WARNING: Suicide attempt
It was June.
Almost July. I had been writing Simon a lot lately. Grandpa would go to Diagon Alley for me to owl the letter and Simon would sent a letter there for grandpa to pick up.
Simon failed his exams, meaning he was going to do his seventh year all over from September when the new semester started. Uncle Fred had told everyone about the whole Horcrux things and everything was a mess right now.
No one wanted to accept it, though they knew they had to. Dad spent most days just looking out the window in the same spot that Ronnie had been taking that day when Adrian showed up. Mum tried to distract herself by planning and preparing for me and Sammy's birthday which was in a two-weeks time. She said that even during times like these, we should celebrate the things worth celebrating.
Grandma was also distracting herself from knowing her son had to die again after she lived eighteen years thinking he was dead. She was baking a lot and knitting a lot too. That was her distraction. Grandpa spent most days outside with the car and my siblings were arguing a lot while Uncle Bill and Uncle Charlie refused to talk about it. If anyone mentioned it, they'd either leave or get angry and tell someone to shut up.
Everyone were acting like they were already grieving Uncle Fred's death but he was still here, trying to lighten the mood and make jokes about it. I didn't find it funny. I was so tired and honestly I didn't want to celebrate my sixteenth birthday but it gave mum something to do so I didn't say anything to stop her.
I stopped writing music. I didn't find it pleasurable anymore. After everything, it was another thing that made me really impatient. If I didn't know to finish a song, I'd get way too impatient and get really angry. Sammy had to hug me to calm me down multiple times where I'd just cry in his arms and he'd let me while we sunk onto the floor. I hated this new reality. The reality of losing people. I thought I lost dad and now I was going to lose the Uncle I just got the chance to meet. I thought I would have him in my life until he grew old and died of natural causes.
Emery and I hadn't been writing at all. She hadn't written me and I hadn't written her. I feel like after everything that happened with Luke we just kinda grew apart and stopped communicating. Even at school before mum and dad came to get me, we didn't talk much, though we were roommates. All I know is that Sammy still really likes her and want to see her again but when we've figured all of this out, the family is moving away for a while to heal.
Mum and dad are trying to figure out a destination and they're trying to convince Uncle Fred to come with but he's determined to sacrifice himself so the rest of us can live our lives. I couldn't think about it without crying.
I was scared.
My family was broken once because of his death and now he'd die again and we'd know this was forever. Mum felt guilty. It was her dad and I heard her tell dad that if she had just surrendered back then, this would never have happened, but then again... if she had surrendered, my siblings and I would never have been born.
Maybe that would've been for the best.
I didn't want to do this anymore. Life was getting too hard and every time I thought things would get better, something came and kicked my family to the ground.
My family was also happy once. More than once. Before I was born and when I was little. After mum received the help she needed. We used to have baking contests where the flat would be full of laughter as mum and dad got very competitive with one another.
I'm sorry.
I knew it would break them even more. I knew it would but I just couldn't do it anymore. I was tired, exhausted and I didn't feel like it would ever get better. I wanted it to be over with. I wanted it all to end.
My steps were heavy and my breathing was loud as I hurried down the stairs to the first floor and continued down the hallway. I regretted it. I regretted it so much. As soon as I saw how much it bled, I regretted it. I had done it while Roxanne was sleeping. I wanted to end it. I still do but as soon as the blade cut my arms open, I regretted it. I couldn't possibly leave my family.
I pushed the door open, standing in the doorway. Uncle Charlie sat on the edge of his bed, getting ready for sleep. He put his watch on the nightstand and then lifted his head, eyes landing on me. Once he realised what I had done, he gasped and a hand flew over his mouth.
"I'm sorry." I cried. "I take it back. I don't want to do it anymore."
He was by my side in a split of a second, placing his hands under my arms to not touch the deep cuts that went up my arms. He apparated the both of us to the bathroom where he immediately grabbed towels to press to my wounds to stop the bleeding.
"Genevieve." he sighed, looking at my face as he guided me to sit on the toilet seat. "What did you do..."
"I'm sorry." I sobbed, then looked up when I noticed someone in the doorway. Uncle Bill. He was sharing a room with Uncle Charlie so he must've seen the blood trails when he went up to go to bed.
"What the–" Uncle Bill's eyes landed on me and suddenly he ran back towards the room, shortly after coming back with his wand. "Charlie, move."
"Be careful." Uncle Charlie told him as he stood up. "They're pretty deep."
"Which is why I got my wand." Uncle Bill said as he crouched in front of me. He slowly removed one towel from my arm and then dragged his wand over the long and deep cut while muttering under his breath. "Vulnera Sanentur."
The blood flow started slowing down and watching it happen was odd.
"Vulnera Sanentur." Uncle Bill repeated and the wound cleaned itself up before he muttered the spell one last time. My skin now started sitting it's way back to normal until there wasn't even a scar to be seen.
When he had done the same to my other arm, he stood up and both of my uncles looked at me with disappointment in their eyes. Uncle Bill though looked more confused as Uncle Charlie also showed a little empathy.
"I told you to come to me before doing this." he said. "Not when you've done it and are losing blood."
"I'm sorry." I said for the third time but I was no longer crying. "The last year has been hell and I just felt extremely numb and like things weren't gonna get better."
Uncle Charlie picked up the bloody towels that just happened to be white. "I'll put these in the wash."
"Vivi." Uncle Bill tried to catch my attention once Uncle Charlie left the bathroom. "Look at me."
I tilted my head back and looked up at my father's oldest brother while I wiped my cheeks from the stained tears.
"Things will get better, you hear me? They are shit right now and they are going to get worse but in situations like this, you lean on your family instead of doing something like this." he said. "And you know you can always talk to us. Every single one of us. You have so many people who love you and we all want to help you. With that being said, we are talking to your parents about this right now. They're sleeping but we're waking them up because they need to know that they're daughter just tried to end her own life."
-
I know you're all probably really worried about the ending of the story.
Finding the perfect ending has been a rollercoaster. I've thought about good endings, bad endings and I've come to the decision that seeing as the second one in the series had a bad ending, this one will have a good one.