luke my boyfriend: im sorry
luke my boyfriend: im so fuuckijg sorry
luke my boyfriend: itssoo cold oitside
luke my boyfriend: y havnt yu talked to me for 3days i miss youu so mucch
luke my boyfriend: ashy baby imcrying i need you
luke my boyfriend: i csnt breathe i need u hrre
luke my boyfriend: wht did i do
luke my boyfriend: im so durnk right bow and j miss yu
luke my boyfriend: babbbyy plesse plese answer me why do you hate me somuuch
Luke was full on sobbing by the time Ashley finally came around and called him, and when he picked up the phone he could barely speak.
"Please come over." He begged. That was all he could say, he couldn't think of any other way to explain what he was going through and why he needed Ashley so badly. Luke just needed her to be there.
"Luke, it's - "
"Please, Ashley, please." Luke begged again, "I don't-don't care that it's late I just really n-need you here."
"Are you at home?" Ashley asked, sighing into the phone.
"I'm sitting out on the front porch, just please come over here as fast as you can." Luke pleaded with her, hoping that Ashley would just forgive him for a few minutes and help him.
It'd been three days since they last saw each other. Luke hadn't gone to school on Friday because he told his mom that he was sick, but really he was throwing up all day because he'd gotten so drunk the night before.
During their time apart Luke realized just how stupid he was. He missed her so much but every time he called or texted she ignored him. Luke felt awful, it was so wrong of him to treat Ashley like she was only there for sex and he couldn't believe that he'd done something like that.
"Luke, why are you outside? It's freezing." Ashley asked, sighing again. He could hear some shuffling around on the other side of the phone and he hoped that meant that Ashley was getting ready to leave her house and come see Luke.
"Mom's inside and I-I don't want her to hear me." Luke said, crying even harder now. He picked up his bottle of whatever kind of alcohol Michael had brought over for him ("I feel like you need this more than I ever will") and took another big sip.
"Stop drinking, I'll be there in a few minutes." Ashley said quickly, and Luke could hear from the other side of the phone that she was outside now. "Stay on the phone with me."
"You're not supposed to be on the phone while driving." Luke whined, sobbing even harder now. He didn't even know why he was thinking about something like this now, but the thought of something bad happening to Ashley while she was on the phone with him just made Luke feel so much worse.
"I have it on speaker, I'll be careful." Ashley assured him.
"Can you please hurry?" Luke cried. All he wanted was to hug Ashley and tell her how sorry he was for thinking that it was okay to practically use her for sex.
He felt like he'd been brainwashed by Michael into thinking that girlfriends were there only to have sex whenever you wanted, and for some reason Luke had forgotten everything he'd ever said about how consent was important and it was good to wait until both partners were ready to have sex. He'd just gotten so caught up in the idea of finally losing his virginity that he forgot that there was another person, with feelings of her own, involved in the process.
"Yeah, I'll be there as fast as I can. Stop drinking." Ashley said right as Luke was taking another sip from the bottle. He set it down next to him, deciding that he'd had enough for tonight. The bottle was almost empty anyway.
"I'm s-so sorry." Luke sobbed, his words still slurred. He didn't think he was ever going to forgive himself for doing what he did. "I drank - I drank so much, I'm so sorry."
"I know, it's okay, I'll be there in a minute." Ashley said, and by this time Luke was crying too much to say anything else, so he sat on the phone in silence while Ashley drove over to his house.
Ashley finally arrived at Luke's house and he hung up the phone, his stomach tying in knots as he watched Ashley's car pull into his driveway. He tried to stand up and walk towards her, but Luke just ended up stumbling over and falling onto his ass again.
"Ashley - "
"What the hell were you thinking? It's freezing cold and snowing nonstop, why are you sitting outside like this?" Ashley yelled, cutting him off.
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!" Luke said quickly, shaking his head. "I just-I just w-wanted to come out here and be alone for a w-while!"
"Are you crazy? Why are you doing this? Why did you drink so much?" Ashley asked, kneeling down in front of Luke. She cupped the sides of his face in her hands, trying to get him to look at her.
Luke knew that Ashley hated when he got drunk, she'd been telling him that since before they were even very close friends. Ashley didn't like when Luke drank, it scared her, but Luke always insisted that he was fine.
"You t-told me to go - to go get drunk." Luke sobbed, "That's the only thing I'm good at, anyway, it's the only thing I can't f-fuck up."
