"Is silence still meaningful when it's the only thing you've got left to offer?"
C A T A L I N A
Raccoon.
It's chonky and rubbing it's little hands together.
Mission: Pet a raccoon and then take it home and keep it as a pet where I'll build an army of raccoons.
My eyes follow the sneaky movements of the cute animal and I look behind me to make sure the boys can't tell what I'm about to do.
We were in some alley and it was late. I didn't know what I was doing here but the boys didn't want to babysit me so they made me come along with them.
Lorenzo wasn't too happy when he saw that I tagged along.
Sad face.
My plan was simple, very simple. All I had to do was make sure I ran fast enough to avoid being caught by the boys but I also had to make sure that I wouldn't scare the raccoon away.
Yolo.
With my newfound confidence, I take two steps before the back of my hoodie is pulled on. "Tsk," Lorenzo shook his head disapprovingly.
"Brutha, there's a raccoon right over there and in case you didn't know-"
"Do you know how hard you test my patience?" He loosens his light grip on my hoodie and cocks his head to the side, a hard expression set on his face.
"Do you know how hard I want to kick you in the balls?" I wanted to stand on my tippy toes and pat his perfectly messy hair just to make sure he's not wearing a wig, however, I refrained.
I wonder what he'd do if I pulled his wig off.
"Are you secretly bald?" I turn around before he can answer my question because that raccoon is still on my mind and quite frankly, I don't give a rats patootie if he's secretly bald.
The raccoon. I need to touch its chonk immediately.
"Chiuderla in macchina," I hear Lorenzo sigh, his voice deepening.
Lock her in the car.
"Come on," Marco tilts his head to the all black SUV on the side of the road and I quickly hide my frown with a smile so that he wouldn't think I didn't want to go with him.
"Marco?"
"Yes?" His voice is soft and he doesn't sound like he's tired of me which makes me want to break down into tears because of how lovely that is.
"I saw a raccoon can I go pet it?"
He lightly chuckles and shakes his head, "So you can get rabies? You can't pet a raccoon, silly girl."
I bite the inside of my cheek and nod in understanding. Maybe another time.
Next time I see a raccoon I'll brush it's hair and give it a high five and give it cute snacks. A smile attacks my face at the thought.
Marco opens the car door for me and I hop in the back seat, thanking him for being such a sweet man. I frown when he closes the door and leaves me in the dark alone. I thought we could have played UNO in here together.
☽
About ten million years have passed.
Just kidding.
I'm such a jokester.
It's been five minutes but my attention span is really short. I couldn't stop bouncing my leg so staying still in the backseat of this car was proving itself to be more difficult than I thought it would be.
The sight of a police car stopping behind the SUV caused my heart beat to quicken.
The popo are here to rescue me.
Beedoo beedoo beedoo.
I begin to bang on the windows but when the trunk opens, revealing the boys and a popo man handing Lorenzo a black duffel bag, my lips part in realization.
Paolo unzips a different duffel bag, revealing bags of... presumably baby powder, and then hands it to the popo man.
I crouch down into my seat and begin to pull at the skin on my neck. There were so many questions running through my mind and as much as I wanted to cure my curiosity, I didn't think I'd get an honest answer from anyone.
Voices filled the car moments later and I remained silent.
"What's wrong, Sweets?" I could see Paolo give me a genuine smile through the darkness of the car since he was seated right next to me.
This situation kind of reminded me of when we all first met.
"I thought the popo didn't like you guys."
The car was uncomfortably quiet for a few moments until Rocco broke the silence with a chuckle, "They work for us."
☆
Stupid curser person.
I hate Lorenzo.
No I don't.
Yes I do.
He's too beautiful to be angry at and It's hard giving him the silent treatment when he doesn't talk to me in the first place.
I've noticed that he doesn't glare at me anymore, thats nice. He still sighs every time I speak but I think we're making progress.
"What are the chances of being kidnapped by the mafia and being kept alive with your own room and three besties?"
Marco directs his attention towards me and away from Rocco who is holding a long, clear and empty balloon.
"Can I blow that balloon up?" My eyes widen when Rocco throws it at me and a sticky, wet substance splatters over me.
