly nervous mumbling, even Eunsang seemed to avoid his gaze despite the two of them practically living together.
The brunette had suggested he'd move out once a while ago and Eunsang had stopped as fast as he heard those words, eyes widening in horror. The red haired boy almost had a panic attack if it hadn't been for him hugging his best friend and slowly singing a lullaby, praying it would help.
It did and neither of them ever talked about it again.
He didn't bring up the matter anymore, either.
Junho was pretty sure then that something was wrong. Especially with Minhee asking him of he was alright all the time, his friends seemingly never really relaxed in his presence, eyes dark with something he couldn't decipher.
Perhaps it was sadness. Perhaps it was longing or anger or even guilt?
He didn't know.
The brunette did feel guilty, though. He could still remember their faces the day he woke up, how they reacted upon him not having a single memory left of them.
It saddens him too. Junho feels like he's lost so much, but on the same time his shoulders seemed lighter, almost as if he had been bearing some kind of heavy secret before. All of this was just so confusing.
He had expected his memories to come back, but a year had soon passed with nothing coming to him at all. It only made him feel worse every time he looked at them.
Why the hell did he need to get into this car accident? Now it affected everyone around him, too.
Junho groaned quietly, hands cradling his head.
There must've been something he missed, right?
He was cruel for thinking that it felt weird to call Eunsang his best friend or even Yohan hyung his childhood friend. Junho couldn't remember anything.
They weren't complete strangers, though. All of them were great and they never pressured him or anything, but he could feel their gazes on him every time he turned around.
Maybe they were just mourning the memories they've lost. Maybe they were just very, very worried about him.
He felt bad for being such a burden.
Why would his amnesia be this difficult?
Please, just anything. A single moment, I don't even care if it's a special one.
I just want to remember.
And as usual, nothing happened.
The brunette sighed, his head hanging low as he tried to push away the frustration.
A full year.
A full year of nothing happening to his memories at all. His doctor told him not to stress about it, but how couldn't he?
He needed to know what happened. What could've hurt his friends like this?
Could he make it better?
It it required his memory back, then Junho would do anything to make them smile, really smile without that hollow, gleamy look in their eyes.
But for now, he really needed to focus on this lesson.
Junho sighed, not wanting to lift his head up from the bench. Someone poked him at the side, the brunette squirming before quickly looking up to glare at the person who almost made him giggle out loud in class.
Hikari laughed quietly, making a face as he glared at her ( well, tried to, because in the next moment the professor was gazing back and they scrambled to open the books, pretending they were listening ).
"What was that for?" Now Junho really hated that she accidentally found out he was ticklish. Ugh, that fact just couldn't stay hidden, not even for Alex.
Nope, that little devil teased him about it whenever he could.
"You spaced out again, pabo! You need to focus before professor Kim makes us both sit behind and do paperwork." For someone who was usually very loud, she was good at whisper-yelling. He sighed, shaking his head to make all of his thoughts dissolve.
"Yeah, yeah I will. Hand me the notes?"
~~
It was winter again, making it a year and a little more since he had lost his memories.
Junho remained living in the apartment together with Eunsang, supporting the younger when they made room for his boyfriend Minhee to move in.
There was times when he felt like a third wheel, although he didn't mind since they were so adorable together. Junho usually just left the apartment in case those two needed some private time together.
That often resulted in him sleeping over at Hyuka's or Chowon's house anyways. He didn't mind, even though Huening Kai's boyfriends could be rather loud sometimes.
But then, he was classmate and friends with both Hyuka and Taehyun, so he wasn't that surprised.
He had tried everything, even nothing to make his memories come back, but they just refused to. It was like there was a door he couldn't open because he didn't have that goddamn key. Besides annoying him, it also made him want to tear it open to find out what the hell was going on.
Almost as if his friends had sensed that he noticed them acting weird, they hid the signs even better. He even doubted there was anything wrong once, but then he had simply reminded himself by remembering Eunsang's near panic attack when he had asked the younger of he should move out.
Yeah, something was not right and it irked him almost too much. He was also worried about them, too.
