TW❗️: derogatory slurs, a bit of angst.
—————
Philip's POV:
Since his little moment of realization a few days ago that he was actually into her, Philip really couldn't stop smiling, things started to make a lot more sense in parts where he didn't realize it was missing, like how she would pop up on his head randomly, not just as a horny memory of being on top of her, but everything else as well.
At first fooling around with the front door neighbor was more than enough to get him going, it was hot and he was sure it would be fun. But it didn't take him long to get hooked, of course he didn't quite know he was totally hooked until maybe the other day, and he had to admit, it felt nice, maybe even nicer than with Tracy. Maybe this time he wouldn't mess it up like he did with her, probably because he truly didn't want to.
He was rolling around in his feelings for her, he hoped she would text all weekend, but didn't bug her himself, he knew she had had a rough start of the weekend, so he waited and by Monday when she asked him over he was eager, a smile on his face as she sat next to him. He liked that whole situation, him picking out a movie while you brought over homemade popcorn that you made so effortlessly from his point of view considering he was more than sure he'd straight burned them if he tried. He wanted more of this, of little domestic, daily life moments with her.
Truth be told a part of him was excited, he could barely contain himself from telling her just how amazing he found her, thinking of what his next move could be, and if he should ask her to be something more. Philip was a confident guy, at least when it came to women, he didn't need to check if she felt the same way, or so he thought.
-You can fend for your...Do you know what this is?!?- her brother, who had suddenly gone from chill and nice neighbor to straight up fight club member, gestured towards Philip, who was hoping he wouldn't have to run off to lock himself inside his house, but was ready to do so.
-Yes!! I know what it is okay?? He's just sleeping with me, it's nothing!! I know!!-
Philip watched as she gestured with her arms as if she were pointing out the obvious, his stomach dropped at her words, he thought, for a small second, that she might say something else, he didn't know what, just anything but that, anything that wouldn't leave him completely confused.
-It is?- was all he could ask.
She turned around, Philip didn't notice her brother calming down at the obvious situation brewing in front of him, her eyes seemed to scan his face, also confused, Philip wasn't scared of Horry anymore, now he was scared of her sudden cluelessness.
-It's not?- her brows pinched for a moment before relaxing again, but her shocked expression still stood.
There was a silence, tense, heavy, on the edge of breaking, they both stood there, maybe waiting for the other to say something, to explain, but neither said a thing, her mouth opened, as if she were about to but still nothing came out. It had to had been a few minutes, or at least that's how it felt, until Horry spoke.
-I think you two...might need to talk, I'm gonna go...-
With that he awkwardly walked past Philip, and he heard his footsteps going up the stairs, leaving them with an even thicker silence, she blinked, her mouth open agape as she fidgeted with her fingernails, looking up at him for a moment before she furrowed her brows again and looked down at the floor.
All of this was happening in short minutes, but they felt like hours as both of their silences built up to something neither would like.
To be fair Philip didn't exactly know what he was expecting, he assumed she knew this wasn't just sex anymore. He tried not to overthink it, maybe she was asking because she just now realized it's not, so he spoke first.
-What do you mean just sex?- he asked quietly, slowly, almost carefully.
-I...that's what we have...sex.- she answered, blinking again a few times.
-Well but...- he mimicked her actions- We also have fun, don't we? I like being around you...- he decided maybe he just straight up say it- I'm attracted to you...-
The utter confusion on her face was starting to test his patience, it made him feel so uneasy, the entire situation feeling foreign to him, he realized then that he couldn't remember the last time he was the one admitting to catching feelings in something that, although never established, was "obviously" casual.
-But you're not gonna tell me that this isn't just physical attraction?- she looked around again- Just lust?-
Philip grew more and more worried, feeling a burning sensation on his sternum, he shifted on his spot, a frown on his face.
-I like you, i really like you, i thought you liked me...- he looked at her, hoping she understood.
-Yes! I like you too but i don't like you...- she accentuated.
Philip's face contorted into a frown slapped with confusion, offense, and even hurt. He didn't like him? What was that supposed to mean? For a second he thought back to the last couple of weeks, looking for the proof that she didn't like him, instead all he could find was the opposite, she had shared so much, they had comforted each other, she had cried in his arms and let him take care of her, see her in that horrible and vulnerable moment.
At his instant reaction she widened her eyes, as if she just realized what she said, and shot her hands up as if trying to stop his feelings.
-No no what i mean is, we, we have fun, but yknow...that's...- she spoke fast and then slow again.
More silence, it was driving Philip insane, it was like she was trying to say something she couldn't put into words, it was as if she were expecting him to form those words for her, and in her inquisitive yet slightly lost stare he realized.
-That's it...- he started- It's just the sex isn't it?-
Pain. That was what he felt when he said it out loud, there were no feelings from her side, and still that just didn't sit right with him, his brows pressed together so tightly as he thought that, he could feel it start to ache.
-Yes...i mean i thought...i thought you knew that...- her eyes once again scanned his face.
Anger. Now he felt frustrated at the lack of sense he was finding in her words, how was he supposed to know? They had had so many moments together, didn't that mean more? Wasn't it obvious?
Was he misunderstanding this situation entirely??
-No i didn't fucking know that, what about the night at the bar??
Hell what about the other night?!- his hands extended as if he were screaming for her to see it- What about the first night??-
Her head tilted and she hesitated before speaking.
