AUTHOR'S NOTE
The recollection starts around 20 years prior to the beginning of this book. As the chapter progresses, weeks or months or even years have passed, even if not openly specified.
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Today grandfather Zeno has come back from work with a child.
He says she's going to live with us, but neither father or mother seem to be happy about it. I personally don't see a problem with her, however... I don't know what to do. My parents tell me to just ignore her and focus on my training, which is the most important thing for me at the moment, yet grandfather insists I at least try to talk with her a little, to make her comfortable.
I don't know how to make someone comfortable. Nobody ever taught me that.
Still, I try to please grandfather's request.
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«Hey.» the dark haired child called, upon entering the room of the new kid.
The door had been left open, as usual, after the little accident the first night of her stay: when the maid assigned to her tried to close the door, the child had sprung out from under the covers and dashed through the entrance. It took them fifteen minutes to find her--a remarkable feat for such a scrawny kid against people trained like them.
Illumi searched for her, looking around calmly until he saw her small frame by the library. She was sitting on the floor, her legs close to her chest and her tiny hands holding a book so strongly that he could see her knuckles turning white. She almost seemed to want to occupy as little space as possible.
And yet, what caught him first were her eyes--grey, with dark blue hues, and so expressive that her stare almost felt like a punch in his stomach.
He gulped silently, walking up to her. «Hi, I'm Illumi.» he greeted, getting no response. «Are you settling fine?» was his second try, only to be unsuccessful again. He began shifting uncomfortably. «Can you talk at all...?»
Still nothing. Illumi sighed, letting his shoulders drop a little--well, he tried, right? His grandfather couldn't say he didn't, right?
The child left the room a few minutes after entering.
(the feeling of a pair of intense eyes never abandoned his retreating back.)
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I can't understand why grandfather still bothers with her, really.
After our first meeting, I was encouraged to try and speak with her again, but to no avail. She never replies to me, only... stares. It has become rather annoying, so I decided to just ignore her.
Actually... it's been a while since I saw that child. Mother says that grandfather has began training her personally in the art of assassination, which means she'll be probably undergoing the body strengthening phase.
Grandfather Zeno can be rather demanding and harsh on his pupils, at least that's what father said, but I can't help but feel a little jealous... I want to be trained by grandfather too.
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It was late at night, a few months after the odd child first arrived at the estate.
He felt his bones hurt and tiredness was slowly lulling his consciousness to sleep--that was just the expected reaction after training with his father. As his mind processed the thought, a faint echo of noise reached his ears. He didn't pay attention to it at first, but after realizing that none of his relatives would be still down in the training area, his curiosity grew over the need for rest.
Sliding silently towards the room from where the noise originated, he peeked over the corner a little. His dark eyes widened a little upon seeing the blonde haired kid alone in one of the rooms used for training, trying out different fighting stances one after another. Her body was considerably healthier-looking than before, even if it was covered in bruises and sweat from her activities.
Illumi wouldn't admit it, but he felt rather fascinated by the determination she demonstrated. More than once she faltered, falling on her knees because her muscles gave out, and yet she never failed to raise back up.
He looked at her for a few minutes, before deciding to show himself.
«You should go to rest. Training is good, but too much will break you.»
The other child turned around abruptly, panting from the fatigue but falling into a basic fighting stance. She relaxed slightly, upon seeing it was him. Still, she didn't speak back.
Illumi got back to his room, got himself under a deserved shower and fell asleep almost instantly.
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He didn't expect to find a piece of candy hanging from the handle of his door the morning after.
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"Eirene". That's what grandfather calls her.
It's not because I asked that I know--I mean, she wouldn't answer me anyway, so I don't bother anymore.
Still, the candy I found some time ago... it might have been from her, or so I suppose. Grandfather laughed when I told him about our meeting and the gift, telling me to keep it up.
What did he mean? What should I "keep up"?
He confuses me, but that's something I'll worry about in my free time. For now, I have to focus on getting the job done.
Father is looking at me, after all.
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The hit had gone rather smoothly, without particular positive or negative highlights.
Illumi considered it a job well done, if he could say so himself: he finished in a decent amount of time, didn't leave traces and neither had alerted anyone about his presence. His father simply nodded at him when he was back to the decided meeting place.
There weren't words of praise or encouragement--he just did his job, after all.
The ride back home had been silent, except for Silva mentioning to him some other job he could take on in the next few days. To the easier hits, he could go alone already, as his father was going to be busy since Zeno had taken a little "vacation" to continue his pupil's training.
The dark haired child could only listen and accept the ones his father pushed into his schedule. He also kind of blamed it on Eirene, too, that his family was getting a little short handed to handle the requests currently taken in.
Back to the estate, Illumi said his goodbyes to his father and walked quickly to his room. He planned to take a quick shower, rest and then get some of his personal training done before his jobs started.
What he hadn't planned for, though, was to stand again in front of the child's room. Listening (as if enraptured) to the muffled cries and sobs that left her lips, even if she tried to use her pillow to silence them.