Even his Seungwoo hyung didn't seem to feel that well when they had met a few days ago, being quieter than ever.
The brunette sighed, trying to not think about it.
It'll come back someday, won't it? He should just not stress, as the doctor told him.
For now, at least he should enjoy the winter break and Christmas with his family.
"I'm home!" Junho stepped inside the warm house, brushing of the small snow flakes before starting to untie his shoes.
His mother appeared in the hallway, a big grin on her face as she hurried towards him.
"My baby! Welcome home, darling!" She squealed in delight, eyes glittering in happiness upon finally getting to spend time with her youngest son.
Junho laughed as he was engulfed in a hug, his father showing up a minute later to smile at the two of them.
"Welcome home, son." The brunette smiled, happily greeting him back as he pulled up the Christmas gifts and the bags of tomatoes his mother had asked him to buy.
"So how was the trip? You didn't get one of those horrible headaches again, did you?" He shook his head as they walked into the kitchen, the smell of his mother's cooking hitting him with full force, making his stomach growl.
"It was fine, ma. The doctor said I should be fine, you shouldn't worry so much! It's been a year already." Pouting, he put the bags away to reach for some kimbap.
"Yeah, but you know I can't help worrying for my little boy. I don't know what to do if something happened to you." Turning around with his cheeks full, the brunette snorted at his father's barking laughter, hugging his eomma.
"I'm here now aren't I? I'm fine, I promise." He actually meant it! There was just a few gaps, but he was fine.
It's not like his lungs would be punctured again or something.
His eomma just nodded, kissing his cheek before returning to the large pot on the stove.
Somehow, he sensed that both his parents knows more than he should've known.
~~
This was very wrong, he knew that.
But he really couldn't help himself, the curiosity too strong for him to resist. Besides, this is something he must know.
Instead of unpacking all of his things, Junho was currently in his father's office, trying to find the map where his mother always put their hospital records.
Since he hadn't found anything in his own dorm, his parents must have those documents that was signed after the surgery. He himself had been asleep, so he hadn't been able to look at them to find out what had happened once he got to the hospital.
Junho stopped as he heard the front door opening, his sister's cheery voice bouncing off the wall as she and their older brother announced they were home.
Waiting for his family to walk into the living room, he didn't move until the footsteps faded away and he was safe to continue looking.
Aish, why was all these maps blue? He didn't know how his father could know where everything was.
Riffling through a few stacks of papers, he sighed in frustration and sat back for a moment to think.
Where the hell could it be? He really needed to find it before anyone walked upstairs.
Junho leaned forwards, tracing his finger along the small colorful pieces of papers where his mother had carefully written down notes, frown growing deeper.
Then he found it.
Feeling his eyes widen, he almost yelled in glee as he scrambled to take out the file.
Unlike the other maps, this one was bleak yellow, with his name written in bold letters. It made him frown.
What had his parents wanted to hide from him so desperately?
Opening the map, Junho began to read, the silence somehow growing heavier and heavier on him for every sentence he perceived.
What...what the actual fuck was this?
Hanahaki...
Disease..?
What is that?
What-
Why would they lie about such thing?
How....and why?
"Junho-yah?"
He looked up to face his sister's shocked expression.
~~
The brunette couldn't stand to look at his sister.
It wasn't fair of him, he knew that, but Junho couldn't help but feel anger towards her and his parents.
"Why? Why would you lie to me?" How could she lie about such thing?
Was that why he had forgotten them all?
His friends were hurt because of him.
They couldn't even...they couldn't even look at him.
For a second, he was happy he didn't have all those memories. He couldn't even handle all the emotions running through his head even now.
It hurt.
He just wanted to leave and live in peace. He never intended to hurt anyone...
This was his fault.
He even knew from the beginning that they'd never...love him back.
How was he going to face them now?
Suddenly he found himself ashamed of how oblivious he had been.
Of course.
It's always been guilt.
Pity.
He might as well have ended up dead.
That way...no one would have to suffer.
