"Mama, mama, mama!" Rocky ran into the room; footsteps thundering into the room.
Jensen, who had been making the bed in her and Miles' room, looked up as Rocky jumped onto the bed. The freshly made bed. She took a deep breath in and placed her hands on the small of her back. "Yeah, Rock?"
Jensen frowned when she realized what Rocky was wearing. A snow jacket and boots with her jeans tucked into them. Hair tucked into a toque. Mittens on her hands.
"Um. Are you cold, little queen?"
"Daddy say boots!"
"What?"
"Snow!"
Jensen's eyes widened. "It's snowing?"
It wasn't that shocking. Jensen realized that almost as soon as the words had left her mouth. It was January, after all. Snow happened. They were in Canada. She'd spent her entire life living in Canada, spare a couple trips around the world. Maybe before she turned forty, she'd get used to snow and potentially enjoy it.
"Snow, mama!"
"Um. Miles!" Jensen looked toward the door.
"Boots!" Rocky yelled. "Mama boots!"
"Rock, maybe your dad can take you out in the yard—"
"Me?" Miles said from the doorway. Adjusting Beckett, who was wrapped in a snowsuit, in his arms. He wore his own version of a snowsuit that consisted of jeans, boots that barely reached his ankles, a scarf, and a jacket that Jensen didn't consider at all appropriate for snow. "We're all going. Now. To the beach. Boots on, Rhodes."
"The beach?" Jensen put a hand on her head. "I thought it was snowing."
"It is."
"There are words that don't go together in these sentences," Jensen said. "You want to go to a beach in the snow? Babe, that's not how it works."
"They're still open."
"It's January."
"Never too early."
"It's snowing."
"It was snowing."
"There's still snow on the ground."
"So we'll make snow angels instead of sandcastles, who cares?" Miles reached out and pulled Rocky's hand away from her nose; moments before a finger went up a nostril.
"You're nuts." Jensen pointed a finger at him as she quickly side-glanced and Rocky before staring back at Miles. "Imagine there's a bad f-word in front of that."
"Fart," Rocky said. Matter-of-factly. She nodded her head, pleased with herself.
"Never change, Rock." Miles kissed the top of Rocky's head before he looked back to Jensen. "It's going to be fun. Come on."
"California boy, I swear—" Jensen locked eyes with Miles. His almost pleading her. "I must be out of my mind."
Miles grinned. "Can you be ready in five?"
Jensen took a deep breath in. "Will you wear an actual snow jacket?"
"Rhodes," Miles said, "we both know where this is going to go."
"I know you look good in this jacket—"
"Thank you." Miles looked chuffed. Proper pleased with himself. If Jensen knew simply telling him he looked nice would put that much of a smile on his face, she would've done it more often than she already did.
Jensen ran a hand up and down his bicep. "But you'd look even better when you don't spend every waking moment we're outside complaining that you're cold."
Miles put his hand over his heart. "You wound me, Rhodes. Truly."
Jensen rolled her eyes. Not annoyed, more playful. Miles knew the difference, she knew he did. Jensen knew the difference when he did it too. "Five minutes. I'll drive."
"You don't know where we're going."
Jensen stepped forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Lived here longer than you, babe. And I know you."
"Where are we going?"
"Spanish Banks."
Miles smiled. "Five minutes?"
"I'm bringing your snow jacket."
"You can, but I'm leaving it in the car."
"Miles—"
"Five minutes, Rhodes!" Miles took Rocky's hand and helped her jump off the bed, leading her out of the room.
"You hit me with one snowball and I'm leaving you at the beach."
"Then maybe I'll take my jacket out of the car."
"Or, you know," Jensen said, "you could... simply not throw a snowball."
"Four minutes!"
*
As Jensen could've guessed, it took less than four minutes for Miles to have balled up a snowball, tossed it in her direction, and immediately protest—through laughing—that he had Beckett and she shouldn't reciprocate. Jensen laughed, rolled her eyes, and promptly cleared a place on a log to sit on.
Rocky had already dug into the snow and was throwing it into the air. Giggles erupted from her as the snow landed back on her head, from the top of her toque to the tip of her nose. Jensen smiled softly.
"I knew you'd like it." Miles' voice was soft.
If Jensen hadn't heard him coming, she might've fallen off the log she was sitting on. Swinging a leg over the log, Jensen turned in his direction. Her eyes widened when she looked at Miles.
"Where's Beckett?"
"Beckett?"
"Our baby." Jensen waved a hand at him, her head on a swivel trying to locate him. Her hand on her chest. "The one you're supposed to have in a papoose, oh my God—"
"Rhodes, Rhodes, Rhodes, hey, it's okay, it's okay." Miles put his hands on her shoulders gently and turned her.
