Saturday
"Ola, my friend!" Lucas cheerfully exclaimed when Senn answered the door about half an hour after their phonecall. He held up a six-pack of beers, and two bags with chocolate chip cookies. "If chocolate works for girls, it should work for guys as well."
Senn couldn't fight a smirk in response, while Avan shoved another six pack of beers into his arms. "Beer? Really?"
"What, don't tell me Tessa and Dean are going to take them from us while you're obviously in desperate need of some cheering up?" Lucas pouted as he stepped inside.
"Would be hypocrite too, since they do allow you to go to McCoy's party and drink beers without adult supervision," Avan said, as he followed Lucas into the house and towards the living room.
"Maybe it's because they don't know the details, like the fact it's unsupervised," Senn said, chuckling because of them. "But since they're not home right now, we can grab beers unsupervised again."
"Home alone?"
"I think Jessica is in her room."
Senn rolled his eyes when he noticed his two best friends exchanging a look, wiggling their eyebrows at each other.
"I will still stab your eyes out if you keep ogling her ass," Senn grumbled, shaking off the thought of Jessica as a hot girl. He also didn't miss the new look the two guys exchanged, before Avan turned to him with a frown.
"You remember telling us that?"
"I do now, why? When did I say that?"
"Dude..." Lucas cleared his throat, "days before... you know..." He shrugged a shoulder, staring at their feet.
Senn shrugged as well, even though both Avan and Lucas were staring anywhere but at him. "I don't really know when, or where we were or... I mean, you know?"
Lucas snorted, and soon, Avan laughed along with him.
"No, dude, I don't know."
Senn laughed shortly, shaking his head before he sighed. "I remember the words, but I can't really connect them with images in my head. I have that a lot. I can't envision the moments."
"Well, it sounds like progress nonetheless," Avan replied, sitting down on the couch before grabbing himself a can of beer.
"I'm just not sure if I should be happy that I'm rembering things that were said days before my life got fucked over, you know?" Senn slumped down on the couch tiredly. "What if I start remembering the accident? I don't want to remember that."
"No, but the happy moments are good to remember, right?" Lucas said, sitting down next to him, patting his knee. "Besides, there's room in your head to worry over Elio, so you are making progress in your process of grieving."
"Thanks, for reminding me Elio is just another person I care about that I lost."
"You didn't lose him." Avan pointed out, turning in his seat to face Senn. "You have a slight hic-up, but he actually seemed hurt over... you and Julian?"
Senn nodded to tell him his guess was correctly.
"So, he cares about you too. If he didn't, he wouldn't be so goddamn pissed."
"Yeah, but I'm also still unsure whether or not I should be pissed he outed me in his anger."
Lucas nudged him with a small smile. "Two plus sides to that. One, nobody I spoke to was negative about it. Two, he also outed himself, for you."
Senn rolled his eyes again, completely disagreeing with him in this. "Look, I know you want me to see some kind of bright side to all this, but there isn't. Coming out is my thing. My decision, not his. He didn't have the right to do that on my behalf. How people respond to it doesn't even matter, because it should still have been my decision to tell it to them in the first place."
"So, long story short, you are angry," Avan concluded, nodding along with him. "And I agree with Senn that this is something only Senn should've decided."
"I'm not... angry. I think." Senn dropped his head on the back of the couch, groaning. This was complicated to explain. Because part of him probably was angry because Elio reacted so dramatically to something that could so easily be explained. But anger wasn't what was controlling him—after all, he knew all too well what is was like to be consumed by anger—and this wasn't it.
He was also kind of curious. Curious as to why Elio made such a big deal out of this. Why had he been so angry that he felt the need to down shot after shot until Senn was in front of him? Why hadn't he walked up to him and Julian when he saw it happen. If he would've done that, he would've heard Senn explain things to Julian.
But what kept a hold of him most of all, was the feeling of being hurt.
"It's complicated. I don't like the fact he outed me, but I do understand he downed a shitload of shots, and he was seeing red because he saw me kissing Julian. He wasn't thinking straight."
"Obviously." Lucas muttered.
Senn snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. "I didn't know you could stoop to such a low level of obvious jokes."
"And we'll be here all day for your entertainment," Lucas said, bowing proudly.
Senn hit him, laughing along with Avan over his stupid humor, before he continued; "I'm not angry, just hurt. I get it, but that doesn't make it right. Besides, he never allowed me to explain the fact I pushed Julian away, told him about Elio and that I wanted to seriously try and be with him."
"Well, in that case, we'll make sure you two get a chance to talk this over," Avan told him with a small smile. "You want to explain what happened on your side, he deserves a chance to explain why he reacted the way he did. But none of this is a reason to give up, alright?"
And Senn knew Avan was right, but that didn't make it any easier.
* * * I'm so sorry for the long wait! Some of you might have read my announcements, most probably didn't; I've been having trouble with anxiety a lot lately (the whole Covid-restrictions are getting to my head). I've not been in the right state of mind to upload this chapter and face the reactions. But, today, I do, so here we are :D Hope you've enjoyed it! * * *
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Love, June