When I entered the potions classroom at seven o'clock, Professor Snape wasn't here but Fred was. He was sitting with his head in his palm and as I stepped into the cold room, his eyes landed on me and his elbow slipped off the table.
Our eyes met and I couldn't hold back the sigh that escaped my lips. He looked surprised to see me which makes sense. This is my second time getting detention in my six years of attending Hogwarts.
Now I had to spent Merlin knows how long in this classroom with Fred and him looking extra good today did not help with how difficult it was going to be.
"Are you sure you're in the right place?" he asked when I approached and sat down on the chair next to him. I looked at him and nodded.
"This is detention with Snape, right?" I asked. "Because that's exactly where I'm supposed to be."
"What did you do to end up here?"
"Does it matter?"
"I'm just asking." he held up his hands in defence. "It's easier to make conversation than just sit in silence until Snape gets here."
I sighed.
"Nick and I got caught in the forbidden forest." I told him. "Professor Sprout assigned me to help you in Snape's detention and Nick got assigned to help George in Filch's office."
"What were you doing in the forbidden—"
"Fred." I interrupted and turned in the chair to face him. "Why are you interested? Why are you acting like this is a conversation we have to have. We're not together anymore. You're not my boyfriend and you're not my friend so please shut up so we can get through this detention so I can get back to my friends. The people who actually care about me."
His eyes searched my face before he shook his head and turned away from me.
"You know I love you." He said. "You know I care. I told you while I had a fucking truth serum in my system."
"I don't want you to love me, Fred." I sighed. "I want you to stop. If we got back together, you'd only hurt me again."
"No I wouldn't."
"You don't know that!"
"Well you don't know that either!"
"No... probably not." I shrugged. "But I do know that I saw you make out with Johnson and I even... I thought you had fucked her because I couldn't fulfill your needs."
He looked at me again with a frown.
"And you know what I did?" I asked. "I went and I fucked someone during the summer."
I was trying to hurt him and maybe that made me a bad person but I needed him to stop chasing me for a moment. He made me feel like I couldn't breathe so I just wanted him to leave me alone to let me get some air and think about things.
"No you didn't."
"Yes." I breathed. "I did."
"Let's get this started so you can finish quickly." It came from the door as Professor Snape entered. He had his usual cold expression on his face and he pulled out his wand, flicking it in the air which made all the jars on the shelves fly through the air and sit themselves down on the table where Fred and I sat. "You two will sort every ingredient. Bad ones are to be thrown out. I will be back in ten minutes. If I see either one of you have moved an inch from the table, your punishment will get worse. Now get this over with since I am sure we all have places we'd rather be."
Then he left again and Fred and I both sighed at the amount of jars we had to go through but we got started so we could get finished and get out of here.
"Who was it?" Fred asked. "The guy you slept with?"
"You don't need to know that."
"Was it Doe?"
"What?"
"Was it Doe?" He repeated. "You two seem to be awfully close. Kissing on the pitch, cuddling in the courtyard."
"Oh my god." I laughed. "You're insane. You are actually insane."
"I saw you on the pitch last month." He told me. "He kissed you and you kissed him back."
I ran my hands over my face and into my hair while taking a deep breath. A really deep breath.
"I asked him to kiss me." I told him. "So that you could feel the same as I did when seeing you with Johnson."
"Oh so it was revenge?" He looked at me. "You broke up with me, Jules."
"Because you fucking cheated!" I yelled in a quick outburst. I took another deep breath. "That doesn't mean I stopped loving you."
We both reached for the same jar and our hands touched, making shots of electricity shoot through my body.
He pulled his hand away and I grabbed the jar to sort the bad Flobberworms from the good ones.
"So was it him?" Fred asked. "Did you sleep with him?"
"No I didn't fucking sleep with him!" I told him. "It was this guy at a club home in Glasgow."
"A Muggle?"
"Yes, a Muggle."
"And this Muggle... was he good?"
"Oh c'mon." I groaned, throwing my head back as a suffocated laugh escaped my throat. "You're a pain in my arse."
"Was be good?" He repeated. He had stopped sorting the ingredients to look at me instead with a rough expression on his face.
"He was." I lied. "It was so good. Who knew sex in a club bathroom could be so pleasurable?"
He pressed his teeth together so hard that I could hear the sound of them colliding.
"Yeah, no it was great. Absolutely great. Took me against the wall. You know what made it better? I believe I remember him saying something about his age... twenty-two I believe. Means he's got lot more experience if you know what I mean."
I glanced at his hand that laid on the table. He clenched it shut into a fist to the point where his knuckles turned white.
"But—" I breathed when I got the uncomfortable feeling of guilt in my chest. "He wasn't better than you."
Fred snickered in response as he resumed the work we had to do.
"And... he was kinda a big twat to be honest." I said. "I didn't like it."
He inhaled sharply.
"I don't understand you." He told me. "First you tell me you had sex and for what? To hurt me? Then you tell me you didn't like it. What game are you playing? You are giving me these mixed signals. Sometimes it looks like you might give me a second chance and other times you are just completely closed off."
My teeth sunk into my bottom lip and I looked down at the table.
"You're not the only one who's confused." I said. "I confuse myself if I have to be honest. When I'm with you like I was with you in Hogsmeade... I forget why we broke up and it feels like how we were before I caught you with Angelina. Then something happens and I remember. You telling me you enjoyed the kiss certainly didn't help."
"You asked me."
"And I didn't expect the answer to be yes."
I felt his fingers brush past the side of my head as he brushed my hair behind my ear.
"Did it feel good when you kissed Seth?" He asked. "Did you enjoy that?"
I looked at him and our eyes met. I didn't answer and I realized what he was doing.
"Exactly." He nodded. "But you don't want him, do you?"
I shook my head.
"Just like I don't want Angelina."
"But it doesn't change the fact that you did kiss her while you were with me. The kiss with Seth was after our breakup."
He ran his fingers down to my jaw, then along it until he ran them from my chin and down over my throat.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "You can't hate me more than I hate myself for what I did to you."
His hand gently wrapped around my throat in a loose grip and his eyes flicked up to meet mine.
"I don't want to be without you."
I gulped, then stood up quickly, making his hand drop from my throat.
"I have to use the restroom."