Nukta-chin hai gham-e-dil us ko sunae na bane
Kya bane baat jahan baat banae na bane
(I cannot pour my heart to her, for she does criticize
How can I get my goal when I, cant even verbalize)
Main bulata to hun us ko magar ai jazba-e-dil
Uss pe ban jae kuchh aisi ki bin aae na bane
(I do call out to her, my feelings, but what can I say
Something happens and she cant help but stay away)
Khel samjha hai kahin chhoD na de bhul na jae
Kash yun bhi ho ki bin mere satae na bane
(She should not forsake forget me ,for it is no play
Without my teasing, if only, she found it hard to stay)
Ghair phirta hai liye yun tere KHat ko ki agar
Koi puchhe ki ye kya hai to chhupae na bane
(My rival roams, your message tucked so by his side
If someone were to ask what's this, he's unable to hide)
Iss nazakat ka bura ho wo bhale hain to kya
Hath aawen to unhen hath lagae na bane
(Her daintiness be damned, tho noble, she may be as much
E'en when I manage to get hold, I'm unable to touch)
Kah sake kaun ki ye jalwagari kis ki hai
Parda chhoda hai wo us ne ki uThae na bane
(Who can fathom who it is behind the veil concealed
Its been dropped in such a way it cannot be unveiled)
Maut ki rah na dekhun ki bin aae na rahe
Tum ko chahun ki na aao to bulae na bane
(I do not wait for death for it will surely accrue
If I wish that you don't come, I can't call out to you)
Bojh wo sar se gira hai ki uThae na uThe
Kaam wo aan paDa hai ki banae na bane
(The burden that's fallen on my head I cannot unseat
A task has now befallen me that I cannot complete )
Ishq par zor nahin hai, ye wo aatish 'ghaalib'
Ki lagae na lage aur bujhae na bane
(Love is not in one's control, this is that fire roused
It cannot be willed to ignite, nor can it be doused)
The bone chilling December London cold is not unpleasant anymore. In each other's embrace, they have found the warmth they are looking for. They are here, together.
He is here for her.
A reality Amaya cannot deny.
He was never there for her, he was never with her.
Another reality she can't deny.
Hugging him tight, she is soaking his essence in her. He is her home, her Zain.
Her Zain. Her unconscious mind has somehow built up the courage to put words in those thoughts, those known unsaid facts.
Perhaps a sane part of her mind knows it's boundary. It's wrong.
Fall for anyone but Zain Amir. But wasn't she a bit late. Another truth she can't deny.
Having her in his arms is the best feeling for Zain Amir. He is here to get his love home, to let her know about his feelings, to let his love know about the home, about the peace. Love, his love, his Amu.
But what if she doesn't agree? No it doesn't matter. Love matters, home matters, and that's right here, in her, with her.
But what if she runs away? It does matter. Four days without this girl, without these brown orbs was nothing but hell, an equation of losing his sanity with each blink of his eyes. Love matters, home matters, and that's only in her, with her. He can't risk it.
But He can't risk that either, he can't risk her being with someone else too. If not Amaya Kareem, love loses its meaning, home is no longer to be addressed, life is not life without that cup of chai. Chai. A cup of masala chai.
A smile lingers on his cold lips as he thinks, walks through his mind.
"Amu?"
"...Yeah?" She asked still hugging him tight, she needs this now, only this nothing else?
"I want a masala chai. Make it for me."
For second Amaya Kareem is sure she heard him wrong, but the moment she looks at his eyes, showing the sincerity for his cup of tea, she is now questioning his mental state, surely four days without her cost him his sanity.
"Zain.."
"The kitchen is.."
"... towards the left, I know that."
"So what are you waiting for?"
"..I am a guest here Zain..."
"..No you are not, and doesn't matter to me anyhow. I want a chai, I need a chai."
"..I want to kill you too, I need to kill you"
"Oh! Haven't you tried many times already, done it many times already, Amu?"
"..And you are still breathing? My bad."
"You should try harder next time. For now, chai."
"..I swear Zain, I will kill you one day"
"..I know you will, but trust me even then nothing will change, it will stay the same."
The same, nothing changed.
A feeling is engulfing them. A certain is filling the air between them. The feeling they both know, but no one will voice it, not now at least.
"Amu.."
"..Huh"
"Home is not home without you for me, and that will remain unchanged, always"
A smile is her answer, a twilight in eyes speaks those million words, her lips couldn't.
"Chai??"
"Masala chai." A smile on his lips, happiness in those eyes.
Moving around, she takes a step towards the left, only to be stopped the next moment, a chill goes through her spine. The left side is the kitchen, right side leads to a known corridor, at which is the room she spent her one whole summer, her room.
