That day I couldn't think about what the future is going to bring us anymore. Everyone has its own fate which is destined to each one of us.
But before anything could happen, I went to visit my sons one-by-one, privatley.
First, I've decided to visit my son Bayezid. My lion. He was bornt as triplet, he had twin brothers Mahmud and late Osman. It was the first time in the history of our dinasty that triplets of Şehzades were bornt.
I came to his room and I saw him reading a book.
- Valide, welcome, I didn't except to see you! - he said and smiled to me. He got up and kissed my hand in sign of a respect.
- Bayezid, my brave lion! I missed you so much! What are you doing? - I asked him with interest as I sat on his couch next to him.
- I am reading some books about magnificent ancestor Sultan Suleyman Khan! I am fascinated about his life and everyhing he did. - he said to me being really excited about that book.
- That is true, your ancestor was one of the biggest leaders the world has seen. He did a lot of good to our country, and he was great conqueror. - I told him.
- I also heard about his wife he loved really much, Hurrem Sultana. I think the only love that is bigger than their is yours and our father's. - he said which made me blushed.
- Valide, by the way, I haven't seen father for so long. What happened to him? I am worried! - he told me.
- Your father is not fine, he will leave this world and us really soon, unfotnatley. - I barely could tell that to him without showing any sadness. I wanted to be strong in front of my children and not to show my emotions and weakness in front of them.
I could see Bayezid's smile slowly disappointing from his face.
- Valide, why haven't you told that to us earlier? - he asked me really sadly.
- We didn't know if he will get any better, but doctors dont have any hope for him anymore. - I said and sighed.
- That means brother Ahmed will ascend the throne? - Bayezid asked me.
- I hope not. I will do whatever is needed for one of my sons to ascend the throne. - I told him and smiled to him.
- You will do everything for Iskender, but not for us. He even went to Sanjak, while we didn't. And I'm only year younger than Iskender. - he told me and looked away from me.
- Bayezid, we don't know who will become the Sultan. You are all my children and my lions. I love you all equally. May God make all of you happy. And the one who is destined to become Sultan will be one day. - I putted my hand on his leg and smiled to him.
- Valide, I've always dreamed about being Sultan. I want to conquer all the lands, and even come to Vienna. I want to be more powerful than even Sultan Suleyman was. - he told me and smiled.
- Those are my dreams too, my lion. I will give even my life to see one of you ascending the throne one day. - I said to him and got up.
Next, I went to Mahmud's room.
- Valide! - he got up and kissed my hand instantly.
- Mahmud, my son! How are you? - I asked him as we sat on his couch.
- Valide, I want to talk with you about something. Its important. - he told me with a serious tone which kinda aftaided me.
- Is everything fine Mahmud? - I asked him.
- Valide, I need to go to Sanjak. I really want to learn more about the state and its jobs. I want to be educated there and be ready for one day. I also want to have my harem and my own concubines. - he said really excitedly.
- Mahmud, my lion, I would give everything for you to go to Sanjak, but that is not possible at this moment. - I told him and I saw him becoming sad about it.
- Valide, but why? Why did you let Iskender and you dont want me to go to Sanjak? I am not well enough? Is he your favourite son so you want him to be heir to the throne? You dont love us the same you love him? - he stood up away from coush being really angry.
- Mahmud, sit down, I have to talk with you its important. Dont act like a child now. - I told him and he listened to me actually really quickly.
- I love you all my sons the same way, you are all equal to me. I would give everything for you to go to Sanjak, but its not possible now. Your father is sick. He has a week of life still. Nobody knows what is going to happen and we all have to be here with him. - I told him.
- Valide, why haven't you informed us about this earlier? - he asked me shocked about what he heard.
- I didn't know it before. Please, we have to be all together because nobody knows what will future bring to us. - I said as I touched his arm.
- Valide, that means Ahmed or Suleyman will become Sultans? We will be locked like our uncles Kasim and Ibrahim were? - Mahmud asked me.
- I will give everything that that won't happen. I will defend you and nobody will lock you to Kafes. I promise you. - I told him.
Then, I went to chambers of my son Mustafa.
- Valide, welcome, I just wanted to see you! - he said as he stood up instantly and kissed my hand.
- Mustafa, my lion! - I said as I hugged him.
- Valide, I have been writing poetry for whole day. I wrote one song about you. I would like you to read it. - he said to me as we sat on his couch in his room. Mustafa wasn't like his brothers, his wish was never to ascend the throne. He made me so happy with his writing of poems.
