"I think I'll dismember the world and then I'll dance in the wreckage."
— Neil Gaiman
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DAWN'S POV
My finger created ripples in the crystal blue water, the koi fish instantly swam away from the sudden disturbance.
Although, I should've felt bad for scaring them away; the coldness and the water itself helped to calm me down, especially when it happened to be one of those rare times where Jiro wasn't available to knock sense into me and stop me from overthinking. He had been asked to help with the reparations and heavy-lifting. A wolf of his stature and strength provided use in making the reconstruction of the many buildings that had faced damage from the snake attack, quicker. It had made me happy knowing that he willingly agreed to help others.
Konoha Crush.
That was what they'd named the assault on the Leaf. Shortly after I'd decided to counteract Sasuke's Chidori with my abilities, a foolish decision that had landed me with second degree burns and sessions applying a soothing ointment, the entire stands were subjected to a Genjutsu that had made them fall unconscious. Fortunately for me, Sasuke had swept in and prevented me from being of those that had suffered, considering Genjutsu were one of my major weaknesses, but his strength.
I would be lying if I said that I didn't fall into a state of panic, though my reasoning revolved more around the fact that I had an impeding fear of the past repeating itself. I was terrified that I'd have to watch another Village perish to an onslaught. That my dreams would've mirrored reality— that those screams and the blood puddling the grounds and the skies of amber and the clouds of smoke and burning trees and rotten corpses, wouldn't merely be a fear of mine anymore. It was irrational of me to had panicked so foolishly like that, but the pure terror I'd felt striking me in the core overwhelmed my senses and my ability to think logically.
But like I said, Sasuke was there.
"Why aren't you moving?"
I heard him perfectly fine, but I was appalled by the sally of Suna and Oto forces flooding in altogether from every possible direction; armed with weaponry and the intent to fight anyone they land their eyes on first.
It wasn't like I hadn't fought enemies before, it was necessary if it meant having to survive outside of an unstable home for a whole year. Enemies lurked around the corner and breathed down your neck, ready to attack at any given moment. Albeit, my fear originated from the fact that it wasn't a petty ambush, it was a large-scale attack, planned and orchestrated with the intent to overpower the Leaf and take over.
Besieging the Leaf meant conquering it, and by conquering Land you must take down it's leader.
That was what happened to my Village. My mother had perished first, and then my father, and then my siblings— and then my entire Village all in one, ultimate cleanse. The fear of losing my Village again blinded me from moving, I couldn't move-
"Remember those times when you told me to keep my shit together whenever I'd panic in the heat of battle?" Sasuke placed his hands on my shoulder, forcing me to look at him. "Well, this is me trying to do the same. It's okay to panic and feel scared, that's what you said to me multiple times and I understand that, so take your own advice and let's go. You can panic later all you want."
"And besides, it's not like I'm going to let anything happen to you."
A frown made it's way to my lips. He must've thought I was hypocritical, that all the other times I tried appearing in control was a ruse to conceal my cowardice.
Yet, he didn't seem like he was disappointed and he had actually managed to suppress my overwhelming urge to curl into a ball and cry. But, again, he didn't care. He never seemed to be deterred by my weaknesses, he didn't make fun of me either, instead he found an unusual way of helping me through it and I was forever thankful towards him for that.
It was a few days after the Konoha Crush had ended, and many things had occurred. The repercussions were severe, so it surprised me how the Village had managed to get it together and began fixing things up. One of those repercussions happened to be the death of the Third Hokage: Hiruzen Sarurobi. It wasn't like I had family born here to tell me about the greatness of the Third Hokage as well as his wisdom and strength that the people at the funeral spoke about, but the love in the words spoken about him as well as the melancholic twinge in the air told me that he was loved and adored by everyone.
Almost as if fate wanted to create even more of a moral panic, the attack was used as a decoy to not only assassinate the Third Hokage, but the Fourth as well as his wife.