"Luke, don't say that." Ashley said, running her fingers through Luke's hair and trying to get it off of his forehead. It was damp from him being outside in the snow for so long. "You're good at a lot of things, don't say that you fuck everything up."
"But I do." Luke whined. "I was an asshole to you the other night, I treated you like s-such s-shit and I'm so sorry."
"Luke - " Ashley began, but he just cut her off.
"Ashley, baby, I'm so sorry." Luke cried harder. "I didn't m-mean to treat you like that, I was just listening to w-what Michael told me to do. I thought that it was right - I didn't realize - I'm so sorry. You probably hate me."
"Luke, it's okay." Ashley said, smiling just a little. "I don't hate you, I could never hate you."
"I'm so s-sorry, I didn't mean to be such a dick." Luke said, his bottom lip trembling.
"It's okay, Luke, I forgive you." Ashley whispered, leaning in more and wrapping her arms around Luke, letting him bury his face in the crook of her neck. "I don't hate you, I just needed a little time to myself for a while."
"I-I can't believe I acted like that." Luke cried, his words muffled. He couldn't stop crying, every time he thought about what had happened a few days before he made himself even more upset. "I would n-never force you to do something that you don't want to do, Ashley, I-I would never - I would never do anything to you without you wanting it too."
"Luke, calm down." Ashley said softly once Luke was done crying, making him look up at her. "Let's go inside and then we can talk, okay?"
"I shouldn't have acted so desperate, I s-should have just accepted the fact that you didn't want to have sex, I didn't m-mean to act like such an asshole." Luke said, standing up. He let Ashley take his hand and lead him inside through the front door, which was still unlocked from when Luke came outside earlier.
"It's okay, Luke, let's just get inside." Ashley sighed. "It's so cold, have you really been sitting out here all night?"
"I couldn't sleep, I thought that coming out here would make me feel a little better." Luke mumbled, looking down at his feet as Ashley helped him walk through his house.
"Did it?" Ashley asked quietly, trying not to wake Luke's mom.
"No, I feel so awful." Luke shook his head. They walked into his room and Ashley shut the door behind them, holding up a finger to her mouth and telling Luke again to be quiet.
Ashley went over to Luke's dresser and pulled out some fresh clothes for him to change into for bed, tossing them over to him. Luke silently got dressed, putting on the sweatpants and t-shirt that Ashley had picked out.
Suddenly Luke was beginning to regret all of the drinking he'd done earlier, and he felt absolutely sick to his stomach. Luke pushed past Ashley and ran out of the room, finding his way to the bathroom.
He threw up until he felt like there was nothing more to throw up, but Luke still didn't feel much better. He brushed his teeth and drank some water to rinse out his mouth before heading back to his own room. Ashley was waiting for him, sitting at the edge of the bed.
"I feel so sick, I'm so stupid." Luke whined, taking a seat on the edge of his bed next to Ashley. He was still drunk and everything was still blurry to him, Luke was lucky that Ashley was there. He leaned over and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm really sorry, again."
"It's okay." Ashley said, but Luke was scared that she didn't actually mean it.
"Please don't hate me." Luke whispered. He was so scared that Ashley was going to leave him after this. Luke knew how she felt about sex and having it be at the right moment and everything, and he felt that he'd ruined this all by calling her that night and acting so desperate about having sex.
"I told you, I could never hate you." Ashley whispered back.
"I was drunk when I called you the other night, I wouldn't have acted like that if I wasn't drunk." Luke said quietly, wishing that he could go back and do this whole thing over. "I'm still drunk now."
He'd gotten so caught up in the idea of having sex that he didn't think about Ashley as well, and Luke almost ruined it all. He was so lucky that Ashley was even willing to forgive him.
"I don't like when you drink." Ashley whispered and reached over to grab Luke's hand, lacing their fingers together.
"It makes me feel better." Luke mumbled, rubbing his thumb over the top of Ashley's hand.
"It's not healthy." Ashley sighed, "It really worries me when you do stuff like this, I don't want you to hurt yourself one day."
"I'm not going to." Luke assured her.
He wasn't going to hurt himself, Luke had gotten drunk more times than he could even count and nothing bad ever happened from it. He'd pass out sometimes, yeah, but one of his friends always came back to help him and as long as they were around Luke would be okay. When Luke was alone he never drank enough to put himself in any danger.
"I'm sorry for being a bitch the other day." Ashley said after a long moment of silence, both of them trying to find the right words to say.
