Today is an absolutely perfect day.
As annoying as it is for Sam to not let me do anything by myself, being pampered has been a treat. He led me through the woods to the cabin, which is absolutely gorgeous. The rocky coast gives me a beautiful view of the vast waters. I can't wait to go swimming tomorrow.
We ran around the beach and played while the wolves unloaded the wagon. I felt kind of bad that we were having fun while they were unloading our stuff, but not so bad that I gave up Sam's kisses to help them.
"Okay, so tell me about another talent," Sam demands, setting my dinner plate in front of me. Much to my annoyance, he wouldn't let me help him cook dinner after the wolves left and we came inside. Instead, I've been sitting at the small table in the kitchen and telling him what it was like growing up in a coven rather than a pack.
The meat on my plate is steaming as it just came off the fire, and the smell is making my mouth water. Sam seats himself at the table across from me and looks into my eyes lovingly. It takes everything in me not to melt right here.
"Well, the next one I would tell you about is chemic," I start, blowing on the food on my plate to cool it down, "but, I don't have anything here I could use to demonstrate for you."
"What about the spell you did to find out how to break the curse? When you walked around inside my head," he asks, not wasting any time before shoveling a giant bite of our dinner into his mouth. "What talent did you use for that?" I try hard to suppress my giggle at the muffled words he speaks before swallowing his bite, but he just sounds too cute. He shoots me a playful glare before I notice the heated blush rising to his cheeks.
"I used the psychic talent for that," I answer before he can needlessly defend himself. "Psychics can read people's minds by looking into their eyes. I've never been the best at it, though. It makes me feel uncomfortable and incredibly invasive."
"Have you done it to me?" he asks. I search his eyes for any animosity but he seems to only be curious. Hopefully, he won't be upset at the truth.
"A couple times," I admit, but don't offer up any further information. I know he's going to ask, I just don't want to tell him about the times I've invaded his thoughts.
He stares at me as if waiting for me to continue. When I don't he sighs, almost unnoticeably. "When?"
"The first time was when I asked you to reject me," I confess, hoping he truly doesn't mind me invading his privacy like this. His eyes seem to widen at my words but I continue before he can say anything. "When you told me you liked hurting me, I decided that if it was true, I would reject you." With those words, I can tell that I broke his heart; even knowing that I contemplated rejecting him is enough to cause pain. The emotion is gone as quickly as it appeared though, and he seems so happy to know I stayed.
"Obviously, whatever you heard was enough to keep you around, though, huh?" he asks with a slight smile.
"I heard three voices and it was incredibly confusing because you were only supposed to have two," I tell him with a chuckle. "You and your wolf were calling the imposter an asshole and telling him that you needed me," I continue. "And, you called me perfect." My voice is no louder than a whisper and his smile widens at that.
"Well, you are perfect," he tells me, reaching out and picking up my hand softly. He presses the softest kiss to my knuckles before squeezing my fingers and resting my hand back on the table. "Another time?"
"The second time was when you wanted to kiss me for the first time," I say. I instantly feel the blush raise to my cheeks and I bite my lip. "You were hesitating; I figured you wanted to kiss me, but I didn't want to make the first move without knowing for sure."
"What was I thinking?"
"Leo was whining and telling you to hurry up, but you told him you didn't want to rush me," I recount with a soft smile on my face. "You weren't rushing me."
He smiles at my words and asks, "Have you done it to anyone else?" He continues to eat, not pressuring me to answer. I'm not sure what he's thinking.
"Connor and Asher," I reply honestly, though I panic internally when I realize I don't want to tell Sam what I heard in Asher's head. Sam cocks his head to the side, silently questioning me as to why I would read their minds. "Connor let me once, to help me trust him; he let me listen to an old conversation between him and his wolf."
Sam continues to smile lovingly as I recount the moment. He seems heartbroken, yet happy at the same time. I decide not to ruin the moment by asking about it.
"And Asher?" Sam asks the dreaded question. I highly doubt that he knows that Asher tried to kiss me. He doesn't even know how Asher's wolf feels about me or the struggle his best friend is having. From what little I know of Asher, I know he wouldn't burden his best friend with his girl problems after everything he's gone through.
I don't necessarily want to be the one to tell him, though. What if he freaks out? I don't want to be the thing that causes a rift between brothers.
You won't be, Eliza tells me, an irritated undertone in her voice. Asher will for trying to kiss you in the first place. Ass.
Hey, be nice, I scold; she really isn't Asher's biggest fan right now. His wolf misses his mate.
Yeah, but if his mistake screws things up for all of us, I will never forgive him, she tells me coldly, before retreating and refusing to listen to me. What a brat.
Though, fear settles in my chest when I think about what she said. What if Sam does get mad at me?
"Evelyn, what's wrong?" he asks, worry prevalent in his tone. "What was Asher thinking?"
"I, uh," I stutter, looking everywhere except for him.