However, unlike the outcome of the Third's death, Minato and Kushina had managed to escape unscathed. Well... one of them unscathed. Where Kushina and Mikasa hadn't been harmed, Minato was said to have been under the influence of an extremely powerful Genjutsu and hadn't awoken since the attack. The downfall of the Fourth, the man said to be the most powerful Leader within the Village, was what hit people the hardest. It arose panic, uncertainty, but more importantly, concerns from the public.
It was all people had been talking about every time I roamed the streets. They were wondering whether Minato was a suitable ruler considering he had been taken down so easily. It felt insensitive to justify the pros and cons of his leadership when he was currently bedridden and unconscious, with no way of telling when he was going to wake up and in what ways the Genjutsu had affected him. Despite feeling that my opinion was invalid, throughout the years of living in the Leaf, Minato had been extremely kind and gentle towards my situation. I didn't feel pressurised into spilling everything about my life, despite him having every reason to. Not many were kind and patient like him.
Not to mention it was Orochimaru who was the mastermind behind the attack.
I grimaced, turning my attention back to the water.
Genin missions were postponed till it was safe enough for the younger majority to proceed through with their daily routine again, so I had decided to stow away in the hidden garden and hoped that no one would worry about finding me. I should've known that Orochimaru was involved in this, I'd seen it with my own eyes, I'd felt his intent, why couldn't my stupid powers of foresight predict this occurrence?
Nothing felt right.
It was an anomaly and amidst the destruction, something else had happened. Five new cases of internalised burning occurred within the stands. It was contingent and labelled as unfortunate casualties of the Crush. Only a handful of people knew the truth- I knew the truth, and I had every reason to believe that due to the Hokage being out of commission- so long there wasn't any stable ruler- more people were going to die. More people were going to suffer like Yin. Their deaths were undoubtedly excruciating and painful. It didn't feel right that the truth was concealed, it only meant that it was stripped of the recognition it deserved and there were families mourning over the bodies of their loved ones without knowing the full reason why.
Pulling my hand out of the water, I buried my face into my knees. "It's not my fault- it's not my fault- it's beyond your control- it's not my fault."
This power was a burden. Most would consider being able to foresee the future, being able to know the past, present and future of another was advantageous- and whilst it was when knowing how to control it- the burden of knowing that there were things that could've been prevented but haven't was reckoning. It felt like willingly dosing a vial of poison without knowing what the cure was or the extent it could harm you.
But it was incredibly harmful.
And here I was, wallowing in self-pity, wondering why it had to be me that was burdened with such a destructive power? Someone like me, who had things to worry about other than anticipating a vision of someone's death. It was unnatural, it made me hate myself more than I already do-
"When I said to panic later, this isn't what I meant you dumbass."
"Then what did you mean?" I mumbled into my arm. "You said I can panic all I want, so that's what I'm doing. I didn't realise panicking came with personalised terms and conditions. Next time I'll ask for the paperwork before I decide to panic."
"I didn't ask to be attacked like this either." Sasuke frowned, before shaking his head. "Now lift your head up."
Rolling my eyes, I did as he said and gave him the harshest glare I could muster. I should've known he would've came here first to look for me. Now I was beginning to regret showing him this place.
"Well, don't you look like a ray of sunshine?" He retorted sarcastically, before kneeling on the ground. "Arm out."
I blinked. "Arm- what?"
Sasuke stared at me blankly. "Arm," he pointed at my bandaged arm. "give me."
I hesitantly held my arm out, watching as he positioned it in front of him and began to unwrap the bandages. I grimaced at the skin that was beginning to blister. It was a wonder why he willingly wanted to look at that and take care of it for me, but he insisted.
"You don't need to—"
"Shut up." He rolled his eyes. "You got burnt by my Jutsu because you're stupid so let me do this since your healing thing is not doing it's job."
"Yeah, something happened during my training and now it's gone into hiding. Then again, I never really knew how it worked, the only time it's useful is when my life is in danger."
The Uchiha raised his eyebrow. "So that's it. Your quick healing is a defence mechanism against danger, since you weren't in actual danger against me during the fight, it wasn't triggered. Speaking of which, after the tension has died out, I demand a proper rematch. At the training grounds. Outside your house. No objections."