He noticed on her body the telltale signs of poisoning--as someone who had gone through the same training, Illumi could well understand the level of pain she was experiencing.
Against all what he told himself a few hours before, instead of following his plan, the dark haired child found himself sitting in the corner of her bed. His left hand took one of hers, a surprised gasp leaving her lips as she focused on something that wasn't pain, and he noticed the small rivulets of blood coming from her palm, where nails dug into flesh.
Eirene looked at him for a few, long seconds through her tear-filled eyes, before another wave of pain hit and shook her body from head to toes.
Illumi watched over until she grew exhausted enough to fall asleep.
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I have to admit... her resistance is quite something.
Grandfather told me that she's undergoing the last stage of poison training, which is usually the most harsh on the body. We Zoldycks have a special constitution, so I can't really say I know how a civilian-born girl would feel. Well, I can imagine, but...
Still, the night I stayed with her for a bit, she didn't scream. At all. The poisons grandfather gave her would have made a grown man go mad, so I'm a little impressed.
Maybe she wouldn't be so useless after all.
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A couple of years passed rather mundanely for all of them.
Illumi was already well versed in the job and the art of killing itself, thus his rhythm easily fell into place. With his increasing skill, though, came business; and with business came less and less free time. His father wanted him to take on as many jobs as he could, because the experience would be of great help to him, and in the brief moments he had between a hit and the next one he simply trained his skills more.
He arrived to the point where he didn't remember when he actually spoke face to face with his family.
Such was his routine, until Zeno forced him to take a few days off. There was a rather heated discussion between him and Silva, regarding his business schedule. It hadn't been nice to hear them fight like that, but even if he wanted to say he was fine, really, and he was happy to do his job properly, he couldn't speak up at all.
Upon his first day of rest, he basically did nothing besides relaxing a bit and finally let his body recharge.
The second day, though, his grandfather called him down to the training rooms for a little surprise. When he arrived, he noticed Silva being present, together with the little girl. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, but what caught his attention for real was the faint spark in her grey eyes.
Just as if a speck of life has gotten back into them.
Zeno asked them to spar together, to demonstrate each others' skill against someone around the same age. The dark haired child looked at him like he grew another head: did he want her dead? After two years of training her in the art of assassination, he wanted to see heer fight against him and die?
Of course, he wouldn't question his grandfather's decision, but he couldn't understand him at all.
He could, half an hour later--when both him and the other child were panting from exertion of a neck-to-neck round of fighting. They had been going at it for only thirty minutes, but he could feel his muscles burn a little.
She was actually good at it. Fast, agile. Her lean body was rather flexible, which overall helped a lot with evading and striking at nasty angles.
Sure, he forced her on the defense most of time, yet the few openings he left--purposefully, mind you--for her to exploit hadn't gone to waste. He also tried to bait her into attacking a few times, and he succeeded, but her reflexes saved her from an otherwise painful blow.
Illumi's opinion of her raised a little after their spar. She was getting stronger.
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«Thank you for today.»
Before he left the training room those words reached his ears, like a whisper abandoned to the wind.
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I'm not sure if that spar with Eirene had been good or bad.
Father didn't seem too upset since I've won, but his expression was a bit sour when grandfather nudged him a few times. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but... I think father has accepted Eirene somehow. At least, he tolerates her presence more and actually agreed to have more of those sparring fights between us.
Months have passed and it seems Eirene is finally ready for her first job.
Similarly to what happened to me, she is accompanied in the area by grandfather. Against mother's warnings, I decided to come and observe her too.
It is an easy kill, a woman that had sold her criminal lover to the police. The man's group had called them to deal with her "flamboyantly", to send a message rather to avenge their comrade.
I don't think I get their request... but I'm rather curious about how she'll deal with it.
Looking at the road down below, where the woman was usually sighted while going back from work, I see Eirene standing a few meters from her target. The woman has noticed her presence now and-
... Eirene had gone for her throat in a heartbeat, dashing forwards and landing softly behind her, like a ballerina. I can see there's no blood on her hands nor clothes--she's been so fast that her victim's body had taken a few seconds to realize its flesh had been cut open.
I can only stare as my grandfather chuckles at my side, sounding rather proud of himself. At least, I think it's of himself.
«Gracefully executed, don't you think? She's very promising.»
My head moves affirmatively before I can even realize it.
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At some point, both Silva and Zeno decided to initiate the two of them to Nen as the next step into their training. He wasn't sure if that meant that he and Eirene were finally on a similar level of physical ability and assassin skills, but the fact that they both started at the same time made Illumi both annoyed and left him satisfied at the same time.
Illumi was a fast learner and managed to get all four the basic principles in less than two weeks.
Eirene found herself unable to fully control her aura, sometimes, which made her frustrated and generally ended up in her losing control completely.
His grandfather insisted that she only needed time to adjust her aura flow, but even after a month she was seemingly going nowhere.
«Iri.» he called her, finally using the nickname he'd come up with since a while ago. «Once I get my Hatsu complete, I'll find a way to help you with yours.»
