To Kim Wooseok
Today you told me that you met your special someone.
I'm happy for you, I really am.
Hyeongjun-ah is a good guy and you look really adorable together.
Like the two of you were puzzle pieces fit perfectly for each other. I'm a little bit jealous, haha.
Today, I also wanted to ask you how it is to love someone who loves you back. Well, of course I wouldn't say that out loud, but you get what I mean.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm supposed to be happy.
But it's so hard.
I guess...I got tucked away in a memory again.
I'll miss the late evenings we used to spend together. I'll miss having you as my safe place, as my comfort whenever everything feels too heavy.
You look really handsome under the stars, hyung. Make sure to go and stargaze Hyeongjun-ah, alright?
If you see a shooting star, you can wish for whatever you want. I hope you see one.
I already know what you're gonna wish.
I know what you're gonna think of when you look at him and there's more than a million stars in your eyes. The way you'll look at him, like he's everything to you on this lonely planet.
I totally get that.
"Go get him!" That's what I said. I really just wanted you to stay, but I'm too much of a coward to do that.
And besides, who was I to stop you?
Thank you for a lot, Wooseok hyung. I was always happy when I was with you.
Junho.
~~
His bike was not so silent as they walked together, Junho humming softly to the song.
Wooseok smiled, happy that Junho had agreed on sharing earphones earlier.
They were currently walking home after their shared class and the younger boy hadn't even noticed that this playlist used to be their playlist.
He avoided to look in Junho's direction, knowing for sure that he wouldn't be able to keep his mask up if he did so.
Junho just looked so....beautiful. Glowing even.
Painfully pretty, yes.
Not that it was a bad thing, he just doesn't want to deal with his messy feelings right now.
Falling on love with Junho never was his intention. He's not sure if he regretted it or not.
It's just....why?
He couldn't think of anything else.
Maybe it was getting overused now. The brunette had noticed all the stolen glances, all the shame mirroring his own and the longing gleam in their eyes. He was apparently not alone at all.
It still didn't made things better, though.
"Hey hyung, it seems like the flower buds has started to blossom." Wooseok followed Junho's gaze and indeed, those small, pretty spring flowers had blown out in small petals, barely even visible as they rustled with the wind.
Winter was about to end. With it, the snow dissolved and so, their time.
It's been three months.
Three months since that surgery, three months of trying to ignore the way his heart painfully squeezed each time Junho couldn't remember, one month since he realized that fuck, he's in love with Cha Junho.
"Spring is on it's way, isn't it?" The brunette hummed and he sighed softly, wishing time would stop for a minute so he could catch up.
Although this time, Junho was the one too far away from his reach.
The younger started talking about his upcoming exam, the sound of his voice melting into the background as Wooseok closed his eyes. He felt slightly guilty for not listening but one the same time, Junho's voice was soothing and despite not catching any of the words Junho said, he still found himself enjoying the sound of it.
The aching familiar pain brought him back to before, when the two of them used to walk home together like this.
Those nights when he would spend an eternity just listening to Junho talking, because once you know him, the brunette never really stopped.
He missed that.
Wooseok grimaced, not wanting to turn this new memory into something sad. If it was something he wanted to recreate with Junho, it was happy memories.
Memories the younger deserved to have.
Unlike those painful memories the brunette once held, Wooseok wanted nothing more for Junho to never go through that again. Even if it meant that he would keep on forgetting them, forgetting thousands of stories that was him, that was his life.
Junho just didn't know it yet. Maybe it was for the best.
Maybe the disease really was meant to give Junho a new life, a better one.
He teared his gaze away from the stunning boy. Wooseok couldn't continue staring at his lips all the time, nor see the way they lit up with the streetlights they passed by.
Instead, he looked up at the clear night sky, it's massive body full of stars like tears upon skin.
It was beautiful.
"Hyung, look! A shooting star!" Junho giggled, he actually giggled and oh god, how hard it was for him to not drop his bike and cradle the younger's face to claim those soft lips with his own.
Wooseok found himself smiling. "Yeah, let's make a wish before it's too late."
The younger nodded, quickly closing his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows in concentration.
His fragile hands came to grasp each other like he was praying and Junho smiled widely, making him curious of what the younger was thinking about.
Wooseok continued to stared at Junho as he himself clasped his hands in front of him, a rather impossible wish popping up in his head.
My wish...
My wish is to be able to love Cha Junho without all this pain. All these problems, all this suffering.
I want him to be happy, the way he made me happy. That damned disease should've never happened.
If only...
He knew it was a foolish wish. Wooseok knew he was selfish too, but he wished reality would be different. Like Hanahaki never happened.
Instead, he'd find Junho in time, to tell him how much he loved him, how much it pained him to see the younger walking around everyday with no memories of who he was and what they used to be.
But as Junho himself would've said:
Nothing.
They had been an illusion. He had been blind and Junho had been mute about it.
In the end, he didn't know who was at fault. But he mostly blamed himself.
At least now he would try to make things right. He'd make Junho smile and laugh again, even if it meant that the younger would never be the same.
Cha Junho is still here, you know?
He's in Wooseok's heart, unaware of it all.
It wouldn't be any use to confess, so the least he could do was to act like Junho had done before the surgery. He'd try his best to make Junho happy.
Wooseok wanted to believe that, at least.
Junho is breathtaking.
There was no doubt in that, for what he knew.
He dropped Junho off at his dorm, the younger smiling in a way that made his heart race and his cheeks heat up. Even though he was more than happy that Junho was alright and alive, he also felt bad for Minhee and Eunsang.
Wooseok himself barely managed to even spend a whole day with Junho. So living and constantly being around him must be destructive.
Or maybe he was just another weak man.
"Good night, Junho-yah. Make sure to get some rest, okay?" The younger nodded, eyes disappearing into little crescents. Wooseok felt himself chewing on the inside of his cheek to stop the fond smile from breaking free.
"Yeah, will do. Goodbye, Wooseok hyung." It felt awfully numb, to stand there and watch the younger slowly disappear into his dorm. He couldn't say those words he wanted to so desperately.
Wooseok had wanted Junho to stay.
Still wants to.
But that was impossible.
He sighed and turned around. To be honest, he still hadn't told Junho he lived in the opposite direction of campus. The brunette didn't need to know, though.
Wooseok always took his sweet time to go home anyways.
As he walked there in the dark, the distant sound of Seoul's streets echoing around, Wooseok found himself constantly thinking about a certain crescent-eyed boy with fluffy brown hair and soft, soft lips. Kissable ones, too.
Wooseok groaned loudly, making a few students look at him with odd expressions.
This will be the death of him.