I feel good today. That's surprising. I haven't felt good after a one night stand in well over a year.
Typically I wake up feeling dirty and ashamed and sad that no one loves me, but today I don't feel that way at all. I'm relaxed cause I had great sex, I don't feel guilty about having great sex, and I get to hang out with Harry so really this day is just pretty excellent all around.
My Uber dropped me off about an hour ago so I've had time to shower and drink some water which I desperately needed. I've also managed to eat some toast and look presentable for the day!
I felt like prints today so I paired a floral patterned skirt with a chunky cream and black striped sweater. The skirt was my mother's back when she was in her 20's and I don't wear it often, but it felt right today.
I blow-dried my hair straight and left it at that, put on some light makeup just to make me look alive today, and then slipped on my checkered vans.
Three knocks on the door made me jump when as I took a drink of water, and I spilled down the front of me, of course.
"Shit!" I whispered while I tried to dry it by rubbing my hand over it quickly as I walked to the door. I opened it without looking and just turned around to grab a towel to dry me off.
"Hey H, sorry I spilled fucking water on myself just give me a sec and I'll be ready." I grabbed the hand towel from our stove and rub the front of my sweater.
"Who's H?"
My stomach drops into my ass when I hear his voice, that is definitely not Harry. I turned around so fast it made my head spin, "What are you doing here!? You need to go."
He isn't close to me but I step farther away from him anyway, hitting the counter behind me.
"I just wanna talk Jo, I miss you and I hate that we're fighting. I know I've been a fucking prick but I promise I've changed. I just want to be friends again! We used to be close, I miss tha-"
"Jojo?"
He's been walking closer to me and I've backed along this counter as far as I can go, I'm against the wall now.
I know there are tears in my eyes and I let out the biggest sigh of relief when I hear Harry's voice cut him off.
Santana doesn't look pleased though. He whips his head around quickly to see who dared to interrupt his intimidating plea for forgiveness.
Harry just pushed the door open, apparently Santana didn't close it all the way. He walks into the kitchen with a strange look on his face, his eyes immediately meeting mine. He must see the tears and the distressed look on my face because his usual happy demeanor wipes from his face instantly. "Why don't you back up a bit, yea?"
Harry places his hand on Santana's shoulder and Santana throws it off instantly, standing taller and whipping around to get in Harry's face. "Who the fuck are you?"
His voice is deep and scary calm. I know how short his fuse is and if he does anything to Harry it will be a literal fucking lawsuit so I make a quick decision to try to diffuse this situation.
I sniffle once and swallow down the fear and then walk up to him, running my hand down his shoulder and holding his arm. "Santy that's just my friend. Come on get out of his face, it's okay. We can finish this talk later okay?"
He looks at me when I touch him but immediately focuses his eyes back on Harry, not moving a muscle. I watch him stare at him for a long time and then I see a flicker of realization hit him as he looks to the spot on the wall where the poster of Harry used to hang.
I took it down after Harry, unfortunately, saw it and we replaced it with some art we made while drunk. It's ugly, but it suits us. Santana looks at Harry again and then looks at me, turning to face me again in that intimidating way.
"That's the guy from the fucking poster, isn't it? Harry Styles? The guy you and Frankie were always so fucking obsessed with? That's the guy you did fucking makeup on for that Halloween show you made us all watch, isn't it? ISNT IT!?" He slaps the counter while he yells in my face.
I'm immediately moved, pulled to the side while Harry's body stands in front of me. "Yea, that's me. Do you have an issue with that? Cause I have a big issue with the way you're speaking to her right now. You need to back up. Now."
"I'm not fucking scared of you, pretty boy. You can't hit me anyway, it would be very bad for your reputation. Wouldn't want the public knowing Mr. "treat people with kindness" hit his little fuck buddy's friend now would we?"
I'm beyond mad now but I know my yelling will only make things worse like it did at the club, so I test my acting skills a bit instead.
