So this imagine is based on Luke being a psychiatrist which is a bit different to normal but I am thinking about writing this as a full story so let me know what you think. ❤️
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Monday
Selena's POV
I didn't know why I was at the doctors; I wasn't injured.
"Selena, come on," my mother said as she walked up the steps to the large medical building.
I didn't answer but I followed behind her, both curious and nervous as to why I was here.
You're a freak, that's why.
A froze on the steps, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment, hoping it would help to clear my head.
It worked somewhat, the whisper disappeared, but my head was never really empty. There was always something, whispering, talking, screaming.
Luckily, my mum didn't notice my pause and I quickly hurried to follow her through the doors.
"Go sit down over there," Mum told me, gesturing towards a collection of seats "I'll be right back."
My mum was a good mum but she didn't really understand me. Of course, no one did. No one knew my secret; who would believe me if I told them anyway?
She didn't understand why I was always so quiet, why I avoided talking to anyone.
I made my way over to the chairs and took a seat. They weren't particularly comfortable. They were those hard, plastic chairs and I shifted around a bit to try and get comfortable. I gave up quickly hoping I wouldn't be here long.
My mum came and sat down next to me after a few minutes. I kept my eyes on my feet and didn't say anything as she did.
There were a few other people in the waiting room, but not many.
Only a few minutes later, a door over the far side of the room opened and a woman stepped out.
"Selena Jenkins?" She called. My head snapped up to hers. What was going on?
They know.
They're going to come for you.
They'll experiment on you.
They'll find out you're a freak.
You'll never get away from us.
We're always here.
I closed my eyes, my hands squeezing the sides of the chair, my muscles tensed.
"Selena, go," my mum nudged me up from the chair and I hesitantly walked over towards the woman.
She gave me a kind smile once I reached her. "Hi, Selena. My name's Emma. Would you mind following me?"
I didn't say anything and after a few seconds she realised I wasn't going to. She smiled again and held the door open and walked through it into a corridor. I followed her through and then she shut the door behind me.
I liked it better in here. It was warmer than the front room. There was a soft carpet on the floor. The walls were still painted white but it didn't feel like it was quite as bright.
I followed Emma down the corridor before we stopped at one of the doors, near a bend in the corridor. I say corridor, more like hallway.
"Could you just wait here for a minute, sweetie?" Emma asked and I nodded.
She walked into the room and shut the door behind her before I could get a proper look in.
I stood outside the room for only a minute before the door opened and Emma stepped out again.
"Ok, Selena, you can go in now," she said with a smile. I nodded again before stepping inside do the room, unsure of what was happening.
Emma closed the door behind me as I looked around. Inside the room was a wooden desk with two rather large chairs, one on each side, as well as a sofa smaller table and lots of cupboards.
Behind the desk, sat in the chair there, was a man. I'd guess he was around 30. He had blonde hair and blue eyes.
I looked up at the wall behind him and noticed a few degrees framed there. He was a doctor.
Why was I here to see a doctor?
Luke's POV
I was expecting a new patient today: Selena Jenkins. Her mother was worried about her and she said Selena barely spoke even when it was just the two of them at home.
She had said they never spoke about anything anymore and that, though they hadn't been the closest of mother and daughter ever, it had certainly gotten worse after her husband, Selena's father had been killed in a car accident two years ago.
Why it had taken so long for Marissa Jenkins to seek help for her daughter, I wasn't sure, but I was glad that she was coming in now so that I could help her.
I imagined that she hadn't dealt well with her grief after her father died and that she had bottled it all up inside and had trouble expressing her emotions. She wouldn't be the first child I've helped that didn't know how to process someone they loved dying, and she certainly wouldn't be the last.
A knock sounded on the door to my office and Emma entered. "Your 4 O,Clocks here," she told me.
"Great," I said, looking up from Selena's file "Bring her in."
Emma nodded and left the room.
I looked back to the file. Physically, she was in perfect health. But even if she wasn't I wouldn't be able to help her. I am a child psychologist and I really love my job.
Her file said that her mother had noticed times when Selena seemed to tense up for no reason, closed her eyes, squeezed her hands into fists, but those 'episodes', as she had termed them, had increased after her father's death but lessened recently.
A moment later the door opened and I looked up expecting to see Selena, but I was surprised to see Emma without the girl with her.