"Junho baby..." He hadn't realized he was crying until Jungeun hurried over to the bed, hugging him tightly.
They sat in silence for a while, the younger's sobs echoing quietly enough for only the both of them to hear it.
Junho wanted to stop. He really wanted to stop crying but he couldn't.
He thought he'd never feel heartbreak again.
He was wrong.
His heart felt like it was being ripped in a million pieces.
"Junho-ah...this is the reason we didn't tell you. Hell, I couldn't tell you." Jungeun took a deep breath, voice sounding weaker than all of those times he had visited her at the hospital.
"They didn't want to tell you either, Junho-yah. Everyday, they came and visited you and sat there until the nurses had to kick them out. They were there the night you collapsed too. I just, couldn't imagine how nervous and worried they were." She paused.
"All of them...I just wanted you to be happy. I didn't know. But one thing I was sure of. I don't want you to remember that pain or go through it ever again." Junho knew it was silly, but he rarely saw his sister cry.
The first time that occurred was when he had stayed behind in the hospital to show her the new teddy bear he had gotten in present. Five-year-old Junho had peeked from behind the door when he heard sniffles from his sister.
He would never forget how her hands had been shaking as she stared at the needle in her arm, how she doubled over coughing violently.
That moment, he knew that her facade had been fake. She wasn't always smiling.
So he too, learned how to fake a smile.
"Noona, how am I supposed to face them? I can't remember anything. Nothing. It's been a year." He hiccuped, burying his face in his hands.
"It's been a full damn year." He never wanted them to know from the beginning.
Why couldn't things go his way, just for a second?
Junho stilled, leaning into his sister's embrace.
He didn't want to think right now.
So sleeping sounded just fine.
~~
"Cha-ssi, I didn't expect the sudden call. You aren't feeling unwell again, are you?" Doctor Min smiled at him, looking through what he assumed was his health papers.
Junho forced himself to smile and shook his head. "Not at all, Dr. Min. I do have some questions about the surgery, though."
He watched as she took off her glasses, leaning back into her chair to relax with an encouraging smile. "Then you've come to the right person. And please call me Yoonji, I can answer whatever questions you have about your medical history."
The brunette nodded slowly, eyes flacking between her and the computer. "Just to be clear, Doc- uh, Yoonji-ssi, I know it wasn't a car accident."
She just pursed her lips before nodding, not looking even surprised. "I understand. I've known since you called me so hastily, Junho-ssi. Again, I'm your doctor, so it's my job to tell you everything you need and want to know about your health."
He breathed out. So she figured it out, didn't she? Junho couldn't say he was surprised.
Strangely, it feels like they've been here before.
"Thank you, Yoonji-ssi. I really appreciate it." Smiling, he felt slightly lighter knowing that it wouldn't be as hard as he feared.
Although the feeling that followed afterwards wasn't reassuring at all, he swallowed it down nevertheless and asked the questions he had waited to get an answer for.
"After the hanahaki disease, you said it wasn't possible for the patient to fall in love again. Is that...is that true?" He hadn't even noticed he was nervously tapping his fingers against the table until she put her hand on top of his, smiling softly.
As if she told him to relax when he really couldn't, couldn't even focus well enough to sit still just for a moment.
"That is very much correct, Junho-ssi. Whenever a patient remembers or not, their ability to love someone is taken away from them forever. Since the disease is so rare, we don't really know how that happens, but scientists has a theory about it being some kind of venom in the roots that affects humans in a way we can't understand."
"But..?" She smiled slightly, somehow amused by the fact that he had read her thoughts.
"However, just like other cases, there has been exceptions. These clients who somehow managed to find love again, they are very strong willed and miracles themselves. We still don't know how they did it, but some of them even got their memories back. Unfortunately, those clients are only under 1% out of the ones that gets Hanahaki." Junho wanted to slam his head against the table.
In some kind of way, it all made sense, but in the same time not.
Why the hell was this so complicated?
Even if it was possible, he wasn't sure he'd be one of those so called "miracles".
He was too weak for that.
Now and before.