To where Maddox, Liberty, and Dayna were. Dayna and Liberty doing jazz hands, Maddox making Beckett do jazz hands in the papoose. Which was on him. And not Miles. Jensen felt the tension in her chest loosen. Liberty had a basket on the crook of her elbow.
"Jesus Christ, Miles!" Jensen said. "Are you trying to give me a panic attack?"
Miles winced. "I should've thought that through."
Jensen took a deep breath. "It's okay."
"Baby mama!" Dayna yelled, running over to Jensen and tackling her in a hug. "It's snowing, babes! It's snowing!"
"It snowed," Liberty corrected. Hugging Jensen once Dayna had pulled away.
"Whatever, Doctor Faith," Dayna said, "Way to be a fucking party pooper."
"Dayna," Miles said, "the kids are here."
"Poop isn't a bad word."
Miles groaned. "Dayna."
"Oh." Dayna snorted. "Sorry."
"Glad I brought you to watch our kids, Day."
"We're not watching our kids?" Jensen asked.
"You two," Maddox said, "are taking a well deserved breather. Because holy shit—"
"Language, Mads," Miles said.
"Because holy guacamole, y'all need to take moment to yourselves because I'm not living with the odd couple for another couple months," Maddox said. He waved a shooing hand in their direction. "Begone! It's your belated anniversary!"
Jensen's almost let out a small oh when she realized that it was near their wedding anniversary. Their second wedding, sure. But their wedding all the same. Was she really that far from her own reality that she forgot?
Miles offered his hand to Jensen to help her off the log when Maddox's phone rang. Everyone looked at him, the loudest possible iteration of Circus by Britney Spears blasting in all their ears.
"Gonna answer that one?" Miles asked, wrapping his arms around Jensen's shoulders when she'd gotten to her feet. Chest pressed to her back. Chin on her head.
"Later."
"What if it's film crew?" Miles asked.
Maddox's cheeks reddened. "It's not."
Jensen smiled softly and held one of Miles' arms with her free hand.
"A personalized ringtone, Mads?" Dayna asked. "Who's the lucky guy?"
"We're not talking about this on the parents' anniversary, are we?" Maddox asked. "Come on, gays, show them some respect."
"I'm bi," Liberty said.
"And I don't care who you are," Dayna said. Then her eyes widened. And she started singing. Because she was Dayna Adams. "Where you're from, don't care what you did, as long as you—"
"But it's their anniversary," Maddox said, interrupting Dayna. He looked to Miles and Jensen for help.
"I was in the middle of my solo with Justin."
"Babe, that's a Backstreet Boys song." Liberty winced.
"Guys?" Maddox's eyes pleaded with Jensen and Miles.
Miles shook his head. "Go ahead, man. It's cool."
Jensen smiled. "Very cool."
"Steal our thunder," Miles said.
"We're fine with it," Jensen said. "Totally."
"Completely."
"Absolutely."
"Y'all suck," Maddox said. "You know that?"
"Completely," Miles said.
"Absolutely," Jensen confirmed.
Miles laughed and pressed a kiss to the top of Jensen's head. Jensen grinned and rubbed her hand up on his forearm.
"Y'all are disgusting," Maddox said. "Thanks."
Dayna jumped in the snow. "Mads, who is it?"
"Auntie D!" Rocky yelled. "Play!"
Dayna held up a finger. "Hold that thought—"
"There wasn't one—" Maddox said.
"—I have a niece who wants to play." Without allowing Maddox another word, Dayna ran toward Rocky, who was calves deep in the snow. "How's it hanging, Rocky Road?"
Jensen turned her attention back to Maddox. Who had pulled out his phone and was frantically texting. "You know..."
Maddox looked up, eyes wide. A deer caught in the headlights. Jensen's stomach turned.
"You don't have to tell us," Jensen said, "if you don't want to."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Whenever you're comfortable."
Liberty snorted. "You two would know all about that one, wouldn't you?"
"Hey," Miles said.
"We kind of deserve it." Jensen laughed.
"No shit," Maddox said.
"Six years later?" Miles asked.
"Yeah," Jensen, Liberty, and Maddox said at the same time.
"God," Miles said, "Remind me to rework my will's treasure hunt. You guys aren't fun."
"You have a treasure hunt in your will?" Jensen asked.
Jensen felt Miles attempt a shrug. "Gotta go out with a bang."
"We're going to be in our nineties trying to figure out where you hid things fifty years before?"
"You've got a lot of faith in my liver, Rhodes."
Jensen's jaw dropped and she threw his arms off her to face him. "Don't!"
Miles laughed. Head back, crinkles around his eyes. Maddox and Liberty exchanged looked out of the corner of Jensen's eye. She had the feeling they were similar to the one she was shooting Miles.
