A/N: I apologize for not updating on Monday. I fell from the school stairs and broke my ankle. It hurt so much that I was sobbing and shit. The principal saw me while my dad and teachers were helping me and he touched my feet, asking me where it hurt. (Imagine the principal touching your bare feet). I was put in a freaking wheelchair and the students were staring at me. I never felt so embarrassed in my whole life. Anyway, the doc told me to rest for 3 complete days, so here you go. Enjoy this chapter, and don't forget to vote and comment, my lovelies!
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ᴅᴀᴍᴀɢᴇᴅ
ʜᴇʟᴇɴ's ᴘᴏᴠ
୧‿︵‿︵ ✾ ︵‿︵‿୨
𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐃 out of the dining room, my heart's wound excruciatingly becoming worse. I threatened Nathan, clutching Axel's bike key in my hand before exiting the mansion.
I was afraid I might hurt everyone in there.
I started the bike and drove to nowhere. Why can't I be anywhere but nowhere? It terrifies me. It fucking terrified me since I don't know what fate will throw at me once again. I wanted to be free.
I chuckle escapes my lips and I laughed at myself, remembering the day when I actually thought I'd feel less empty if I moved in with my brothers. However, the hole in my heart seems to open up even more, and another nightmare was waiting for me, even if I'm asleep or awake.
I want a break from this pathetic life. I wish I could be just put to sleep for a decade or hit my head somewhere and lose these memories that I despised.
But I can't, I have to fight. I need to fight my demons, for myself.
Thoughts. Memories. I hit the break when wretched memories of my childhood flashed before my eyes.
"Helen! You fucking bitch, come down." My mother screamed, anger laced in her voice. My hands trembled as I rapidly tried to cross the stairs, making my way to the living room of the small apartment.
My small legs froze in my spot when Shawn smirked at me, looking up and down at me. My breath was stuck in my chest, and I was so terrified. I gazed at Mother, taking an unsteady breath.
Mother looked rather angry. I knew I'll get beaten up today, for no reason again. I took a small step towards her and she raised her hand. My 10-year-old body flinches and she slaps me, causing me to lose my balance for a second. The stinging in my cheeks made me want to touch my face, but I stay motionless, blinking my watering eyes.
"What the fuck did I tell you? Why isn't dinner ready?" Mother hiss through gritted teeth, and I can tell from her uneven breath that she was tipsy, or high on drugs. It didn't matter either way, I was gonna be beaten. So I simply state that I had forgotten to make dinner, although fear was creeping into my heart that beat dangerously.
Mother locks her hand in my hair, gripping it so hard that my scalp hurt. She smiles sweetly, gazing into my petrified blue eyes, and says, "I guess I should beat you but I don't think that will be enough." She turns to Shawn, her husband, and my stepfather who terrified me.
"Shawn, you can do whatever you wish with this piece of shit." She grins, backing away as Shawn strides towards me, his green eyes glinting with dark sinister intention. He grabs my forearms harshly as I tried to back away. I was helpless. My voice was stuck in my throat.
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't scream. I couldn't move my body away from his disgusting hands.
My heart pumped in my chest, and I squeezed my eyes shut, tears sliding from the corner of my eyes as my stepfather touched me, nuzzling his head into my neck.
Somehow, I had found my voice and I screamed. I screamed, pleading to my cruel mother to stop this.
To save me.
"Mother, please! Save me. Don't let him do this to me, I'm begging you." I begged her, my scream was muffled by Shawn's hand on my mouth, and he had ripped off my clothes.
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I didn't realize when it started pouring so heavily, since I was lost in my nightmares. I started the bike again, taking a shaky breath. I drove, aimlessly.
I cried that day, begging my mother, yet she laughed at everything that happened before her. She laughed as her own daughter was ruined and robbed of her innocence. She fucking laughed while I was raped.
She watched.
She laughed.
She let it happen.
My mother allowed it. She gave him permission.
My mother was a sadist.