Looks like it wasn't empty after all.
"What the fuck, Rocco," Marco seethes, his eyebrows furrowing as he slaps the back of the guilty man's head. "Clean up your mess. Now." Marcos sticcatoed sentence causes the room the empty with silence. Rocco rolled his eyes as he picks up the balloon and gives me a smile, his eyes glimmering when he notices my dumbfounded state.
"Love, why don't you go clean that up. Who knows what diseases Rocco could have."
I notice Marco shivering with disgust and Rocco stifling a laugh, making me more confused than ever. With my face red, I walk towards my room and head towards the bathroom to take a shower.
As I begin to take off my Hello Kitty shirt, my hands are messy with the sticky substance.
Hm. I wonder what it tastes like.
Remembering the disgusted look on Marcos face, I decide against my thoughts and hop into the shower.
The bathroom was dark, the only source of light coming from the stars outside the French windows. Showering in the dark was something that I always did, the reason for that being that I didn't want to see the scars that made my body their home.
I dont want to see my body at all.
Anytime I see my body I feel like I have no control over who I am. It's simply easier not to look at myself. It's easier because I'm able to ignore the reality of who I am.
My hands shake as they inch towards the shampoo bottle. Yummy. It smells like Lorenzo because I accidentally borrowed it from his bathroom. God, he's such a man.
Not half a man, he was an entire man. I'm tingling
Bad Cat.
He will never know because nobody is going to tell him.
Right?
Right.
I mentally high five myself for being a genius.
Continuing to lather the soap through my hair, I make all sorts of shapes. I made a duck, a duck with a hat, a strawberry (although I think it probably looked more like a pile of turd on my head), and a sword.
I'm such a freakin' artist.
When I begin to wash my body, I can feel the rise and bump of my scars.
Tonight is going to be tough.
My eyes well with tears that causes my nose to burn. Instinctively, I scrunch my nose up and pat my face cheeks. No crying.
Will I ever get over the hatred I hold for myself? I want it to go away. I don't want to feel this way, I'm so tired.
My brain begins to attack me with mean thoughts and that's when I feel my body sting.
I had been scratching myself to the point of raw skin, the salty tears falling down on my body only adding to the sting.
"Oh no, I-I'm sorry," I apologize to myself as I step out the shower, patting myself dry as I try to ignore my hysterical tears.
"Im- I'm so sorry," my voice cracks when I see the reflection of the girl in the mirror. She looked so tired. So sad.
My tears eventually come to a stop and I notice the bright red pimple above my lip.
"Hi."
After greeting the ginormous pimple that was at least the size of Lorenzo's head, I lather myself up in lotion and put on my fuzzy pj's.
The darkness outside filled the room and that's when I realized how empty this room truly was. The room didn't have any personality at all— it felt like nobody had truly lived in it.
I wish I could go decor shopping and fill the place with stuffies and candles and fairy lights. That would probably never happen, though.
Restless, I pattered my way down the staircase and head towards the kitchen. I need a cup of warm milk and sugar. ASAP.
Rocky.
Teehee.
"Jeez!" I quietly scream when Lorenzo walks into the kitchen. His hair is disheveled and there's a small splatter of blood on his casual grey t-shirt.
Nice.
Not nice.
"You got a lil' something on ur shirt there," I point out as I stir the sugar into my warm milk.
Lorenzo remains silent, although I can tell he wants to say something with the way his face scrunches up into an expression of... actually, he always looks like that.
"Are you staring at my pimple? It's rude to stare y'know. I always stare at you but that's fine because you Catnapped me." Hopefully he can't tell I cried like a baby.
He looks unamused.
"My patootie is sweating," I blurt, "Sorry."
"You need to go to bed, it's late." Lorenzo's voice is deep and it's not hard to tell that he's exhausted with the way his voice is so soft.
"You need to go to bed too," I say, taking a sip from my sweet milk.
"Let's go."
The both of us walk together up the stairs while he holds my glass of milk, something about him saying I'll trip and break the glass cup.
"Buonanotte, Catalina." Lorenzo hands me my glass and leaves, heading towards his room that's next to mine.
"Night night."