THE VISIONS OF US.
Tine's hands shook as several confusing images rushed through his mind, like a fast rewind, colors swishing by, until they abruptly came to a stop, pulling Tine into a different reality.
It was an image – or was it a memory, Tine wondered, of Sarawat sleeping with his face squished down into a pillow, lying on his stomach. The silver light of the moon painted Sarawat's features pasty white, sharp eyebrows furrowed even in his sleep as Tine reached out a flimsy, translucent hand, trying to reach for him desperately but the space between them seemed to stretch on and on, pulling then further apart. And then it changed, suddenly Sarawat was looking at him with wide shot, inky eyes as blood dribbled sluggishly from his red mouth. An incomprehensible fear strummed through Tine's being, like a building force just before an explosion. Helplessness and anger mingled together into a poisonous concord just before he finally broke down, splintering painfully into thousands of spikes of light. And then the images stopped just as abruptly.
Tine lurched forward in his seat on the hospital bed, blinking rapidly. The cell phone still clutched in his hand slipped slowly out of his grasp, bouncing once on the mattress before clattering to the floor.
What the hell had that been?!
Swallowing down his nausea, Tine fisted his hands into the comforter covering his lap in an attempt to hold onto something real, as his heart tried to lurch out of his chest with how hard it was beating. Tine could not understand any of the things that he had just seen, all centered around the young man still staring owlishly at him by the hospital window. A chill ran down Tine's back. Well, shit. How badly had he hurt his head to hallucinate such unnerving things in broad daylight?
"What's wrong?" Sarawat asked instantly when morphing out of his own slight daze, coming to stand at Tine's bedside, one steady hand rubbing at Tine's hunched back, feeling the sharp edges of his shoulder blades. "Tine?" Sarawat probed with rising urgency.
"I-I'm fine, just a dizzy spell," Tine finally replied while trying to swallow down the ominous feeling that was rattling around his mind. Sarawat narrowed his eyes at Tine, bow shaped lips twisted, not really believing him but deciding to let it go. He fucking hoped that his life force had some lasting potency or all sacrifices would have been for nothing.
"Sure, but we're still telling about this to your doctors, just in case," Sarawat drawled, still starting at Tine the way he sometimes did, eyes dark pools where unsuspecting souls came to drown.
Tine chuckled, catching Sarawat's callused hand to hold it in his own as he looked up, hair ruffled, trying to still his rapidly beating heart. Breathe. Sarawat was there with him, Tine could touch him easily and he was obviously not bleeding. So why the hell was Tine feeling so unsettled? The air felt so loaded, as if a bomb was about to drop at any time now.
"Whatever you want. I'm already used being under supervision twenty-four-seven anyway," Tine muttered. "P'Type's made a good job of it."
Sarawat smirked, squeezing Tine's clammy hand, eyes darting to the cell phone on the floor where the selfie camera had been unintentionally switched on, mirroring them from down below.
"So... what got you so dizzy anyway?" He teased, cocking his head to one side playfully, revealing a long stretch of tanned skin along his neck, curvy lips jutting out slightly.
"You, of course," Tine replied cheekily with a tiny giggle, cheeks dusted pink, finding himself being a little clever for the retort. His smile widened further, bunny teeth flashing and cheeks dimpling, as Tine noticed how Sarawat's ears flushed slightly, even though his facial expression remained passive.
Ah, even a stoic guy as Sarawat could act cute, Tine thought giddily. Now if he could only understand what all of those eerie visions meant. Tine chewed absently on his lower lip while staring at their entwined hands, afraid to let go. Soulmates were meant to stay together, right?
-----
Tine blinked up into the yellow sun, shielding his squinting eyes with one hand, his nose scrunching up slightly. He was walking back from the main university building and over the empty campus grounds, heading for the entrance where his brother was waiting for him. Tine's messenger bag was weighting him down, full of extra curricular material for him to catch up on for his classes. He was going to reenroll with the freshmen at law faculty during the next semester to get back on track with his studies. Ah, Tine was not looking forward to that one in particular.
