Author's Note:
Thank you for all of the requests for more of this one 3.
Ready to dive in after that cliffhanger?
Enjoy!
bobbiejelly
CHAPTER CONTENT WARNING:
SKIP TO THE TITLE CARD AT YOUR OWN RISK IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD SO CHOOSE WHAT YOU NEED.
Graphic depictions of violence.
bobbiejelly
Love The Way You Lie
Derek Shepherd, your husband, hits you- but you stayed until you couldn't stand up anymore. Your best friend Mark Sloan helped you leave him and you two had some adulterous sex. When you see Derek again in Seattle with another woman, all you want is to save her from him. You didn't mean to fall in love with her. She wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, either. But you both did, anyway.
-Addison Forbes Montgomery, for Meredith Grey
MerAdd. Meddison. F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. Rated E for Explicit. Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice Crossover.
CW: Domestic Violence. Unhealthy Relationships - Physically & Emotionally Abusive Addek & MerDer. Also briefly okay (non-abusive), Maddison & Mark/Derek.
*This story is entirely fictional. Please seek professional help for abusive relationships in yourself and others. Take all abuse seriously.*
Chapter 21: YOU THREW STONES (AND I LAY LAYING DEAD)
Beep. Beep. Beep.
When you flicker in and out of consciousness or at least near-consciousness all you can hear around you is "beep, beep, beep".
Your body aches. You feel bruises everywhere. You think something's still broken but you're unsure.
Your head is in a fog. Your eyes are still shut tight. You sleep again.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You hurt.
It hurts you even more than before because you think your pain meds are wearing off.
You can barely breathe so you pass out again.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You start to have visions, and you know they are visions because they are of people who are already gone. Dead. In the past.
You start to see the people you've lost talking to you, and you miss them, so you talk to them.
Or rather, they talk with you.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You see your great-grandmother first. You only met her once, when you were three, that you remember. And she strokes your cheek tenderly and tells you you're a good kid.
A good kid.
You haven't heard that one in a while, but then again, she's remembering you as a toddler.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You see your great-grandfather next. You swear you can feel him fuzzing your hair and telling you that you and your brother are going to grow up to be strong someday.
You want to tell him all the great things that Archer's accomplished, how strong he is.
But he vanishes before you get the chance to.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The last person you see stops you cold.
It's not someone you've ever met yet.
It's not someone you ever thought you'd be meeting.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
This one can't talk to you.
This one has no past memories with you.
This time, you know it's not just a projection of your past.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
It's tiny. This tiny, tiny human. Would fit perfectly in the palm of your hand.
You have no idea why, but you realize who it is. Who it was.
(Who it could have been?).
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You realize that this is your baby, or was your baby, or could have been your baby.
You don't know why, but somehow you know.
(Must be some sort of mother's instinct).
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The fetus can't talk to you.
You're sort of relieved, I mean, a talking fetus might have been kinda creepy.
Even for this near-death-whatever, you seem to be experiencing right now?
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Just the sight of your unborn child with Mark though stops you in your tracks.
You see the calm breathing, you see the lulled state of sleep. You see the serenity.
You see the repose in eternal resting, and you see the chaos it never had to experience.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
A part of you wants to reach out and hold it, wants to have and to hold your tiny human in your arms for a moment.
You wonder if you have the imaginary strength here to do so.
And somehow, you do.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You hold your hands out under the nebulous surroundings and feel the soft and smooth skin of your baby.
You feel as you cradle this sweet child for the first time this unconditional love.
As your baby settles in and falls asleep again on your chest, you feel fulfilled and healed for the very first time in forever.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
As you stay here, you start to feel numb, you start to feel the pain slip away.
You start to feel lighter.
You start seeing the light.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
It's no longer quiet though.
It's no longer calm.
You start to regain a sense of relief when the beeping in your ears becomes louder.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You know you can't stay here.
You know your baby can't stay here.
But you know you don't want your child to be all alone.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Just as you start to feel helpless again, some familiar faces materialize.
It's your great-grandparents again, both of them, your great-grandmother and your great-grandfather.
They are walking towards both of you.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
It's your past and your present, and actually both and neither of them all at once.
All of these visions of impossible scenarios are ahead of you.
Your great-grandmother is holding her arms out to you, and you finally understand.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Your baby is so beautiful," your great-grandfather says, as you rest her into your great-grandmother's arms.
"Just as beautiful as you and your brother looked when you were born," your great grandmother adds for your benefit.
You smile as your great grandfather strokes your infant's head just as he does yours, and still does.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You watch for a moment as they caress their new loved one.
You never got to watch your child grow up for good reason, but maybe they will, in some sense.
You watch them wave goodbye to you and blow kisses. And that's how you know you have to move on now. You can't stand by and watch this parallel universe for eternity.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
As you turn your back to them, you realize you've not left them in your heart. You carry them with you as you fold back into reality.
The warmth fades, the light fades, and the pain starts to return.
You embrace it though because that's how you know that your real life is finally coming back.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You wonder in another lifetime if you could have ever been happy raising that baby yourself, but then again, you see the joy that it brought to your great-grandparents long passed, and you know for certain that somehow this had all been meant to be.
You nod, and you start to walk forward.
You squeeze all the strength that you have into the 'beep, beep, beeping,' that you can hear.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The next soft gentle voice that you can hear is the one that you want to hear most in this world.
And also the one that scares you to death the most by the way that she sounds.
It's HER.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You realize that she's been right next to you the whole time, and then you think of the implications of that.
Meredith Grey is lying next to you in a hospital bed.
She's hurt, too.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
She's alive though.
As you also are.
And she's calling for you.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Addie?" You hear her soft broken voice.
You know you're both alone or she would ever be calling you that.
"Addison?" She tries again, but you're not sure you're strong enough to answer.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Meredith..." you croak out in a whisper.
"Dr. Montgomery," she smiles widely, and you can hear it in her voice when she answers you even if you can't see her yet.
"You're alive..." you can't help but call out in relief.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You hear her say "I am, and so are you, and I'm glad," before you close your eyes again.
The lights are shining bright in your eyes now.
The pain of speaking is encompassing you.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
You can vaguely hear her still though, and you're comforted by her sheer presence.
Just as you were comforted by the visions of your family members in the near-death-whatever dream.
You drift off again, but this time consciously so. And you hope with everything that you have that she's still here when you wake up in the morning.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
(And that HE isn't.)
***** END OF CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Author's Note:
Take care everyone;
The title for this chapter is lyrics from "The Shame," by Alex Cornish.
And yes, this one was sort of inspired by Meredith's 'near-death-whatever,' in Season 3. Weirder things have happened. LOL!
And yes, AddisonAddek, that was for you, an allusion to 'Mom and Dad" :).
Probably the weirdest thing to have happened in a while, but hey. What is fanfiction for?
bobbiejelly