I slide out from behind Harry, squeezing his arm to let him know I'm okay before I get in front of Santana and place my hands on his chest. "Santy stop. This isn't what you think it is at all. I'm his makeup artist. That's it. I don't even talk to him unless it's about work. He's a very big client for me and I really need you to stop before you ruin it. If he fires me I'll never be able to work in the business again, Santy. My dream will be over, please don't do that to me...I thought you wanted to be my friend."
I turn on the tears now and use a pathetic whine in my voice to make him feel like he's powerful even though he's not. My hands are shaking but it's not from being scared, it's from being pissed. I just have to keep it up a little longer so I can get him out of here without hurting Harry or me.
"I have to go to a meeting with him, we're going to be late. I'll call you tonight okay? We can meet up and talk." I bring my hand up to his face and cup his cheek which does make me a little sad. We really were good friends once. I don't know what's going on with him at this point in his life to make him so unhinged and angry but it makes me sad for him even though I hate him right now.
I'm sad that we'll never be friends again. I'm sad that he's hurting so badly over something that is obviously much bigger than my rejection. I'm sad that he's scaring me now.
I let the tears fall onto my face, my emotions are so all over the place right now that I couldn't stop them if I tried. I hold his cheek and I lie to him again."I'm glad you talked to me today, I've missed you too. Thank you for apologizing, it means a lot. I'll call you okay?"
I walk him back toward the door and take my hand off his chest to gesture at Harry to stay where he is.
I get Santana to the door and I hold his face with both hands now, reaching up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek softly.
"You're gonna call me. We're gonna fix this right? You get why I'm mad right? You know what you did was fucked up an-"
"I know. I know, I'm so sorry. I never should have lead you on like that and then rejected you. It was cruel of me. We'll talk about everything tonight."
I squeeze his hand and open the front door. "Okay, I'll talk to you later then Josie girl, you promise?" I nod my head and give him a weak smile.
"Goodbye Santana," I say flatly as I close the door while he stands there looking at my very blank face.
I lean my forehead against the door and take deep breaths, trying to calm myself down from the overflow of emotions racing through my body right now.
In less than a minute a large hand runs up and down my back. He runs it up to the back of my neck and guides my head toward his chest, my body follows. He wraps one arm around my body and the other is hold my head to him while he pets my hair again in a slow and soothing rhythm.
"I know I don't usually ask, I prefer to let my friends open up to me when they're comfortable doing so, but I'm worried about you Jojo. Who is that? What's going on there?"
I sigh deeply into his chest before I look up at him. "Okay, so..."
~
An hour later Harry and I still haven't left the apartment...now we are just arguing in it.
"You can't live here! He's violent, Jo! You just told me he's violent. He had you cornered in your own kitchen when I got here!! You can't stay here!" Harry is pacing around my living room while I stand in the kitchen.
"Harry I'm not moving just cause some asshole knows where I live! We were friends, of course he knows where I live! I wouldn't have answered the door if I knew it was him! He always leaves if I just ignore him for a little while."
"WHAT. What do you mean he always leaves!? He's just shown up here before!? He just shows up and bangs on your door!? Jo! That's harassment. " He walks to the kitchen now.
"There's nothing I can do about it, Harry! What do you want me to do!? I can't move, Harry. Especially when we leave on tour in a month, that would be so stupid! I'll just fake it and be nice and keep him calm and then we'll leave and I won't have to worry about it for several months at a time. It'll be fine." I shrug my shoulders at him. I get that he's concerned but not all of us can just move at the drop of hat. Moving is fucking expensive...not to mention I have a roommate to consider.
Harry takes a deep breath and runs his hands down his face before he walks over to me, taking my hands in his and leaning against the sink in front of me. "Look, you can't play nice with him and just hope he stays calm, Jo. Cause what if he doesn't? What if he gets mad when I call you one night or when you can't hang out cause we've got Sunday coffee? What if he doesn't just break glasses next time, what if he hurts you? I can't bear the thought of it and it's much too close to reality for my liking. He's dangerous Jo, and he's unstable. If you won't move at least get a restraining order. You need at least that minimum level of protection. I can get a lawyer to have it drawn up by tonight...you can't go see him. You just can't, you can't risk anything happening to you, Jojo. Please. Please let me do at least that much."