"Evelyn, did he hurt you?" Sam questions me. My eyes dart to his then and I see the panic in his eyes.
I shake my head. "No, no. I promise, he didn't hurt me," I tell him. I could feel him getting tense and angry just thinking about it. "I just...I don't want you to get mad at me."
"Mad at you? Evelyn, why-"
"-he tried to kiss me," I blurt out. I slap my hands over my mouth to stop myself from spilling any more, but now I know I have to continue. Sam's eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging open from the sentence he never finished. "I...Sam, I...he..."
"When?" he asks. There is no anger in his voice, but I think the lack of any emotion at all may be worse.
"A few days ago," I tell him. "I did a spell to see what was going on with you, that's how we found out for certain that you were cursed in the first place," I babble. "Nothing happened, I didn't let him; you'd know if I had. I just-" I cut myself off and ruffle my hair absentmindedly. Sometimes I do that when I'm extremely nervous; thankfully, Sam doesn't know that yet. "We talked about it and I know he feels guilty about it."
"And when did you read his mind?" Sam asks, not offering me a single clue as to what he's thinking. I know I could find out fairly easily, but that doesn't feel like the right thing to do right now.
I force myself not to break our eye contact as I tell him what happened. As quickly as possible, I explain how Asher fought his wolf down when they really thought the curse wouldn't break. I try to explain just how genuine of a friend Asher is, going so far as to try and find another solution so we could be happy. Sam keeps his eyes on mine, searching for something, though I'm not sure what. He continues to stay quiet and so many emotions pass through his hazel irises that I don't know what to think.
There's a lot of anger, but he looks kind of happy, too, Eliza observes. So nice of her to join us. I refrain from making a sarcastic remark to her right now, though, in this sensitive moment.
Do you think he's upset with me? I ask her. My hand ruffles my hair again, shifting my hair from one side to the other.
Stop that, he'll notice you're nervous, Eliza scolds me.
Well, I can't help it, I fire back. My hand twitches, but I manage to hold it at my side.
"What are you thinking, Sam?" I ask. Despite trying to talk normal, my voice comes out as a choked whisper. He looks away from me then and bites his lower lip. His hand tightens very subtly around his fork and he lets out a sad sigh before turning back to me. The look in his eyes breaks my heart.
"I'm just trying not to be angry because I have no right to be," he answers in a quiet voice.
"Sam, I'm so-"
"No, don't try and apologize or something stupid like that," he snaps at me. I flinch at his tone and see the regret swimming in his eyes immediately. He drops his fork and his hands fly to his hair as he slumps back in his seat, refusing to look at me. He grips his hair tightly, his hands jerking back and forth as if he's trying to keep himself from pulling it out of his head. He is trembling slightly, and breathing unevenly; he's trying to force deep breaths but his body looks unwilling to cooperate.
I stare at him for a moment, unsure of how much time is actually passing as I watch him suffer. I pray it's not long. I need to do something and fast. What the heck am I even supposed to do? I have no idea what's happening to him. Clearly, his thoughts are running rampant but if he doesn't look at me, I have no way of knowing what he's thinking. I'm beginning to panic.
What would you want if you were like this? Eliza asks me.
Instead of trying to talk to him anymore, I put my fork down and walk around the table swiftly. I kneel beside him and rest my hand on his knee. I hope this works.
"Sam, come here," I gently demand, nudging his knee towards me. He doesn't react at first, but before I can push it, he slowly turns his body to face me. I tuck myself between his legs and snake my arms around his waist. His weight immediately drops into me and he mumbles incoherent apologies over and over again into my ear. "Hey, stop trying to talk right now, ae cale," I mumble to him. I run my hands over his back, hopefully soothingly. "Just breathe."
He nods a couple times and stops mumbling his nonsense. Slowly, his breathing evens out and he squeezes me gently in rhythm as if to help him count his breaths.
"First of all," I whisper gently, "you have every right to be angry. I'm your mate and Asher knew it at the time." I feel him tense up at my words, but I continue rubbing his back softly and I speak before he can say or do anything. "Second, I need to know if you're feeling angry at me." My hands stop moving involuntarily when he freezes. I squeeze him gently and continue rubbing his back, but my movement is hesitant and he can tell.
He pulls back gently; I try not to allow the movement to stab straight through my heart. He lifts a hand to my cheek and gazes at me intently.
"No, Evelyn, I am not angry with you at all." His voice is so honest and raw and genuine that I know it's true. I let out a sigh of relief and lean into his hand. "I'm sorry I made you feel like I was," he continues. "I have a little bit of an anger problem. I just have so much going through my head all at once, sometimes."
I smile softly at him to let him know I forgive him and run a hand through his hair.
"Fuck, I love that," I breathe out before I can stop myself. A crazy grin spreads across his face and he leans in and presses his lips to mine. I break away for a moment to say "and, I love you, unconditionally. That means anger problem and all. We'll figure this out together."
