I didn't have a very clear idea of how we had managed to get back into the Honeydukes cellar, through the tunnel, and into the castle once more. All I knew was that the return trip seemed to take no time at all, and that I hardly noticed what I was doing, because my head was still pounding with the conversation we had just heard.
Why had nobody ever told us? Dumbledore, Hagrid, Mr. Weasley, Cornelius Fudge . . . why hadn't anyone ever mentioned the fact that our parents had died because their best friend had betrayed them?
Draco knew of course.
I stormed up to the astronomy tower for our latest talk. "Draco" I growled "here's a fun fact. My parents best friend betrayed them! Oh wait--you knew that! You knew that and didn't tell me!"
His face went even paler, he looked translucent in the moonlight. "How--How did you find out?" he whispered.
"It doesn't matter how!" I said, wiping my tears furiously away. Never show them your weak, ever "what matters is that you knew and never told me."
"I knew what you would do if you knew!"
"Oh?And what exactly was that?"
"Track him down! Kill him!" I froze.
"But--" he ran a hand through his hair "--You'll be the one dying, Emma."
There was uncomfortable silence. "Do--" Draco hesitated "Do you have any photos of them?"
I did. I had it with me; the leather-bound photo album Hagrid had given me two years ago, which was full of wizard pictures of my mother and father. Harry had an identical one.
We sat down the ,moonlight acting as a lamp, and I started turning the pages,searching, until . . .I stopped on a picture of my parents' wedding day. There was my father waving up at me, beaming, the untidy black hair Harry had inherited standing up in all directions, except his eyes; they were the exact shape and size as mine. There was my mother,alight with happiness, arm in arm with my dad.
And there . . . that must be him. Their best man . . . I had never given him a thought before.If I hadn't known it was the same person, I would never have guessed it was Black in this old photograph. His face wasn't sunken and waxy, but handsome, full of laughter. Had he already been working for Voldemort when this picture had been taken? Was he already planning the deaths of the two people next to him? Did he realize he was facing twelve years in Azkaban, twelve years that would make him unrecognizable?
But the dementors don't affect him,I thought, staring into the handsome, laughing face. He doesn't have to hear my mum screaming if they get too close — I slammed the album shut, closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down.
"Emma?" said Draco's voice uncertainly.
"Let's go." I said softly "it's getting late."
A hatred such as I had never known before was coursing through me like poison. I could see Black laughing at me through the darkness, as though somebody had pasted the picture from the album over my eyes. I watched, as though somebody was playing him a piece of film, Sirius Black blasting Peter Pettigrew (who resembled Neville Longbottom) into a thousand pieces.He could hear (though having no idea what Black's voice mightsound like) a low, excited mutter. "It has happened, My Lord . . . the Potters have made me their Secret-Keeper. . . ." And then came another voice, laughing shrilly, the same laugh that I heard inside my head whenever the dementors drew near. . . .
"Emma, you — you look terrible."
I hadn't gotten to sleep until daybreak.I had awoken to find the dormitory deserted, Except for a notewhich said
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Zoe, Nicholas and "Dray"
I had dressed, and gone down the spiral staircase to a common room that was completely empty. Then down to the great hall where I bumped into Harry, Ron and Hermione
"Where is everyone?" said Harry, who also looked like he had not slept.
"Gone! It's the first day of the holidays, remember?" said Ron,watching Harry and me closely. "It's nearly lunchtime."
Harry slumped into a bench as we made our way out, I joined him. Snow was still falling outside . "You really don't look well, you know," Hermione said, peering anxiously into my face.
"I'm fine," I said.
"Harry, Emma listen," said Hermione, exchanging a look with Ron,"you must be really upset about what we heard yesterday. But the thing is, you mustn't go doing anything stupid."
"Like what?" said Harry.
"Like trying to go after Black," said Ron sharply. I could tell they had rehearsed this conversation while Harry and I had been asleep. We didn't say anything.
"You won't, will you, Harry?" said Hermione.
"Because Black's not worth dying for," said Ron. I looked at them. They didn't seem to understand at all.
"D'you know what we see and hear every time a dementor gets too near us?"
Ron and Hermione shook their heads, looking apprehensive.
"we can hear our mum screaming and pleading with Voldemort. And if you'd heard your mum screaming like that, just about to be killed, you wouldn't forget it in a hurry. And if you found out someone who was supposed to be a friend of hers betrayed her and sent Voldemort after her —"
"There's nothing you can do!" said Hermione, looking stricken."The dementors will catch Black and he'll go back to Azkaban and — and serve him right!"
"You heard what Fudge said. Black isn't affected by Azkaban like normal people are. It's not a punishment for him like it is for the others." I snapped.
"So what are you saying?" said Ron, looking very tense. "You want to — to kill Black or something?"
"Don't be silly," said Hermione in a panicky voice. "Emma doesn't want to kill anyone, nor does Harry. do you, guys?"
Again, Harry and I didn't answer. I didn't know what I wanted to do. All I knew was that the idea of doing nothing, while Black was at liberty, was almost more than I could stand.