"That's not funny, babe."
"If I don't laugh at it, it's not funny. But I am laughing. So it is funny."
"I've heard a lot of stupid things come out of your mouth in the time I've known you," Maddox said, "But that had to be the stupidest."
"Maybe we should... you know," Liberty started, "move away from alcohol poisoning before we let you two go wander off by yourselves? This is supposed to be a nice day off."
"Don't ruin Jensen's day off, Milo," Maddox scolded. "I'll kick your ass."
"Okay, we don't need that," Jensen said, side-eyeing Miles, who was trying to pretend he wasn't still laughing. "Yet."
"Rhodes."
"You said we get to go wander off by ourselves?" Jensen asked.
"Yeah, go have fun," Maddox said, waving his hand. "Leave the kids with us and take a breather."
"Not too much fun," Liberty said, "there's enough kids here."
Jensen rolled her eyes. "Thank you for that, Libby."
Liberty snapped her fingers and shot a finger gun at Jensen. "Any time."
Miles offered his hand to Jensen, who took it with a small smile on her lips. In spite of Liberty's implication. The snow was above Jensen's ankles as they began walking away.
"That's not the worst thing you've heard him say?" Jensen heard Liberty ask.
"We had a tape measure jellybean slide in our dorm," Maddox said with a small laugh. "I wouldn't know where to start with the cursed things I've heard that man say."
Jensen and Miles continued walking, waiting until they couldn't hear Dayna and Rocky's laughter to started talking again. Miles squeezed Jensen's hand, tearing her attention away from the cold enveloping her. Even with her snow jacket, she was cold. She didn't understand how Miles was making it through without complaint. Then she looked at him. Hand stuffed in his pocket, shoulders hunched and near his bright red ears.
"Cold?"
Miles let out a shaking laugh. Teeth chattering. "I was told not to complain."
"That's—" Jensen took her scarf off from around her neck and stood in front of him, wrapping it around his neck. She put a hand on his cheek. "You're freezing."
Miles smiled softly, his shoulders relaxing. "Better now."
Jensen rolled her eyes and took his hand again. Their boots crunched snow again, their walk continuing. If Jensen could manage it, she'd lead him to their car to get the jacket she'd brought him.
"Can I ask how you've been feeling?" Miles asked softly.
"Um, I..." Jensen cleared her throat. Eyes stared down at the snow in front of her.
"You don't have to answer," Miles said. "If you're not comfortable."
"No, it's fine, I..." Jensen started. "I mean, this is wonderful, don't get me wrong. Getting out of the house, fresh air. It's great."
Miles pressed his lips together when Jensen looked back up at him. "There's a but, isn't there?"
"But, I'm... my head, you know..." Jensen sighed. "I'm still depressed. Anxious. Nothing's really changed."
"Right."
"That—that's not your fault, I—" Jensen felt the need to cover footsteps she'd already taken. Stumbled over words that had already left her lips. "Um. It's... you know..."
"Rhodes," Miles said. Gently. "It's nobody's fault."
"I know... I—it's." Jensen sighed again. "It feels like it's mine. Sometimes. Um. More often than not, actually."
"It's not."
"Somewhere I know that." Snow crunched under Jensen's feet as they walked. She tried to focus on that over anything else. If she didn't, she was afraid panic would take over. "But that somewhere's buried under a lot of shit that I can't seem to get out of my head."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Miles asked.
"I'd love if we didn't," Jensen said. "Like I'd love if we don't joke about your alcohol poisoning. Because that was one of the worst days of my life. I'm assuming it was one of the worst you've had, too."
Miles rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "Sorry."
"How did talking about that day make you feel?"
"Like if I didn't laugh, I'd cry." Miles' jaw tightened as he stared in front of them.
Jensen stopped walking. Miles took a couple steps before he stopped, too. He looked back at her, eyebrows knit together.
"Guess we both found rock bottom, eh?" Miles swallowed hard.
Jensen nodded softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"About four years ago?" Miles shook his head, practically shook his entire body. "God, no. Never."
Frankly, Jensen didn't want to talk about it either. She knew what happened, she'd been there. The problem was, they'd never talked about it.
Not about the texts in Russian that Jensen had gotten while driving home from an audition. Or the ticket Jensen received for texting while driving, the police escort home she'd gotten when they realized she was terrified and close to crying because Miles wasn't picking up his phone. There wasn't talk of the pool of vomit Jensen found him in, passed out on the floor. How he wouldn't open his eyes and his breathing had been shallow and Jensen didn't think he was going to wake up the entire ambulance trip to the hospital. She hadn't thought he was going to wake up the entire time doctors pumped his stomach if she was being honest with herself.
