12 A Night to Remember
Outside the bar, I look at the sky, not believing the fantastic thing that just happened. "You left your coat," a voice says. I turn around. It's Jon.
"Jon! You didn't have to follow me! Thank you."
"My shift was over, so..." I get the coat from him and wear it. "You're a fan of Jordan, huh? Are you crying?"
I wipe my tears and shake my head. "No?" My voice squeaks, and he laughs. "Oh, my God!" I say as more tears stream down my face. "It took too much energy not to cry in front of him. I love that man!" My ugly sob gets worse, and Jon gives me a tissue.
"It's okay. You can cry now."
"He held my hand. He sang next to me. Ugh. I wanna cry and throw up."
"Don't throw up now, please."
"Does he come there too often?"
"Not regularly. Just sometimes. It's a very secret and very well-protected bar."
"I thought so! It doesn't look that fancy from the outside. I guess it's for fooling others. You must love working there." I look around the street and notice my car's not there. "Where's my car? Oh, my God. They've towed my car! Ugh. I knew a night couldn't end this good."
"Don't worry. I'll get you home."
"Oh, no. You don't have to do that."
"You wanted to check on me. I'll feel bad if I didn't help."
"But you're already occupied."
"It's nothing." He grabs my hand and stops me from passing the street when a car drives by.
"I saw that," I say, pulling my hand away. We get in the car, and he starts driving.
"I know you're too excited about Jordan, but you should duck when a car is about to hit you," he says.
"I'm just... I got things on my mind."
"Fantasizing?" He says, and I push my thoughts away.
"Obviously! But also other things."
"You can share."
"I don't want to bother you with my problems."
"Do I make you feel like that?"
"No."
"So tell me."
I sigh. "Remember the night of my party?"
"... Sort of..."
"You asked me what I wanted the most. I told you a baby."
"That I remember."
"I thought I was just drunk. But now I realize being lonely scares me. I guess it happens in the third decade of your life." He says nothing and keeps driving. "Anyway, my thoughts are just chaos."
"Did something happen?" he asks, and I look at him.
"No. Why?"
"You're thinking about babies now."
"Well... I could be pregnant right now."
He hits the brakes and stares at me with widened eyes. "What?!"
I almost hit my head on the front glass, but I hold the door. My eyes widen with shock. "Thanks to you, I don't think I'm pregnant anymore!" I say as I look back at Jon. "What the hell? We could've crashed!"
Jon looks back when he hears honks. He seems confused and distracted. I stare at him. Jon resumes driving. "When did that happen?!" he asks with an accusing tone as he looks at me every five seconds.
"At my party. I'm not sure, though."
"Wow, you're so fast. How could you let this happen?"
"I was drunk, and I... It's just scary. I have no one else in my life that I can call family. A baby could be my family." I put a hand on my belly and stare at it. "I felt lonely."
"Lonely." For a second, it feels like he sinks into dark thoughts. "Ain't we all at the end?"
"Well... That's what made me want to sleep with someone."
"Did it work?"
"No. I was so drunk I only remember having someone close to me. Everything else is blurry."
"It's all for nothing. You get into a relationship, and you still lonely. She got other dudes beside you, and she still lonely. You gotta learn how to live alone and forget about other people. The energy and the effort are just wasted."
"Don't do this."
"Do what?"
"You're saying things that hurt people say. They start to change and keep hurting others, so their own feelings don't get hurt."
"What if I change?" He looks at me for a second and then returns his look to the front. "What if I should have been like this all the time so no one could walk all over me?"
"Jon..."
"Forget about it." We stay silent for a long time, and I zone out as I watch the streets from the window. "Who did you ask?" He breaks the silence after half an hour.
"What?" I say, turning my face away from the window to see his face.
"Who did you ask to sleep with you? At your party."
"I didn't ask anyone to impregnate me. I just hooked up with a stranger. God had heard my drunken prayer too soon and made it true."
"So you're already cool with this pregnancy thing?"
"I haven't even taken a test yet. But I guess I was determined that night."
"I'd give you a baby if you asked me."
"You had a girlfriend, dude."
His grin slowly fades away. "Mia, I—"
"I don't need an explanation."
"I want to explain. I accused Liz of dating my friend. Then I wanted to apologize. So I went to talk to her with flowers in my hand, but I saw my friend leave her house. I—lost it. And I kept trying to look normal, to keep myself together, which was hard. But then I saw you. You were just there, looking carefree. It looked like you had all your life together. You already had everything you wanted."
"That's why you asked what I wanted to do next."
"Yes..."
"You didn't even know how I was feeling that night. My boss hadn't shown up. My colleagues resented me."
"I know... I just—I felt entitled after Liz cheated on me. Like I could have the most beautiful woman in the room."
"Was it me, or you just settled for me?"
He smiles. "You know the answer."
"Do I?"
"With that dress and that smile of yours?" We arrive at my house, and he pulls over to the parking lot.
"You don't even remember my dress," I say.
