"Grazie, but is it for free?" Benji's voice woke me out of my sleep. I rolled over to my back, tried to search for him in the bed, but he wasn't there.
Someone I didn't recognise laughed a little. "Your dad took care of that. Now, why don't you take the tray and bring it over to the bed. To treat yourselves, breakfast in bed. Isn't that lovely?"
"Grazie, signora. Uhm, merci boo coo." More soft laughter. A closing door. Bare feet on the floor. "Papà? Are you awake? This woman gave us breakfast. I didn't order it or anything. She asked if we wanted some so I said yes. It was for free. Well, sort of. She said you paid for it already. Is that true or did I fall for some kind of joke?"
With my palms rubbing my eyes to get a clear vision, I sat up, snapping my bones. "You did well, Benjamin. That smells lovely. What is it?"
"Orange juice, croissants, butter. And I asked for jam. They gave it to me. And cheese." Benjamin climbed back into bed, covered himself with the blankets and looked up at me. I kissed his cheek, pinched it afterwards. "I miss scones." He mumbled.
"Buongiorno, Campione."
Benjamin cracked a, somewhat, timid smile. "Buongiorno, Papà."
"You want to pray?"
He hummed. "Our Father, which art in Heaven.."
We ate in silence for a while. Listened to the noises of the busy city surrounding the hotel. Seeing everything was full, we had no choice but to choose one where the location wasn't ideal. It didn't matter to me. I was too tired, had slept pretty fine. Soon, we would arrive at our second home, and I couldn't wait.
Resting my head against the headboard of the bed, I let my free hand run through Benjamin's brown hair. My eyes fell onto his appearance, only then I noticed the lack of pajama pants, shorts instead. "You know it's not going to be too warm in Italy, right?"
Benjamin gave me a not- understanding look.
"You're wearing pajama shorts. Where's your bull pajama pants?"
"Oh." Benjamin looked down, played with the crumbs of his croissant. His cheeks colored rosy. Suspicions grew, but I didn't want to confirm them.
"So?"
He let out a deep, but shaky sigh. "Washing machine.. at Ms. Livingstone's house."
"Did you wet the bed?"
"No." He said quickly, but let his gaze linger on his plate. "I.. not exactly. I accidentally peed when I cycled to her house."
After the long talk we'd had last night, I didn't want to tire him out with another one, but with this information in mind, I knew I had to start a different conversation sooner or later. With one last ruffle through his hair we finished breakfast, packed and left the hotel.
Once settled in the car, we put on some Italian music and prepared ourselves for the last, long driving day. Benjamin got settled with his Ferdinand and flower smelling horse, some snacks and a stare out of the window, whereas I moved my butt around to not let it feel like a plank. We would arrive at dinner time, and the closer we came, the more nervous I got.
Clouds hanging low between the mountains. Clear blue lakes. The gravel path. It crunched beneath the car tires. Benjamin awoke because of it and when he glanced around for a while, a small smile appeared on his face.
In the far distance, I could see the small, ochre yellow lake house. Smoke circled out of the chimney, letting us know that people were around already. The Moretti family wouldn't miss out on any of the fun or any occasion at all.
The car screeched a little when I slowly hit the brakes, parking it somewhere on the gravel. Benjamin jumped out of the car before I could say something to him. Within no time, he was in the arms of Aurora's mother.
"Nonna!" With his arms wrapped around her neck and her arm under his bum, she held him up. I admired her strength. He'd grown much taller since she had seen him last- therefore heavier. "Mi sei mancato così tanto."
"Mi sei mancato anche tu, tesoro. How are you, Campione?" Nonna's eyes leaked with tears, she couldn't stop kissing my son. I smiled again, but the pain swelled my heart. Her features were so similar to Aurora's. From her warm eyes to her small shaped nose, to her raven black hair and the wonderful smile which would lit up each face it would pass. Then the extraordinary clothes, the many colors, the self knitted sweaters and the neat black shoes.
"Nonno, I learned the prayer in Italian, do you want to hear?" He jumped into the other pair of outstretched arms, where he received more kisses and hugs.
"Mio figlio.." Giulia took my hands in hers and kissed my face several times. "You look more handsome each time I see you. How are you, Campione. Come on, we made lots of food. Sit down, you must be so hungry, oh, have you greeted Matteo? We were so excited, amore, when you called us. Come here."
Even her traits were like Aurora's. I wanted to burst out into crying, but held myself back. My eyes lingered on the table which was stuffed with foods. In the distance, I could hear the children from Aurora's brothers playing. Her parents and brothers had moved back to Italy a couple of years back. I hadn't seen her nieces and nephews since a long time, so when I saw a little girl walking around, I almost hadn't recognised her.
"Zio Zev! Non ti vedo da molto tempo!" She showed her little teeth as she smiled my way. I smiled back, not entirely sure what she had just told me.
"She said she hasn't seen you in a long time, Papà." Benjamin said, somewhat in a haste. He talked back in rapid Italian. It made me feel like an out stander. I had tried for years to learn some of the basics of the Italian language. Benjamin had succeeded more than I had.
"Zev!" Rafaelle and Vincenzo greeted me at the same time. The both pulling me in a hug. "Ciao, fratello. How was your drive? Oh, your son has grown so much ever since we have seen him last."
