i've never felt this way before. that emptiness has taken over me. i couldn't eat, i couldn't talk, i couldn't move. i stayed in the same spot for at least two days. i didn't have my phone and i didn't have maddy. i had nothing.
nothing mattered anymore. i managed to fuck up one of the best things to ever happen to me. i managed to fuck up being a mother, a daughter, a girlfriend and a friend. i stared at the wall for hours and hours. i have no purpose.
they wouldn't even let me see my own daughter. i'm not even in the right mindset to be a stable mom.
i sat there and sat there. thinking of every single way i've fucked up in my lifetime. i'd cry for a few hours then stare at the wall again. everything faded away.
i wasn't sure what day it was or what time it was. i've been in here for a while though.
maybe a week.
they leave food by my door every night. when i get too hungry, i move the dresser a little bit and grab the plate then i push the drawer back and go back to my spot.
a part of me feels like i'm being too dramatic. that i overreacted.
but i didn't.
i love mason with my entire heart. i never wanted to lose him.
he was always special to me in a way i'll never understand. from the second he hit me in the face at the park, he was there for me.
when my parents divorced, he was there.
when i lost riley, he was there.
when i had no one, he was there.
when i had a pregnancy scare, he was there to help me figure out what i was going to do.
when i was being talked about at graduation, he had my back.
when parker left me, he was there.
when i gave birth, he was there.
i didn't just lose the love of my life, i lost my best friend.
i will never find anyone like him.
and that thought was stuck in my head as i layed there.
☀︎☀︎☀︎
a few days later
"we don't know what to do. it's almost been a month. she never really comes out. you're probably the only person she'll talk to." i listen to them talk outside of the door. i just finished crying and my head hurts. i had no medicine in here, i just slept my headaches away.
i slowly sit up wondering who they're talking to. there's two knocks on the door. "bri? it's me liam."
i listen.
"i was wondering if you could just talk to me. let me know that you're okay. i just want to know if you're okay." his voice is different. he's actually worried.
this entire time i've been in here, i knew i wasn't going to get better. i wasn't going to be fixed or healed. liam couldn't heal me.
but hearing his voice for the first time in a while triggered something in me. hope.
whatever gets me my daughter back.
i slowly get up and walk to the door. "can you open the door?" he asks gently. i hesitate before putting my hand on the drawer. "it's just me out here." he says but i know for a fact i heard lauryn and sams voice. i pull on the drawer to move it but i'm way weaker now.
i drag it as hard as i can until there's enough space to fit out of the door. i reach for the doorknob. there's complete silence. i unlock it and open the door quickly to reveal a tall liam standing there.
with everyone down the hall watching.
"liar." i say before desperately hugging him. he hugs me back tightly and i don't even cry. i just cling onto him. "he's gone." i say. "i know." he holds me tighter.
we just stand there hugging each other. "you stink... like really bad." he makes me laugh. i feel like i haven't done that in a long time.
i feel bad. the only time i stepped into the shower was to just sit there fully clothed and let the water run over me. i barely even brushed my teeth.
"are you okay?" he asks quietly. "no." i shake my head. "okay."
silence.
"do you want to go to my office?" he asks. i nod.
more silence.
"are you able to shower and get ready?" he's soft.
"i think so." i start to slowly loosen my grip on him. "okay good." i hear movement and he lets go of me. "i'll be waiting for you right here. take your time." i nod and go back into my room.
☀︎☀︎☀︎
"please eat." he begs from his desk. i look at the smoothie cup on the table in front of me. he got me a burger from my favorite place and my favorite smoothie. i grab the smoothie not wanting to eat anything. "okay, the smoothie. we're making progress."
i start drinking it and my stomach thanks me. "do i still stink?" i joke. i didn't even get ready. i just took a shower, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair into a bun and put on a hoodie and sweats.
"no thank god." he jokes back.
silence.
"what happened bri?"