She closed the door behind her and walked towards my desk. "What is it, Emma?" I asked, concerned about Selena and where she was. "Is Selena not here?"
"No, she's just outside," Emma told me.
"Why?"
"I just thought it would be best to mention that after I called her name, she closed her eyes and squeezed the sides of the chair she was sat on and seemed to tense up."
"Ok, thank you for letting me know."
Maybe it was a reaction to stress or nerves. Maybe it was a reaction to thoughts about her father and her trying to block them out.
Emma left and in walked Selena.
She looked nervous which was perfectly understandable.
"Hi, Selena," I said with a smile. "It's nice to meet you."
She smiled back slightly but didn't say or do anything else.
"My name is Luke and, if it's alright with you, I'd like to talk to you for a bit today."
She didn't do anything.
"Would you like to take a seat?" I asked, still smiling.
She shook her head.
Maybe this was going to be more challenging than I thought.
She was looking around the room and seemed slightly confused.
"Do you know why you're here, Selena?" I asked and again she shook her head. "Did your mum not tell you where you were going?" Again, she shook her head.
"If you come sit down we can talk about it," I told her, still smiling. "I promise I won't bite."
Slowly, Selena walked towards the chair and sat down though she still seemed rather reluctant to do so.
I gave her a few seconds to get comfortable before I spoke. "Do you know who I am Selena?" She glanced at the wall behind me.
"You're a doctor," she answered, which surprised me; I had expected her to just nod or shake her head.
"Yes," I said with a nod "I am."
"But I'm not sick," she replied quickly.
"I'm not that kind of doctor," I told her. She didn't say anything but she looked confused so I continued. "I'm a psychiatrist. Do you know what that is?" She shook her head again.
"It means that I talk to people to help them deal with their emotions and help them if they are struggling with anything mental. Like a different doctor would examine you and look for any physical injuries, I help people with problems you can't see."
"You can't help me," she answered quickly, her voice quiet, eyes trained on the floor.
That surprised me. She'd pretty much just agreed that she had a problem that needed fixing.
"How about we play a game," I suggested. Selena hesitated and then nodded.
"Great. How about I spy?" Selena nodded. "So every time you guess right, you get to ask me anything you want. But if you guess wrong, I get to ask you a question. And the same goes when it's your turn. Got it?" She nodded again. "And if you don't want to answer any question, just say and we'll move on, alright?" She nodded.
"Would you like to go first? Or me?" I asked.
"You," she spoke quietly.
"Ok. I spy with my little eye something beginning with..." I looked around the room to pick something. I wanted to make this first one easier so she could ask me something first. "C," I decided.
Selena thought for a minute before speaking. "Chair?"
"Yes," I said with a smile "Now you can ask me whatever you'd like."
"How old are you?" She asked. I was kind of surprised by her question as a first choice but I had said whatever she wanted.
"32. Now it's your go."
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with...P." I looked around, trying to find something that began with P. My eyes landed on a pen on my desk.
"Pen?"
She nodded.
"Do you have any pets?" I asked. I didn't want to start with anything too personal or get straight into any issues she might have. It was important to make her comfortable first.
"No. Do you?" I was surprised again when she asked if I had any pets but I wasn't going to stop her from speaking.
"Not anymore. I had a dog when I was your age though."
"I always wanted a dog," she said quietly, looking to the ground. "But my mum won't get me one."
"Have you spoken to her about it?" She nodded, still looking down.
"Well maybe I could talk to your mum about it and see if I could get her to change her mind."
"Really?" She asked, looking up, her eyes full of excitement. "You'd really talk to her?"
"If you'd like me to."
"Yes! Yes please." I smiled at her excitement.
"I'll talk to her after we're done today," I told her and her smile widened.
It was the first smile I'd really seen from her. I also thought a dog would be beneficial in this situation. Dogs do help a lot of kids and she clearly wanted one. She'd also quite happily spoken about them.
"What happened to your dog?" Selena asked me.
"Well, like all things, she passed away. Though she lived a very good life before she did," I explained slightly cautiously. I hadn't wanted to get onto the topic of death today but I was never going to stop her from talking about a subject, especially when she seemed to be opening up.
But, just as I thought things were going well and she was starting to relax, suddenly she gasped and her entire body tensed. Her hands clenched into fists but her eyes didn't shut.