Those nights had something in common, they always ended in sex, and Philip saw what he thought she meant, she was looking for comfort, for distraction, and by fucking him she seemed to find it, this only made him hurt more.
-I thought you were just, i don't know...being nice, then having sex, i thought that's just what it was...- she shrugged lazily.
So now she thought he was the one using her and her sadness to get in her pants? His mouth opened and curled in shock, he knew he hadn't always been the most sensitive with his relationships but he wasn't like that.
-No!! You think I'd do those things just for the sex?? You think i can't actually care about you???-
He insinuated with these words, and he looked at her the way someone looks at a person when they're waiting for them to realize how terrible what they just said sounds, he truly couldn't believe she was saying these things.
-But don't you think you'll get, you know, bored...and just, yknow, look for someone else?- she spoke slowly, looking at him as if he knew what the fuck she was talking about.
-What??-
-Philip i know you, i know you don't usually... stay with girls that much, maybe you like them yes but not for much- she shook her head and shrugged.
That was it, she was calling him a fuckboy, she thought he was just interested in fucking and then dumping her like a piece of meat after he was done. At this point he boiled in anger and hurt, his breathing was becoming deeper, and his head was sure to start aching soon from all the processing it was doing, of course she thought he was a whore, everyone did, no matter if it was his family, his friends, his ex girlfriends, everyone always spoke about him and his "reputation". Maybe some other day, maybe if it were coming from someone else, he would simply shrug it off, but from her, he didn't expect it from her, and the way she had just assumed it, it hurt him.
-You know me? Suddenly you know me?? You know what? I am fucking tired of people claiming to know me when all they think of me is that I'm a whore, but you think so too don't you? You think I'm just using you, you think I'm a fucking whore.- his voice became an angered yell.
-No Philip i...-
-Don't fucking tell me no, i'm standing here telling you i want something more, telling you i actually like you, and you don't even fucking believe me, i thought you...-
I thought you liked me too.
His breathing came out harsh and deep, his eyes stung.
I thought you cared for me.
- I don't know what i thought, i thought you weren't like my family, i thought you didn't think i was a slut, but of course you do. Because that's all i am to everyone apparently.- he concluded.
Now her face did reflect a bit of awareness, and guilt, but Philip didn't notice, he wasn't looking at her, his gaze fallen to the floor, one of his hands on his hip and the other went over his brows, trying to smooth them from their stern glare, his lips pressed and his jaw clenched as his anger filled the quiet room, weighing on his shoulders.
The longer the silence went on, the more his frustration simmered on her words, and on the embarrassment he felt right now, everyone saw him as the town man-whore. It wasn't exactly old news, but no one had ever actually been with him for that reason, he felt dirty, and guilty, because to be fair he had gained that reputation, nevertheless it didn't sum him up as a person.
But mostly, he was sad, because he actually wanted to be with her, maybe it wouldn't work, maybe they wouldn't fall in love and spend their lives together, but still he was so drawn to her, he thought there was something there, apparently there wasn't.
Once again time felt like it had slowed down, and her seconds of silence and doubt felt like long minutes until Philip decided he didn't want to be there anymore, and he ran a hand through his hair, shifting his position before turning on his back and walking out the door. She didn't follow him, that just made it worse, he paced across the street to his home and slammed the door once he was inside, walking to the living room, stopping and then continuing to the kitchen, then he grew frustrated at whatever nonsense he was doing, the stolen orgasm wasn't helping at all.
He was pent up on all corners, and so Philip, as someone guided by blind impulse, snatched the keys to his car and made his way out the door yet again, on the way to make what he knew was a stupid choice, but Philip was all about that, stupid choices and fucking with whatever walked. Or so his mind kept telling him.
The wheels of the Porsche screeched loudly breaking through the still calm air of the suburbs, followed by the roar of the engine as he steered away, he looked in the rearview mirror for a split second, with the smallest hope of seeing her come out at the sound of him driving off, before looking forward again. Wendy's voice took place on his head, going head to head with the intrusive thoughts of disappointed members of his family saying "That's so like Philip..." in their best resignation tone.
He sped all through town until he reached the street he was looking for, he made a close turn, a car honked behind him at his sudden action, he didn't give a damn, he stopped abruptly in front of the place half of him hoped was still where he'd find her and half of him didn't. Wendy kept off in his head, telling him how bad of an idea this was, and as always of course she was right. He stared at the glass windows of the hair salon, it was empty, which was perfect and terrible at the same time, he waited, his eyes twitching between looking away and staring intently.
-Stay in the car Philip...stay in the car...- he repeated to himself, his leg bouncing up and down.
He didn't actually want to do this, or did he? He honestly couldn't tell at this point, he knew by the time he could tell, it would be too late. Unless, by some power above, the hair salon were to be empty, and so he would have no choice but to not do it, and that would be for the best. He looked again, hoping no one would come out of the back, so that he wouldn't have an excuse to give in to some stupid impulse, but wasn't everything ruined either way?
Unfortunately, just as he was gaining the smallest, thinnest sliver of control, someone did come out of the back, leaning over the reception desk. And with a tight jaw, Philip took a deep breath and opened the car door, walking up to the entrance with a fake smile, because if the hair salon hadn't stayed empty, this had to happen.
Right?
———————
A/N
Iykyk...👀
5k already?!?! Thank you all so much 😭😭 any suggestions to celebrate over on tiktok?