You slowly blinked your tired eyes awake with a much-needed stretch of your stiff body. You lifted your head, feeling the surface beneath it was harder and warmer than a pillow.
Upon investigating, you realised it was Harry's bare chest. It was rising softly with each breath he took. His arms were still wrapped around you his, long eyelashes brushed the tops of his cheeks and his berry coloured lips were parted. It was then you remembered the night before, more so the tail end of it. And with that remembrance, you felt how dehydrated you were and how much your head was throbbing.
You laid it back to Harry's skin with a groan and burrowing your face into him. Flashes of his lips danced behind your eyelids; his tongue teasing yours, his hands nipping at your hips, his excitement pressing against your center as you straddled him.
His words.
I want you so much
I can't stop thinking about you
What you'd feel like
Taste like
You wondered how much he remembered from the night, understanding how drunk and high he was and you felt a pang of guilt because while you were also very out of it, you were in more control of the situation than he was.
You were nervous for him to wake up and push you away from him and demand to know what had happened the night before and why you were in bed together (which wasn't abnormal for you) but why you were in bed together half-naked.
You wanted to stay tucked away with him and forget about it. Start fresh and get back to your simplistic harmony with him.
You nestled deeper into his warmth and he stirred beneath you, reaching over in his sleep and pulling your leg over his hips. His hand melted into a squeeze and his thumb started to stroke your skin and you realised he was very much awake and not pushing you away but instead choosing to show you affection. Maybe he did remember and he'd pepper you with kisses.
Your gaze lifted to look up at him and he smiled warmly and squeezed you into a tight hug.
"Morning," His voice was gravelly and the texture of it pulled at your senses.
"Hi," You were cautious, waiting for him to bring up whatever he remembered about your night.
Harry's head was a throbbing mess. He'd had many comedowns in his time and he could tell even in his first few seconds of consciousness that this one was going to be a killer.
You slowly sat up and caught his eyes scanning your body. You were suddenly very aware of how bare you were and the bravery from last night had worn off as you looked down at his chest.
"Feel like I'm dyin," He rasped, moving his hands from your skin to rub at his eyes.
"Yep, definitely not looking forward to catching a flight in this state."
Your comment twanged in his stomach at the realisation you'd be heading back to London that day while he was there for another few days. He dreaded the time without you as always and even more this time around. He felt this separation would be harder.
"Just stay here," He shrugged and stretched his lean body casually as if he hadn't just said something that made you long for him.
"Mm, I'd love that."
His arms encased you again and you rested on his chest, fingertips tracing the ink on his inner bicep.
"So what happened last night?"
His question made you feel nauseous. You'd been waiting for this moment but praying it didn't come. He didn't remember it. He didn't remember kissing you and telling you he wanted you and that he loved your kisses.
You swallowed thickly, "What do you remember?"
"I was pinging pretty hard. Kept taking tabs. I remember giving you some stuff after my ex... you know." He side-eyed you and your gaze flickered away at the reminder. "We did like, a million body shots."
You nodded as he recited the events. Found yourself glad he remembered about your encounter with his ex, his telling eyes informed you that he hadn't forgotten.
Harry felt guilty about it and wished he could go back in time and talk to his ex to calm her down so she didn't go after you as she had.
"Did we swim? In our underwear?"
You laughed and nodded, gesturing down to your attire. "Yep."
"Okay, yeah I remember that like vaguely but it's all a blur, honestly. I'm sorry if I did anything stupid."
His words stung and you pulled back in surprise while he watched your reaction. He tried to decipher if you were withholding information.
I'm sorry if I did anything stupid
I want you so much
"...Did I do anything stupid?"
What you'd feel like
Taste like
"No. No, you were the perfect gentleman." You breathed out, trying to hide your hurt expression.
The magic of last night was quickly stripped of the joy you'd felt and replaced with shame and embarrassment and confusion because he'd accepted you didn't want him in that respect but now after a taste... you almost regretted telling him so. But he wasn't aware of what could entice that change.
"Good. I know how I get when I'm drunk, I'm sure I was a lot to handle."
You shook your head and immediately winced in discomfort. "You were fine. Shit, what time is it?"
You reached over to the bedside table to grab your phone and Harry's eyes followed your movements, admiring the shape of your gorgeous body and the way your hair draped down your back.
You cursed at the time. "I have to go."
Harry frowned at your rashness as you almost fell from the covers and span in circles to locate your sanity and pick up your dignity from the floor.
"Mind if I shower?" You gestured to the en suite.
"Go ahead." Harry envisioned you naked and wet in the room right next to him and threw his head into a pillow with a growl.
You stood under the hot spray of the shower and held back sobs. You couldn't believe it. Finally allowing yourself to slip from your ideals and let yourself act on your feelings for him and it was when you were both heavily intoxicated.
How would you survive this? One of the most memorable moments you'd experienced and he didn't even fucking remember.
Harry had retrieved your dress from the poolside and even offered you a large oversized flannel shirt to throw overtop to offer some decency. He insisted on driving you back to your hotel but you informed him you'd called an Uber and he spluttered into silence. He walked you to your ride with his hands shoved in his pockets. He'd sensed your uneasiness but pencilled it down to you being hungover, if you were feeling even a slice of his pain, he fully understood.