"What happened to asking?" I pondered sarcastically, wincing as he applied the paste. "And yeah, sure. I still need to humble your ass and beat the shit out of you so I have no objections." I smiled at him innocently.
"Yeah, right." He snorted. "You seem awfully overconfident about winning. I will win."
My smile soon washed away. Although, it wasn't the most important thing to worry about now, there wasn't any chance that I made it to Chunin. I knew that my performance had flaws that the examiners caught onto since their job was to examine the match. Not to mention it was interrupted by the attack.
"Do you think there's a chance of us becoming Chunin?" I asked curiously.
Sasuke glanced at me. "Well, if you're talking about me, I doubt it. If I'm being honest, I was more focused on trying to prove myself to my family and fighting you that becoming Chunin completely left my mind. But you? I guess in a way you're kind of ahead of the game and that's not me being nice, I'm just stating what everyone else is thinking. You should give yourself a lot more credit."
I blinked in surprise, watching as he finished off bandaging the wound. I never expected those words to come out of Sasuke's mouth, but then again I'd like to think that at this point of time, I could call him a close friend of mine. He always knew the right things to say at the right time, as if he could read the thoughts in my head and knock down the insecurities piling up. We could joke and insult each other one minute, and the next we could be each other's walls and provide help when we needed a little support.
I didn't know whether he treasured our friendship as much as I did, but I was glad that I made the decision in finding a friend in him. So maybe that was why I decided to tell him something I never thought I'd tell anyone.
"Can I tell you something?" I asked abruptly, facing my body back towards the water nervously. "I don't think I can keep this to myself, not when it keeps pestering me like this."
"Go on." Sasuke nodded encouragingly.
Do I just... tell him? With Jiro, the words just slip out. With anyone else, I freeze up and panic even more. But it's Sasuke, he would listen. He always listens.
"If you don't want to, you don't have to force yourself." He assured.
"No- I have to." I mumbled, before sighing.
I was overthinking too much. It was about time I started growing up and stopped being so stubborn when it came to my mental well-being. I may not care much about myself, but it didn't mean I had to continue to suffer. Friends meant that communication and trust weighed evenly, if I kept secrets, these secrets would bite me in the ass and end up backfiring. The least I wanted to do was ruin my relationship with the people I cared about.
Besides, the only way to suppress my fears and not let it control me was to do exactly what I was afraid of and bare the consequences, regardless whether or not the outcome was good or bad.
"I can see into the future." I blurted out straightforwardly.
Sasuke blinked. "Huh?"
"And the past and the present. I can see how a person is, or an event that had happened in their lives or will happen. I don't know much about it, it started to occur during the beginning of joining this team and I can't control when it happens. Sometimes I pass out, other times it's momentary glimpses of the future. And my eyes, from what Jiro told me, turns into this silvery colour."
His silence made me feel nervous, it made me wonder whether he believed me or if he needed time adjusting to the information I told him. The longer he took to respond, the more my thoughts began to cloud my judgement.
"That time in the Land of Waves, where you fell unconscious during the battle when we first met Zabuza." Sasuke said in realisation. "At the time, you knew that Haku and Zabuza were good because you saw it, didn't you? And those times during the exam where your eyes flickered silver and you told me it was the light. And during dinner at my house."
"It happened at those times." I confirmed, my hands clasped onto my neck to stop them from shaking.
"I didn't expect you to say that." He admitted honestly, appearing shocked and a little lost. "Well, is it like a Kekkei Genkai of some sorts?"
"No." I denied. "So... you believe me?"
"I don't have any reason not to. And you're not the type to lie about things like this." Sasuke shrugged, seconds later he furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait a minute... don't tell me you've kept this to yourself this entire time?"
I felt small under his intense gaze. "Yeah." I mumbled.
"Idiot!" Sasuke hissed, before flicking my forehead with his two fingers.
I recoiled, rubbing my forehead with a deep frown. "Why did you flick me?"
"Because you're an idiot." He rolled his eyes. "Seeing the future and the past? Even the thought of that sounds like huge burden to bare and you've been baring that by yourself. Only idiots take everything onto themselves and not share it with anyone else."