"No, no, don't apologize. It was my fault, I acted like an asshole." Luke muttered, looking down at his lap and refusing to make eye contact with Ashley. "I wanted sex from you because you're my girlfriend now, but I know that it doesn't work that way. You don't owe me sex, you don't owe me anything."
"I know, but I'm sorry for yelling at you and making you think that I hated you." Ashley said, letting out a sigh.
"That was my fault." Luke insisted. He moved away from Ashley and pulled the blankets on his bed down, getting underneath them.
"Yeah, I guess it was. I'm just sorry that we had to get in another fight, I really hate fighting with you." Ashley shrugged. She stood up from Luke's bed, and for a second he thought that she was going to leave.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" Luke asked in a whisper, holding his arms out for Ashley.
"Yeah." Ashley nodded, taking a few steps closer.
"You can get some clothes out of my dresser to wear if you want." Luke mumbled softly, wrapping the blankets around himself and waiting for Ashley to come to bed.
Ashley took a shirt from Luke's drawer, taking off her jeans as well and not bothering to find some sweatpants to wear. She crawled under the covers with Luke and he wrapped his arms around Ashley's waist, making her rest her head on his chest.
"I'm sorry." Luke whispered, his fingers playing with the ends of her hair. "I'll wait until you're ready to have sex, I won't ask about it all the time anymore."
"Thanks." Ashley said, leaning up quickly and giving Luke and kiss on the lips for the first time in what felt like a very long time.
*•*•*
"Luke? Luke, baby, wake up." Ashley's voice whispered. Luke could feel someone shaking him by the shoulders and wondered what was happening.
Luke jolted awake and sat up, wondering why Ashley was shaking him like that. He thought that something was wrong and he quickly looked around the room in a panic, not even remembering where he was for a moment.
"Are you okay?" Ashley whispered. She moved closer to Luke and brushed some hair off of his forehead, which was all matted and sweaty. "You were crying."
"I was-I was-" Luke stammered, trying to catch his breath. He hadn't realized how hard he was breathing of how fast his heart was beating until now.
"You're okay now, Luke, don't worry." Ashley whispered, trying to wipe away the tears from under Luke's eyes.
"Was I-Was I crying really bad?" Luke asked. He was pretty used to this, waking up in tears from a bad dream. But he was used to waking up from these dreams alone, not with Ashley right there with him.
"Yes, and you were tossing and turning and you almost knocked me off the bed." Ashley explained. "I'm not mad about it or anything, I was just really worried."
"I'm sorry." Luke groaned, tugging at the ends of his hair in frustration. His excessive nightmares were something that Luke really hated about himself, and he hated them even more now that Ashley had witnessed him having one.
"Don't apologize, Luke." Ashley whispered. "It's okay, I completely understand."
"I was having a - Ow!" Luke whined, clutching the side of his head. He had such a bad headache, it hurt to even sit up. "I was h-having a nightmare."
"I know, and I know that you're not really supposed to wake people up when they're having nightmares, you're supposed to let them just deal with it themselves, but I just got scared, I'm sorry." Ashley sighed, sitting up on her knees and facing Luke. "You looked really upset, I didn't know what else to do."
"No, it's okay." Luke said, shaking his head. "I'm glad that you woke me up, I didn't want to go through another second of that."
"Do you remember what it was about?" Ashley asked softly.
"N-No." Luke lied. He always lied and said that he didn't remember most of his nightmares, when it reality he remember almost all of them. At least now he did, since he'd been taken off of his sleeping medication.
"Oh." Ashley nodded. "I just - I thought that maybe you would feel a little better if we talked about it."
"T-Talking about it makes me feel even worse." Luke said, letting out a big sigh. He was so embarrassed, this was one thing that he really didn't want Ashley to have to see.
"Okay, that's fine, we don't need to talk about it." Ashley said, not even putting up a fight like she normally did. She ran her fingers through Luke's hair, brushing some more off of his forehead.
"Okay." Luke nodded slowly.
"I'm sorry, Luke, I'm sorry for waking you up." Ashley whispered. "You just looked so upset, I hate seeing you upset."
"My head hurts so bad." Luke winced again, looking down at the space on the bed between him and Ashley. The room was still dark but the window was open and letting in the tiniest bit of light that hurt Luke's head even more when he looked directly at it.
"I'll go get you something." Ashley said quickly, already making a move to get off of the bed and go get Luke some painkillers.
"No." Luke shook his head again, reaching out and grabbing Ashley's hand. "Don't leave me."
