You spend the next few days ignoring Snape completely. You don't even glance at him during class, focusing all your attention on the task at hand. It's favorable for your grade, that week you end up brewing all the potions perfectly and earning perfect marks.
You hate the part of yourself that still aches for him, even after everything he said. You know you deserve to be treated better and that you shouldn't swoon over someone who keeps pushing you away. So you push that part of yourself down, ignoring any feeling or thought about Snape that tries to crawl its way into your brain.
You even pick up reading as a way to focus your mind on something else. You spend hours in the common room, being one of the last people in there every night.
As a kid, you would spend hours absorbed in books; but, the obsession had faded away as you grew up and started to become more involved in the world around you.
You were grateful to return to it. It was comforting to spend so much time in different realities.
***
Thursday night arrives and you find yourself back in the dungeons after dinner. You take a deep breath before strolling through the open door of the Potions classroom.
It's your first time attending Potions Club and you have no idea what to expect. You see a couple groups of people huddled together at tables around the room, it looks like cliques had already formed in the few meetings they had had this year.
You bite the inside of your cheek as you start making your way to a table away from everyone.
"y/n!" a high pitched voice shouts.
You turn your head and see the voice belongs to a Hufflepuff. You recognize the girl named Aubrey from your Herbology class, you remember being partners with her when the class was growing Mandrakes.
"I didn't know you were in this club!" Aubrey beams at you. Two boys wearing Gryffindor robes are sitting on either side of her.
"I wasn't until now," you laugh as you make your way over to her, "Snape suggested I join a couple of days ago."
"Oh! That would explain why I haven't seen you before." she says, "Do you wanna join our group?"
"Yes, thank you." you sigh with relief, grateful you won't be awkwardly sitting alone in a corner for the next couple of hours.
You walk over to their table and plop down on the open seat across from Aubrey. The other members of the group introduce themselves to you as Lukas and Cyrus. You briefly glance around the room for Snape, but he's nowhere to be found and you assume he's in his office.
The thought of his office fills your mind with memories of how Snape had pressed himself against you while you sat on his desk. You quickly snap out of it, bringing your attention back to the group.
"Let's brew some Amortentia!" Aubrey announces excitedly.
You hold back a laugh. Of course they're brewing Amortentia.
Aubrey leaves to grab the necessary ingredients, and you make conversation with the two Gryffindors. It's kind of nice to have socialization for a change. After a couple of minutes, Aubrey makes her way back to your table.
"Okay, do you guys wanna get started on it?" Aubrey sets the ingredients down and stands by the table.
"Yeah, let's do this." Lukas says, trying to fill his voice with enthusiasm.
You start to prepare the cauldron and measure out a pile of rose petals.
"I'll go grab the Antidote." Aubrey says, running off again.
"The Antidote?" you ask curiously.
"Yeah," Lukas starts, "The Love Potion Antidote, we already brewed it last time, we're just brewing Amortentia to test it."
"Oh, okay." you reply.
"Maybe you can be the test monkey." Cyrus nudges your arm, a smirk playing on his lips, "You can prove you're worthy of joining our group." he adds jokingly.
"If I knew that that's what it takes to join this club I might have thought twice." you laugh.
"You'll be fine!" Cyrus says, "We're brewing a weaker version. It would wear off in a couple hours anyway."
You raise your eyebrows at him, and he smiles mischievously at you. You laugh, shaking your head and going back to the cauldron.
Aubrey returns and sets the vials filled with clear liquid on the table.
"Smells like it's working!" she announces as she stands near the cauldron.
Huh?
You're about to ask what she means but you stop yourself just in time. You realize you don't smell anything because the scent that it's emitting for you is a scent very similar to the room you're standing in.
"Mmm... something sweet, like a mix of strawberries and sugar." Lukas smiles to himself.
"Rain, and maybe lavender?" Cyrus glances at you out of the corner of his eye, but you don't notice.
"I smell firewood." Aubrey giggles.
You stay silent, your heartbeat picking up rapidly.
"Well, newbie?" Lukas asks you.
"Um-" you dart your head up, "Peppermint." you say the first thing that pops into your head.
You weren't going to outwardly admit that you smelled a scent of musk and parchment in addition to the smell of old books filling the classroom.
"How very enthralling... " a deep voice says behind you.
Your breath gets caught in your throat as the figure rounds your table and you focus steadily on pouring the prepared contents of the cauldron into a bottle.
