SOBER
Lucia was out after curfew again.
It had been a long day of classes, and she was feeling particularly overwhelmed with the pressure that came with N.E.W.T. level assessments.
She sat under a tree outside the castle, the soft grass tickling her thighs gently as she gazed into the velvety navy sky.
She raised the bottle in her grasp to her lips, the potent taste and acidic burn having faded into a muted discomfort now.
The cool, night air seemed to be washing through her body, weaving through her ribs and ridding her of the infection of the stress of the day.
She had come to miss alone time such as this, having been surrounded by at least one other person for so long now. It was nice to just bask in silence.
The black lake looked like a pool of ink, with the choppy peaks created by the wind glistening on the surface like a crystal by a flame. Every now and then, the giant squid would disturb the relatively peaceful surface, a large tentacle brushing through the thin membrane-like layer on top of the water before being submerged in the depths once again.
The castle was still alight in some areas, giving a warm glow to some areas of the grounds. Lucia could see in the distance that there were prefects and professors filtering throughout the castle on duty. Hardly anyone patrolled outside though, so she was relatively safe where she was.
She took another sip of the bourbon, laying her head back into the grass and letting her eyes rest shut as she took in the distant sounds from around the large expanse of the Hogwarts grounds.
Only a few moments of serenity passed before the glow coming from the castle was blocked by something, causing Lucia to flutter her eyes open to see if the lights had just been put out.
A figure stood above her, dressed in a pair of simple black pants and a sweatshirt. He was a silhouette, but from the dark curls on top of his head she knew instantly who it was.
"Out after curfew again I see." Tom observed with a light chuckle. He was standing over her, just above her head and looking down at her.
Her golden hair was fanned out around her in the grass like a nimbus, in a way he knew too well in much less clothing.
"As are you." She retorted, brushing a stray hair from her face.
"Drinking?" He raised his eyebrows accusingly.
"Yes."
"I'm not going to pretend I'm surprised." He sighed.
"If you're going to lecture me you can fuck off back inside." Lucia rolled her eyes and looked away from him.
He took a moment of thought, then walked next to her and sat down on the grass. He pried the bottle from her grasp and sat it on his other side, then turned to lay beside her. His gaze was still looking down on her as he propped himself on his elbow to face her, but she was avoiding his eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asked gently.
"Just tired." She replied bluntly.
He brought one hand up to brush away a few stray hairs that were dancing across her face in the wind, and she finally met his eyes in the darkness.
"Why don't you like to be sober?" He questioned carefully, allowing his fingers to continue brushing over her cheek softly.
"I don't like the thoughts that come with it."
"It's not good for you, Lucia." He sighed, moving from being propped up on his elbow to lying flat next to her on his side.
"I know." She admitted.
"I don't want to see you throw away all your potential just to get drunk or high every other day." He continued, "There is so much more to live for, you taught me that."
She didn't say anything, but from her eyes you could tell she was deep in thought.
"What is it you're trying to escape?"
"It's nothing in particular and everything at the same time. The past, present and future... it's like when I'm sober I feel like I'm drowning. It's like gasping for air only for more liquid to enter your lungs. I don't know how else to describe it, but it gives me this tightness under my ribcage that's almost painful, and it won't subside until I do something to distract myself." She explained.
"Can't you distract yourself with something else?" He tried, staring into the sky as he thought deeply while she considered her answer.
"I have..." She chuckled, "With you."
His eyes snapped back up to hers.
"But you... won't be here forever. There has to be an option B as well... which is where the drugs and drinking come along."
"I'm not planning on going anywhere right now." Tom assured.
"I know that, but be realistic Tom. You aren't from this time period, sooner or later you're going to have to leave and it's going to break me to pieces." She felt her voice waver uncontrollably.
"You don't know that." He defended.
"Yes I do. You'll leave and I'll be here with my whiskey and everything will be... fine." She rambled, not even remotely believing the words spilling from her lips.
"It's like you don't even want to help yourself." Tom said coldly, beginning to lose his temper, "It's really selfish, Lucia. Do you think I want to see you tumbling down this self-destructive path right in front of me?"
"It doesn't impact anyone else but myself."
"Do you think it doesn't stick a rod through my chest every time I see you stumble around with red eyes like the undead? Do you think your friends want to have to peel you off the sidewalk and take time out of their days just to take care of what you've done to yourself? Do you think Slughorn wants to spend his evenings watching over your detention instead of having his usual early dinner and a leisurely walk around the grounds? When are you going to realise that your choices effect everyone else in your life?" He said harshly, "I know that I can be incredibly selfish, and whoever I'm destined to become is even more so, but you are not a bad person like he is. You're just completely oblivious to how many people in your life care about you, but are getting completely fucked over by your choices."
Lucia stared at him, tears welling up in her blue glassy eyes. The moonlight created a crystalline sparkle in them that had this been any other circumstance, Tom would have thought them beautiful.
"I'm sorry, Lucia." He rubbed his eyes, "It's just really fucking frustrating because I want only the best for you. When I'm... gone, I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if you'll die from an overdose in a drain somewhere, or if you'll have your stomach lining burnt out from alcohol poisoning... Forgive me for caring about you."
"Tom... I..." She tried, but the words wouldn't form a coherent sentence.
"You don't have to say anything." He sighed, "I'll be going now." He went to get to a standing position, but she grasped his wrist.
"I'm sorry, I'll- I'll try to be better, Tom." She rushed out, reaching around him to grasp the bottle he had confiscated. He looked at her confusedly, and went to take it back from her hands. But instead, she sat up fully and tossed it toward the black lake, where it landed with a splash.
They sat looking each other for a few moments.
"You.. I mean I know it's impossible, but you... care about me?" Lucia managed to ask.
"I don't know the logistics, Lucia. But I just know that it feels like you're ripping my heart out from my body every time you're self-destructive." He revealed with a chuckle.
"Well... I care about you too." Lucia added with a smile.
"I know." He smiled in return, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek and look into her glassy eyes.
Slowly, he leant in to brush his lips against hers gently. She responded to his actions, resting her hands gently on his chest as she leant in to meet their lips once again more forcefully. He moved his hand from her cheek to the nape of her neck, threading his fingers into her thick hair to pull her closer. After a few gentle moments, he deepened the kiss by running his tongue along her bottom lip, of which she granted him access.
They shifted closer to each other, increasing the contact between them despite the thick layers of clothing they both had on. Tom snaked a hand under her sweater to run his fingers along her lower back, and she sighed at the feeling of his cold fingertips on her hot skin.
He was intoxicating, addictive and euphoric, her own perfectly designed type of heroin.
She would never get enough of it, and the knowledge that one day she'd never have him again just made him all the more enslaving.
As he groaned in her mouth from her harsh tug on his hair, she thought to herself that she would never find a drug as sweet and all-consumingly toxic as Tom Riddle.
He slowly pulled away, giving her waist a reassuring squeeze, "We should get inside back to our dorms before we start fucking beside a lake."
Lucia ran a hand through her now disheveled hair, pulling pieces of grass from embedded with in it. "You're probably right." She chuckled, neatening up her askew uniform with heated cheeks and rapid breathing.
author's note
I can't believe we're almost at 30k reads, thank you all so muchhhh
it's been a crazy time since we're in the leadup to christmas, but I'm trying to update whenever I can!
also, let me know what your favourite parts of this story have been so far. it's helpful to know what you guys actually enjoy reading!
lots of love <333