As soon as he had been discharged from the hospital it became evident that the real world was not going to wait for him. Tine had moved back home with his family, quickly settling back into a normal everyday life, or as normal as it could be now with everything turned upside down from how it was before the accident. His family barely let him get out of their sight, fretting around him like some kind of a fragile doll. It was fricking annoying. He had not even been able to see Sarawat or his friends as much as he had wanted because of all the documents and other shit Tine had to fix to get reinstated back into society, not to mention the hours he spent doing physical therapy every day to maintain the movement in his joints. It was even a small miracle that Type had let him go off on his own to the teachers' office just now.
And honestly, it felt good to be alone with his thoughts for once. Tine needed some time to get away from everyone and clear his confused mind. It had been overwhelming to suddenly stumble into this happy mirror land, where everything was perfect; the sun was shining and birds were chirping. His parents were doting on him and he was dating the guy of his dreams. However everything felt like a charade, like he was in some kind of episode of hidden camera and the other shoe was just about to drop. He felt like an imposter, living someone else's life.
But fuck! Did Tine really have to nearly die for people to start appreciating and noticing him? Tine had mixed feelings about his whole situation and it was slowly eating away at him, both guilt and frustration. Why had he been so undeserving before of their attention? Everything felt so damn shallow. It did not make him feel special in any kind of way, getting all this left over attention. But on the other hand, did he really have to nitpick so much, why not just let himself feel happy?
Tine exhaled shakily, getting riled up by his own stupid thoughts as he kept walking over the campus, missing the hurried footsteps closing in on him.
Tine was about to readjust the bag strap that was cutting into the skin of his shoulder when the weight was lifted off of him suddenly and Tine turned his head around sharply, only to find Sarawat stoically shouldering his bag. His two friends were crowding a little ways away, waving at Tine when they saw him looking. Tine recognized one of them as Type's boyfriend, Man, so the other guy was Boss then.
"Why didn't you tell me that you were coming in today?" The guitarist asked, expression unreadable. Uh oh. Tine flashed a cheeky grin, looking back at Sarawat while rubbing at his neck.
"Surprise?" He made a poor imitation of jazz hands, throwing out his pale arms. Tine was wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of light blue, ripped jeans, eerie reminiscent of the clothes from when he was a ghost.
Sarawat squinted minutely at Tine, before simply shaking his head exasperatedly, sending fluffy bangs flying around his face. He then reached out and ruffled Tine's soft hair, warm hand sliding down to grip at his nape as he swiftly pulled Tine in for a quick kiss on the lips. Tine swallowed down a squeak as his insides fluttered, lips tingling from the lingering touch. He did not even notice how his eyes had fluttered close while he savored the pleasant sensation, dark lashes grazing his rosy cheeks. Mmm. He had missed this.
Sarawat's friends wolf-whistled teasingly at their backs as they were coming closer. Tine opened his eyes quickly, feeling embarrassed, raising one hand to rub at the side of his neck that felt a little hot to the touch.
He had not expected Sarawat to be so open about their relationship. The few times that they had met after his discharge had been back at Tine's home or at his physical therapy sessions when Sarawat was allowed to tag along sometimes. None of these places were really suitable for make out sessions or any deep talks with family or doctors hanging over their shoulders. Well, not that it stopped them from trying before.
"Have you been avoiding me, nuisance?" Sarawat asked with a knowing smirk. "If P'Type hadn't told Man that you guys were coming then I would've missed you."
His hand slid down Tine's round shoulder, long fingers tangling with Tine's own and squeezing imploringly. He had truly missed Tine. Sarawat's intense gaze seemed to say so many things at once; adoration, worry and love. Tine had been rather distant these past few days and Sarawat did not know what to think of it, besides feeling dejected. Had Natty been wrong all along about them being soulmates? Had Tine changed his mind?
Tine pouted minutely, his heart missing one beat as he looked down feeling chided, snubbing his sneaker clad toe against the dusty ground.
He had actually been avoiding Sarawat, well, a little.
Tine has been having more of those strange dreams after the awakening, as he had dubbed it, back at the hospital with Sarawat. Some ghostly visions even glided in and out throughout his regular day where strange, lonesome shadows crowded around him, suffocating him. It was fucking with his head and he was slowly getting freaked out by the things he saw. At times Tine even had a hard time deciphering what was real and what was not, almost working himself up into a frenzy. At those times it was good to have Type at his side, so maybe his brother's worry was not totally ungrounded. But Tine could just not understand, was it some kind of left over trauma from the accident?