"Like you have room to speak." I gaped, my eye twitching in annoyance. "It's not like you are very open."
"At least I don't overthink like you." He shot back heatedly. "It all makes sense, that's why you're here with that sad look on your face. You're blaming yourself for not being able to see the attack a few days ago and doing anything about it."
Bullseye.
"I- I can't help it." I muttered, my insecurities crawling all over my skin, my heart beating erratically in growing fear. "I can't control it. This-this isn't something anyone should want. This sort of power is destructive if the wrong person has it, I don't know if it's transferable but... it messes with me. It's terrifying being able to see death and not knowing whether it was something that was going to happen or will happen. And the guilt of not being able to prevent something bad from happening, I can't handle dealing with this."
"Some things are beyond your control and that's the way it is. There's nothing you can do." Sasuke murmured.
He was right. It was questionable why he had to tell me that in order for me to understand that I had no choice in many things. What had happened to my family was beyond my control. What had happened to me or Keiji was beyond my control as well. Not being able to know things about myself or Sora's presence were all things that, although I couldn't wrap my mind around, I still had no control.
Maybe I should just give up and accept the fact that this was how my life was always going to be. A continuity of death, written on a stone plaque—
Flick.
"Ow!" I yelped, rubbing my forehead again. "Why'd you flick me again?"
"Because you didn't even let me finish my sentence off before you went and began to overthink." He accused, crossing his arms. "I'm surprised there's no steam emitting from your head from the amount of times you spend overthinking daily."
My face heated up. "I don't always overthink."
"Yes you do." He said bluntly, giving me an unimpressed look.
"Only sometimes-"
"Sometimes?"
"Okay, maybe I do overthink a lot."
"That's what I thought." Sasuke smirked smugly. "As I was saying, you can't control this random power, but it doesn't mean you should struggle alone. You can- you can..."
"You can console about it to me." He finally said, looking away as his hair curtained the side of his face. "I mean, not many people would think I'm the best therapist, but that's what... friends are for, right? I don't really know much about friendship since you're kind of my first real friend."
I'm his first real friend? I tried not to openly ogle at him, but I couldn't help but be surprised. Now that I think about it, back in the Academy he didn't talk much either, it was mainly others talking about him whilst he brooded in the corner, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but there. The same exact thing that I'd do back in the Academy as well. It was a mystery why it only registered now that him and I were very similar in many aspects.
Because you misjudged him. A voice reminded. It wasn't like you'd make any effort to approach him. In fact, you wanted to separate yourself from everyone.
"It's fine, I don't really know much about friendship either." I grinned lightly. "So, I guess it doesn't really matter how either of us act."
Sasuke glanced at me, a small smile playing on his lips. "I have a question."
"Okay, but what are you planning on doing with that question?"
"I should've known you were going to say something like that." He grumbled, before asking. "Why didn't you make an effort in making friends in the Academy? A lot of people were curious about you, I'm sure being able to bond with someone over their curiosity wouldn't be an issue."
My eyes latched onto the koi fish that had returned to the spot my fingers were beforehand. The answer to that question was painfully simple, it was because I was scared.
"Back when I used to travel, I guess seeing all different kinds of people shaped my opinion on them. I developed a fear of people. It kind of mixes with my social anxiety as well, making me a nervous wreck."
Unwanted memorised began to lurk in the corner of my mind. Nights spent seeking shelter from storms within a makeshift tent or vacant, uninhabitable rooms with holes in the ceiling. Being a child with a companion that wasn't human meant that money was a huge issue, almost everything was destroyed in the fire excluding a few, small items that I'd managed to find buried beneath the rubble. Travelling at that age was a terrible experience, especially when I was still traumatised from the last two years and knowing that I was truly all alone in the dark, empty world.
Truthfully speaking, the only reason I was barely clinging onto the pitiful life I had was the fear of abandoning Jiro and Keiji's sacrifice being in vain. Even then, I had been selfish and attempted to take my life. I was tired of constantly waking up trembling and in tears because of a nightmare. I was terrified of returning back to the place that had shattered me into a million pieces.