Yoonji was seemingly studying him, her expression turning into a light frown as she noticed his gaze. "What's the reason behind all of this? You must've called me for another reason, Junho-ssi."
He swallowed nervously.
Of course she'd know.
"What if...I might...have romantic feelings towards someone? I mean, I'm not sure yet but it freaks me out and I-"
"I'm going to give you this advice, as a friend and not your doctor, Junho-ssi. You need to follow what your heart says. You will need to talk to them." Yeah, he must do that too.
But Junho couldn't. He was too much of a coward.
"What if they're just guilty? I mean...it's not like they'd ever care for me that way, right? That's why I got the cursed disease from the beginning." As soon as those words left his mouth, Doctor Yoonji shook her head in a haste and sighed, rubbing her temples as if she had a headache.
"Junho-ssi, do you know what happened after my brother's death?" He hesitated, not wanting to hear another depressing story to feel even more down.
What does he have to loosen though?
Junho shook his head, encouraging her to continue.
Yoonji's eyes turned even darker for a minute, suddenly clouded by sadness. "The one he fell in love with....he still visits his grave. Every day, every year, whenever he could. This disease, it's not only just unrequited love. It can also base on what you think and imagine. I realized too late that my brother's love had always been mutual."
She went quiet for a second, looking at one of the pictures on her table. "They loved each other more than anyone I knew. And even in the end, they still lived each other."
Yoonji looked at him, her eyes suddenly wet. He chose not to comment on that, not wanting to upset the woman.
"Those boys love you, Junho-ssi. They wear the same look on their faces as they look at you, like that man had whenever he looked at my brother. My brother never talked to anyone and that was the thing that went wrong for him. I don't want you to end up the same."
Junho was quiet. His eyes were focused on anything but her.
She's right, though.
"You have to talk to them, Junho-ssi. Confront them and if they really don't love you, then you can live with it." He wanted to laugh at that.
But yeah, he guessed he could live with that.
~~
Somehow, walking from the hospital back home was even more depressing that going there.
He couldn't focus on how pretty Seoul looked in the background, the moon hanging up high in the sky.
It was not that late, though. He still got a few hours before he needed to get home.
Junho couldn't help but think about what his doctor had said.
That he could no longer love? It wasn't right, wasn't it?
He could swear he would usually feel something whenever he saw them...saw his friends.
Ever since he got back from the winter break, Junho had tried his hardest to avoid them. He had even used the upcoming exams as an excuse to not meet.
He knows he was rather obvious, but it was clearly working.
Junho know that in fact, ever since he had woken up in the hospital a year ago, he had not fallen or even shown interest in someone.
But lately, it felt like old, but somehow foreign and familiar feelings started to surface once again.
He's not entirely sure if he hates it or not.
He just doesn't know what to do.
Junho was scared, that he could admit.
What if they didn't want him even now? These slow, painful torturous feelings might as well cause him a second wave of Hanahaki.
Maybe he should change decision this time.
You know, confess and not just sit back to wait it out.
The brunette wasn't brave. He wasn't even strong or tall or stupidly talented at everything.
But he wanted to try being brave, even just for once.
Maybe he could give this a chance.
To confess.
Maybe they could make him feel complete.
Make him feel like there wasn't anything missing all the time.
Junho was never a fan of romance and love, but he didn't want to be a coward again.
Even if it meant being rejected, he wanted to take it.
No matter what, he reassured himself he'd be just fine.
~~
Okay, maybe he had been too bold.
This was so wrong, he should leave directly. What was he even doing here?
You know why you're here. Now don't be a pussy and get it over with!
He sighed. Fine, he can't push and run away forever.
The brunette looked up to meet ten pair of eyes stare back at him.
Jeez, what a way to encourage someone.
"We need to talk."
"We need to talk."
The moment Junho uttered those words, Eunsang felt like his heart had leapt out of its place and onto his throat.
Was he about to mention what Eunsang believed he would?
Something even more important - was he ready to face it?
Seeing Junho every day in the apartment really did a number on him and he was grateful to have Minhee there with him, but still...