"Are you alright?" I asked her and her wide eyes shot to me, showing some degree of fear. Why was she scared suddenly? If it was me I didn't know what I had done, but I certainly didn't want her to be scared in here; that was the last thing I wanted.
She nodded quickly as her breathing began to even out.
"Can you tell me what just happened?" I asked slowly. She shook her head rapidly. "That's ok," I said. "You never have to tell me anything your uncomfortable with."
I was unsure as to why she had reacted like that. My best guess was that it was thoughts about her father since I had mentioned dying. But I could never be sure until she told me herself. It might take awhile but I would get her to tell me. I just needed to get her to trust me enough first to tell me her secret.
I glanced up at the clock and saw we had about 20 minutes left, then I would talk to her mother about the dog and also the session in general.
"Shall we get back to the game?" I asked Selena and she nodded, seeming grateful for the change in subject. "Is it my go, or yours?" I asked Selena, knowing it was my go.
"Yours," she spoke quietly.
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with C," I said.
Selena looked around for a minute. "Carpet?"
"No, but a good guess."
"Computer?"
I shook my head.
"Ceiling?"
"No but that was a very good one."
"I don't know," she said after a minute of thinking.
"Clock," I told her.
"What? There's no clock in here."
I pointed to the wall behind her and said "Right there."
She looked round and saw the clock. I think she was annoyed that it was behind her.
"What is something that scares you?" I wasn't sure if she's answer this one but I thought I might as well ask.
"The dark," she answered after a moment of silence.
"What about the dark scares you?" I pushed lightly.
Selena shook her head.
"Ok, your go," I said, not dwelling on it but filing it away to come back to at some point, just like when she had tensed up for seemingly no reason.
I tried not to have a notebook and write things down during a session. From my experiences, I'd found it made patients more nervous if they knew you were writing down what they said. Of course, younger children didn't really understand so I was able to do so then, especially since their behaviours revealed a lot more than someone of Selena's age.
She's twelve and kids of her age were more aware that what they said or did might be considered wrong and often hid that or changed their behaviour to make them seem 'normal' when they could.
Three and four year olds didn't care as much about what they did and weren't embarrassed or worried about acting a certain way on front of me. It was one of the things I loved about younger kids; they weren't afraid to be themselves.
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with S," Selena said.
S? I looked around the room and could not find one single thing that began with the letter S.
"I have no idea," I said to Selena which made her smile slightly.
"Spider," she said, pointing to the corner of the room. I looked closely as there was a spider. She had very good eyesight.
I smiled "Very good." She smiled slightly at that.
"Who told you I needed help?" She asked slowly.
"Your mum."
"And what did she tell you?"
"That she was worried about you."
"Why?"
"Because you're quiet."
"Lots of people are quiet."
"But were you always quiet?"
She didn't answer. She looked like she was thinking.
"What do you know about me?" She asked.
"In what way?" I asked.
"Do you know why I'm quiet?"
"No." She relaxed slightly at that.
She was silent for another minute but I didn't say anything because again she looked like she was thinking about something.
"Do you know about my dad?" She asked quietly, looking down at her feet.
"Yes," I said softly. "And, in time, that is something I'd like for us to talk about." She nodded slowly.
"So I'm coming back here?" Selena asked.
"I'd like to see you again on Thursday if you're alright with that?" She nodded in answer.
"How long have I been here?" I was surprised she was asking so many questions but I understood she was probably a bit curious about the whole thing and what was going to happen.
"An hour," I told her and her eyes widened in shock.
I smiled slightly before I said "And that's all the time we have for today, but I would quite like to talk to your mum now if that's alright?"
Selena nodded.
Just then, there was a knock on the door and I said "Come in."
It was Emma to tell me time was up and to take Selena back out to the waiting room.
"Could you get Selena's mother, please?" I asked Emma. "Her name's Marissa Jenkins."
"Of course," Emma said before she left the room.
"Would you rather wait in here whilst I talk to your mum or in a different room?" I asked Selena.
"Different room," she answered immediately.
I always asked whether they'd like to stay in the room because some kids find it very awkward and embarrassing to be in the room when they're being spoken about whilst others prefer to hear what's being said.
I preferred talking to the parents without the child there as discussing the treatment in front of the child can have a negative effect.
"Ok. I'll have Emma take you to her room when your mum gets here." She nodded and didn't say anything else.
