" ugghh " I groaned my head was killing me , I felt awful. I know it's sounds weird but I embraced the pain. I had this voice in my head telling me I deserved it.I didn't feel like getting up,I couldn't find the strength in me to get up ,or talk to anybody. I just wanted to sleep . I knew xav was going to try to talk to me but I didn't want to talk to anybody.
Right now , I just wanted to go to the gym and work out some of my pent up anger on the punching back while I imagine it's the person's that killed dean .I got up and headed to the bathroom, I didn't bother looking in the mirror, I knew I looked awful and I didn't need a mirror to confirm that, I slowly stripped out of my clothes and stepped in the shower. I closed my eyes, I saw flashes of dean's face in my mind ,it hurt so much to think about him.
After I was finished I headed downstairs, I had checked my phone .I had a lot of miss calls from harry. I couldn't talk to him right now, I'm kind of regretting getting so close to him in the first place. I got close to dean and look what happened to him ,I couldn't do that to harry.I couldn't live with myself if something were to happen to him because of me.
" how are you. " Jessica said to me as I entered the kitchen.There were a lot of people in the kitchen most of them I didn't know. "I'm ok" I whispered, I cleared my throat, I sounded awful.
I poured myself some coffee, I didn't really see xav, I wondered where he was, probably out killing somebody. ,not caring to see how I was doing. you know what fuck him.
" she is just some gold digging slut. "I hear a girl say. I payed no attention to it and continued to drink my coffee. "I mean she isn't that fucking pretty, just a low down dirty whore, don't worry she will be gone soon and then I can have xavier all to myself. " she continued. I squeezed my hands shut, don't let theses motherfucking bitches get you mad vee, keep calm drink your coffee, I told myself, just ignore them .
"I mean look at her , she can't even protect herself ,how much more of us got to die before she learns to throw a punch. Poor dean ,didn't even see it coming. "She said laughing.
That did it, maybe I could ignoring being called a slut , and whore but I wasn't going sit here while they disrespected dean like that in front of everyone who the fuck did they think they were."what the fuck did you just say to me bitch. "I said getting up and throwing my coffee cup on the ground resulting in it breaking.
Everybody gasped and turned to looks at me.I guess they didn't think I would say anything" you heard me "she said ." You know what I'm just going to ignore that comment cause I'm feeling kind ,but if you ever disrespect me like that I'm going to put a bullet in your head, bitch." I said then walking away.
As I was walking past plastic barbie or whatever the fuck her name was I heard her say bitch , you know what fuck it I thought. I was going to be kind but sometimes you just got to put a bitch in her place and that's exactly what I did,
" My nose "she said holding her face, she smacked me across my face , I saw red , wrong move bitch I thought all that pent up anger was released. I jumped on her ,knocking us both to the ground as I punched and punched .I didn't stop when her face was bloody nor did I stop when my hands started to hurt. She was going to pay for what she said . I didn't stop and nobody tried to stop me ." let me go "I screamed as I felt someone pulling me away I trashed against their hold .
"what the fuck is going on "I heard xav shout as he entered the kitchen. " I continued to trash against the person holding me the person finally let me go I was going to go over to the bitch ,but xav blocked me."what the fuck is your problem ." You need to get your fucking gang in check ,"I screamed back by now everybody was looking at us eager to see who was boos. I wasn't backing down and neither was Xavier
" you need to stop being a crazy little bitch all time, what the fuck is wrong with you, going around hurting my gangmembers." He said . "I dint hurt any of your gangmembers maybe if you'd trained them to keep their fucking months shut we wouldn't be in this situation." I was so angry I didn't care about what I said or whose feelings were hurt.
"and maybe if you knew how to protect yourself dean would still be alive so show some fucking respect to my gangmembers , they are risking there lives protecting a spoilt brat ."he shouted.
I gasped, tears spilled down my face ,is that how they felt.That I was just a spoiled brat, they're forced to protect ." Go fuck yourself. "I choked out before I ran upstairs. I shut the door , I couldn't breathe, xav was right I shouldn't be so ungrateful, dean is dead because if me .I felt to the floor." Victoria, are you alright. " I heard Jessica calling as she knocked in the door .
" Are you alright " she called I tried to calm down my breathing. " I'm going to come in."she said. Few minutes, later she entered the room.she rushed to me , and hugged me.
"it's not your fault dean's dead vee he knew what he was getting into when he joined the mafia. " she said. I only cried harder at this. ." it's my fault jess, maybe if I had been quicker to move out the way or if I had told someone about the messages. I cried
"wait what messages "she said pulling away and looking at me ."i... " stuttered, should I tell her would she hate me when she realized it was actually my fault dean is dead.
I pointed to the phone , she gasped as she read the message. " how long have you been receiving these messages ."she asked getting up."since I first came back "I said getting up off the ground. " I've got to show boss these. " she said as she heading to the door.
"wait won't he be angry that I kept if from him."I said chasing after her."well he will be furious if he found out that I knew and didn't tell him right away .I have to tell him vee.Don't worry nobody will blame you and the text proves it.you should of told me, i could've helped.
" I know I was just scared, xav had so much going on I didn't want to bother him, with my problems. " I said as I played with my fingers.
"Your his wife , his queen your problems are his problems. You need to let him in more, don't go too hard on him .He is going through too much now he needs you more than you think. " she said smiling. " oh " I said blushing. I was still furious at xav ,I wasn't going to forgive him, like that he had to work for it .
" what."Xav shouted angrily as we knocked on his door "it's me, "Jessica said "fuck off "he said ."it's really important. " she said. "Coming in "he said.
"babygirl "Xav said getting up as he saw me."look at this. "Jessica said handing xav the phone. I braced myself for his reaction I knew it wasn't going to be good. "get out. " Xav said as he throwed the phone at the wall.I flinched, I quickly headed to the door. "not you "he said.Jessica quickly left
"why."he asked walking towards me. " I stayed silent "why didn't you fucking tell me Victoria. "He shouted slamming his hand on the wall beside me."I...." I stuttered looking at the ground. I was so nervous, don't get me wrong I was little scared but I knew he wouldn't hurt me.
" you kept something this big from me,babygirl. when did it start. "He said angrily. "From I came back from olivia ..I was going to tell you. "I stuttered, looking down I couldn't meet his gaze.
" when vee ,when they killed you or kidnapped you, were going to tell me then, do you not realize how serious this is, I have a lot of enemies and all of them want you dead or wants you to themselves. I can't loose you vee, and I'm so fucking sorry for what I said earlier.
It's not your fault dean is dead I shouldn't have said that."He said, lifting my face up , to meet his gaze.
" it's my fault, I whispered. "It's not and I'm a asshole for saying that he knew what he was doing when he joined my mafia. "He said. "He didn't sign up to die ,because of me xav "I said sobbing " it's okay let it out , let it out ."He said hugging me.
" we will having a funeral in a few days if you don't want to go, you don't have to ,nobody is forcing you." He said hugging me tighter,"No I want to go."I whispered as I snuggled closer to him. " alright babygirl " Xav said, kissing my head.
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Yours truly
My one and only poison