He's holding my hands to his chest now, and his eyes look so sad. I can feel how much he needs me to get this through my head and how much he needs me to let him do this, even if it's just to make him feel better. So even though I think it would be a better idea to not piss him off further, I pat Harry's chest softly and nod my head. "Okay... Okay, I'll do a restraining order if that will make you feel better."
He starts to argue, saying that I should do it for my safety and not just because he wants me to, but I stop him before he works himself up again.
"H, it's okay." I move my hands from his chest and slide my arms around his neck to hug him. I typically go low for hugs so this is a new feeling, but I like it. He scoops my whole torso up in his long arms and holds me tightly against him. I feel my feet come off the group a little bit and then he sets me on top of his shoes, keeping me wrapped as closely as possible to him.
His face is buried into my neck, but when he sets me down on his shoes his forehead is pressed against my own.
"I just want you safe." He whispers at me, making my heart clench tightly in my chest. He really was too caring for this cruel world. I released my hands from behind him and brought them up to hold his face.
"I know you do. Thank you, H."
Then I kissed his face mercilessly.
"MWUAH!" *forehead*
"MWUAH!" *temple*
"MWUAH!" *cheek*
"MWUAH!" *jawline* cause I was not gonna miss that opportunity, let's be honest
"MWUAH!" *nose*
I kiss the other side too, mirroring the same places and ending back on his forehead. He's smiling now, his mouth is closed but his dimple is showing and he's laughing softy. I pressed our heads together again and I whispered at him this time, "You really are too kind for this world when you don't have to be. I'm very lucky to have you in my life and I love you very much."
His hands come up in between mine now, to hold my face too. "I love you very much." He kisses my forehead and then we hug one more quick squeeze before he lets me go and puts me back on the ground.
He reaches a hand back and pulls me behind him towards the front door. "Alright, well a movie is much too loud for the pounding headache I'm sure you've got now. How bout we do some shopping instead, hm?"
I grab a red bandana and tie it to my purse, just incase I need a mask later in the day. I grab my keys and follow Harry out the door while I continue our conversation. "Shopping for what? We just went a couple of weeks ago."
He looks almost as if I've wounded him, turning to face me when he stops on the stairs. "First of all, you don't need a REASON. It's for FUN. It's for FASHION."
He looks at me as if I'm the crazy one right now..."Secondly...the Grammys are in a week and a half. I have to meet with Harris to make sure everything is good for my look and I thought while I was there I bring you along and we could get you a look put together." He tosses that last sentence casually over his shoulder while he continues down the stairs.
His hair flops out the sides of his blue snapback that's turned backward on his head, making him look like a teenager again.
"Okay, we aren't just gonna stroll past that. What the fuck are you talking about Harry?" He's at the bottom of the stairs now and I'm still stopped in middle, not moving until he clarifies what he just said.
"I said we need to get you a Grammy looked planned. That is if you'd like to go with me." He stands leaning forward, holding both railings with his legs crossed, waiting for me to answer.
"You want me to go to the Grammys with you?" I say very slowly as I make my way down the stairs. He nods slowly.
"Mmhmm. I've taken my mum and Gemma to lots of things...I take Jeff to everything...so I was thinking it could be very fun to bring you. Plus I can't wait to watch you get all mumbly and nervous around the other artists."
"Okay first off, I don't get fucking mumbly. And secondly, -" I jump from the last stair and launch myself at him, grab him like a fucking koalas do hold on for dear life.
"WHAT!? GRAMMYS!? YEA. YEA I WANNA GO WITH YOU THE FUCKING GRAMMYS!"
I release him just as fast as I attacked him and I grab his arm, running backwards towards his car while he laughs at me. "Come on, slowpoke. We got SHOPPING to do!"
——————————-
Hey, hi, hello,
How are we doing after last chapter, huh? Yea? Doin okay?
Good.
I'm stoked to finish up these last three chapters leading up to the tour.
Yell at me about your feelings on Twitter
@stachestyles_
I can't make them fall in love...right?
Right.
Right?