I didn't speak either. I watched how she was sat, her movements. She kept her eyes down, blinking at an above average pace or not at all. Her leg bounced slightly, her heel tapping against the floor. Then she flinched.
It was as if something was next to her and she had flinched away from it. Her teeth clenched tightly together as she did.
I didn't say anything, not wanting her to know I'd seen her flinch in case she started to try and limit it, if she did it again that is. But it was definitely something I'd keep an eye on.
Just then there was a knock at the door. I called out "Come in." Emma entered followed by who I assumed was Marissa, Selena's mum.
"Dr Luke Hemmings," I said standing up and holding out my hand for her to shake.
"Marissa Jenkins," she said, shaking my hand.
"How was she?" Marissa asked, smiling down at Selena who was yet to look up her mum. Interesting. I made a mental note to talk to her about her mum and their relationship on Thursday. It would probably be an easier topic for Selena than the accident that had killed her father and might make it easier by the time we came to that topic.
"Emma, could you please take Selena to your room whilst I talk to Marissa?" I asked and she nodded.
"Come on, Selena," Emma said to her, smiling kindly.
Selena stood up and walked to the door where Emma was stood.
"What? Why?" Marissa asked but Selena didn't answer.
"I'll see you Thursday, Selena," I said to her, smiling. She nodded at me before leaving with Emma.
She hadn't spoken at all since her mum came in which I found slightly odd. She hadn't looked at her either though she had barely looked at me during the session. In fact, I was pretty sure we hadn't made eye contact once. That would also be something we worked on.
"Why did she leave?" Marissa asked as soon as the door was shut.
"I asked her before you came in if she'd rather be in the room or not and she chose not to be," I explained.
"Please have a seat," I said and sat down, Marissa sitting in the chair Selena had just vacated.
"So, how was she?" Marissa asked immediately. "Did she speak?"
"She did. Not as much as I'd like but more than I was expecting."
"What did she tell you?"
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that. It is important in building a level of trust between me and my patient and everything we talk about is confidential information."
"But I'm her mother."
"That doesn't matter. She can tell you if she wants but I am not allowed to."
Marissa didn't seem too pleased with that.
"But I would like to talk to you about something we spoke about. Selena has allowed me to do so."
"Ok."
"Selena mentioned that she would really like to have a pet dog but that she asked you and you said no."
"Why was that mentioned? Selena asked me for a dog when she was 4 and I told her no because she was too young."
"And she hasn't asked you since?" I asked, slightly confused.
"No." I could tell Marissa wasn't lying. I didn't understand why Selena had said she'd always wanted a dog yet her mum wouldn't get her one if she asked when she was 4 and never brought it up again.
"Would you be open to perhaps getting a dog?" I asked "When talking about them, Selena was the most animated she was out of the entire session and was openly talking about it. I also think a dog would be beneficial to her. Lots of dogs have helped lots of kids with a range of issues and I think one would help Selena."
"Well if it's something you'd think would help her and something Selena really wants them yes I'll definitely look into getting a dog for her."
I smiled. I didn't think she would agree that easily and I hoped she did follow through on that and get a dog for Selena.
"Great. I think that the two weekly session we previously decided on will be enough for now though if I think we need more or should reduce it to one then I will let you know."
"Ok," she nodded. "Do you know what's wrong with her?"
"I don't like to say that there's something wrong with anybody. I do have some ideas as to why she's quiet and closed off and I think within the next few weeks we will make some very good progress."
"Ok, great. We'll see you on Thursday then?"
"Yes, same time."
"Ok, thank you."
We both stood up and shook hands again. "Where can I find Selena?" She asked as she reached the door.
I pressed a button on the phone on my desk and said "Emma could you please bring Selena back to my room so she can go home with her mum?"
"On our way," she replied.
"They're just coming," I said to Marissa though she'd obviously heard Emma say they were on their way.
There was a knock at the door a few seconds later and they left.
I sat and typed up the mental notes I'd taken from Selena's session. That way I'd be able to look at them next time without having anything in front of Selena that was obviously saying I was analysing what she said.
I was looking forward to seeing Selena again on Thursday. I'd helped many kids who were quiet or closed into themselves but there was something different about Selena, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. But I would get her to talk to me and I would find the reason behind her behaviour.
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Word count: 3871 (3919 including notes)
Published: 6th December 2020
Hope you enjoyed ❤️❤️