I couldn't even take my bath peacefully. As I lie there in the bathtub to relax, I couldn't. My mind kept replaying the scenario that happened between her and Savitar. I waited for him at dinner. Being a speedster, she knew he could return the clothes and the money in a minute. He was gone for hours now. It was clear that he was avoiding her, but she was almost certain he would appear by dinner. He never missed a chance for food after all. I ate dinner alone and I told myself I didn't care where he was or what he was doing. I was lying to myself. Nevertheless, I left food for him so that he could eat when he gets back.
By bedtime, I started getting worried. It was cold outside and he was only wearing his usual, black, avatar jacket when he left. I tossed and turned in my bed unable to sleep. I started reading a novel but that didn't help either. She didn't even lock the door which was probably a stupid thing to do, but she didn't want Savitar kicking in or ruining a perfectly good doorknob to get in if it was locked. I checked the time it was 11 pm which means it was around 4 pm in Central City.
I decided to call Barry on the phone. I could've used the device Cisco gave me but I didn't want Barry to see my face. He could read her like a book and it was pretty annoying sometimes.
"Caitlin, hey!" It was a familiar voice. I could feel myself already smiling. "Long time!"
"It's only been a couple of days," I said laughing.
"Well, it feels like a long time. How are you? And I can't believe I'm going to ask this but how's Savitar doing? How's the job hunt going?"
Barry bombarded her with questions just as she expected. I tried to keep my voice normal. It was useless to make him worry when he was across the world. There was suddenly a pit in her stomach. She missed her friends and her home.
"Fine!" I said a little too cheerfully. "I'm fine, everything's...fine. How are you doing? How are Iris and the rest of the team? It's good to hear your voice. I spoke to Cisco though."
"You already spoke with Cisco and didn't call me until now? Ouch, Cait."
"He called me. He was probably bored. You know him." I replied.
"Anyways the team's great. We caught another bad guy today. It was awesome! You should have seen it." Barry rambled on and on and I was glad he was excited and enthusiastic that he loves being the flash so much. If only his counterpart has that much enthusiasm. I thought bitterly.
"Cait?"
I snapped back to the present and focused on his voice. "Yeah?"
"You there? I lost you for a second. I thought it was the connection."
I flopped back on the bed. "I'm here."
"Are you alright?" Barry asked her concerned. "You sound down. Is it Savitar? The job hunt? Do you want to come back home?"
"Yes yes and no, at least not really. I have to stay here. I can't abandon him."
He was silent that I thought the connection failed for a second. I frowned and looked at the phone. Nope, still here.
"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice came. "I'm not busy, I'll listen." He continued just as she was about to ask if he was busy. He knew her so well.
"We got into a fight. Two fights actually which is not ideal, since we just got here a couple of days ago. And he hasn't come home yet. I'm worried." I quickly filled him in about what happened since they arrived. How Savitar refused to meet her friend, to how he stole money to buy clothes for him and her. The whole time Barry was silent, but I could tell he was listening patiently and intently.
"So yeah." I sighed when I finished. He's been gone for hours and he hasn't come back. What if something happened to him?"
"Hey don't worry, he can look out for himself. He's tough."
"I'm sorry, Barry."
She could hear Iris in the background shouting something about pancakes tasting weird.
"Is it Caitlin?" Her voice rang out in the background. "Tell her I miss her!"
"Will do honey! And I'll make you pancakes later Iris!"
I couldn't help but smile despite my mood. "Sorry that I'm ranting about Savitar when you probably have a lot of things to do."
"Hey, hey, hey knock it off Cait. Enough with the sorries. You know you can talk to me about anything even if it's Savitar."
"Sor—I mean good to hear." I tried not to laugh at his exasperated sigh through the phone.
"Caitlin if you don't mind, I have to ask...do you have feelings for Savitar?"
I blinked at the sudden change of topic and scoffed. "Don't be stupid I don't...I do not have feelings for him."
"You dedicated every waking moment to help him. You went with him to Spain although he didn't ask. You're doing all that just to help a friend? You're lying to yourself Caitlin and you know it. Plus u hesitated when u said u didn't have feelings for him."
The silence was almost deafening as I tried to say the right words. My mind went temporarily blank.
"Wait, you do like him for real don't you? Why didn't you just say so?" Barry's voice rang out and I could almost picture him smirking. "Have u told him?"
I decided not to deny it any longer. She never really realized that what she was feeling—her emotions were all confusing and Barry was right. She had been there for him and done all those things for him, although he didn't ask."That obvious huh? And no I haven't."
"I can't love Savitar. He's done some pretty terrible things and he's a time remnant of you. A duplicate. I hope that's not too weird for you."
"No, not at all. I get it."
"You do?"
"Savitar still remembers everything that's happened to him. He still has those memories and feelings of everything, of us. Caitlin, I've never doubted your compassion. I trust you enough to never hide behind a mask. I trust you. I always have since the moment we met when I opened my eyes from the coma and saw you peering down at me. And you've always been taking care of me. And not just with patching me up whenever I get hurt. You've been looking after me since the day we met and you were always by my side through everything."
Tears started brimming in my eyes and I bit my lip. "Aww, you're too sweet. Thanks, Barry. And you've always been by my side through everything and I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you."
"Ditto." After a moment of silence, he spoke again. "So are you going to tell him?"
I pulled the covers tightly around me and shivered in my bed. She had a suspicion it wasn't because she was cold.
"I don't think so," I whispered. "After what happened with Ronnie...and Jay...I don't know if I'm ready to open my heart again. Besides, he probably hates me now."
"Um no Cait. What are you talking about? He does not hate you, trust me. Besides, I can tell you with confidence that he cares about you too. That much is obvious."
"You think he also feels the same way about me?" Why was I suddenly getting goosebumps? I could feel my heart pounding loudly.
"He took you with him when u become Killer Frost because he didn't want to be alone and he needed you by his side. He convinced you—well Frost—not to kill Joe because he knew you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself. Even though he's killed before and has blood on his hands. He came to us and ask team flash for help even though he hates our guts. He's getting along with us now too because of you Caitlin. You're like the glue or the bridge that brings people together. And those are just some things he did for you. You're telling me he did all those things and not care about you?
"Well, when you put it that way..."
"Plus if he's hurt about what you did, that just means he cares about you enough for him to even get hurt."
"Wow, Barry. You should open up a small business in counseling. When did you become such an expert in love and relationships? Don't answer that. I know why. You found the love of your life."
I could feel him smiling on the other side. "Yes, I did. And don't close yourself off okay? Let people in. I know what happened with Ronnie and Jay was simply awful—you didn't deserve that. You deserve to be happy. Give yourself another chance."
I licked my lips. "Maybe I will." If he ever comes home.