Chapter 13
"Natanggal ako sa student's org. Hindi na ako officer," pagtatapat ko kay King. That is my worst punishment I am talking about. Buong buhay ko hindi ako nakatanggap ng kahit anong parusa sa school, ngayon lang, at sobrang bigat pa. Hindi ako sanay na may nangyayaring ganito sa akin lalo na't usaping aral. Alam ni Lei iyan.
"Ano bang nangyari? Bakit ka napaaway?" Seryosong nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Dinala ako ni King sa likod ng civil engineering building, sa mga benches, para makausap.
I bit my lower lip and refused to speak. Problema ko naman ito, labas na siya.
"Is it about your friend?" he asked.
"Uuwi na ako." I stood up and ready to go.
"Okay, I won't force you to open up." He sighed and went near me.
"Uuwi na ako," mahina kong sabi sa kanya.
"Alam ko."
"Huwag mo na akong ihatid—"
"Ihahatid kita," mariin pa rin niyang sabi. "After what happened, Casper, hindi kita hahayaan na umuwing mag-isa na."
Muli, nag-iwas ako ng tingin at simangot na naglakad. Tahimik lang ako hanggang sa nakasakay na sa jeep.
"Bayad po." abot ni King sa 50 pesos. Tinitigan ko ang pera.
"Ilan 'to?" tanong ng driver.
"Lima po," si King. Lihim akong nagbuga ng hangin. I don't have much strength to argue with him right now.
I remained silent 'til we get to our house. Ni hindi ko na rin siya nilingon pagpapasok ng bahay.
Dumeretso agad ako sa kuwarto ko at nahiga. Ngayon napagtanto ko kung ano ang nagawa ko. Seriously, Casper? Nakipag-away ka? Sa loob pa ng campus? Ano ngayon? Hindi ka na officer sa organization.
I closed my eyes because of frustration. It's okay... paulit-ulit na sinasabi ko sa sarili. No big deal.
No big deal, right? But why am I crying? Nakakainis ako minsan, alam ko. Pati nga ako naiinis na rin eh. Kahit paulit-ulit kong sabihin na ayos lang, hindi ko pa rin magawang maging ayos.
Natulugan ko ang sama ng loob, kung hindi lang ako ginising ni Mama para sa hapunan hindi pa ako magigising. Maging sa hapag naging tahimik ako. Mama is watching my moves.
"May problema ba?" Mama asked when we finished our food. I bit my lower lip and lowered my head.
"I'm sorry, Ma," I almost whispered. Nangingilid na rin ang mga luha ko.
"Bakit?"
"Napaaway ako at..." nilaro-laro ko ang daliri sa kamay, "... na-guidance tapos, natanggal ako sa organization."
After that, silence enveloped between us. I am not scared that she might get mad at me. I think she will understand me once I'll tell her what really happened. I am telling this to her now because mainly I want to ease some heavy burden in my heart and I think opening up to her will do.
"Ayos ka lang?" she said in a low and concerned voice.
Mas yumuko pa ako, nagbabadya na ang mga luha. Sa wakas, umiling ako.
"Hindi ako sanay..." my voice cracked. "This is my first time getting punishment from school... worst, I got kicked out in the organization. I am not okay, Mama."
I told her everything and why I got into fight.
"It's okay. Not all days are in favour with us," she assured. I shook my head. If I become I little bit more cautious and not easily driven with my emotions it will not happen.
I didn't cry in front of Mama earlier even though I want to burst out my pain. Now that I am alone here in my room, I can freely let out my emotions. I cried while looking at the stars from my window.
Kinabukasan, maaga pa rin akong nagising at pumasok kahit na mabigat ang kalooban. Well, last night I realized it already happened and I really can't undo it. So I have no choice but to move on and do my things as student like usual.
My classmates were looking at me but when my gaze went on them, they looked away. I frowned more.
Good thing, half day lang daw ngayon dahil may event ang mga faculties. Lunch time and I decided to just eat merienda at annex. Wala akong gana para kumain ng lunch at uuwi na rin naman ako. Nasa entrance na ako ng annex building nang makita ko sina Sam at Zion sa gilid at may tila hinihintay.
Sam's eyes went on me. I was little bit startled when I saw her but I managed to give her a small smile.
"Hi, Casper!" she cheerfully greeted me. Zion's eyes glued on me too. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na may kasama pala sila. Ngumiti ako sa babaeng may maikling buhok na kasama nila.
"Hi, Sam," I casually greeted. Zion chuckled.
"Mag-lu-lunch ka na ba?"
"Ah, nope. Baka bibili na lang ako ng merienda tapos uuwi." I looked inside the annex. There were a lot of students.
