a/n : hiya hey! new book for wilbur angstshots. recently i've had ghostbur brainrot so why not make a oneshot for the lovely lad! oh and important question what are you triggers?
1503 words (minus a/n)
tw : amnesia , heavily implied death
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i remember starting l'manburg for people's freedom. i remember sally.. i remember winning the election but tubbo says that's wrong.. i remember i had a son.. i had a son right? his name was.. was it.. milo? no that's not it..
i can barely remember my time alive. i don't know if i was a bad guy. tubbo says i was a good person that did bad things but maybe he says that to not hurt my feelings. i get a flash of relief when my mind thinks of pressing the button in a weird room. apparently i blew up l'manburg but i don't even remember blowing it up.. was it the button that did it? why was i relieved while doing harm..?
i can't remember how i was. i remember doing good things but then people say that i did bad things. i can't remember if i was a good president all i can remember is going into a fight.. uhm.. it goes blank but then we won and then.. i looked sad and i was screaming into my pillow late at night and crying myself to sleep. then there's the election.. blank.. a cave.. blank and then i'm dead..
phil says i'm not a scary ghost. that's good. people seem to like me better now that i'm dead. i don't really like being dead is quite boring but if people like me better then i guess it's fine.
tommy was important to me right? i think he's my brother.. that's what phil says anyways. i remember techno though but i remember not trusting him much. i don't know why i didn't trust him he seems cool. i've been told that fundy's my son but i don't really remember him.. is he my son? i'm proud of him anyways.
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ghosts don't need sleep but i still sleep to feel normal. sometimes it backfires on me. i have dreams remembering my death and how it felt to die.
i don't like remembering it.
it feel like a sharp item was shoved into my stomach slowly until being quickly shoved in. my bones felt like they were being pressed together until they shattered. my breaths were fast and painful until they stopped.
it's not a pleasant way to die. it's not pleasant that the pain enhanced because it was a loved one doing the deed.
but the death gave me peace. even though it's boring being dead. there's nothing. i saw god's eyes and he doesn't exist. there's no heaven or hell yet i somehow went to hell twice. it's confusing it's boring and i'm cold.
i don't know how to feel. i don't know how to remember i don't know if i want to remember. was i a good person? i don't feel like one. i was told i hurt them, i'm sorry.. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.. i'm sorry i hurt them. i'm sorry i can't remember hurting them. i'm sorry i betrayed them.
i'm sorry..
i'm cold..
the pains returning i don't like it. i don't like the pain. i don't like feeling it again. removed the sword please.. please remove it.. please.. i'm sorry.. please..
please.. i'm sorry i failed at being a good person when i was alive.. i'm sorry i'm trying i swear..
my hands are clenching the spot where he stabbed me. near my chest and down to my stomach. it's bleeding. there's blood. make it stop make it go away.
i normally float but this feeling drags me to the ground like i have chains on my legs. my body feels heavy yet empty at the same time. i don't feel like i exist anymore but yet i'm here, i'm stuck being an empty husk of a person.
why can't i remember.. why don't i want to remember.. why do they say i was good yet tell me all the bad things i did.. i'm confused.. i'm sorry.. i'm cold..
so cold..
then suddenly all i am is cold. the weights lifted i'm floating again but why doesn't it feel like they left.? there's no pain yet there's a large empty spot where a sword pierced my skin.
i lifted my hand to touch my face and it felt wet. am i.. crying? is this what crying feels like? my eyes feel weird yet normal. i couldn't control the tears coming out of my eyes. i couldn't control the hiccups that came out my mouth. i couldn't control my body from shaking.
i felt like screaming but there was no pillow to cover my scream. i didn't want to disturb the people, it's late i couldn't do that without feeling like a worser person.
i looked around for a pillow but i couldn't find one. i needed wool. i needed it fast.
i searched my barrel and found some. quickly shoving two together to get a pillow it was like the one i remember screaming into. i focused my mind on gripping the pillow and not letting phase through me. i pressed it to my face and screamed.
it wasn't a peaceful scream. it wasn't one that flowed in the air peacefully until drifting out to the sea to be forgotten. it was a painful scream. a scream that exited your lungs as if someone was squeezing them like a stress ball. a scream full of pain and sorrow. it was loud yet muffled, the pillow only let a bit of it escape to drift into the air.
after screaming for what felt like hours but in reality was only a minute almost two. surely someone heard me and that worried me. i didn't want to bother anyone. everyone was so caring that they'd probably ask what's wrong, i don't want anyone to worry for me, i don't deserve it..
i'm fine, i'm dead.
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i see yellow piss blond hair poking up from a bush outside my crane. "tommy..?" my voice was broken. i knew that. it sounded weak but i couldn't do anything about it.
i heard a somewhat quiet "shit..!" come the bush. then the bush rustled with a blond fellow, tommy, standing up from it.
i floated over to the younger fellow and looked down at him. "what are you doing i'm bush? that is not where child should be" my head tilted and body tilted with it, flipping myself over to be upside down while still looking at tommy.
"i'm not a child. i'm sixteen and that's like legally an adult and shit" tommy grumbled while looking up at me. "silly tommy in a bush" i grinned and ruffled his piss colour hair. he attempted to slap my hands off his head only to have it phase through my hands.
i went right side up again and floated slightly away from him. "anyways wilbur were you the one that screamed?" the question made me freeze. i felt myself slowly drift to the ground. "wilbur?"
"i apologise for screaming.. i will try to not do it again" tommy looked confused. "wil i'm not mad.." he said surprisingly calmly. he sounded genuine but from what i could remember he wasn't like this. "are you.. uhm.. okay?" i quickly nodded with a fake smile.
even if it seemed genuine i didn't want anyone to worry for me. i obviously didn't convince tommy with a nod and smile because all he did was furrow his eyebrows and huff out a sigh. "what's wrong.." "i'm fine i promise i'm simply dead with a crane" "wil.." he grumbled.
"i.." i hesitated to tell him what was wrong. i didn't like the truth. it's easier to run from it yet alive wil haunts me even though i'm the dead one. i let my feet touch the ground. "was i.. was i good person when i was alive?"
tommy's eyes widen, his lips parted as if to speak before closing them and giving me a look of pity.
"you weren't a good person.. but you weren't a bad one either. you did good things as well as you did bad things. you were crazy and shit before you died but that came from paranoia i guess.."
his hand gripped his hair from the roots as he sighed. his hand slipping back to his side for a bit until reaching for me hesitantly. "you're as cool as you are dead" tommy didn't seem to comfort people often but i could tell he was trying and it worked..
"a-are you crying?! shit! i don't do comfort uahhh shit shit shit-" "tommy you did fine.." i said with teary eyes. he looked surprised for a moment before placing a confident smirk onto his face that i knew was fake. "i knew that! i'm so great at comfort i've got therapist bones and shit" he said with a cocky tone.
i merely smiled softly and ruffled his hair. "thanks tommy.." his fake confidence disappeared and looked up at me with a genuine smile. "it's no problem.."