Jensen had spent two days in the hospital with him. Buying too many bottles of water meant for Miles that she drank from nerves and crying. Doctors and nurses alike had assured her that she could've gone home, gotten some sleep. They told her he was weak, but he was alive. She refused to leave. Jensen stayed awake the entire time they were there; too many hours in a row. Afraid that if she fell asleep, she'd wake up and Miles wouldn't be with her anymore. She'd spent the next four months worried that Miles wasn't going to make it through the night. Even with him swearing he'd never touch anything alcoholic ever again.
Jensen knew what rock bottom felt like. She knew she was at hers at that present moment.
"Can we start this over?" Jensen asked. "Today, I mean. Or—or this walk. Can we start it over?"
Miles nodded and took a couple steps toward her. Placed his hands on her waist, eyes scanned her features. "If you want."
"I would love," Jensen said, standing on her toes and giving him a quick kiss, "nothing more than for today to be the most boring day ever."
"Boring?"
"Absolutely—" Jensen's phone vibrated loudly. "I'd love it if nothing happened today."
"Are you going to answer that?"
"Answering it would be something," Jensen said, "that's not nothing."
"We can press restart after you answer the phone."
"I don't want to—"
Jensen had gotten used to Miles' wandering hands in six years of being together. So much so that she hadn't given it a second thought when he'd slid his hand in her back pocket. And it was too late when Jensen realized that he was pulling her phone out for her to stop him.
"Hello, Jensen Rhodes' phone. This is Miles speaking, how can I help you?" Miles asked. His eyes widened, shining with excitement. "One sec, Keira."
"Keira?" Jensen shout-whispered. Miles held the phone out, biting back a grin. She pressed the phone to her ear. "Hello?"
"Husband on clerical duties?" The familiar and unmistakable voice of Academy Award Nominee Keira Lim asked. "Hope everything's all right in paradise."
"I—everything's fine. Yeah." Jensen took Miles' hand in hers. If only to keep herself from squeezing her phone. His other hand snuck into her back pocket. For real that time.
"A little bird told me," Keira said, "that someone skipped out on an audition a couple months back."
Jensen's eyes widened. "Um. Oh. Yeah, I did. I'm so sorry. I know you recommended—"
"Jensen," Keira said. "I read the interviews before that. About the post-partum. Not that it was any of my business, or theirs, but you don't have to explain yourself to me."
Jensen pressed her forehead to Miles' chest. Tilting her head enough that her voice wouldn't be muffled. She let out a breath. "Thank you."
"I'm calling because I have a role," Keira said. "Film's mine, not Di's. For a streaming service; we'd be local for you. Are you interested?"
"You really want me?"
"Jensen Rhodes, do you think I go out of my way to recommend people I don't think can do their job?" Keira asked. "Yes, I'd love for you to join the project."
"Join the project?" Jensen asked.
Miles drew in a sharp, excited breath. Held her tighter.
"Of course," Keira said, "At the very least, I want you to come to the reading. As a formality. Make sure you fit in with everyone else."
"You don't need me to audition?"
"That implies you think I want someone else."
"I... You don't?"
Keira let out a laugh. "I don't make personal calls that often."
"Of course, um, thank you," Jensen said. "I look forward to working with you. Again."
"And I you, Jensen Rhodes," Keira said. "I'll have my team contact yours."
"Thank you."
"Talk to you soon."
Jensen ended the call and pulled the phone away from her ear. Pressed the phone to her lips. Took a couple steps away from Miles and tucked the phone into her pocket. Walked back to him and hugged him tightly. Took her arms off him and walked away again. Smiled so wide her cheeks ached.
"Good news, I take it?" Miles asked, a smile on his lips.
"Oh my God," Jensen said. She pressed her hands to her temples. Threw her arms in the air. "Oh my God."
"Rhodes, you're killing me."
Jensen stomped a couple times in the snow. Excitement in every footstep. She pressed a hand to her mouth to keep from squealing. A light at the end of the tunnel. Understanding that she wasn't okay. But she could be. In time.
"Rhodes—"
Jensen lunged at Miles, arms around his neck, burying him in a hug. Truly burying him, in every sense of the word. Arms went around Jensen's waist as they fell to the ground. Snow flew around them, landing on Jensen's back, freckling Miles' hair. They both laughed; Jensen was elated, Miles was along for the ride. She peppered kisses on every square inch of his face her lips could reach.
"Good news?" Miles managed to ask between Jensen's flurry of kisses.
"I," Jensen said, grinning as she pressed another kiss to Miles' lips. "Am the newest member of Academy Award Nominee Keira Lim's newest film if all goes to plan."
Miles grinned. "See? Good things happen when you answer your phone."
Jensen, who's forearms were being used as Miles' pillow from the snow, smiled. She pulled him close and kissed him. Tucked in their snow bed, unbothered by the cold.