"Oh? Hindi ka mag-lu-lunch? Sama ka na sa amin na maglunch," she offered. Actually, I was shocked with her offer. Hindi naman kami sobrang close para ayain ako... pero hindi ko sinasabi na feeling close si Sam... uhhh, nagulat lang.
"Ayos lang ba?" I bit my lower lip because I am shy to turn down her offer. There's something about her that I don't want to turn her down.
"Uhhh..." I was busy looking for words when I heard a group of people coming near us.
"Bobo mo Yuno sabi mo raised to 4 'yon eh raised to 6 'yon, tanga!"
"May exam kayo?"
"Long quiz, pre, putangina."
"Oh nandiyan na pala ang birthday boy!" they exclaimed. Lumingon ako para tingnan sila King, Yuno, Cody, at Thirdy.
They look shocked when they saw me but my eyes glued on King whose lips were parted.
"Ahem!" si Sam.
I blinked twice and looked at the other side.
"Nakita ko si Casper na papunta rito sa annex kaya tinawag ko na at inaaya kong makisabay na lang sa lunch sa atin," she said. I bit my lower lip and feel a little bit awkward.
"Sam, feeling close?" Yuno smirked. Sinipa siya ni Sam sa paa dahilan para mapamura ito.
"Tangina, Sam," Yuno mouthed.
"Ooops, Am I... allowed to go with you then, guys?" alanganin na sabi ni Thirdy. Mabilis na nalipat ang tingin ko sa kanya... no, I am glaring at him.
King showed him a fist, telling him to stop. Thirdy smirked and looked away. He even pursed his lips. His hands were both on his pocket.
"Is it okay, Casper?" Zion talked to me, "... today's my birthday so yeah, treat ko," he smiled.
Wala na akong nagawa at nahihiya naman akong tanggihan sila kaya tumango na lang ako.
"Sige," mahina kong sabi.
"Great!" Sam grinned. She even clapped her hands. Kausap na niya ngayon ang kasama niyang babae. Nalipat na rin sa gawi nila si Cody.
"Tagal ni Kai. Nasaan ba iyong kambal mong iyon?"
"Baka nag-aaral hanggang ngayon," si King. Lumapit ito sa akin dahilan para mas yumuko ako. This is really, really awkward.
"Tangina, alas dose na," si Thirdy. Hindi na pinansin ni King si Thirdy dahil ang atensiyon niya ay napunta na sa akin.
"Saan ba tayo kakain, Zion?" si King.
"Kayo ba?"
"Wow, yaman!" siniko siya ni Sam.
"Doon na lang sa SM, hanap tayo ng makakainan doon."
"Sa iba naman. Palagi na lang tayo doon eh," reklamo ni Sam.
"Birthday mo?" masungit na sabi ni Yuno kay Sam.
"Birthday ko, bakit?" si Zion.
"Edi Happy Birthday..." Yuno said sarcastically.
"Oh, ayan na pala si Kai oh. Tara na, nagugutom na ako. Gaea, sabay ka na kay Cody. Ako naman kay Zion," sabi ni Sam saka niya hinila si Zion.
"Sa akin naman talaga siya sasabay," si Cody. Sam's eyes rolled.
"Mag-je-jeep na lang kami," si King.
"Ha?" sabay-sabay silang tumingin kay King.
"Tangina neto, ano'ng nakain mo at mag-je-jeep ka?" kunot-noong tanong ni Thirdy.
"Hindi ka marunong, 'di ba?" naningkit ang mata ni Sam.
"Hindi marunong pumara 'yan. Kahapon sinundo ko sa kabilang bayan kasi hindi marunong pumara kaya naabot hanggang sa terminal," sabi ni Kai.
"Hoy!" sigaw ni King sa kakambal.
Tumingin ako kay King. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin. I bit my lower lip because yesterday he's with me and...
"Bakit ka pa mag-je-jeep, eh, may sasakyan ka naman?" litong tanong ni Sam. "Isakay mo na si Casper sa sasakyan mo kaya? Ayos lang naman, hindi ba, Casper?"
Sam looked at me.
"A-a-ayos lang naman..." I stammered, still not moving on with what Kai have said.
"Oh, ayos lang naman pala, eh, King. Si King talaga parang ewan minsan."
King looked at me. I stared at him. Ngayon, siya naman ang unang umiwas.
"Let's go then," he said then we go to the parking lot to where his car is. Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto ng kanyang sasakyan. Medyo alanganin pa akong sumakay.
"Sorry," he muttered. "Ayos lang naman na magje—"
"Ayos lang," agap ko.
He then sighed and walk gracefully towards the other side of his car. This is my first time inside his car and I am not comfortable.
He started his engine and ready to go.
