She never looked around when she entered a new house. And even though she'd been here once before, she couldn't care less about the interior.
Her lips were aggressively seeking the other pair and she ripped the clothes off of the other woman's body. She pushed the woman on the bed that wasn't hers and started attacking her skin with rough kisses.
Her blonde hairs were tickling the brunette's skin, but the woman ignored it and merely groaned in pleasure.
"Emma.." the brunette panted, before she flipped them over and adjusted their place on the bed. She'd seen the woman naked before, but again she was surprised to see the toned stomach and the muscled arms.
She slid her hands over the pale skin and locked her eyes onto the emerald green ones. They sparkled, but she knew there was a lot of pain behind those eyes.
She saw the impatience on the woman's face and connected their lips again, in a fierce kiss. She sucked Emma's bottom lip between her teeth and the more pressure she used, the louder Emma groaned.
"I'd never seen you as the kind of person who enjoys pain."
"I don't," was the blonde's short reply.
"Then why do you-"
"Regina." Emma flashed her lover a stern, knowing look and the brunette immediately closed her mouth. "I don't talk with my hook-ups," she added.
It was the second time she and Regina slept together and she didn't know anything about the brunette. She wasn't interested in the brunette's life and until now, Regina hadn't asked her anything but her name either.
All she knew about the brunette on top of her, was that her name was Regina and that last time she slept together, Regina had been exactly what she needed.
Emma wasn't into the entire sm scene, like some of her hook-ups had thought. Frankly, that didn't appeal her in the slightest, but she did feel the need to feel more than pleasure.
She needed pain. To help her cope with everything.
Regina had to be rough with her. It wasn't what she enjoyed most or what she wanted most, she needed it most.
Emma arched her back as she felt Regina's fingers thrusting deep inside her. She panted heavily and gripped the bedsheets so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.
"More.." she groaned and she noticed Regina picking up her pace. Emma was drenched with arousal and the sound of Regina's three fingers pumping in the wet mess made her even more turned on.
"More.." she repeated as Regina sucked her nipple. The brunette released the nipple with a plop and examined Emma's face.
"You're quite tight, dear, it's going to hurt."
"More," Emma demanded, ignoring Regina's concerns, and Regina added a fourth finger. A groan of both pain and pleasure escaped her throat.
Regina moved her lips up and continued thrusting her fingers inside Emma. She captured Emma's lips in a searing kiss and grabbed a fistful of hair before she yanked on it.
A slight smirk appeared on Emma's lips and she had her eyes tightly shut. Emma felt herself coming close, but she wouldn't allow herself to come. She repeatedly told herself that she didn't deserve that kind of pleasure.
~~~~
Emma never found she was good at anything, but every time again she thanked her lucky stars that she was able to wake up early.
She didn't need the confrontation with her hook-ups in the morning and she was always grateful when the red letters of the alarm clock said 5 a.m. or earlier.
Regina was fast asleep beside her. She observed the woman beside her for a moment and couldn't suppress a smirk when she reminisced the woman's screams and moans of the previous night.
She never slept more than once with the same person, but she'd made an exception for this woman. She'd passed her in the bar the previous night and figured "why not?" when she and Regina started a conversation.
Emma carefully got out of bed. She didn't want to wake Regina. It actually surprised her that the woman hadn't said anything about her abrupt leave the previous time.
Once, when she'd hooked up with a man and she caught him in the grocery store, he'd been extremely offended that she'd never called him back, and that she'd just left in the morning. She'd hoped he'd known the concept of a one night stand, but apparently he hadn't.
No, Emma didn't put even the slightest effort into making more of her hook-ups than sex.
It had taken her quite some time before she felt comfortable enough to have sex with people, but she knew it would take much longer before she felt comfortable enough to connect with people emotionally.
She retrieved her clothes from the floor, which left a trail from the bedroom to the front door. Yet, it didn't take too long before she was fully dressed and ready to leave Regina's house.
It was still dark out. There was no one on the streets and Emma felt a weird sensation of relaxation wash over her. Her core was sore and her skin felt sensitive, yet it was worth it. It was the only way she could cope with the pressure she put on herself.
She wandered through the dark night, back to her own small apartment, which she knew was going to be empty. At least, she hoped it was empty, or she had a hell of a lot explaining to do.
Fortunately for her, Emma's apartment was empty and dark. She knew it was irresponsible for her to go to a bar on a Friday night, but she'd felt bad the entire week and just wanted to be relieved of the stress some way. Either through alcohol or sex and this time, she got both.
Despite not having slept more than an hour, Emma didn't feel like going to bed, at all. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water before she sat down on her favorite chair. It was one of the first things she'd purchased herself and she still loved it, despite its crappy state.
Emma gazed at the painting on the wall and leaned her head back. She groaned as she felt the familiar, nagging feeling creeping up inside her.
She had that every time after she'd had a one night stand. It helped for a couple of hours and then the usual feelings returned, but worse.
No matter how often people told her that she shouldn't feel guilty, she couldn't help it. She really wished there was some way for her to turn off her feelings, but she didn't know how.
Emma sipped her water and continued studying the painting. She never truly appreciated her art, except for this piece. She found herself hating her paintings, but this one she loved.
She didn't really know whether that was because the colors matched up perfectly and she'd nailed the hard techniques she'd used, or because of the memories that filled her mind every time she looked at it.
It always managed to make her smile.
Even now, when she felt so low, she couldn't contain a slight smile as she looked at the colors on the painting.
Emma closed her eyes for a moment, replaying the memories that lived vividly in her mind. When she opened her eyes, she realized that, despite her denial, she actually was pretty tired, so she drank the last of her water and went to the bathroom.
