GRAY F. ∕︎ GOODBYE
ANGST - SUICIDAL THEMES!
♥ ♥ ♥
[ First Person POV ]
Does life really have a purpose? It doesn't. We live and continue living only to die in the end. So what is the point? All my life, I've been bullied and tormented. And I have no idea why. From my parents never paying me any mind, to the bullying at school. In fact all of my serious bullying started around after I started going to Fairy Tail Academy.
I sat alone in the back, it was the first day of middle school. I rested my head in my arms and closed my eyes. Everyone already had friends, everyone was already set. Where was I? No where.
"Hi I'm Minerva, let's be friends." A girl smirked, walking up to my desk and slamming her hands on my desk.
"U-Um..." I say quietly, slowly sitting up and nodding. "Sure, t-thanks."
"You have a stutter? Cute." She said with an emotionless expression, poking my cheek roughly as I scoot away from her.
"Meet us behind the school, after your classes, then you'll be accepted into our group." She says, walking away leaving me confused.
"Okay..." I quietly mumble, knowing she can't hear me but just in case.
After my classes were over, I walked out of the school and to the play ground, then I turned the corner which would lead to "the back of the school"
All I heard was kicking, punching, whimpers, cries and small screams.
"W-What's happening..." I said, my eyes widened as I watched Minerva kicking another defenseless girl and her other friends helping her.
"Finish her off, and you're in." Minerva smirked, pointing to the girl trembling and bleeding laying on the ground.
I quickly leaned down next to her, "Hey can you stand? Let's go to the nurse she should still be in!" I said in a panic.
"What the hell is she doing?!" One of her friends asked her in a demanding tone.
"I think you picked the wrong recruit, Minerva~" Another one of her friends teases.
"Shut the hell up!" Minerva shouted as she gripped my (h/l) hair and pulled back, making me scream in pain as she dragged me.
"O-Ow stop! Please!" I shout as a hard wooden board comes in contact with my head, knocking me out cold.
"Wake up... are you alright? Hello?.." A girl asked as I slowly opened my eyes, coughing up a little bit of blood. "I almost thought you were a goner..."
"A goner?" I ask quietly.
"Yeah... they really did a number on you." She said, looking down at her knees as she started crying. "I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything- I'm so weak!"
"N-No you're not, please don't beat yourself up." I smile softly as I slowly attempt to sit up and flinch, instantly laying back down. "Ow..."
"I'm Mirajane by the way," She sniffles.
"(Y/N)." I smile back weakly.
We survived 6th grade together, staying out of peoples way and relying on each other. But then... Mirajane and her mother got into a terrible car accident. Mirajane and her mother died that day.
After that, it was like my whole life just fell apart. I know how it seems, but life can really fall apart so fast in front of you. When I lost Mira, I became more depressed, more silent, easy prey since I had no one. Then... the rumors started.
"Did you hear about (Y/N)?!"
"She killed her best friend!"
"Psycho bitch."
"I hope she dies.
"Serves her right for what she did to poor Mirajane."
SECOND PERSON POV
Then, you starting taking pills, cutting, anything you could do to feel that pain. To stop feeling numb even for just a few minutes.
Soon, high school started. And tomorrow night, you were going to end it all. You had plans, you had a strategy.
Never the less, even after all of the rumors, there were always a small group of friends who sat with you at lunch, invited you to where they went after classes, and a lot more.
Natsu, Gray, Lucy, Erza, Gajeel and Juvia. They were all friends of Mirajane's and they knew you would never hurt her even emotionally- let alone kill her.
As soon as the bell rang, you grabbed your things and headed to your locker.
"Yo, (Y/n)." Gray smiled slightly, walking towards me with a small paper brown bag in his hand. "I bought some cookies this morning, want some?"
"Careful Gray, she might kill you too." Ultear snickered as she walked past us with her friends walking by her.
"Tch, ignore them they have no idea what the hell they're talking about." Gray says, patting my head softly.
You nodded, out of all of your other friends, Gray was the most handsome, caring and generous one. Even though around Natsu he can be a handful, it doesn't matter to you, you got to see the real Gray.
In fact, he was the only person you didn't feel numb around. He was one of the people you would regret leaving. 'But it's alright, he'll move on and find someone better.' You thought.
"Yeah, thank you... um Gray I-"
"Gray-Sama!~" Juvia shouted, hugging him from the side with her eyes closed and a big soft smile as she hugged him tighter.
But Juvia always made it hard to get alone time with Gray, but you still cared and loved her a lot.
Even though you had friends, when push came to shove they would leave you eventually. So did it matter if you were the first one to leave?
"Ah- Juvia I was talking to (Y/N)..." Gray mumbled as he nudged her a little off of him.
"I'm gonna go..." You faked a smile as you grabbed more things out of your locker and started to walk home. "Oh, okay see you later (Y/N)-chan!" Juvia smiled softly as she returned to giving her Gray-Sama full affection.