It had been six years and my fear had continued to increase. Except, I was not only afraid of the monsters that lurked on the earth, but the ones that were now making an appearance in my mind after years of hiding. It was one of the main reasons why I could never let anyone know about the darkest years of life, they would think of me differently. The fake identity I constructed of myself meant that others created a fake outlook on the person they thought I was.
They only saw a glimpse of what my nightmares looked like, but it was my selfishness that grasped onto the fact that I had people who cared about the fake side of me- that I eventually became that person, in fear they'd stop caring.
"Well, you're pretty cool for a person who's so scared of people." Sasuke placed his hand on my head and ruffled my hair fondly.
The gesture might've meant nothing to him, but made my mind go completely blank. I've been deprived of affection for so long that over the years I was unable to differentiate the difference between manipulation and genuine care. The owl claimed that she was the only one who cared about me and at some point, in my own twisted way, I wanted to believe that. But the affection that Keiji showed me wasn't violent or cruel, it provided safety and security. When I was with him, I felt invincible, like I had an army of Shinobi lined in front of me, protecting me from any danger.
So it was strange when I suddenly felt the same exact way the moment Sasuke's hand gently placed itself on my head, and his dark eyes filled with warmth.
"I- I am?" I fumbled over my words in shock.
He squinted his eyes at me. "Why is that surprising? It's like you've never been complimented before."
Because I'm so used to hearing the word 'monster' in my head that I'd forgotten what it felt like to hear otherwise.
"I'm not someone most would call 'cool'. More like, weird or abnormal." I mumbled, shying away from his inquisition.
"You are pretty weird as well."
My shoulders slumped.
"Thanks." I replied wryly.
He grinned. "No problem."
The sound of a hawk squawking attracted our attention. A rather large eagle with brown, widespread wings abruptly fluttered to the ground landing in front of me. I stared at the bird sceptically, noticing the boxed latch bound around the eagle's body with leather straps.
"Are you going to open it?" Sasuke asked expectantly.
"How do you know it's for me?" I raised an eyebrow, but complied.
Hesitantly opening the box, I pulled out the scroll and began unravelling it. The moment my eyes latched onto the words, my heart stopped and my jaw flew to the ground.
"What is it?" He probed eagerly.
Unable to formulate a sentence, I handed him the scroll. Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes widening as they skimmed over the words. Seconds later, he smirked, looking up.
"Well, does that answer your question, midget?" Sasuke shot, his eyes twinkling in amusement, but I could tell he was happy.
"I guess that settles it then." I breathed out, before smiling. "We're officially Chunin."
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KABUTO
He was no saviour, or Knight-in-shining armour, or a stupid hero. He was simply, a fool.
Throughout his life, he committed many crimes and obediently followed the orders of Orochimaru. After all, the Sannin provided him with purpose, he gave his life meaning. He was the boy who had been forgotten or psychologically erased from the memory of the only person he had remotely cared about. He was someone who no one spared a glance at, who no one talked to, or spoke about, or even thought about, because his life was as significant as a tiny little ant.
Granted, Kabuto would be foolish to undermine his abilities. His impeccable research and skill in altering his personality to adjust to the role he had been given has provided to be useful when infiltrating the Leaf's defences. For a long time he had wondered what exactly Orochimaru had been planning under his nose, and when the attack was effectuated, he was starting to see things a lot more clearer than it had ever been before. And to say that this had been one of the very few things to have surprised him in many years, would be an understatement.
A full-scale incursion, with Suna and Oto forces to infiltrate the Leaf as a decoy for his ultimate motive: the assassination of Hiruzen Sarurobi, to which he had successfully admonished. But not once had he mentioned an attempt to scathe the lives of the Fourth and his pregnant wife.
No... that wasn't how Orochimaru worked.
This plan was either an attempt of purposefully trying to instigate a reaction, or it was a rookie mistake.
A rookie mistake?