He pulled you into a hug and muttered into your hair, "Let me know when you're home safe?"
"Will do," you assured, slipping from his embrace and into your ride back to your hotel with your heart hurting.
The second you arrived home to your apartment, you felt an odd sense of calm. It had been an intense week, fully embellished in emerald green and periwinkle blue silk that was Harry.
Being home relaxed your anxiety and you decided to shelf your concern about what had happened between the two of you. You'd been telling him you didn't want to start anything and you tried to view his obliviousness as a blessing. You could resume things as if it hadn't even happened.
You would keep the kiss to yourself. Only you would know of the words he uttered. The words you felt in your heart and core.
After sorting your schedule for the week out, feeling more organised and at peace with life now that you had at least that aspect under control.
You were scrolling the rest of your day away on Twitter when you saw it.
You weren't meaning to check in on him on Twitter. You'd texted him earlier in the day and knew he was heading out for another night on the town so you didn't want to bother him. You'd just put his name into the search bar, genuinely curious.
It was a recent picture, maybe an hour or two old. It was in a club, the subjects sitting in a booth. The quality was a little hazy but the headline spelled it out for you and you stared at the picture and could see what was happening clear as day.
His ex.
His hands all over her.
Their mouths caught in a deep kiss.
The same mouth that had kissed you. The same mouth that told you he didn't remember kissing you.
And her. The same girl who had ambushed and threatened you at his party. A fact he was fully aware of. You were sure any decent person would retract from a friend who was like that. But apparently not.
It hurt. It really fucking hurt.
You felt betrayed. Betrayed because she had been horrible to you and he assured you he would look after you. Betrayed because she had gotten what she'd wanted after verbally abusing you. Betrayed because you'd experienced his kisses and they were too precious to give to someone with such a poisonous mouth.
You retracted from him after that. You still talked to him while he was in L.A but you'd completely withdrawn and he noticed it right away. Your replies were short and clinical. You were too busy to pick up his calls, too tired at night to FaceTime him.
The openness and honesty he'd felt from you and adored was shredded into vagueness and he was in pain at how you were cutting the cord of your bond. You held him at arm's length and he was clawing at your grip desperately.
He didn't know you knew about his ex. He'd seen the picture circulating, his mates texting him and asking him if he and his ex were back together.
Harry wasn't sure why he met with her. After he'd watched you drive away from his home, he'd received a call from her. He'd planned to take her out and talk through their issues so he could put their friendship to rest but she'd taken it in a completely different direction by admitting that she missed him and kissing him fiercely.
He could defend himself but he was a grown man and made dumb decisions sometimes. He wasn't thinking. All he knew was that he missed you and feeling you retract from him that morning after the party set him off. He'd needed a distraction. He didn't need his ex or harbour any feelings for her.
But she was there and she smelt nice and her hands were all over him.
He fucked her when all he wanted to do was call you and grovel and tell you he needed you and he couldn't fathom your behaviour when what you had was so lovely but all you'd done was make excuses as to why you couldn't talk to him.
When he landed back in London, he gave the driver your address and knocked on your door a million times until you answered.
You were shocked to see him. He was breathless, his duffel bag sat at his feet and it gave away that he came straight to you from the airport. He looked amazing, as always, dressed in a loose-fitting t-shirt and baggy jeans with his black vans.
"Hi," you said, opening your door to invite him in and retreating back to your comfortable couch where you'd been seeking refuge.
"Hey." He sat next to you, his posture stiff while he rubbed his forehead. "Can I ask what I did wrong?"
He knew he fucked up by fucking his ex but you didn't know that it had happened. But he also didn't know that you'd seen that fucking picture and you were devastated.
"What?"
"You suddenly can't make time for me and just seem really closed off."
"Harry it's been like two days. I've been super busy with work." You were on edge with how raw his words were.
"But you seem mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you." You were hurt. Big difference. But you didn't know how to bring up the kiss and certainly didn't want to berate him about his ex.
The latter was probably for the best, the additional information you'd receive would be soul-destroying.
He sighed and rested his elbows on his knees as he stared at you. "Well, somethings off."
You rolled your eyes. "It was a big week for me and I came back and had a lot of work to catch up on and I'm kind of annoyed that I got so distracted while I was in L.A. I'm just getting back into my routine."
He nodded at the ground and clenched his jaw. "Okay."
You felt so guilty about how you were treating him but that was your defense mechanism. You knew you needed to solidify your walls before you could progress with him.
You decided to try and make him feel better while you organised your own thoughts. Since you didn't want to confront him just yet, why make him suffer? You reached over and grabbed his hand.
"I'm sorry. I've just been super overworked and stressed and I was wrong to take that out on you."
You weren't stressed about work but that's the lie you'd been feeding him so you went with it.
"It's fine," he brushed off, smiling at you but it didn't reach his eyes. "When can we hang out again? Wanna spend time with you."
I want you so much
"I'm heading to Dublin tomorrow for a couple of days for an opening."
You watched his shoulders fall.
"But I've got a few days off after and don't have anything planned."
He smiled at your offering, hopeful that you were giving him time and a chance to fix whatever had broken between you. "Those days are mine."
"All yours."
----
So many secrets between these two.
Wonder when they'll come spilling out?
Thank you for your love, please comment and vote.
KISSES X X X X X