"You have the Antidote prepared from the previous meeting then, yes?" Professor Snape asks.
"Yes, Professor." Aubrey replies, pointing to the clear vials on the table.
"Very well. You should be all set to test the potion then." Professor Snape nods.
You stare at your hands, but the rest of your group doesn't seem to notice your sudden quietness.
"Have you decided who will consume the potion?" Snape asks.
"y/n will," Cyrus jerks his head at you, a smile flashing on his face.
Snape raises an eyebrow, looking down at you.
"It's only fitting, I suppose." the Professor drawls.
You don't look up at him but you can feel his eyes linger on you for a few more seconds before he turns to walk away.
"Good luck," he says as walks to another group's table.
You bring your gaze up and watch his back, your stomach filling with a mixture of irritation and yearning.
"Bottoms up." Lukas says, pushing the Amortentia towards you.
"Are you sure you want to take it?" Aubrey says, a hint of concern in her voice.
"Yeah, it'll be fine." you say, giving her a small smile.
Famous last words.
You bring the bottle up to your lips, the smell overpowering you. You drink it quickly in one breath. The light taste of herbs and black tea lingers in your mouth.
You close your eyes as you try to control your breathing, preparing yourself for what's about to happen.
Across the room, Professor Snape is watching you warily.
"Let us know when the effects kick in. The potion less strong, so you might barely feel it." Aubrey says quietly.
You believe her for a second, calming down, thinking the Amortentia didn't work; but then it hits you hard, all at once.
Snape's dark eyes, his touch, his fingers, his warmth, you feel everything, and your mind flashes with images of his face. You clasp a hand to your mouth, trying not to gasp. It's as if all the feelings you had been pushing down the past few days have been brought to the surface all at once.
"It worked." you say quickly.
You press your hands into your eyes. You're losing control of your body and you have to try your hardest not to look up at Snape, to run over to him, to exclaim your feelings outright.
Aubrey rushes to hand you the clear vial containing the Antidote for the Amortentia.
You pop off the cap and drink it all in one sip, squeezing your eyes shut.
As you come down from the intense rush of emotions, you press your head to the cool wood of the table. Your breathing slows and you feel the effects starting to wear off, but your mind remains transfixed on Snape.
"Is it working?" Lukas says after a moment.
"Yeah, I think so." you say, slightly breathless.
You bring up your head and look around at your group members. Their gaping faces filled with concern transform into smiles. They cheer, clapping for you, and you laugh.
"Wonderful!" Aubrey says, her face beaming.
"I guess we might consider letting you stay in our group, y/n." Cyrus says with a grin, leaning back in his seat.
"Thanks," you laugh.
The group makes light conversation as they clean up the workstation. The other groups attending Potions Club leave the classroom one by one and you end up being the last ones left. You offer to help with cleaning up, but Aubrey ends up ushering you back into your seat, telling you that you deserve a break.
You're thankful they let you sit, you can hardly focus on what they're talking about or doing. Snape won't leave your mind. However, all the other symptoms of the potion have worn off, and you dread that the cause of the endless thoughts is not at the fault of the Amortentia.
"I have better things to do than sit around waiting on you." Snape says lazily, seated at his desk across the room.
"Sorry Professor! We're almost done." Lukas says.
Snape gives a small sigh, clearly irritated.
After a few moments, Lukas, Cyrus, and Aubrey start to head towards the door. You had been zoned out for the past few minutes and you're slightly startled at their movements.
"I'll follow you guys out... I just need to get my stuff." you say, looking around slowly.
"Do you want us to wait for you?" Cyrus asks.
"No, that's okay, I'm probably not gonna be able to keep up with you." you force a laugh, trying to make it seem like you're okay.
The group nods, saying goodbye to you before leaving the classroom.
Snape stares at you as you pack up your things and make your way to the door. You don't look in his direction, still determined to completely ignore him. Little do you know, the more distance you give him, the more he wants to pull you back in.
As you make your way away from the Potions classroom and through the dungeons, you cross paths with less and less people, eventually reaching a corridor where you're completely alone. There is an eerie silence filling the space and you hear ringing in your ears.
You continue walking slowly, dragging your feet on the stone floor. You're almost out of the dungeons as you round a corner to the stairs.
It happens out of nowhere and all at once.
You feel someone grab your body from behind, a hand covers your mouth and another one covers your eyes. You try to scream, but your voice is muffled, and you're trapped in a corridor void of any passerbys. You struggle helplessly against the arms grabbing you from all directions, trying to push you down. You feel yourself hit the floor with a thud and you thrash around, struggling against the attackers.