"Ciao, guys." I smiled at them, greeted their wives after that. "It was a good drive. He surely has grown a lot, hasn't he." I turned my attention to Benjamin. His face was beaming, he couldn't decide who to hug next. It eased the deep feelings inside of me. At least he showed some happiness. Maybe the break was a good idea already. "So have your children." I let my gaze linger on Rafaelle's son and daughter, Vincenzo's twin girls.
"Figlio! Zev!" Matteo's loud voice startled me, but the warmth of it seeped down to the core of my heart. "Oh, Campione." He wrapped his arms around my neck, hugged me so tight that it came to the point where I struggled to breathe. "So, Papà Matteo's menu is ready. What was it, you like? No, no, don't tell me. Hmm. Oh! Barbecue. What a coincidence." He dragged me over to where he was grilling loads of different meats. I laughed a little.
A sloppy kiss was pressed to my cheek. He looked at me intently. "I'm so happy to see you, yeah. Are you alright?"
I simply nodded. I didn't really know what to say. He gave me an understanding look. The pain in his eyes betrayed that his daughter was on his mind, too. "You will feel much better after the good food. Hmm. I cooked all day just for you. Come. Where is your son.. Benjamin! Teroso!"
Giulia cursed in Italian, landed her hand on the back of Matteo's head. "Let them get settled. Where are your manners, huh?" A smile tugged at the edges of my mouth again. I felt home. "Forza ragazzi. To the house."
Rafaelle and Vincenzo had already dropped our luggage in the house, so without thinking much, I walked inside the small lake house. The smell of the wood brought up loads of memories, as well as the smelling candles Aurora had standing in every possible corner of the house. I glanced around. Nothing had changed. Nobody had made any changes. Nobody had tried to make any changes.
My fingers touched the wooden walls, the terracotta colored sofa, the ochre yellow lamp standing beside it. I glanced behind my shoulder, to find out no one had followed me. Not Giulia, not Benjamin. Silence engulfed me, I stared at the small fireplace. The photos.
Without asking, Aurora had made it our place, even when it had been a vacation location for both her brothers and parents. With the intention to buy this in our wildest dreams, we had already left a stamp on the interior. We had made it our own a long time ago.
I swallowed a lump of heavy pain down my throat and stared at the photos that stood on the fireplace. Eden. Benjamin. Us.
The colorful carpet, the many dried flowers, so we wouldn't have to water them when we would be in England. The books. The sewing machine.
My feet took me to the bedroom. I sat down on the bed, saw how the duvets were messy. I wondered who had slept in here during the night, but when I lied down, I could only whiff the smell of dust and memories. The deepest intimacy we had shared in this room. The love, the affection. The secrets. Things exchanged only between wife and husband.
The first time we made love, and the last time. The start of Eden's birth, and the place where Benjamin was begotten.
I stared at the closet, knowing her clothes were still in there. My clothes were still in there.
"I'd not changed anything, amore." Giulia quietly made her way inside and sat down onto the edge of the bed, brushing her fingers over the untouched pillow. "Aurora.. she left the covers this way when the two of you left for the last time."
I squeezed my eyes closed and let the tears drip down my face heavily. Memories floating through my mind. The house cleaned. The bed changed, but in the morning one more hour of rest for Aurora before we had to go back.
I rolled onto her side, gripped the covers and breathed erratic as I desperately tried to search for Aurora in the house. "Mamma, I miss her so. Benji misses her so.."
Giulia took me in her arms, cried along, but comforted me. I didn't know why, but she started singing an Italian song Aurora used to sing to Benjamin when he would go to sleep. It was about the safe arms of Jesus, the words written on Aurora's tombstone. Sometimes the simplest words had the deepest meaning. And I was convinced about that at this point.
I calmed down a little, but didn't let go of her. "Figlio.. you have someone to talk with, there, in England. Seems like your heart.. it is stuck."
Words wouldn't leave my mouth. I felt numb. The nerves I had felt were explained. It wasn't that I had dreaded going here- I hadn't been here since her passing and it made loose so many memories, so many feelings. I was tired from the drive, from life itself and used this place as my escape. So I could go back to my wife in some ways.
Her fingerprints were everywhere. If it was in the choice of the colors of the interior, the pattern on the bed duvets, her interesting style of clothing, everything. Everywhere.
"Papà e nonna, dinner is ready!" Benjamin stormed inside the room, but when he saw the two of us sitting in the position we'd been sitting in for more than five minutes, he looked down and played with his fingers. "Nonno asked if I could call you over.." He hesitated, glanced at me and left the room quickly.
I wiped my nose, my eyes and stood up. "Man, does it feel good to cry sometimes."
"I worry about you, figlio."
"I'm not the only one who has lost someone." I answered, glancing at the mirror to make myself look at least a little more presentable. With my fingers running through my hair and a wet hand wiped over my face, I left the room. "Mamma.. I'm alright. I really am. The house.. everything just brings back a lot of memories."
She hummed, kissed my cheeks and started talking about the fridge. "Lots of focaccia for Benjamin. Tiramisu. Self made pizzas. Hmm. Cornetti's. You name it. Don't go grocery shopping."
I smiled a little, took a seat at the table and went along with the conversations, laughs and foods, even if my mind was with someone else. And when my eyes landed onto the blossom tree a bit further up the hill, I saw two empty seats at the table instead of one.
•
At Aurora's homeland.. do you think it's a good choice? Or naive that Zev chose to leave England?
Do you think it will do them well, or more things will start to happen eventually?
Let me know your thoughts, it means a lot to me :)
Much love x