"Harry, please," said Hermione, her eyes now shining with tears,"Emma, please be sensible. Black did a terrible, terrible thing, but d-don't put yourself in danger, it's what Black wants. . . . you'd be playing right into Black's hands if you went looking for him.Your mum and dad wouldn't want you to get hurt, would they?They'd never want you to go looking for Black!"
"we'll never know what they'd have wanted, because thanks to Black, we've never spoken to them," said Harry shortly.
"Look," said Ron, obviously casting around for a change of subject, "it's the holidays! It's nearly Christmas! Let's — let's go down and see Hagrid. We haven't visited him for ages!"
"No!" said Hermione quickly. "Harry and Emma aren't supposed to leave the castle, Ron —"
"Yeah, let's go," said Harry, sitting up, "and we can ask him how come he never mentioned Black when he told us all about our parents!"
Further discussion of Sirius Black plainly wasn't what Ron had had in mind."Or we could have a game of chess," he said hastily, "or Gobstones. Percy left a set —"
"No, let's visit Hagrid," said Harry firmly.
We made our way slowly down the lawn, making a shallow trench in the glittering, powdery snow, our socks and the hems of their cloaks soaked and freezing. The Forbidden Forest looked as though it had been enchanted, each tree smattered with silver, and Hagrid's cabin looked like an iced cake.
Ron knocked, but there was no answer.
"He's not out, is he?" said Hermione, who was shivering under her cloak.
Ron had his ear to the door.
"There's a weird noise," I said. "Listen — is that Fang?"
Harry and Hermione put their ears to the door too. From inside the cabin came a series of low, throbbing moans.
"Think we'd better go and get someone?" said Ron nervously
."Hagrid!" called Harry, thumping the door. "Hagrid, are you inthere?"
There was a sound of heavy footsteps, then the door creaked open. Hagrid stood there with his eyes red and swollen, tears splashing down the front of his leather vest."Yeh've heard?" he bellowed, and he flung himself onto Harry'sneck.
Hagrid being at least twice the size of a normal man, this was no laughing matter. Harry, about to collapse under Hagrid's weight,was rescued by Me,Ron and Hermione, who each seized Hagrid under an arm and heaved him back into the cabin
. Hagrid allowed himself to be steered into a chair and slumped over the table, sobbing uncontrollably, his face glazed with tears that dripped down into his tangled beard."Hagrid, what is it?" said Hermione, aghast.Harry spotted an official-looking letter lying open on the table.
"What's this, Hagrid?"
Hagrid's sobs redoubled, but he shoved the letter toward Harry,who picked it up and read aloud:
Dear Mr. Hagrid,
Further to our inquiry into the attack by a hippogriff on a student in your class, we have accepted the assurances of Professor Dumbledore that you bear no responsibility for the regrettable incident.
"Well, that's okay then, Hagrid!" said Ron, clapping Hagrid on the shoulder. But Hagrid continued to sob, and waved one of his gigantic hands, inviting Harry to read on
.However, we must register our concern about the hippogriff in question. We have decided to uphold the official complaint of Mr. Lucius Malfoy, and this matter will therefore be taken to the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures.The hearing will take place on April 20th, and we ask you to present yourself and your hippogriff at the Committee's offices in London on that date. In the meantime, the hippogriff should be kept tethered and isolated.Yours in fellowship . . .
There followed a list of the school governors.
"Oh," said Ron. "But you said Buckbeak isn't a bad hippogriff,Hagrid. I bet he'll get off—"
"Yeh don' know them gargoyles at the Committee fer the Disposal o' Dangerous Creatures!" choked Hagrid, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "They've got it in fer interestin' creatures!"A sudden sound from the corner of Hagrid's cabin made Me,Harry,Ron, and Hermione whip around. Buckbeak the hippogriff was lying in the corner, chomping on something that was oozing blood all over the floor.
"I couldn' leave him tied up out there in the snow!" choked Hagrid. "All on his own! At Christmas."
we looked at one another. We had never seen eye to eye with Hagrid about what he called "interesting creatures" and other people called "terrifying monsters." On the other hand, there didn't seem to be any particular harm in Buckbeak. In fact, by Hagrid's usual standards, he was positively cute.
"You'll have to put up a good strong defense, Hagrid," said Hermione, sitting down and laying a hand on Hagrid's massive forearm. "I'm sure you can prove Buckbeak is safe."
"Won't make no diff'rence!" sobbed Hagrid. "Them Disposal devils, they're all in Lucius Malfoy's pocket! Scared o' him! An' if I l ose the case, Buckbeak —"
Hagrid drew his finger swiftly across his throat, then gave a great wail and lurched forward, his face in his arms.
"It's all Malfoy's fault!" snarled Ron.
"No, it is not." I snapped "I'll tell you why shall I? Because I read the letter his father sent him; and his reply. His reply was to leave it and he was just exxagerating to get drama out of it, and that it would be a good chance to get out of Quidditch. But this is his fathers fault. Leave him out of it!"