She gazed at herself in the mirror and softly cursed when she noticed the hickeys on her neck. She'd already feared she'd see this, given the fact that she'd practically forced Regina to ruin her skin, but she'd hoped it wouldn't be visible for everyone that passed her.
She'd have to wear turtle necks the coming days, because she didn't want anyone to know about her adventures in the night when no one was near.
Emma pulled her shirt up and noticed many more purple bluish marks on her skin and bit her lower lip. They showed the moments of guilt relieve and Emma was grateful for that. She just hoped that she wouldn't seek more when time passed. She couldn't start an obsession for a stranger's lips on her skin.
~~~~
The door slammed shut and Emma immediately looked up. "Oh, honey, you look exhausted."
"Thanks. Missed you, too." Hope rolled her eyes at her mother as she tossed her jacket somewhere near the coat rack. She didn't bother picking it up and hanging it properly and she wouldn't admit it, but part of her did it simply to spite her mother.
Emma was baking pancakes and walked away from the stove to greet her daughter properly. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm glad you're home again. Do you want a pancake?"
She wanted to embrace her daughter, but the girl flinched and stepped back from her mother. "You're baking pancakes?" she questioned and her voice cracked.
Emma swallowed thickly. She'd hoped her daughter wouldn't mind, but the expression on Hope's face made clear that she definitely did mind.
"Well... Yeah. I think it could be a good way to-"
"I don't want it," Hope said. She didn't even want her mother to finish the sentence and she walked away to her own room.
Emma looked at the closed door of her daughter's room and sighed softly. Hope had been staying over at a friend's house and Emma had wanted to give her something nice for lunch, but it had failed and she blamed herself.
She flipped the pancake in the frying pan and closed her eyes for a moment. She had way too much batter for her alone, so she put everything in the fridge, hoping that either she or Hope was in the mood to eat it later.
Emma turned off the stove and put the single pancake on a plate before she put some butter and syrup on top of it. She set the plate down and went to Hope's room. She knew she'd only anger the girl if she brought the pancake to the room, so she was careful not to do that.
"How was the sleepover?" Emma asked as she opened the door. Hope's eyes were glued to her phone and she muttered something inaudible back to her mom.
"When did you go to bed?"
Hope kept quiet and adjusted her seat on the bed. She didn't look at her mother and focused on whatever was going on on her phone.
"It was just the three of you, right?"
The girl still didn't respond and ignored her mother. Emma sat down on the edge of the bed and although she saw Hope's face scrunching up, the girl didn't say anything.
"Do you want something for lunch?" Emma tried. She wanted to talk to her daughter, even if their conversation didn't have any depth. She wanted to connect with the girl, but she felt Hope pushing her further away with the day.
She knew it was nothing personal. Everyone kept telling her that, but it didn't make it any easier. She realized that everything was just as hard on Hope as it was on her, but that didn't make the situation any easier either.
Emma didn't even know how she should handle her own conflicts and emotions, let alone someone else's. And it bothered her beyond anything that she wasn't able to help her own daughter.
Until just a while back, she'd always been on one line with Hope. She always knew exactly how the blonde girl felt and she knew how to soothe her, how to help her, but now she was absolutely clueless.
It wasn't too long ago when Emma was the same age as her daughter. In fact, she'd gotten Hope when she was just as old as her daughter was now.
She'd always hoped that it wouldn't bother her daughter that she was a teen mom and until now, it had always been in her advantage. She and Hope had had a closer bond than most parents with their child, but it had all been thrown away six months ago.
Neither of them were over it and Emma knew the accident would stay with them forever. Though it wasn't her fault, Emma blamed herself. If things had gone just a bit differently, everything would have been as perfect and smooth as it was before and no one would have to suffer.
But things weren't different. Their lives had drastically changed in the past months and not Emma nor Hope was ready to actually acknowledge it.
Emma didn't want to forget the past, but she did want to move on. She'd hoped that a small gesture like the pancakes would be a good start, but Hope wasn't ready yet.
"I can make you something other than pancakes. Would you like a grilled cheese?" Emma looked questioningly at her daughter, but the girl shrugged before she shook her head.
"I'm good, thanks," she muttered and continued tapping and clicking on her phone.
"Maybe it's good for you to have some sleep," Emma said and smiled kindly at her daughter. The bags under her daughter's eyes showed that she hadn't slept much the previous night. The girl had looked tired for the past months and Emma hoped that one good rest would do her good, but it seemed as though the girl refused to sleep.
Hope didn't reply, but she did kick off her shoes and crawled under the duvet. Emma scooted closer to her head and stroked her daughter's forehead before she kissed the soft skin.
"I love you, honey. And I'm sorry for the pancakes, I shouldn't have made them."
For the first time in a while, Emma saw that Hope actually looked at her. The girl had been avoiding her gaze for quite some time, but now it was as though the tiredness was taking over her body and she didn't mind looking at her mother anymore.
"It's just hard, mom," Hope confessed softly and closed her eyes as she yawned. "It's just so fucking hard."
Emma nodded and continued stroking Hope's forehead with her thumb. "I know, honey. But I believe that it will get better eventually."
Hope opened her eyes and looked at her for a moment, before she closed her eyes again. It didn't take long before Emma notice her daughter breathing steadily.
She'd fallen asleep. Emma looked at the peaceful view of her daughter resting and planted one more kiss on Hope's forehead, before she left the room.
It was the first time in half a year that she'd seen her daughter fall asleep so easily and frankly, she was more than happy to see Hope so restful.