He looks at me now that the car is parked. "You had a red cocktail dress that matched your lipstick."
"An easy guess. My bad."
"You had your hair loose on your back. There was a cup in your hand, and it was always empty. You were drinking too fast to forget how badly you didn't want to be there."
"Why would I not want to be at my party?"
"Because even if you threw it, it wasn't your party. Nothing was as you wanted it. It was all just to fit in with your coworkers and your new lifestyle."
"Wow. You still thought I looked perfect and had everything figured out."
"It was before we had our talk. You looked gorgeous, though."
"And now you try to make me feel good."
"You really did. I was too depressed, or else I would show you how the night should have ended."
"I don't think you would entertain me much."
"I wouldn't be done with you till morning."
"Big words for someone who couldn't even kiss me."
He looks at me with an unknown purpose in his eyes. "I could kiss you," he says, "I would kiss you." I can't break the eye contact, and I feel somehow hot by his reassurance. "Actually, I want to kiss you right now," he says. He gently grabs my face and crashes his lips on mine.
His body's close to me now, but something is stopping him; the seat belt. He unbuckles it and moves closer, accessing more of my body. I gasp for air when he breaks the kiss.
"How was it?" He asks, a few inches away from my face. "Like you had in your mind?"
I gulp hard and try not to look so excited and shocked. Licking my bottom lip, "It could get better," I tease Jon, and he smiles.
Before we can get any control of the sexual tension between us, I'm on top of him, and he lowers his seat. The smoky windows take my worries away, and I move on him without fear of being seen. This man is the one I craved at my party, but I couldn't have. He smells even better now; alcohol and mint with fancy perfumes and colognes of the customers at the bar.
Unlike my expectation, his movements are fast as he desperately rocks into me, giving me the satisfaction I've longed for while searching for his own. But he won't find it in this car tonight. Maybe that's what makes his moves more forced. Maybe trying to get lost in a meaningless night with me will put together the shattered pieces of his ego. He might even want to forget his ex and feel like he was enough. Yet it's not how he will feel enough.
He rolls me over, and now I'm pressed against his seat while my back is to him. There's no space for him to touch me delicately, to squeeze my breasts and press my thighs. Or that's what I want to believe because I don't want to think he is this affectionless while making love. I want to believe he's just not accessing more of my body.
He comes to my house, and we make each other happy again at the dining table. And this time feels more desperate. He hasn't found the satisfaction and hopes the second time will help.
After we finally explode, he picks up his clothes and wears them. Then he leaves with a 'This Was Fun' and a simple goodnight. Basically, the dumbest thing someone can say after sex. I'm now resting on my bed, thinking about how hard tomorrow will be. When my eyes finally get heavy, my phone shows 4 am.
***
Two weeks have passed, and the new department is getting started. The number of amateur YouTubers attending our company is increasing by the day.
"Food channel," James says as he points at a guy standing in Smith's office. "He cooks anything, and we film it. Travel around the world," he points at a girl who's standing. "She will go around the world and film every historical or fun thing they have. Former Viner, who will continue being funny on YouTube," he points at another guy. "Dare channel," he points at two guys, "these guys are crazy. They'll do anything people want them to do. I love them."
Smith is sitting in his chair without saying a word. He is hesitant, but he finally agrees. "That's great," he says with a serious face. "You can go now."
James follows the YouTubers to see them out. I stand still and stare at Smith. "Is there something you want to add?" He asks.
I sit on a chair. "Smith..."
"What?"
"I thought the YouTubers' idea was yours."
"It is."
"Is that why Mr. Williams is killing himself to convince you?" I ask, and he sighs. "I can see how uneasy you are."
"I'm not."
"If you don't want to do anything—"
"I do. Now, can you leave my office?"
"Alright," I say, and before I leave his office, "Remember when you warned me about Sara?" I say.
"Yes?"
"I'm warning you about Mr. Williams."
"What?"
"Don't trust someone too much. Trust your instincts. You are already suspicious. You have your doubts. It's probably a good gut feeling."
I want to leave his office, but he calls me. "Mia."
I turn around and look at him. "Yes?"
He gets on his feet and approaches me. "What do you know?"
"What?"
"What do you know?" He's now too close, and panic rises in my body.
"What are you talking about?"
"You would tell me if there was something wrong, right?" He asks, and I nod nervously.
"Can I... can I go?"
"No. Tell me, what do you know?"
"I just told you."
"I'm not an idiot."
"I never said you are."
"You warn me about James and tell me to be careful, and then you try to walk away. I wouldn't let you leave without elaborating."
"I'm just saying you could rethink your choices."
"So?"
"So what?"
"Mia..." He has me caged, and I can't pretend anymore.
I gulp hard as I look into his demanding eyes. My mouth opens, and I want to confess everything. That James saw me naked at Smith's party, that we slept together at my promotion party, and that Williams has access to Smith's private flash drive.
Suddenly, Williams enters and looks at us as Smith has me caged into a corner. Smith steps away from me. I excuse myself to flee the room to save myself.