The older had seemed so distant lately and all he could remember was that one time when Junho asked if he should move out.
Eunsang knows he shouldn't have freaked out like that, but he just can't let Junho go.
Not again, he thought.
In reality, though, there was never an again. It was just his selfish actions and thoughts.
"It's been a long time since we have seen each other, hasn't it?" Not really, but Junho had been seemingly avoiding them.
The thought alone made him anxious, afraid of what's to come. He hadn't seen the older's face all week and yesterday he had seen the brunette come home, but that was it.
Junho had only muttered a good night with the same tired tone he had when he was sick, before closing the door and retreating to his room.
"Listen, I- uhm....I know it wasn't a car accident that caused my amnesia." At an instant, he could feel how his boyfriend froze up beside him, Yohan doing the same as the older's eyes widened in horror.
They all seemingly just stopped what they had been doing, even Eunsang, who had started to fiddle on his hoodie as he waited for Junho to yell or shout at them or anything.
The brunette just smiled sadly.
"How...how did you find out?" For the first time in his life, he had heard how shaky Seungyoun sounded, almost like he was on his way to cry.
Junho paused, looking at his socks and then at the wall, avoiding to look at the ten boys he had gathered into their living room on what was supposed to be an usual study(not) night.
"You know, you guys could've told me, right? I was really worried, so I went and looked through the medical papers at home. I wanted to know what was wrong. That's when I found out about Hanahaki." The red haired male visibly flinched at the mention of the name, Junho seemingly noticing his reaction.
"So you know it, don't you? Why where you worried...?" Wooseok sounded odd, almost as if he was holding back a bunch of emotions.
Junho only looked at him with a confused face. "Why wouldn't I be, hyung? You guys are acting all weird, hurt even. Neither of you seemed to feel well, so I assumed it must've been something I can't seem to remember."
The brunette continued before any of them could say anything, Eunsang clutching Minhee's hand harder.
Junho...cared?
Why?
They had only caused him pain.
Eunsang had only caused him pain and tears and destruction.
"I tried my best to do anything for my memories. When that didn't work, I got desperate. I wanted to know how the hell i got here in the first place. So when I went home, I looked for it. And I found the map. I found everything." Junho laughed, the noise sounded a bit strained.
He was pale now. Eunsang was sure this was bad.
Was Junho going to blame them now? Ask them to leave him alone and never show their faces in front of him?
He couldn't blame the older for doing so.
But he knew Junho better than that.
Junho couldn't.
Junho would never.
"I just wanted to help you guys, you know?" He shut his eyes, waiting for the impact to come.
"And I was just so tired and angry and sad and confused. I didn't even know what to do-"
"Is that why you've been avoiding us?" Hangyul spoke almost too quietly, but somehow Junho managed to hear.
That how he's always been.
A good listener, someone who gave so much and never expected anything in return.
It had been slowly tearing him apart, that Eunsang knew now.
"Yeah." Junho looked down, almost...guilty?
No.
No, no, no.
If he only dared to think this was his fault-
Eunsang forced himself to keep his tears in check. He would not cry and if that's the case, not right now.
"I met my doctor, a few days ago, actually. And we talked, somehow she managed to answer all my questions while giving me a lecture about life." The brunette laughed, a genuine laugh this time and he felt his heart clench.
Please.
He just wanted Junho to be mad.
To flip out and scream.
Scream at them, maybe even punch him for being such an asshole.
He wanted his best friend in the entire world, his moonlight, his love, to tell him that this was all his fault.
Eunsang needed Junho to do that.
Or else he wouldn't be able to stop himself from crying anymore.
"You guys know that I won't blame you, right?"
He exhaled.
Fuck.
Of course. He had always known.
Eunsang still didn't know why he was surprised.
Maybe even hopeful.
It made him feel disgusted with himself.
Minhee's finger brushed off a tear on his cheek, his boyfriend not looking at him.
It was Hyeongjun who spoke up first.
"Why?" He croaked out, eyes swollen and red.
Junho, too, had glassy eyes.
