Chapter Nine
"I have wanted to tell you this for the longest time." I said as we sat on my bed, we were alone and right now was the prefect chance to let him know how I felt about him. My palms started to feel clammy; the room suddenly felt like it was hundred degrees. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to tell him, what if he didn't feel the same way? I would feel like a damn fool if he told me he didn't.
I stared into his beautiful brown eyes, god it was so hard to figure out what was going through his head right now. I was so worried I was going to cross a line here, but I just couldn't sit here and pretend I didn't have feelings for him.
He chuckled lightly, "Why are you so nervous?" he said as he smiled at me. I laughed nervously as I scratched my head, god why was it so hard to get the words out? "Um sorry it's just that am afraid of what your reaction is going to be." I bit my lip as I looked at him; the smile on his face was gone, now he was frowning. That wasn't good, it could only mean one the, he knew what I was trying to say. Now he was going to tell me he doesn't feel the same way and he was going to leave me.
The silence was killing me, I should just tell him to leave, and it's a big mistake. "You know what never," he cut me off as he smashed his lips against mine. I was shocked and happy that he was kissing me. The way his lip pressed against mine as he used his tongue to coax my mouth opens for him to slip in. The way his moist velvety tongue over mine, caressing it ever so gently as he explored around every nook in my mouth. The feeling I felt was beyond words I couldn't explain and I was glad this was my first kiss and that I was sharing it with my best friend Frankie.
He broke the kiss first; if it wasn't for oxygen I would never have broken it. He stared at me with red swollen lips and hooded eyes. We both were breathing hard, "God I wanted to do that for the longest time." Frankie admitted, he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him until I was on top of him. "So now that you know my answer, what are we going to do about us?"
"Will you be my boyfriend?" I smiled at him as he nodded his head. I leaned in to kiss him again; I was truly the happiest boy right now. My best friend was now my boyfriend, life couldn't get any better than this. We continued to make out on my bed when suddenly someone pulled me off of Frankie. I was slammed onto the floor and looked up at who had grabbed me. I froze in place as I stared up at my dad; no I didn't want him to find out that I was gay. I knew he would never approve of my choice. I looked back at Frankie, he laid there stunned at what was going on.
"What the hell do you think you a doing?" my father yelled at me, the disgust laced heavily in his tone. I was scared but I was more scared for Frankie.
"Frankie run!" I shouted as I charged at my dad, I didn't care about what was going to happen to me. I just wanted Frankie out of here before my dad did something terrible to him. Frankie had made his way to the door but stopped to look at me wrestle my dad to the floor. "Frankie run, get out of here!" I yelled at him, but I could see it on his face he didn't want to go.
"Joaquin I'm not going to leave you here alone!" He shouted as he stomped his foot to the ground. "Then go get help please just find someone." He still didn't want to go but finally he ran off. I was finally able to get my dad off of me and tried to run but he grabbed my ankle. He dragged me back and picked me off the floor like I weighted nothing at all. He threw me on the bed landing face first, he then pinned me down on the bed.
"You think you can come into my house and be doing disgusting things like that?" I struggled to get free from him but couldn't, he out weighted me by a good fifty pounds. "You must be pretty stupid to think I was going to let you be like that in my house!" He pushed me harder on the bed, "if you want to be like that, then am going to show you just want is going to happen to you."
Fear kicked in as I fought harder to move, he yanked my pants and boxers off. I knew exactly what was going to happen, he was going to rape me. He was going to show me just would happen if I stayed gay. Tears started to blur my vision as I struggled against him, but nothing I did could break his hold. I started to whimper as I heard his belt come undone, he was going to rape me and no one was going to save me. I felt sick to my stomach, I felt like I was going to throw up.
"Joaquin, Joaquin, Joaquin wake up!" I groaned as I opened my eyes and found Aden staring down at me with worry. I sat up quickly, it wasn't a good idea. I could feel the nausea kicking in, push Aden out of my way and ran to the bathroom. I just made it in time as I emptied out everything that was in my stomach. God what was I thinking drink nothing but tequila, you weren't thinking. You just wanted to numb all the emotions you were feeling, because I just don't want to admit I like Grant.
Aden rushed into the bathroom; he kneeled down next to me as I rested me head on the toilet seat. "Oh my gods are you ok? You were thrashing around in your bed, we're you have a nightmare again?" I had been having that nightmare a lot lately, but it wasn't really a nightmare since I lived it. It had been so long since I had thought about that memory, it was the reason I was the way I am today. It was a memory that was forever burned into my mind, only a few people knew about it and Aden was one of them.