On my walk home, my earbuds played (f/s) smoothly as I walked. Then all of a sudden someone tripped me as I crashed onto the sidewalk. I sat up rubbing my knees seeing the blood from the scrapes.
FIRST PERSON POV
"Get up, murderer." Sting's voice pierced my heart like a knife as I slowly sat up, dusting off the dirt and looking at the scrapes I now had.
"Careful Sting, don't get too close." Minerva joined in, "You might be her next victim."
I was about to stand up before Minerva kicked me in the stomach, making me grab my stomach and cower down. Why was I so god damn weak? But then again, I didn't really care. I was tired, mentally and physically. Let them beat me to death, after all what the hell could I even do?
"You know (Y/N), this world would be so much better if you just dropped off the face of the earth. If you do it now, people won't care to hold onto the memories of a bug like you anymore." Rufus comments. Was the Sabertooth class all here just to personally beat me?
"Yeah... I know." I said, wiping the blood from my mouth and grabbing my things as Minerva yanked out my headphones with a hard snap, causing me to shout slightly.
When I got home, I ran some hot water and cleaned up my new scrapes and bruises. I couldn't afford to have them show, especially since tomorrow is going to be my last day alive. I had to make everyone happy, it's the least I could do after all they've done for me.
I checked my phone for the time before getting under my blankets and staring at the wall, awaiting tomorrow. Oh, how I dreaded leaving the only people that bothered to stick by me. Especially with those awful rumors... but this was for the best, I'm tired of this. I'm sick of life.
The sun rose as I slowly rolled over, getting out of bed and getting in the shower. Usually I would wince at the pain of the water running down my bruises but I didn't, I just didn't feel anything. Surely it hurt, but I couldn't feel it. I didn't feel like feeling it.
Once I got to school, I greeted Natsu and the others with a genuine smile. My (h/c) hair was pushed back and cleaned, my clothes were some what formal.
Gray blushed slightly at my new appearance, "Someone's in a happy mood today, I like it..." Gray complimented with a small smile.
"I like it too, (Y/N)-chan~" Lucy smiled.
"Same here, you look fire!" Natsu grinned widely.
"Thanks..." I smiled back at them, of course you would miss them but they'd be better off without me. Today was just about giving my last day my all, not showing any sadness or depression, being happy. Even faking it. For them.
"(Y/N), are you feeling alright?" Erza asked, instead of joining in on the compliments.
"...Yeah I'm doing great-"
Suddenly Ultear came up behind me and dumped a grape slushie down my shirt, making my back shiver as my clothes had now been stained with grape.
"Feeling cold, murderer?~" Ultear giggled, throwing the empty slushie at my head and pushed me to the ground as I dropped my lunch trey.
"HEY!" Natsu got up, fuming with anger as Lucy pulled him back down.
"Natsu, it's okay." She said simply, taking her water and standing up.
"What the hell do you mean it's okay?!" Natsu yelled.
"Yeah, we're not gonna let you get away with tormenting our friend right in front of us you bitch!" Gray shouted, rolling up his sleeves.
Erza walked over to me and helped me up, taking a napkin and helping me get the grape slushie off me as I kept my head down, regretting being born.
"Guys, guys, knock it off." Lucy ordered, taking the lid off her water as she poured it all over Ultear and kicked her knee, making her fall down and her hair soaked.
"Lucy! You could get suspended for doing that!" Erza warned as Lucy threw the cup at Ultear.
"She's been treating (Y/N) like garbage for years! Have they ever suspended her?!" Lucy shouts. "I hope you learned your lesson Ultear, but based on your grades you can't learn a lesson by sleeping with a teacher." Lucy glares as everyone was now looking at us.
"Please... stop..." I whispered as Erza heard, walking over to Lucy and grabbing her arm. "That's enough Lucy."
Erza looked back at me but I was gone, only a small puddle of grape slushie was on the floor.
I ran to the bathroom, closing the stall door and locking it. This is terrible! All I wanted was one day! I wanted my last day to be okay, just one day...
Now, Lucy's gonna get in trouble all because of me... I was stupid to think I could have one more day.
After my classes were over, I met with Natsu and the others at the park. We stayed for a while before going our separate ways.
"Hey Gray, do you mind walking (Y/N) home? She seems... weird today and I just want to make sure she's okay." Erza asks as Gray nods.
Me and Gray walked in silence, both awkward and comfortable. Gray wanted to say a lot but stopped himself.
"Nice night, huh?" He asked, looking up at the stars.
"Mhm." I responded, looking down at my feet and stopping once we got to my apartment building.
"Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow." Gray said as he handed me my bag.
"Bye, Gray." I smiled softly as I took my bag, as my hand brushed against his as Gray's eyes widened slightly at my words.
"You mean, see you tomorrow?" He chuckled nervously.