Walang nangahas na magsalita sa amin buong biyahe. What I am feeling right now is mixed emotions... and I can't even tell it. There's something in my feeling which I really can't spell.
Maging nang makarating kami sa mall at nag-umpisa nang kumain ay tahimik pa rin kaming dalawa. Tanging mga kaibigan niya lang ang maingay at nagku-kwentuhan.
"Tahimik mo, King, ah." they noticed it too.
"Tss," tanging sambit ni King.
Tumingin ang mga kaibigan niya sa akin at nagkibit-balikat lang. Nanatiling tahimik si King hanggang sa hindi na nila siya pinansin... at hanggang sa nagsisiuwian na ang lahat.
"Salamat, pare, Happy Birthday ulit.=," bati ni King kay Zion.
"Salamat, pre. Mamayang gabi, ha, sa bahay," Zion grinned.
"Oo naman, ako mauuna sa attendance."
Zion chuckled. Zion then looked at me. I blinked twice.
"Happy Birthday," I said. "and thank you for the treat."
"You're welcome, Casper." He smiled too.
Nauna na rin si Zion na umuwi hanggang sa kami na lang ni King ang natira. King looked at me but I looked away.
"Tara na, uwi ka na," he said. Nag-umpisa na naming tahakin ang labas ng mall.
"Dito na ako maghihintay ng jeep," sabi ko nang nasa hintayan na kami.
Kumunot ang noo niya.
"Kasama mo—"
"Hindi na. Kaya ko na," I cut him off. My voice was cold. His eyes widened.
"It's okay—"
"Sabi kong kaya ko na eh!" napalakas ang boses ko. Huli na nang mapagtanto ko kung ano ang nagawa ko. Tinaasan ko ng boses si King.
My lips parted because of my sudden action. I looked away.
"Why are you doing this?" I bravely confronted him.
His lips parted and I can sense some tension in his eyes.
"The what?" he almost whispered.
"These! All of these! Bakit mo ako hinahatid? Why are you so kind to me? Why are you calling me... texting me?"
"I am not dumb to not notice all of it, King... but why?"
He didn't mutter any words. He licked his lips then he gulped. I even saw how his adam's apple moved. His eyes were telling something to me.
"Are you playing with me?"
"No," agap niya.
"Is this a joke?"
"No."
"Then what are you doing?" irritable ko siyang sinigawan.
"I'm sorry I was a bit coward when it comes to you," he said. My lips parted.
"I'm sorry, it's my fault that you're confused right now. I'm sorry if I irritate you sometimes. Sorry, Casper, I can't help myself from falling for you..." he said.
What?
"Alam ko namang may ideya ka na sa nararamdaman ko para sa iyo. Alam kong matalino kang tao, Casper, na konting galaw ko lang malalaman mo na ang kahulugan ng mga ito. Sorry that I made it not clear about my feelings for you. Dinadaan ko lang lahat ng mga ito sa mga... simpleng bagay na makakasama kita kasi..." he paused.
"Duwag ako."
My eyes glued on him. His head lowered, I can't see his face nor his reaction.
We both became silent after that, just the siren of the vehicles and voices from other people we are hearing. I can't speak. I couldn't move. A jeep suddenly stopped beside us. People from the other side were rushing to come towards here. After a few, inside of the jeep was already full and the jeep started to drove away.
He finally lift his head. Now, I can clearly see his face. His eyes were very gentle and sleepy but tell thousands of emotions. He managed to give me a warm smile. My heart hitched. I don't like the way my heart acted these past few days.
"Casper, manliligaw ako," he clearly said in front of me.
"Gusto kita, Casper. Gustong-gusto. Kaya... manliligaw ako," ulit niya.
Ngayon, ako naman ang yumuko, hindi mawari kung ano ang nararamdaman ngayon... basta isa lang lang ang alam ko... natatakot ako.
Ilang segundong nanatili ako sa ganitong puwesto. Gusto? I smirked. Magsasawa ka rin.
I lift my head and looked at him bravely.
"Kung ganoon, basted ka na," malamig kong sabi. I saw his face hardened like he was hurt but acted like he's tough.
"Wala akong pakialam," aniya.
I smirked, "Magsasawa ka rin sa akin, King. Kaya ngayon pa lang, itigil mo na ito."
Another jeep finally stopped. I looked at King.
"Uwi na ako. Huwag ka na sumabay pa sa akin," mabilis ko ring tinapos ang tingin sa kanya at naglakad na patungo sa jeep.
"Casper..." he called when I was about to go inside.
"I understand you and I respect you. I will wait, Casper. I will damn wait for my chance. I'll stay even if you don't want me to stay. I will stay even if you always push me away," aniya.
"Seryoso ako sa'yo, Casper."
~~
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