An hour after I wake up, I feel like I need a nap. Last night, Matt avoided me, which allowed Andrea to grab his attention. With a red-haired vixen grin, Andrea sat extra close to Matt the entire night, making me want to slap her across the face.
Coming into class late today, I sit by Audrey, avoiding Matt. Looking at me funny, Audrey asks, "Are you okay? Did you even hear what I said?"
"Sorry. I'm kind of out of it today. What did you say?" Barely listening to her, I'm distracted by thoughts of what I'll say to Will at lunch.
"Don't worry about it," she says quietly, her eyes looking between Matt and me.
I would like to think I can still be friends with Audrey, even if Matt and I aren't a think, but it's turning out to be impossible. My feelings for him make it too painful to be around him.
Audrey turns and scowls at Matt, "What happened between you two?"
Glancing at him, I say, "Can we talk about this later?" She gives me a little nod and goes back to taking notes. Five minutes before class ends, I whisper, "I'll see you later. I've got an appointment.
"I'll call you later, so we can talk." Not wanting to upset her, I give her a nod, then take off.
Pulling into the parking lot of Provisions Lot F, I spot him getting out of a black Porsche. I wonder what he had to do to get that thing. The Des Moines airport wouldn't have that type of rental car.
Smirking, he teases, "Nice car."
Rolling my eyes, I reprimand him, "Not all of us have trust funds. My mom wouldn't let me bring my car."
Running his hand down the side of his hair, he reaches down, grabbing my arm to pull me along. "Let's get inside. It's freezing out here. I don't know how you stand these arctic temperatures."
Inside, the restaurant reminds me of one of my favorite places in Santa Barbara. The hostess escorts us to our table, while making eyes at Will the whole time. He doesn't even notice her.
Sitting across from him on a high stool, he looks irritated. Trying to distract him, I ask, "Did you meet any interesting people last night?"
Before he answers, the waitress interrupts, taking our order. Walking away, she gives Will a small smile. Apparently this one is attractive enough for him to notice because he winks at her.
Reaching for his phone, he glances at a text message. Setting the phone on the table he says, "I've never seen so many overweight scruffy looking people in my life. The thick smoke nearly killed me off. I went back to my room early. I wish you would've taken me up on my offer."
Shooting him a glare, I snap, "There's no way I was coming to your room last night."
Scowling, he pauses. Then looks me straight in the eyes. "I had a conversation with a redhead you know."
Alarm bells go off in my head. What did Andrea tell him? I'm going to tell her off the next time I see her. Cautiously, I mumble, "What did she have to say? You know she hates me, right?"
"I sensed a bit of a distaste for you. She suggested something that I have a hard time believing could be true." Coming together in front of him, his hands clenched, he declares, "She said you're pregnant."
"Why would she say that?" Spinning, panic rips through me. Standing up, I run to the bathroom, throwing up the moment I get to the stall. Shaking uncontrollably, my whole body tingles.
Gasping for breath, I can't find control. Sitting on the toilet, I feel like I'm going to pass out. Resting my head in my hands, I say out loud, "What am I going to do?" Running through all the people that know, I can't think of who would've betrayed me.
Finally leaving the stall, I tell my reflection, "It doesn't matter who told him. This was inevitable. Now you need to fix it."
Our food is sitting on the table, while Will seems to be rapid fire texting. I want to rip the phone out of his hands to see who it is, but I can guess. Picking at the rice pilaf I ordered, I avoid making eye contact with him. I barely whisper, "It's true."
Smacking his hands of the table, he yells, "Are you insane? Did you really think you could keep this from me by running to Iowa?" Catching the stares of other customers, he leans in and lowers his voice. "Is that why you're here? You didn't want anyone to know you're pregnant? What was your plan? To give it up without telling me?"
He's asking too many questions that I can't answer. What's my plan? Finally looking at him, I say, "I don't have a plan." Struggling to explain, I glare at him. "I needed space to think. My mom and grandma were trying to pressure me to get an abortion. I didn't want that, so I came here."
"Were you planning to tell me or were you just going to show up next fall and pretend nothing happened?" Slamming his fist on the table, he growls, "You had no right to hide this from me."
Shaking uncontrollably, the floodgate of tears opens. Babbling, "I only planned not to have an abortion and to get away from my mom. I haven't thought about anything. I try not to think about it."
Glaring at me, he jabs, "Have you been to a doctor? Are you sure you're pregnant? You don't look pregnant."
"Yes. I've been to a doctor." Shrugging, I sigh, "Living where it's freezing makes it easy to hide under layers of clothing."
He eyes me. "I thought you were on birth control. Or were you lying about that too?"
"The birth control failed. I took an antibiotic for a sinus infection." I'm disappointed that I didn't think of the fact that antibiotics make birth control ineffective. If I had, this whole situation could've been avoided.
"And do you know what you're having?"
"Not yet." The thought makes me nauseous. They offered to tell me at my last appointment, but I couldn't deal with it.