"Oh, yeah sorry I'm a little tired." I lied, "See you tomorrow."
I walked inside and up the stairs to my apartment as I set my bag down on the floor. I untied my hair, took off my school jacket that the nurse had given to me since my uniform was ruined and walked into the bathroom.
I smiled once I saw my (prescribed medication) in the mirror cabinet. For once, I'm gonna carry through and meet my end.
I dumped the pills out slowly and starting taking them all, swigging down water along with the pills every now and then.
Gray's POV;
My phone rang as I rolled over and answered it with a tired voice, since the call woke me up.
"Gray! (Y/N)'s in the hospital, you need to get here now!" Natsu shouted through the phone as my eyes widened. I quickly dropped the phone and threw on my shoes, grabbing my jacket as I ran out of my apartment.
"It's bad... she still hasn't woken up yet, they pumped her stomach three hours ago." Lucy sobs.
"We don't know what's going to happen..." Erza states, looking down at the floor with an emotionless expression.
"Damn it... I walked her home, I thought everyone was going to be okay..." I said, my voice cracking as the words came out.
"I never thought... (Y/N) would do this..." Juvia cried as she wiped her eyes.
"You mean... attempt suicide? Come on... we all saw it..." Natsu says darkly as he was clearly filled with rage. "We all protected her when we could, but it wasn't enough! They never stopped, they never gave her a break... and now, god knows what's going to happen."
"Is she on suicide watch?" I ask quietly.
"When she wakes up... we have no idea when that'll be." Lucy explained.
Suddenly, (Y/N)'s eyes slowly started opening as the machine started beating fast.
"N-Nurse! Doctor!" I shouted as the others saw that (Y/N) was shaking.
"She's having a seizure!" The doctor shouted as the nurse pushed us back.
"I need you all to step outside."
"Is she going to be okay?!" I shout back, but the door was closed in my face.
I sit down on the bench in the hallway and cup my hands to my face, crying quietly into my hands.
"Gray-Sama..." Juvia says in a saddened voice, "(Y/N) is a strong girl, she'll make it we just have to keep believing in her."
"Yeah..." I said quietly. "I just... don't wanna lose her too, I can't. I've lost my family... I've lost everything. I can't lose her too. God please, just don't let her die." I cried harder into my hands as Juvia pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back in circles.
Soon, the doctor cleared us to come in, (Y/N) was awake but she couldn't move at least not for a little while.
"(Y/N)... I'm so happy you're awake!" Lucy said, tears running down her face as (Y/N) looked at the ceiling, tears in the corners of her eyes.
"Please... don't look at me." She said shakily. "I... I failed all of you. I gave up, I just figured that you all would be better without me. But why... why am I causing more sadness when all I want to do is disappear?!" She cried as my heart sunk to the ground.
I walked over to her and hugged her softly, tears streaming down my face as her teary eyes widened. "Don't you ever dare think that!!" I shout, calming my voice after, "We all love you, we can't handle it if you die, so please don't ever leave us again."
I leaned back and kissed her softly as Natsu and the others smiled and cried softly, but they weren't crying because of sadness, they we're crying because the friend they laughed with, cried with, smiling with, the friend they loved, they cared for, they needed, the friend they almost lost, was awake.
I looked down at her bed to pull the blankets on her when I saw the scars... and soon the bruises and the scrapes as I lifted the blanket up more.
"Please... don't look at them." She said softly as my eyes widened.
"Who... Who did this to you?" Natsu asks with his eyes widened slightly.
"Does it really matter?..." (Y/N) asks nervously.
"Of course it matters!" I cut in, "(Y/N)... who's been beating you like this?!"
"You've been cutting yourself?.." Lucy asks with a saddened expression full of worry and most likely pity.
"Stop... please stop..." (Y/N) sobbed as the heart rate machine starting beeping fast again. I petted her head softly and pulled her close to me, as the beeping starting going down. "I don't want you to w..worry."
"Let's not talk about it right now." I smile down at her, "All that matters, is we aren't ever going to let you out of our sight, they won't get to you, they won't hurt you. We'll protect you with everything we have."
"Alright.. and I'll protect you... all of you." She smiles slightly, hugging me back softly and wiping her tears.
"(Y/n) please don't move, you should rest your muscles for now." I said, giving her a small smile and wiping her tears with my thumb as she looked at me with gratitude. "Thank you, Gray..."
Natsu walked over to her other side, resting his hand on her head and sitting down in front of her. "We could've lost you today, that scared the shit out of me. Please, stay with us and don't make me almost shit my pants and cry like a baby again alright?" He chuckled wiping his tears.
Everyone chuckled softly doing the same and wiping away their tears. Even Erza had cried that day. "Alright, I promise I won't." She genuinely smiled, oh how gorgeous she looked. She shined so beautifully. That day, I realized I was in love with her. I realized I needed her in my life, I couldn't live without her.
END.
Part two? ;)
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