Silence.
"What about Dumbledore, Hagrid?" said Harry.
"He's done more'n enough fer me already," groaned Hagrid."Got enough on his plate what with keepin' them dementors outta the castle, an' Sirius Black lurkin' around —"
Ron and Hermione looked quickly at Harry and me, as though expecting us to start berating Hagrid for not telling us the truth about Black. But Harry couldn't bring himself to do it,neither could I. not now that we saw Hagrid so miserable and scared.
"Listen, Hagrid," I said, "you can't give up. Hermione's right,you just need a good defense. You can call us as witnesses —I'm sure I've read about a case of hippogriff-baiting,where the hippogriff got off. I'll look it up for you, Hagrid, and see exactly what happened."
Hagrid howled still more loudly. Me,Harry and Hermione looked at Ron to help us.
"Er — shall I make a cup of tea?" said Ron.Harry and I stared at him.
"It's what my mum does whenever someone's upset," Ron muttered, shrugging.
At last, after many more assurances of help, with a steaming mug of tea in front of him, Hagrid blew his nose on a handkerchief the size of a tablecloth and said, "Yer right. I can' afford to go ter pieces.Gotta pull meself together. . . ."Fang the boarhound came timidly out from under the table and laid his head on Hagrid's knee.
"I've not bin meself lately," said Hagrid, stroking Fang with one hand and mopping his face with the other. "Worried abou' Buckbeak, an' no one likin' me classes —"
"We do like them!" lied Hermione at once.
"Yeah, they're great!" said Ron, crossing his fingers under the table. "Er — how are the flobberworms?""Dead," said Hagrid gloomily. "Too much lettuce."
"Oh no!" said Ron, his lip twitching.
"An' them dementors make me feel ruddy terrible an' all," said Hagrid, with a sudden shudder. "Gotta walk past 'em ev'ry time Iwant a drink in the Three Broomsticks. 'S like bein' back inAzkaban —"He fell silent, gulping his tea.
Me, Harry, Ron, and Hermione watched him breathlessly. We had never heard Hagrid talk about his brief spell in Azkaban before. After a pause, Hermione said timidly, "Is it awful in there, Hagrid?"
"Yeh've no idea," said Hagrid quietly. "Never bin anywhere likeit. Thought I was goin' mad. Kep' goin' over horrible stuff in memind . . . the day I got expelled from Hogwarts . . . day me daddied . . . day I had ter let Norbert go. . . ."His eyes filled with tears. Norbert was the baby dragon Hagridhad once won in a game of cards
"Yeh can' really remember who yeh are after a while. An' yeh can'see the point o' livin' at all. I used ter hope I'd jus' die in mesleep. . . . When they let me out, it was like bein' born again, ev'rythin' came floodin' back, it was the bes' feelin' in the world. Mind,the dementors weren't keen on lettin' me go."
"But you were innocent!" said Hermione.Hagrid snorted.
"Think that matters to them? They don' care. Long as they'vegot a couple o' hundred humans stuck there with 'em, so they canleech all the happiness out of 'em, they don' give a damn who'sguilty an' who's not."Hagrid went quiet for a moment, staring into his tea. Then hesaid quietly, "Thought o' jus' letting Buckbeak go . . . tryin' termake him fly away . . . but how d'yeh explain ter a hippogriff it'sgotta go inter hidin'? An' — an' I'm scared o' breakin' thelaw. . . ."
He looked up at them, tears leaking down his face again."I don' ever want ter go back ter Azkaban."
The trip to Hagrid's, though far from fun, had nevertheless hadthe effect Ron and Hermione had hoped. Though Harry and I had by nomeans forgotten about Black, we couldn't brood constantly on revenge if we wanted to help Hagrid win his case against the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures.
Us, Ron, andHermione went to the library the next day and returned to theempty common room laden with books that might help prepare adefense for Buckbeak.
The four of us sat in front of the roaringfire, slowly turning the pages of dusty volumes about famous casesof marauding beasts, speaking occasionally when we ran acrosssomething relevant.
"Here's something . . . there was a case in 1722 . . . but the hippogriff was convicted — ugh, look what they did to it, that's disgusting —"
"This might help, look — a manticore savaged someone in1296, and they let the manticore off — oh — no, that was onlybecause everyone was too scared to go near it. . . ."
Meanwhile, in the rest of the castle, the usual magnificentChristmas decorations had been put up, despite the fact that hardlyany of the students remained to enjoy us. Thick streamers ofholly and mistletoe were strung along the corridors, mysteriouslights shone from inside every suit of armor, and the Great Hall wasfilled with its usual twelve Christmas trees, glittering with goldenstars.
Harry had. Mrs. Weasley had sent me a emerald sweater with the Slytherin serpent knitted on the front, also a dozen home-baked mince pies, some Christmas cake, and a box of nut brittle. As I cleared everything out of the way there was a thin box lying, inside was a silver flute.