No matter what happens, the past remains there, but she can't let it surface now. A hold on her right wrist brings her back, Zain is here for her, with her.
Love is here, for them, with them.
●●●
Walking inside the kitchen, Rubina has a known smile on the face. Happiness is what she wants for Amaya and Zain.
"He is crazy about your masala chai."
"He is crazy without having it."
"Trust me Amy, this guy nearly lost all his senses in these few days."
"I already doubt his sense, Auntie"
"He was literally dying to come here. So I just tag along."
"You are visiting here after long."
"Decades, is the right answer." A sadness is there in Rubina Ahmed's voice.
This place has been her home for long, but after her husband, its lost too. It took her decades to be here again.
Decades is what it has been, Ahmed's left London. Decades Ahmed Khan left the world, but does life stop there? No it goes on, Rubina grieves for her loss, for many years, but life doesn't stop there. It goes on, and with time it heals, slowly but surely.
"Amy..."
"Huh Auntie?"
"Life will not give second chances always, especially not in love, and if you are lucky enough to get it, don't lose it in the fear of losing it."
"Auntie, I won't do that."
"I know, because you are brave enough to face it."
She is brave enough to fight it. Losing a chance, that too in love, in finding a home, is utmost stupidity, and she can't be that stupid.
But again, being with Zain Amir is an insane move, it means taking a trip near to the past, a past lane she left long ago, in the hope of never visiting it.
Perhaps love is insane, heart is stupid, and Zain Amir is over all of that.
An aroma of milk mixing with cardamom and tea leaves fills the air, and Zain's heart fills with happiness. Soon a cup of chai is in front of him, a smile on her lips, a smile on his lips, happiness in them. A sip of chai, and he is home.
A perfect cup of masala chai.
"This is perfect.."
"You are an idiot"
"You are beautiful."
Zain and his words, Amaya can never deny that she is home, she is in love with that smile, with those words. A fear is there, but she is ready to face it, maybe.
●●●
Walking towards her car, holding his hands, many thoughts are there in their minds, no words on their lips. But one cannot deny the presence of love in the air today. With a tug in her wrist, Zain stops her, he has to tell her.
"..Amu.."
"What? I need to go now. But remember, tomorrow, be there at my place, and bring Auntie too, Maa will be so happy to meet her."
"Yeah I will."
"Now should.."
"Don't."
A step towards her, he touched their foreheads together, hands in hands, holding tight, eyes closed. A little white ball falls, then another, one after one follows. The sky is giving it's consent too, a sign Zain needs.
"It's snowing"
"Can't be more perfect."
"For what?"
"For.. for us, Amore."
Amore, love is here, in the air, in those amber eyes, something similar in her hazel ones too, love is here, between them, for each other. So is fear.
But as she tries to take a step back, he holds her tight.
"Not today, Amu"
"..Zain.. it can ruin us." She knows, he smiles.
"It can be perfect too, Amu."
"What if.."
"Life is too short to spend up these what ifs, and I want a long life with you."
"Think again Zain because one step towards me means one step towards everything that comes with me. My past baggage, my ambitious career, my scars and my fears too"
"And mine too. But I am ready for it."
"I was broken once."
"I am the cure for that, you are healing, I want to be there as you heal. I want to nurse you back to life, because you mi amore, deserve a life full of happiness. Perhaps I want to be a part of it."
"What if I run away from you, again?"
"I will find my way back to you"
"What if I don't want to be found?"
"Then you will come back to me one day"
The confidence in his voice speaks for everything.
"Zain.. it's"
" I am Zain, Amu, your Zain"
This is needed now.
"..I know." A sigh, of relief, of surety.
"And this stupid heart of mine beats for you, for you to be close, near me, for you to take me home, for your masala chai, perhaps for all the love I have for you.
I.. I love you Amaya."
A tear is dying to escape from her hazel orbs, but she chose not to let it.
"Zain.. you are my home."
A smile on his face, Amu seeks a home and he is that to her, what more can he ask for? Love, that can wait, for her to voice it, for her to overcome her demons.
"That's perfect Amu."
With that he kissed her forehead, happy smiles in faces. A sloppy kiss and a tight hug.
He wins today, so does his ove
The sky smiles at them, giving a few more shots of white tiny balls. Zain holds her by her waist, pulling her close to his heart, a place where she belongs, always.
Her legs wobble, but he is holding her tight, I will always be there to hold you. He promised, and Zain always keeps his promises. The hug continues for long, so is the snow.
They are home.
Away from them near the gate, someone walks back towards the cab awaiting for him. Amaya Kareem is finding happiness again, she is taking chances in life again, a step towards Zain now, what else he can ask for. Her happiness is his need.
With that he fades away, like he was never here, he was never a reality.