Her grey-blue eyes widened a little as she stared at him, after his promise. «Hm, it's a promise then.»
She smiled at him, for real, and for the first time in his life, Illumi felt his stomach constricting in a painful yet pleasant way.
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My baby brother was born. Father named him Milluki.
Accidentally, I was together with mother when she began feeling the pains of childbirth and got stuck with her while the butler went to retrieve the necessities to help her deliver the child safely. I... I've never seen so much in pain and she's a trained assassin.
Together with the butler, Eirene also came into the room with her arms full of towels. She must have crossed him on his way back. In the end, we had to both hold mother's hands while she gave birth to my little brother.
I think I don't want to see babies being born ever again. The hand my mother gripped has been sore for days.
Much to Eirene's horror, mother wants her to help with taking care of the baby in the early stages. I see the panic on her face clear as day and feel like laughing at her expression. Better her than me, honestly.
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It had taken some more years, but eventually the blonde haired child managed to find her way into the Zoldyck couple too.
Seeing Silva's silent approval and Illumi's growing interest towards her, even the matriarch began paying attention to her. It didn't take long before Kikyo herself began teaching her about etiquette, make-up, dressing up and every other matter a "fine woman" should know about.
Illumi suspected, his mother's growing approval originated from the simple fact that Eirene was a girl.
While she never had been displeased with him or his younger brothers, he knew Kikyo had wished for a daughter to pass on her knowledge to. Moreover, she loved dressing her up with all kinds of clothes while giving her lessons about how to walk, to speak during social events and--how to be a good wife, too.
That last part puzzled him at first. Then it irritated him.
The thought of Eirene marrying someone made his mood somber suddenly.
He didn't realize he let his aura pour out until he heard Milluki's upset cries from his playland.
Illumi sighed resignedly as he went to pick up his brother and tried to calm him down, before the rest of the family asked him what happened.
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That slip was a one time occasion. That's what I promised myself.
Of course, father noticed my aura flaring and later inquired about it: my control was usually perfect, and so he said too, so any sudden fluctuation of course made him suspicious. Seeing that lying would make no sense, I explained the best I could the thought process that earned that reaction.
I think it's the first time I heard my father chuckle. It feels odd, but not odder than the moment when he pats the spot beside himself and begins giving me The Talk, "since I am at that age already". Useless, as I already know about sexual activities and such, but I let him do it nonetheless.
When he finishes talking about it, though, he asks me how I think about Eirene--how, not what. Which, well, leaves me at a loss for words for a moment.
I'm sure I don't look at her "sexually", even when we train together at close quarters, or I happen to pin her down with a hold... my body doesn't really react in any way. Yet, she's undoubtedly growing into a fine looking lady and I may become interested in her later.
That's what I tell him. He asks him if I see her leaving the estate and live with someone else in the future.
«No. She belongs here.»
Father smiles.
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Illumi didn't realize he was already taken with her.
Not only because she was the only girl around his age, but rather because he really saw her--motivation, strength, weakness; he's seen them all over the years.
Eirene trusted his family and him specifically, to the point of letting him place a needle in her head. It was for her own gain in a way, but even so he couldn't help but feel oddly satisfied by the simple fact she was willing to give him so much power over her.
They knew each other's way of doing things and worked in tandem on jobs, aware of their respective abilities and powers. He didn't need to overtly worry about her, since her strength was undoubted.
Both because of their experiences and the power he held over her, the dark haired assassin couldn't help growing possessive of her over the years. It felt like he was drunk on that sensation of control, of complicity.
He kept that emotion in check (acknowledging it, but burying it under his cold and expressionless exterior) and kept enjoying the bantering, the talks, the everything they shared--even her obvious provocations, while growing up.
Until he acted on it some years later.
Illumi realized how his "feelings" had developed in the moment he stole the first kiss from her, after a sparring match - even as adults, they kept that little tradition (habit, one could say). It was almost casual, the way he slided a hand to her cheek and leant down to her face. Eirene didn't move away - she freezed for a short instant, surprise overtaking her at his gesture, and leant back in - instead letting him deepen the kiss after a moment.
He still remembered the feeling of her teeth sinking on his lower lip, not as strong as to draw blood but enough to live an imprint. He remembered the cold shiver caused by her hands sliding around his throat and resting on the back of his neck.
Those sensations electrified him, left his body tingling in a way he had never known before.
It made him exquisitely addicted.
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«Iri.»
I call. Grey eyes look up at me from half lidded eyes.
A voice whispers in my head, "she's beautiful and only you can see her like this". That ugly feeling of possessiveness, growing obsession and need to keep her under my complete control, resurfaces again.
And yet, I "love" her for how she is now. Provocative, snarky, without any bound she doesn't decide for herself. Would it be the same, if I took the choice from her? Such a question has been repeating in my mind for ages, and yet I have to find an answer.
Nonetheless...
«If Hisoka, or someone else, takes something from you again, I'm going to kill them.»
That is a promise to her, a threat to anyone else. Even if she's the only one who knows about it, it's fine.
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