Regardless, he did not want his crazy discoloring their budding relationship, another reason to tread carefully around Sarawat. Tine might have somehow gotten into his head that they were soulmates but then again, they were also two completely different types of people. What if Sarawat did not want to deal with Tine's trauma luggage?
The old fear of Sarawat hating him made an unexpected comeback. Tine thought that he was over that but really, he was always just so afraid of ruining everything.
"Nuisance? Why do you keep calling me that anyway?" Tine asked instead of all the other things that he wanted to say, brows furrowed and staring with clear doe eyes at the other man. Sarawat scratched at his own cheek silently, looking away, wide lips parted slightly as fluffy bangs covered his big eyes.
"Because," he then replied simply, a little sullenly.
Tine narrowed his eyes at the guitarist. "Because what?"
"Because you've been an annoying little ghost," Boss suddenly barged into their conversation now that they had caught up with the couple. Sarawat instantly glared daggers at him over Tine's head. Boss only shrugged loosely with an exaggerated facial expression, daring his friend to say something. What?
Tine frowned suspiciously at their exchange that did not make any sense to him. Ghost? How odd.
Wait, a ghost...?
"What do you mean-" Tine started asking eagerly but got interrupted by an ambush.
"So, Tine was it? Nice to meet you, I'm Boss," Boss said cheerily as he threw a long arm around Tine's broad shoulders. "It seems like Wat's been keeping you a secret from us," he wiggled a finger in Tine's stunned face, "so let's be friends now."
Boss intentionally pulled Tine away from Sarawat, steering their steps in the direction of the main gate. Tine could only nod, sending a confused little glance over his shoulder at the guitarist, who was fuming silently at his friend's frisky behavior.
"Don't you just find Wat's expressionless face annoying?" Boss drawled with a sneaky side glance at his friend.
"Hah?" Tine breathed, feeling a little jarred but then decide to play along. "Well, he's not always that expressionless," he added with a wink in Sarawat's direction and Boss laughed loudly.
Man sniggered as he followed suit, dragging an unexpectedly speechless Sarawat along with him. Maybe it would have been a wiser choice not to introduce his friends to Tine after all.
-----
"Tine, over here!" Someone shouted.
Tine turned around, finding his friends loitering by the main entrance. Peuk was waiving his arms obnoxiously, jumping up and down.
"P'Type told us to wait for you here," Fong explained as he saw the surprised expression on Tine's face when the two groups of guys met up halfway. "We ran into him after classes when we were heading out for some food," he pointed a thumb over his shoulder where Peuk and Ohm nodded eagerly behind his back, bobbing their heads silly. "Do you want to tag along?"
"Uh," Tine stalled, turning around to ask Sarawat if he wanted to come along, only to find that the guitarist had stalled in his tracks too, however he was staring in a completely different direction.
"And we're what, chopped liver? You guys not gonna invite us?" Boss teased, his voice drowned out by the white noise quickly rising inside Tine's head.
A pretty young woman, wearing a flowing, sundress with a pair of canvas shoes was staring at them from the other side of the wide gate. Her long, dark hair was up in a neat ponytail, hands loosely held at the strap of her designer bag slung over one slender shoulder. Something broke inside of Tine at the sight. Oh no.
A confusing image of a solar eclipse passed through his mind, minutely installing dark fear inside his heart. When had Tine ever even seen a solar eclipse? Tine blinked, his sight getting blurry as a layer of gray smoke suddenly overlaid his vision from one blink to the next, making the world around him seem desolate and barren. Dark shapes, looking like cloaked figures floated through the sudden gloom around him. Tine's hands trembled. Shit. Not again. Why was he hallucinating all of this now?
Unwinding from his stare, Sarawat ruffled Tine's hair with a fond smile curling at the ends of his lips. "Stay with our friends. I'll be right back."
Tine opened his round mouth, trying to reach out for the other man to stop him from leaving but was a little too slow, his hand left hanging in he air forlornly.