Fuck, were they going to make him cry again?
Gosh, he hated this already.
"How could I? This disease...it only put us in pain. All of us. And I'm s-"
"Don't you dare apologize!" Junho flinched at his tone. Eunsang, too, was surprised at how harsh he sounded.
But he wouldn't allow Junho to apologize. Not when the older did nothing wrong.
He sunk back into the couch.
"Please don't apologize for something that isn't your fault."
Junho furrowed his eyebrows, a frown showing up on his face. "But-"
The older ended up closing his mouth once he saw the look on their faces.
Then, a deep breath. "Alright. But I won't allow you to blame yourself either."
Eunsang almost wanted to laugh at that.
He had been one to cause this, cause all their pain. Why couldn't Junho just scream at him and blame him, telling him it was his fault, his fault for making him like that, for almost killing Junho.
But the older did none of that.
And he realized it was one of the reasons he loved Junho. The statement only bounced right back to him like an arrow waiting to bruise.
"Please. I don't want you guys to be in pain.."
"But what about you, huh?! You never think about yourself! That disease could've killed you, hyung! And you're sitting here, saying you'll forgive us? Just that easily?" Dongpyo wouldn't usually raise his voice at any of them, but the younger boy was practically bawling, barely being able to form words without to stutter it out.
He hated how Junho started to shake his head. "How can I blame you? I fell in love with you! A love that wasn't required. And I accepted that, although things went too far."
Eunsang flinched. How the hell could Junho do this to himself?
"You were in the hospital. We were so afraid you'd leave us, Junho-ah. And then we find out that we were the reason to everything. That hurts, Junho. Please don't do this. Just blame us for what we have done." Yohan's voice was scarily steady.
However, sitting close to the older made him see through all that bullshit. Yohan's hands were shaking, clutching his shirt tightly in an attempt to calm himself down.
He can imagine it, how hard it was to breathe in an atmosphere like this.
Junho looked at them, the same pin and sadness flashing by his eyes as all those times earlier. The only thing different now was that they could see it.
"I can't." He shut his eyes the moment Junho's voice cracked in the end, suddenly hit by the urge to run away.
That wasn't going to make it easier and he knows it.
"I don't want to fight about this, okay? I can't...I didn't even know how to talk to you guys. I forgot everything. I wanted to remember so bad. Back then and now." Junho laughed, a sound filled with no happiness.
"I don't care if it hurt me. I just didn't want to lose you guys. That's why I took that stupid decision in the end, even though it went to shit. I'd do it again, though." Why was Junho like this?
He hated how the older had taken one of the things he loved with Junho and used it against him. Eunsang did know anyways.
He had always known.
Junho finally looked up, meeting them steadily in the eyes.
Warm, forgiving eyes that he didn't deserve to love, to be friends with, to do anything with.
"Do you guys love me?"
Yes. But not in a way Junho thought.
Not in the friendly way.
Not anymore.
He wasn't sure he'd be able to look at Junho as a friend ever again.
Seungwoo was the one who answered, smiling slightly even if it looked more like a grimace. "Do you still love us?"
Junho was clearly taken aback by that, eyes widening in shock.
"What do you mean by that?"
It was all a mess.
But sooner or later, they'd had to tell him the truth anyways.
He was glad his Seungwoo hyung was talking, because he couldn't find his voice anymore.
"I mean that we all are stupidly in love with you and only you, Cha Junho."
The silence was the worst.
Junho just sat there, staring at them like they had told him unicorns and aliens were real.
With the silence came his agony and nervousness.
Fuck, they didn't do anything bad again, right?
He prayed this wouldn't be the end of them.
"I- what? Why?"
Eunsang actually laughed this time, too consumed in the pain to hide it.
"What do you mean why? It's not impossible to love you, hyung. It's actually really hard to forget you." He stopped, suddenly feeling too self conscious with Junho's gaze on him.
Minhee squeezed his hand reassuring, urging him to continue.