"I'm not ready to be a father. There are too many things I still want to do. So many places I want to travel and things I want to try. I can't be strapped down." Drumming his fingers on the table, he looks out the window behind me.
Watching him, I notice that he's gotten a root melt recently. Appealing to his selfishness, I say, "All you have to do is sign off your rights and you're off the hook."
Narrowing his eyes, he scowls, "Why are you trying to get me out of the picture?" He scoffs, "Are you planning to have your new boyfriend raise the child?"
Cautioning him, "It's none of your business what I'm planning to do." Trying to keep him calm, I add, "I'm leaning towards giving the baby up for adoption." As the words pass over my lips, sadness fills my heart. I imagine handing my baby to a stranger, never to see it again.
Throwing money on the table to more than cover the bill and the tip, Will stands up and slides his coat on. "This is not how I expected my trip to go. I have a lot to think about. I'm sure my lawyer can advise me. This isn't your decision."
Our waitress stops at the end of the table, sweetly addressing Will, "Is there anything else I can get you before you leave?"
Turning on the charm, Will teases, "If she wasn't sitting here, I would ask for your phone number, but since she is, I guess the answer is no."
The stupid girl walks away blushing and grinning ear to ear. I snap, "You're disgusting. If she only knew how fake you are."
With a mischievous grin, he pulls on his gloves. "It works on you every time."
Picking up the first thing I can grab, I throw my fork at him, hitting him in the arm. "I hate you. I'm glad we're thousands of miles apart."
"Expect to hear from my lawyer. Don't worry about hearing from me ever again." With that, he walks away.
Skipping my afternoon classes and calling in sick for work crosses my mind. Outside, I spot Damien, the creepy guy from English, sucking down a quick vape. I'm not in the mood to talk to him.
Blowing out a huge cloud, Damien calls out, "Hey, look who it is. Heading to class?" He appears to have two new piercings on his eyebrow, making him look hard.
"Yes, I wish I didn't have to. I don't feel like riding the bus, so I'll probably pay to park in the Union." How did he know I'm heading to class? Curious, I ask. "Do you work here?"
"Nah, my buddy does. This place is too fancy for me." He adds with a sinister grin, "I came to make a delivery."
Stepping towards me, he wipes the corner of his mouth, revealing his bloody knuckles. Looks like he's been in a fight. "You look wound up, like you could use something to take the edge off." Pulling a "j" out of his pocket, he gestures for me to take it.
Staring at it, I begin to say no, but end up grabbing it and sliding it into my wallet. Feeling awkward, I ask, "What do I owe you?"
"Nothing. This ones on me. If you need anything else, you let me know. I'll hook you up."
"Good to know." I shrug. Glancing around, I wonder if anyone is watching us. The last thing I need is to get busted with pot. I don't know why I even took the thing. It's not like I can smoke it right now. I guess old habits die hard.
I announce, "I have to take off. I need to get this class over with, so I can get to work." I'm babbling. Getting in my car, I scold myself talking to him. Opening the arm rest, I tuck my little gift in a safe place. I'll figure out what to do with it later.
Playing back my conversation with Will, I can't stop wondering how Andrea knew I was pregnant. Other than exchanging glares, I barely talk to her, so I don't think I let it slip. Who would've told her?
Calling. My mom picks up on the last ring before it goes to voicemail. "You finally decide to call me. I guess you know Will is there."
"You knew? Why didn't you tell me?"
"If you'd answered my call, I would've." I learned my attitude from her. I consider hanging up.
"You could've texted me."
"What would be your incentive to answer my call the next time?"
The sound of wind tells me she's outside. "What are you doing?"
"Trying on wedding dresses. I think I found the one I want." I hear her car dinging, then there's a brief pause, as her phone connects to the car. "So how did things go with Will? Did he talk you into coming home?"
"He knows I'm pregnant." The words catch in my throat. "Did you tell people at home? Somehow, he found out. He plans to get a lawyer."
"Why would you think I had anything to do with it? I haven't said a word." Her next words are laced with anxiety. "What did he say?"
"He's too selfish to want it. Like he's going to stop his life to take care of a baby. He's too arrogant not to have control."
"What's the lawyer for?" Her voice quavers.
"I don't know. To shut me up. To scare me. To make sure he isn't affected by this." Staring out the windshield, my chest is so tight I can barely breathe. "Do I need a lawyer?"
My mom's voice is harsh, "You can't afford a lawyer. If you had taken care of this..." She stops. After a moment, "I'll check with Uncle Stan. I know he's a tax attorney, but he'll know. We need to talk about what you're going to do. May will be here before you know it, and you need to be ready. The baby needs a home."
Pulling into a spot in the Memorial Union parking garage, I throw the car in park "I know. I know." I shriek, wanting her to stop talking. "I can't deal with this right now. I need to go. I'll talk to you later."
"Don't get mad at me. I didn't make this mess."
Hanging up, I throw my phone across the car. This is why I don't answer her calls. She makes me crazy. Desperately wanting to call Matt, he could push away my dark feelings. He's like the light in my darkness, but I can't face his reaction.