As soon as Sarawat turned around a scowl filtered over his face.
"What are you doing here?" He asked rudely once he stalked over to the female, hard eyes roaming over her face.
Pam crossed her slender arms over her chest, quirking one fine eyebrow.
"You haven't been answering my calls or my messages so I really didn't have any other choice... Phukong said you were at campus."
Sarawat arched his brows in surprise before he scratched at his cheek, blinking owlishly. Well, he might have only checked the notifications from Tine, ignoring everyone else.
"Yeah, I've been a little busy recently."
"I can see that," Pam said with a coy smirk, inclining her head to peer minutely at Tine who was still covertly looking their way. "Busy chasing that pretty guy over there?"
Sarawat only pursed his lips, crossing his own arms too, his biceps bulging slightly while the taut strap of Tine's messenger bag cut into one side of his collarbones. Pam chuckled at his reaction, raising one hand to shield her mouth while she laughed before her expression quickly morphed into a more serious one.
"Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Let's talk, Wat. I think we both need some closure."
-----
Pam looked down at her lap, picking at the hem of her dress that covered her knobby knees. They were sitting on a bench at the tiny park on campus grounds, having split up with the other guys that went to grab some food in the meantime. Sarawat sighed internally, Tine had not looked happy.
"Wat, I'm sorry, I've been acting immature. And I can see now why you've been ignoring me," Pam confessed, looking up with a sad, little smile on her pretty lips. Sarawat only stared at her, face unreadable and Pam's heart clenched at the obvious wall towering between them. "I just didn't want to lose a friend if we broke up for real. How stupid of me, huh?"
Sarawat combed a hand through his dark locks while exhaling. He then raised one long arm, placing it at the backrest of the bench and turned his lithe body to face the girl more fully. The sun that filtered through the patchwork of leaves above them cast his face in shadow.
"No, it's not stupid," he said, making Pam perk up, her eyes lighting up. "We've been friends for years, even when we dated we never really acted differently. Our feelings probably just got mixed up."
Between those of a friend and a lover, his mind supplied but Sarawat left it unsaid. Once he had met Tine he instantly knew that whatever he might have felt for Pam did not even come close to the desire strumming through his veins at the mere thought of Tine. He was like a fluttering light in the gloom surrounding him.
"Ouch," Pam muttered but there was still a tiny smile on her face. She understood. Pam stretched her legs in front of her in a more relaxed stance, leaning back on the bench, one hand on the fancy purse at her side. "But yeah, I can understand what you're saying. I was too afraid of my life changing when we started to drift apart, each going to a different university and then you actually suggested that we should break up..." She looked up wistfully. "I guess that something just flipped inside my head at that. I just didn't want to lose you."
"I'm sorry for being an asshole," Sarawat supplied wryly and the girl chuckled, the delicate sound lost into the sky. "I should've brought it up a little differently."
"A little?" Pam droned but then conceded. After all, she was the one that had tried to make Sarawat jealous, both of them had aided plenty to the fire. "Sorry for delaying this conversation I guess. But you know, taking some time off hasn't actually been that bad. It made me to really think about my life and my future, about the people I cherish."
"Yeah," Sarawat agreed quietly, his mind going over all the crazy things that had happened since he moved into the university dorms. Meeting Tine and then almost losing him. Sarawat could not even comprehend that it had beenmere months since then, when it felt like years instead, his whole life was now rewritten to include traces of Tine everywhere.
"But you're not getting rid of me that easily," Pam teased, turning to look at Sarawat with a glint in her eyes. "Care to explain about that cute guy glaring daggers at me? Are you guys dating?"
Sarawat's ears tinted reddish under his tanned skin.
"Oh my god! What's with you?" Pam giggled, playfully slapping his upper arm. "It's like you're a completely different person." The girl then stilled and said on a more serious note, "But I'm honestly happy for you, Wat."
Sarawat smiled, looking down bashfully at his callused hands. "Thanks."
How long could this happiness last?
Note:
What do guys think is happening with Tine?
There will be a confrontation in the next chapter which will finally embark the story into its final stage. For real this time, there's now just 2-3 chapters left. Thanks for staying put with me on this journey!