"You are kind and nice and you'd never, ever, leave anyone of us hurting alone. You've always been there for me. I was just stupid enough not to see that before." Already before he could finish his sentence, Junho shook his head in disagreement.
"You aren't stupids Eunsang-ah. You just..."
"Didn't love you back? Yeah, and I regret it so much." He sighed, rubbing his neck in distress.
"Look, hyung. Things have changed. You're not just another friend anymore. We are asking you if you still love us, because we really need to know the answer." Eunsang knew he sounded desperate, but that was what he managed to rasp out before his voice gave in again.
Junho seemed to curl up in his chair, trying to make himself small.
Eunsang really wanted to go up there and hug him tightly and never let go.
But he couldn't.
The older wasn't his.
"I...don't know?"
He squeezed his eyes shut.
There it was. That's all he needed to know, even if it was a bit unclear.
Junho didn't want him. Or any of them.
He knew from the beginning that they were too late.
"It's not impossible for me to fall in love again. But neither of you knew that, did you?" Wait what?
What-
"What are you trying to say, Junho-ah?" Seungyoun sounded like caught off guard. If his hyung hadn't known anything, then he couldn't possibly either.
"I'm saying that I want to give it a shot. I can't promise it'll go well and I will need time to progress, but I want to try." Eunsang couldn't move.
This wasn't a dream, he knew that since Minhee was the once clutching his hand almost painfully this time.
None of them uttered a word.
"Stop joking, Junho-ah. It's not fun. And if you're only doing this out of pity-"
"I'm not!" Junho bit his lip, gaze staying steady and determined.
Okay, maybe he wasn't lying to them.
Maybe...
"Make me fall in love. If you guys really do love me, then sweep me off my feet. I don't care if the disease hurt me in the past. I have fought it before, haven't I l? I can do it again."
But why? Why would he do that just for them?
He should be hating them.
Junho continued before that thought could grow bigger. "Even if I don't have any memories of you, I'd be lying if I said I don't care about you. To get to know you guys again, it's not like I don't feel anything about you. Hell, you have been nothing but nice and accepting."
Still no one said anything.
Junho sighed and leaned back, rubbing his eyes tiredly.
Then, he started laughing.
"Aish, you're all such pabos."
The giggles only continued and somehow, he found himself relaxing more, even smiling as he slowly processed the words.
"So? W-what do you guys say..?" Junho had a faint blush tainting his cheeks, hands somehow not being able to still in his lap and Eunsang realized that of course, the older would be nervous too.
He really didn't want to date Junho just out of pity.
But he could make the older fall for him.
Eunsang was selfish, yes.
Though everyone needed to be selfish, just for a little to be able to live. Otherwise, they wouldn't be human, aren't they?
He couldn't give Junho up to someone else. Not now and maybe not ever.
"I want to." Whipping his head in Minhee's direction, he stared at his boyfriend in a mixture of fascination and shock.
But Minhee's focus was on Junho and Junho alone.
"I want to make you fall in love with me again, Junho hyung. Would you be alright with that?"
The brunette smiled.
"Yeah. I'd like that."
His voice was so soft Eunsang had to hold back from kissing him right there in front of everyone.
Not yet, he told himself.
"Then I want to do that too." For the first time in a while, he felt his heart spring in happiness.
Junho's shy smile at him was enough to make Eunsang grin wider, almost cooing at how cute the brunette was.
Yohan, who had been sitting with Seungwoo beside him, nodded and smiled, staring at Junho as if he was the most important star in his galaxy. "Cha Junho, please give us the honor to claim your love."
The brunette laughed, ears going red from the embarrassment. "Yah hyung, you don't need to be so formal!"
"But I want to." Yohan smiled and Eunsang was almost envious at how Junho began to stutter at the answer.
"In that case, I will too leave my heart in your care, Junho-ah." Seungwoo was the first one to walk up to him and to everybody's surprise, Junho was the first one to take the step and hug the older male.
"I've missed you all so much."
Maybe the future won't be so bad after all.
They were given a new chance and Eunsang refused to mess it up this time.
He'd make sure it'll be alright.
They've got this.