"I'm fine it wasn't anything; just remind me to never drink straight up tequila." My head started to pound; ugh it felt like someone was using it to play the drums on. "God how did I even get home last night?" all I could remember from last night was how Aaron majorly cock-blocked me and having nonstop shots of tequila, after that it was all a blur.
"You owe Joel an apology, he tried to cut you off and you were making a scene. After all that you passed out, Grant and I brought you home." Ugh just what I wanted, to look like a jackass in front of Grant.
"Thanks and I guess I own Grant a thanks as well." I slowly got up with some help from Aden.
"Good thing he is still here you can thank him and he made breakfast." I groaned great he had spent the night again and the only good thing out of this was I was out cold so I didn't have to hear them.
"Great, I'm just going to shower and I'll come out to eat breakfast." He nodded his head and walked out of the bathroom. I turned on the shower and got in, letting the water wash over my body. I ached all over and I was tired of everything. I was tired of denying what I felt for Grant; I was tired of being scared. I was tired of still letting my father haunt me; it had been over ten years since that day. I hated him still to this day for what he did, because of him I was afraid to let myself fall in love. And the one time I did, it just blow up in my face like he said it would.
I wanted Grant but I was still afraid to give myself to him. But that wasn't my only problem, I had lost my chance with him, he was going out with Aden. I might be an asshole but I was about to steal a guy away from my own cousin. The only thing I could do was just be friends with him and maybe once he and Aden break up I could still have a chance.
I walked into the kitchen and only found Grant there, he was reading the paper while sip his coffee. He looked up from the paper and smiled at, "Good morning Joaquin." Is it pathetic I missed him calling me buttercup? Of course it is you idiot, you told him not to call you that anymore. I poured myself a cup of coffee and joined him at the table.
"Good morning, where's Aden?" I picked up the part of the newspaper he already read.
"Oh he got called into work, are you hungry I could get you a plate ready?" even though I had a bitch of a hangover, I was starving. I had ended up throwing up everything I had eaten the day before. "Yeah thanks," Grant got up and got me a plate ready. I watched as he placed a stack of fluffy golden brown pancakes and crispy bacon on a plate. He placed the plate in front of me; I watched as the pate of butter melt and slowly drip off the side. Grant handed me the maple syrup, I poured a generous amount over the stack.
"Thank you," I cut the stack and stuck the stack of triangles in mouth. I moaned as the melted butter and maple syrup hit my taste buds. These had to be the best pancakes I have ever eaten. "Mmm these are some really good pancakes." I took a strip of bacon and ate it with another bite of pancakes, even the bacon was cooked to perfection.
"You're welcome, glad you enjoy my cooking." Grant sat there as he watched me eat everything off my plate. I placed my plate in the dishwasher with the other dirty dishes.
"So it seems like I owe you a thanks, thank you for saving me from falling face first onto the floor." Grant smiled as he added his coffee cup to the dishwasher.
"Well it would have been a shame to let such a pretty face to get all bruised up." He placed his fingers gently on my face, he was making it hard not to give in, but I just can't do that to Aden. He stared intensely at me as his fingers continued to lightly caress my face, heat crept up my cheeks. The room grew hotter the more he started at me, I was finding it hard to breathe, or to even thinking straight. I wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss Grant, how his lips would feel against mine. I leaned in closer to him; I know it was wrong to want this so bad. He was dating Aden, he was taken, and he was off limits. But yet I wanted him so bad, it he said he wanted me right now I wouldn't wait for one second. I needed to know what I was feeling for him was real and not just because I was desperate to have sex, so desperate I would be bottom. Even though I was scared, scared if I gave myself to him that he wasn't going to be gentle and it was going to bring back a memory I have tried to bury.
The words that my dad told me the last time I saw him rang in my head, it made me snap out of my clouded judgment and stepped away from Grant. No I just can't, he was right, I was only going to get hurt and I was never going to know what love is. Grant is just me, he only used guys for sex he wasn't going to want a relationship. I was kidding myself it I thought he wanted more than just sex.
I cleared my throat as I stepped more away from him. "So yeah thanks for last night and thanks for breakfast." We stood there quietly, until Grant spoke. "Do you have plans for today?"
"Not really why?"
"I thought we could hang out today as friends." Spending a whole day with Grant, maybe it would give me a chance to see a different side to him. Maybe I was wrong about him and only telling myself all this because I was scared. Maybe if I opened up more to him, he would understand all the fears and doubts I felt.
"Ok sure we can do that."
"Great I'll just run home and change, then I'll pick you up." He smiled; I just hoped I knew what I was getting into. I didn't need to fall even harder for him.