"Remember when you said that you wanted me to tell you what was going on inside my head?" he asks. I nod, furrowing my eyebrows slightly. I don't want to be selfish, but I kind of expected some gushy love in return after that. "Now that I know you can read minds, can I just let you in whenever I need to tell you what's going on in here?" I hesitate slightly before sighing quietly.
"I mean, you can," I tell him. "I just don't really want to. I want to talk to you and communicate with you. That's what a relationship is supposed to be." He appears disappointed. "Do you not want to talk to me?" His eyes widen immediately and he shakes his head.
"No, it's definitely not that," he says. "See, I just say everything wrong," he huffs, looking away from me dejectedly.
"Oh, Sam," I coo, squeezing his arms gently. "No, don't do that. Don't try and blame yourself. That's why we're talking," I tell him. He looks at me then, clearly he doesn't understand what I'm trying to say. "You think and say things differently than I do," I explain. "That's why we talk to each other, explain ourselves. With time, I'll learn your ways and you'll learn mine and things will just be natural. We'll always have moments when it's hard, but that just means we still have room to grow." He kisses me softly, letting me know he understands.
"Sometimes, my thoughts just run so wild that I can't keep up," he says softly. "It's even worse now...after everything. You want me to tell you, but I just don't know how to put it into words. It would just be easier for you to listen to it."
"It's not supposed to be easy, Sam," I say as lovingly as possible. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's not easy. And part of you trying to explain it to me is to help you better understand it yourself." It appears as if he hadn't thought about that side of this as well. "It's not about helping me understand what's going on in there, Sam. It's about helping you understand what's going on in there. Making sense of your thoughts and focusing more on the positive than the negative."
"I love you so much," he whispers, pulling me up and setting me in his lap. My legs wrap around his waist instinctively as he pulls me impossibly close. "You are my whole world and I am so glad I finally have you, ae lae."
I smile brightly, kissing him gently before climbing off his lap and settling back into my seat. We enjoy the rest of our meal quietly, chatting more about ourselves and what it was like growing up. I let him talk for the most part, telling me about life in the pack.
A few hours later, I find myself laying on the beach, staring up at the stars with Sam. His arm is wrapped around me comfortably and my head rests on his shoulder.
"Do you think the stars mean anything?" he asks me after a few minutes of silence. I glance up at him with my eyes furrowed. Was he not taught about the stars?
"The stars mean everything," I tell him. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but my mother did teach me that the stars are very important. It's one of my oldest memories.
"Evelyn, do you remember the story I told you of the Goddess who lived in the sea? Whose story was written in the stars?" my mother had asked as she carried me outside one night. I shook my head then, because I wanted her to tell me the story again, but she saw right through me. "Yes, you do, silly girl." I had giggled when she poked my nose.
"Where is she in the stars?" I asked her and looked into the sky. She then pointed out all the constellations in the sky that had to do with her story. She pointed out the jagged shape of the Goddess of the Sea and how she is aiming her weapon at an enraged monster with six legs and two faces. The monster had invaded the water and was killing her creatures so she herself had intervened. It was the only time in history one of the gods was said to have walked among their creations.
"The stars tell us everything, Evelyn, if we know how to read them."
"A storm is coming," I say to Sam, pulling myself from my memory and watching the stars in the sky. My magic could sense a shift in weather as well, but it was faint. The stars only confirm my suspicions as they shimmer brightly, flickering and dancing beautifully as if paying homage to the moon.
"What?" Sam asks curiously, turning to look at me. "How are you so sure?" I can tell he fully believes me and is only asking out of curiosity. Knowing that he has that much faith in me warms my heart.
"I sensed it a bit ago," I tell him, "but also, the stars. My mother loved star gazing, she always taught me everything she knew about them. I hardly remember her teaching me, but..." I trail off, gazing at the sky. "I wouldn't know how to explain it, but the stars say that a storm is coming. It could be literal or figurative, I can't tell which. It could even be both."
"You're enchanting," Sam whispers, pulling me closer to his body, "you know that?"
I smile up at him and press my lips to his gently.
"Can we go watch a movie?" I ask, pulling back from him a bit. "It's been years since I've watched any television."
"We can do anything you want, ae lae," he answers, pressing his lips to my temple. "Though, Penelope did make me promise to show you Midnight Rising."
I giggle at that and nod my head to tell him I want to watch it.
"What is it even about?"
"An orphan fairy girl that sneaks out of her boarding school to kill bad guys," Sam tells him, as if that plot line doesn't sound crazy interesting. "And she joins forces with a vampire prince."
"So, they obviously fall in love?"
"Obviously."
"It sounds good. Let's go watch it."
Without another word, Sam helps me to my feet. I take one last look at the stars before we step back into the little cabin. He quickly gets to work setting the movie up on the television while I settle in watching and admiring him.