Your eyes and mouth are still covered as you feel someone's body sit on top of you, pushing down on your legs and torso, keeping you in place.
"Get the bottle!" the voice on top of you whisper-shouts.
You hear shuffling around you.
You continue to squirm and thrash, and the low voice on top of you shouts angrily, "Don't just stand there! I can't reach my wand! Help!"
One of the people in the group hesitates before reaching in their robes for their wand. Through their nerves, they try to remember the Immobulus charm. As they raise their wand into the air, a loud voice bellows from across the hall.
"Expelliarmus!" you hear a familiar voice shout.
The student's wand flies out of their hand and they stumble to the ground, disoriented.
"Shit!" the voice on top of you shouts.
Your eyes and mouth are uncovered as the boy on top of you jumps off and tries to run away. However, his escape is quickly halted by Professor Snape, who grabs the back of the boy's robes while threateningly pointing his wand at the other two students.
You are finally able to see your attackers. They are the same students you heard get caught by Filch the other night.
You identify one of them as the person Laura seemed to have a bond with. They're cowering against a wall, staring fearfully at Professor Snape.
The other two are boys from Slytherin.
You had never spoken to any of them, yet somehow, they had something against you.
You see Snape glance at you as you slowly sit up. His eyes run over you, checking to see if you're injured. When he sees you're okay, he turns back to the students, shouting menacing words at them.
Footsteps approach from the end of the corridor, and as you turn your head you see Dumbledore walking towards the scene.
Snape catches his eye and rushes to speak to him, dragging the boy who's robes he's still gripping onto behind him. He speaks quietly and steadily to Dumbledore, but his voice is filled with rage.
After he finishes explaining what happened, Dumbledore sends a questioning look down at you, as if to check that Snape's recollection of events is accurate.
You nod, still slouched on the floor, unable to speak.
Dumbledore nods as well, looking around at the students, pausing on each of their faces. After a moment of contemplation, he speaks up again.
"Take care of Miss y/ln, Severus. Ensure she's safe, then come to my office to discuss the punishments of Reid, Mueller, and Moss." Dumbledore announces.
Snape gives a curt nod to the headmaster before glancing back down at you. After a moment's hesitation, he kneels down towards you and reaches out a hand. You grab it and he pulls you up, wrapping his fingers around your forearm to stabilize you.
He leads you into a different corridor before speaking up.
"I'll take you to your dormitory." Snape says, continuing to walk.
There is nothing that you want less in this moment than to go back to your dormitory and be left alone once again. But at this point, there's no other option.
You nod reluctantly, chewing on your lip.
When Professor Snape glances down at you, he can sense your opposition to his suggestion. He stops and turns towards you.
You have trouble meeting his gaze. He is so close to you right now and you don't want to fall back. You've put in so much work in trying to push him out of your thoughts for the past few days. You tried to convince yourself it was for the better. He doesn't want you in the same way you want him, or at least doesn't want to admit it, and you have to accept that.
Snape slides a finger under your chin, softly pushing your head up.
When your eyes meet his, your heart skips a beat and everything you were trying so hard not to feel comes flooding back.
His onyx gaze shoots back and forth between your wide eyes, his brows furrow, trying to figure out exactly what it is that you want. After observing you for weeks, he knows you don't really have anyone there for you, anyone to comfort you. His first instinct when he saw you on the ground was to grab you and carry you back to his quarters, block the rest of the world out, and make you feel safe. But he knows what that would mean, what he would have to face if he admitted that to himself.
"Where do you want to go, then?" he asks softly.
You bite your lip, feeling your body wanting to give into him. You try to resist the urge, but you succumb.
"I just want to be with you, Severus." you whisper.
Snape takes a sharp breath in, obviously struggling with his own feelings too. His hand moves from your chin to the side of your face, and you lean into it. He strokes your cheek with his thumb, contemplating.
This is what he promised himself he would avoid. Something awful happening to you doesn't justify his light affection. But from the look on your face and what you've been through that night, he can tell that it's exactly what you need right now.
Finally, he nods.
"Alright." he whispers softly.
Snape reasons to himself that he's only following Dumbledore's request, to take you somewhere safe. If you feel the most safe with him, how can he deny that to you? He's only helping you.
Severus guides you through the dungeons back to his classroom, his hand resting lightly on your arm.
With him next to you, your mind feels clear and you feel at ease.