"I'm not leaving you, Luke, I'm just going to get you some water and medicine so you'll feel better." Ashley sighed, trying to pull away from Luke. She was probably annoyed, and Luke felt bad for being so clingy but he was scared, he didn't want her to leave him all alone at a time like this.
He already had dreams about her leaving him, Luke didn't need it to happen in real life as well.
"Please don't leave me." Luke begged. He crawled off the bed as well and walked over to Ashley, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. "Don't leave me."
Ashley hugged Luke too and rubbed his back while he quietly cried into her shoulder, still a little overwhelmed from the dream he'd had a few minutes before. He was tired and frustrated and now a little hungover, and Luke wished that he could just go back and sleep this off, but he knew that his nightmares wouldn't let him.
"I'm going to go get you some medicine for your head now, okay?" Ashley asked after a few minutes, pulling away from Luke. "Do you want to come with me?"
"Yes." Luke sniffed and nodded along with what she'd said, wiping his tears away.
"Okay." Ashley nodded as well and grabbed Luke's hand, leading him out of his bedroom and down the hall into the bathroom.
They found Luke some painkillers and then went to the kitchen and got a glass of water, and that's where they stayed for the next few minutes. Luke drank his water (plus a few more glasses) and Ashley sat on the counter and waited silently for him to be done.
As they were just about to leave the kitchen Luke turned and hugged Ashley again, holding her as close to him as he could because he was so scared of her leaving. He buried his face into the crook of her neck and took in every part of her that he could, from the way that she felt in his arms to the way her heart was beating against his chest to the way she smelled.
"Luke, let's get back to bed." Ashley said once Luke had stepped away from her.
Luke nodded and they walked back into his room, trying to be as quiet as they could again so they didn't want up Luke's mom. They got back into bed and curled up under the covers with each other, but Luke still felt uneasy.
"Ashley." Luke whispered, hoping that she was still awake. They'd probably only been laying there for a few minutes but he knew that Ashley was tired and would probably fall asleep fast.
"Yeah?" Ashley asked tiredly, rolling over to face Luke. She wrapped her arms around his waist, letting him wrap an arm around her as well.
"You're one of the best things that's ever happened to me." He whispered, more tears silently rolling down his cheeks. "Please don't leave me."
"I would never leave you." Ashley whispered back.
"P-Promise?" Luke asked, holding up his pinky finger. He was crying so hard now that his vision was blurry and Luke didn't even know why he was this emotional, so he didn't mention anything in hopes that he would stop crying soon.
"I promise." Ashley nodded and held up her pinky as well, linking them together for a moment. "Luke?"
"Yes?" Luke questioned, taking his hand away from Ashley's and wiping his eyes again.
Ashley was silent for a long time before finally speaking again. "Nothing, nevermind."
"Are you mad at me for the other night?" Luke sniffed. "Please don't be mad."
Even though their little fight seemed, well, little, Luke was still scared that Ashley was going to hold it against him. He was scared that she was going to think that all he ever wanted from her was sex, when really that wasn't the case at all.
"I'm not mad at you anymore." Ashley said quietly.
"But you were mad at me?" Luke asked.
"Yes, because you were acting ridiculous just because I wasn't giving you what you wanted right that second." Ashley huffed. Luke regretted bringing this up, because now he was afraid that Ashley was just going to get upset again.
"I'm really sorry, if I could take it all back I promise I would." Luke whispered, trying to stop this from turning into an argument before it actually did.
"I know, Luke, I know you're sorry." Ashley nodded. "I accepted your apology because you were obviously sorry if you felt bad enough to sit out in the cold for hours."
"I thought that maybe I could just freeze to death and everything would feel a bit better." Luke mumbled. He trying to make a joke for the first time all night, but he could tell that it wasn't working.
"Don't say that." Ashley whispered, hugging Luke tighter.
"You don't have to be this nice to me." Luke said softly, blinking back more tears. "I don't deserve for you to be this nice to me."
"Don't say that, either." Ashley said, her eyes closed and her head against Luke's chest. She was tired and he knew that he should leave her alone, but Luke was wide awake and couldn't stop talking. "You do deserve it, I've told you a million times that you deserve it."
"I'm going to fuck up one day." Luke whispered, unable to hold all of his thoughts in.
"What?" Ashley asked, sounding confused.
"I'm going to fuck up one day." Luke repeated. "I just wanted to apologize in advance."
-
while I was writing this I was like "oh wow I have something really important to put in the authors note" and then I forgot what I had to say so
I hope you liked this anyway it was a filler because it's all building up to something really good im excited