I became unknown to myself that day and I shunned my ten-year-old self, who was so weak and helpless. Then I evolved into complete coldness. A darkness that plunged my soul into the depths of my broken wounded little heart that formed me into a monster. I reformed myself. I was recruited and trained by someone who I helped to live.
I felt cold. The rain seems never to stop.
Just then, a tear slipped out of my dry eyes without my permission, disappearing in the raindrops that hit me with force. Another tear slipped out of my eyes. Again and again and again.
A soft sob breaks from my lips, and I didn't have the energy to clasp a hand over my mouth. I squeeze my eyes shut, stubbornly pushing the sob that desperately wanted to break from my pressed lips. Tears slide down my eyes, and I never felt so afraid. I was afraid that I might get more damaged if I broke down like this.
Tears have dried from my tired eyes for eight years. Thus, the tears that kept sliding down my cheeks frightened me. I couldn't imprison the sob that escaped my lips nor the tears that weep down my cheeks—the foggy night and the lonely sky cried with me, weeping and witnessing my pain.
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It was 3 am at midnight. The rain still poured but with little force. The cold wind caressed me as if embracing my miserable state. I stand in front of the huge mansion; which I reside in. Feeling at home here might be impossible. My eyes stung from crying. The tightness in my throat never left, and I swallowed. My head was throbbing, a constant sharp pain that seems to worsen. Wrapping my hands around my arms, I walk forward slowly. A blankness plastered across my face that I dreaded.
I raised my hand, placing it on the door and pushing it; rather gently. As soon as the creeping door opens, I was bombarded with angry and worried questions.
"Where the fuck were you?
"It's midnight and it's freaking raining, for the love of God."
"Shit, you're burning."
Someone wrapped a towel around my head and shoulders, taking my arm into their warm hand and trying to stop my hands from trembling. I was shaking and trembling, and my dazed mind somehow managed to remember all the hurtful and angry words that were thrown at me before.
"Everyone abandoned you, you're just not worth it."
"You are such a pathetic whore"
"You're a burden."
"Slut."
"You should die."
"It's not like I know you."
"Mother, please! Save me. Don't let him do this to me, I'm begging you."
"I'll never accept you as my sister. "
"You infuriate me."
"You broke my family."
"It's all your fucking fault."
My mouth works on its own, a hint of desperation laced in it. "Shut up! Please, just shut up." I shout, but the last plead came out as a whisper. I yanked my hand from Kalen's warm hand, covering my ears. The voices inside my mind, I wanted them gone. I need to be alone. My gaze flew up to my brother's frozen state.
Ryan, Kalen, and Ren were frozen in their steps. They were hesitant at my outburst. Maybe, just maybe they saw something had broken inside me, or maybe they thought I was pulling another dramatic act to get out of trouble. Either way, Ryan shot me a glare, making his way to his room. My headache got worse, and I felt the sharp pounding in my head becoming more apparent.
I stood there, frozen in my tracks before I finally found some energy to drag my dead soul towards my room. "Where are you going?" Kalen asks me, worried. I muttered, room under my breath, fighting the urge to let the sobs that wanted to escape my trembling lips.
With barely enough energy, I walked up the stairs and opened my room, shutting the door behind me. The room was dark, only the moon's silver glow accompanying the room. The sound of rain faintly touched my ears, and I pushed the sob back and blinked my tears away.
My back found support against the closed door, and I lean against it, heaviness in my heart. I felt the need to cry. To let the desperate sobs escape my trembling lips.
Then, I allowed myself to open my lips, and a pained gasp escapes my lips, followed by sobs and cries.
I broke down.
Tears weep down my cheeks, and my lips trembled. I was afraid to cry, but I let my sobs out, muffling them with my hand that trembled.
A hand creeps down my shoulders, pulling me to protective and warm arms, holding my trembling frame tight against his, before whispering in his wretched voice, and he reminds me. "I'm right here with you, it's okay to cry. I'm here." He soothes me, tightening his hold on me.
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I'd love to hear your thoughts about the story :)
ℳ𝑒𝓁 ⟿