He immediately scoffed. Who was he kidding? No, mere rookie would be able to send Minato Namikaze out of commission, a Kage, someone who was known for his speed and power. Even Orochimaru was wise enough to not go after him himself. Orochimaru made no mistakes. In some way, he always ensured that he had the upper hand, that was the way he was. He always did. And this time, his upper hand came in the form of Sasuke Uchiha.
Sasuke Uchiha.
Thirteen years old. Son of Fugaku Uchiha, the head of the Uchiha Clan. Unlocked his Sharingan on a mission in the Land of Waves. The inferior, over-looked brother of Itachi Uchiha. Other than his somewhat decent Taijutsu and use of Kakashi Hatake's lightning blade: Chidori, there wasn't anything noteworthy that would make Orochimaru pick him out of all people, to bestow his curse mark- knowing very well there was the possibility of him not being able to handle the power given to him.
However, Kabuto sensed that there was more to him than being the lesser of two prodigies he was often compared to. He couldn't quite grasp onto what it was.
A scapegoat? Kabuto pondered. Likely. No, there's more. The girl. His teammate.
Dawn. Her, on the other hand, was an enigma. A walking mystery, a puzzle that even he couldn't solve. He was almost convinced that she had just appeared out of nowhere with no background entail whatsoever. When analysing her Ninja cards, not a single piece of information appeared. Her performance during the preliminaries as well as the third round was eye-catching. Control, she lacked it. Watching her was like watching a puppet being controlled by invisible strings; she was fuelled by fear. Only that, he didn't know what'd implemented that fear.
Though, something else intrigued him. Her eyes- her damned silver eyes-
Just like mine.
Was Orochimaru aware of the power she bestowed? The same power he and that pesky Uchiha boy had? The possibilities were endless, his mind was a cave with numerous entrances and exits, tunnels leading to different locations. He needed to think. The girl would've been a suitable candidate for the curse mark. Meaning, Orochimaru has a use for Sasuke. Why does he use people? For his own benefit? Yes. No, there was more. To antagonise, to gain the upper hand, he wasn't working alone.
"No, that's absurd. He uses people, he's always ahead. Even within the Leaf's jurisdiction, he had always been the one in control. He can't possibly..." Kabuto pulled his glasses off, wiping the glass with the hem of his shirt. "Unless, he knows that in this situation he wouldn't be able to have the upper hand..."
Like he'd said, he was no saviour.
Hands in his pockets and a cloak masking his identity, did he walk at a steady pace- carefully manoeuvring himself around the Leaf's heightened defences. Although Konoha was known for it's land security, Kabuto had many years of experience to be able to slip by unnoticed. He wasn't a saviour, nor was he the good guy. He was just finding his purpose, and if his purpose involved seeing visions of the future and saving Kushina Uzumaki from her demise, then so be it.
I wonder what Nonō would say about this. He mused to himself. Oh wait, nothing. Because I killed her.
Yikes.
"They're watching me closely. I should've known you'd get your hands on their schedule. They'll be back soon, Kabuto."
Eyeing the Sannin nonchalantly, he shrugged. "It's not like I have anything else better to do. And yes, I'm aware, I only came here for confirmation."
It was an amusing sight to see Orochimaru bound by numerous seals, his arms drizzled with bandages- freshly wounded from the act of murdering his Sensei. Kabuto had been kept out of the loop in accordance to his plans, but a part of him knew that the Leaf had- and if not, at least managed an attempt of rehabilitation throughout his time served in incarceration. It was enough for him to bestow lenience towards his past affiliations and not pull off something as outrageous as this. And yet he did. He had so many questions, yet such little time to ask.
In some way, he knew that the Sannin had caught onto his volatile loyalty, but still trusted him for some weird reason.
Orochimaru narrowed his yellow, reptile eyes, the amber luminescence more noticeable in the dim room. It sent a shiver down his spine. For someone immobilised by restraints, his presence had a general, daunting effect.
"No." He muttered. "It wasn't my doing. Trust your instincts, I have a feeling you'd be able to use your eyes far better than what everyone else can see."
Kabuto's eyes widened slightly.
Orochimaru smirked momentarily, before his gaze hardened. "But, no matter what, do not expose yourself. It's too dangerous, even for me."