He gave me letter on which he wrote poem for me and I couldn't wait to start reading it, as I knew he is really talented.
Every man has three kinds of loves,
Loves from the one that gave birth to him, one that gave birth to his child, and one that was bornt as his child,
Biggest love a man can feel is the love towards the one that gave a birth to him
A man will always love the most his mother,
The one who gave everything for him,
The one that risked her life to allow him everything,
The one who would be ready to give her life for your life.
And my mother is that kind of woman,
Hoşyar, the most beautiful woman on the Earth
But her beauty is not only physical
Her biggest beauty is in her heart
Which is so pure
When I listen to my mother talking,
I feel like I am listening to the angels or the song of birds
My mother's blue eyes are so deep that I could see ocean in them
My mother's arms are the warmest possible place in the world
I will never feel safe anywhere, if my mother is not with me.
Tears went down my face after I read everything my son Mustafa wrote for me. I knew he is really good at poetry, but none of his songs made me cry and happy like this.
- Valide, do you like it? - Mustafa looked at me wondering my reaction about his song.
- Mustafa, I adore it. You made me cry from happines after I read this. - I said to him as I removed tears from my eyes and hugged him.
At that door, someone came into the chambers. I turned around to see who was it.
- Oh, Valide, I didn't know you are here. - my youngest son Mehmed said as he bowed to me.
- Mehmed, my love come here! - I said to him and he came and sat with us.
- What is that sad expression on your face? - I asked him worriedly, because his eyes were filled with tears.
- Valide, why haven't you told us about father's sickness before? - Mehmed asked me while he was crying.
- What? Father is sick? - Mustafa asked me shockedly. I wanted to tell that now to Mustafa, and then later to Mehmed, because Mehmed was really emotional and I worried how he would react on that.
- Brother Bayezid told me about it now. - Mehmed said to me as he tried to not show his sadness, but he was too emotional, so he couldn't hide it.
- My lions, I wanted to tell it to you now. Your father is sick, and no one knows how many time stayed to him. - I said to them as it was already too hard to tell that.
- Valide, why did you hide it from us? - Mustafa asked me disappointedly.
- Because no one knew for sure what is happening, until the doctors told to us. - I said to them and sighed.
- Now brother Ahmed will ascend the throne, hopefully. - Mehmed said and sighed. It shocked me because he said he will hopefully.
- What should that mean, Mehmed? - I asked him.
- I hope he will ascend the throne, not Suleyman. Because Suleyman would lock us in Kafes. - Mehmed said and looked at me.
- How can you hope for Ahmed to become Sultan? He is the first one who would lock us in Kafes. Both him and Suleyman. - Mustafa said to him angrily. I looked at Mustafa and signalised to calm down because I didn't want Mehmed to be more upset.
- Mehmed, we can only pray that Iskender ascends the throne, because if Ahmed or Suleyman ascend the throne, you will be locked in Kafes. - I said to him trying to comfort him.
- Valide, how dont you know that Iskender wouldnt do it also? - Mehmed asked me. And his words broke my heart only at a thought of if that would be possible.
- Because if one of my sons ascends the throne, no matter which, I will stay in this Palace as Valide Sultana and take care of you. I would never allow any of my sons to lock his other brothers. - I said to him.
- Valide is right, you must chill Mehmed. - Mustafa said to Mehmed.
- But I love brother Ahmed, he would never do that to us. - Mehmed said.
- Maybe Ahmed wouldn't, but Ayse would send me to Old Palace and she would separate me from you. And then only God could help us all. - I said and got up from the couch.
- Valide, we must do whatever is important for Iskender to ascend the throne. I will never be jealous if any of my brother ascends the throne, the throne is not something I wish. I only wish to be free, and not to be locked. If you need any help from me, I will do whatever is important. - Mustafa said to me. This was the excatly reason why I loved Mustafa so much. He never cared for the throne, and I honestly think with his intelligence he may be one of best Sultans the world could see.
- I can do it alone my lion, dont worry. You just must be all together and strong. - I said to them and smiled, and left their chambers.
Only thing I had to decide yet is which one of my sons will be the favourite of janissaries until Iskender doesn't return from Sanjak. There were a lot of possibilites and everyone was afraid if Iskender will return healthy, but I prayed to God everyday that he would come back safely.
Which one of the princes will Hoşyar chose? Will Iskender return from Sanjak safely? Who will ascend the Ottoman throne? Find out in next chapters.