It was November now, and even as the air in the Olympic Peninsula was already cold, the weather seemed to match the gloom that held my family's anxiety on a near constant basis. But on the bright side, Alice had seen an estimated time for when our unwelcome visitors would arrive.
"The day after Thanksgiving!" Alice exclaimed, bouncing from the stairs and into the living room. She had a large grin on her face in triumph, even despite the circumstances.
"Who all is coming?" Carlilse and Jasper sat at a long row of chess boards, playing a game according to the rules they created; Alice's outburst had brought their heads up to look at her, and Jasper flitted to Alice's side to take her small hand in his.
"Jane, Alec, Demetri, Felix, and unsurprisingly, Aro, Caius and Marcus. I see flitters and possibilities of a fight, but the future that is most clear is discussion. Checking in." Alice was still dazed off, her eyes far away as she held her mate's hand. "There's something that alters the course, a decision that changes plans. I can't... see." She groaned. "The wolves are playing with my sight again!"
"We need to remove them from the situation." Jasper said it like a statement, less of a question. When he spoke, tranquility filled the room, vanishing all traces of anxiety. I frowned at the thought of Leah not being around. Alice smiled.
"Thanks, Jazz." She inhaled a deep breath she didn't need. "And no, I'd rather not do that to Ness and Jace." She glanced at me, and I gave her a grateful smile.
"Do you know who makes the decision?" Carlilse asked, standing up from the chess game with intent eyes. At this point, Esme had flitted down the stairs to take her place beside him.
Alice shook her head. "It's someone I can't see... I'm getting- La Push." All eyes flitted to me.
I sat on the loveseat, reading Bella's copy of Wuthering Heights. It was falling apart and aged with dog eared pages and lines creased into the spine; she'd lent it to me after Edward said something to her about my newest interest in the classics. I had been paying attention, but still had the book open in my hands, looking up at them.
"What?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"Make any big decisions lately?" Alice asked me.
I shook my head. "No, you would know, wouldn't you?"
She frowned. "I wouldn't. Things have been so fuzzy." She blinked rapidly, as if something was in her eye. "And you've been around Leah so much, I hardly see you anymore."
"Okay, but what about Ness?" I glanced at her. "It could be her."
Alice shook her head. "No, I can't see Ness any more than I can see the wolves."
"Why..." I began. I didn't know how to ask. "Why can't you see with the wolves?"
"Carlilse's theory is that it's a defense mechanism. Hardwired into them at birth." Edward walked into the house then, joining the conversation and behind him, Emmett and Bella. They'd gone hunting.
I didn't understand. Why would they need a defense mechanism against Alice's vision?
Edward answered my unspoken question. "In nature, the wolves and our kind are enemies, right? It's an involuntary defense."
Esme spoke, changing the subject. "Why would the elders come if just to check on Renesmee?" Her soft voice rang with concern.
"Aro's not above seeing things for himself anymore. He's just as curious about Renesmee as he is about Alice." Carlilse answered her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
I brought the conversation back to the wolves, and realized that this had bothered me before. "But... Why? I mean, we work with them, right? Nessie and Jacob... it doesn't make sense." Leah and I... enemies? I couldn't imagine it.
"Trust me, I've tried figuring out that one myself. It might just be a testosterone thing." Bella muttered.
Edward shook his head, hearing the direction of my thoughts, flexing his jaw in irritation at his wife's comment. "Remember that we've not always been allied with them. We've defied nature itself. But it doesn't change the fact that Alice can't see them."
My frown deepened as I turned to Alice. "You can't see them at all? But Nessie wouldn't need a defense mechanism against us would she? That has to be wrong."
"No. I see glimpses, but they're shadows. They blind me, especially in a situation like this. And we don't know for sure if it is a defense mechanism Jace," She glared at Edward for a millisecond. "It very well could be a coincidence in their nature."
Jasper took hold of my emotions, clouding my train of thought.
"Jasper, stop. I need to think."
"Apologies." He bowed his head for a half second and his grip was gone. I didn't thank him.
"Okay so... what if they're in danger? You can't see if they get hurt or..." I flinched at the image that popped into my head, and a poison tipped dagger stabbed me in my unbeating heart.
Leah 's wolf, broken and mangled on the forest floor.
"I can't see that."
"And if they fight with us, you can't see if something happens to them?"
"No."
Panic struck me. It was all so unpredictable. While Alice could find a way to guarantee that my family would be safe, she couldn't guarantee if Leah would be. I already knew the wolves clouded her. But-
"I didn't know you couldn't see them at all!" I stood abruptly, the book tumbling out of my hand.
Jasper was there again, straining me. I groaned.
"Jasper!" I looked at him, and was shocked to find him standing beside me, a cautious expression on his face. He stood normally, but his muscles were clearly tensed to react to me.
"What are you doing? Why do you keep doing that?" I demanded.
"You cannot allow your emotions to be unchecked, Jace." He stated calmly. I wanted to groan again, but he held my feelings in his grip.
"Why?" I whispered the words, though I wanted to demand of him. I closed my eyes in frustration.
"You forget that you're still a newborn. You're unpredictable. You could-"
"What? Freak out again? Float into the ceiling? Throw a vase at your face with my mind?" The words were meant to be said coldly, curtly. But I could only manage an even tone. I was triumph when a wry laugh escaped me. "Or go slaughter some humans?"
Bella flinched. I would feel guilty for that later.
Edward's arm twitched up towards her in sight of her agitation, and glared back at me. "What Jasper means to say, Jace," He seethed my name through gritted teeth, "You are primarily ruled by your instincts and emotional responses. Jasper is simply watching out for you." Ah, so he must still be angry with me. The way his eyes reflected ire in my direction made that clear.
The urge was there- the fiery instinctual rage to attack him for pissing me off- the newborn in me. I tried my best to ignore him, and admitted to myself that they were right.
"Can you just trust me enough to take care of myself?" I glared at the blonde man in front of me, intent on him letting go.
The empath turned to look at Edward for confirmation, and he nodded. Jasper sighed, and again, released me. I exhaled in relief. "Thank you." My mood matched with Edward's ire. I was suddenly caught up with everyone else in their fear, no longer in my little bubble of happiness that had evaded me from this for the past month.
"So what?" I began. "You think that this course-altering decision will be mine?"
"I don't know for sure. I don't even know if there will be a decision to be made." Alice said.
"So what so I do to help the situation?"
"Just..." She said."Don't make any major choices."
That was easier said than done, because now I was on high alert, maybe even more so than the others. Their fears had been chasing me and I'd somehow evaded them completely, until now. I was anxious to see Leah again, to make sure she was safe. Even though I knew she could take care of herself, the new discovery of the nature of Alice's vision had slapped me into reality. What if it did come to a fight? What if Renesmee was in danger, and in turn- Leah?
I didn't know how to fight! I was only a few months old, according to everyone else. I could hardly keep control of my miraculous levitation, and I was just barely there on the control scale around humans. The moment everything seemed to be falling into place, and I'd be okay, and then suddenly it felt like things were crumbling again.
But then another thought crept into my head.
Aiden.
He was a human, oblivious to all of this, of my new life and my new family and my new...love. He had nothing to do with my new life, and yet it had everything to do with him.
I'd thought of him scarcely in the last month, and the guilt of that started slithering into the pit of my stomach again. I've been so happy. I want to share that happiness with him.
And not only that, the others were afraid. But they seemed confident. Alice was away now, trying to see the direction it would come. What if it came to a fight, and we all...
I didn't want to think it.
What if whatever happened with this Volturi people or whatever, it meant I could never see my brother again? What if it meant he'd never see me again?
What was he doing now? I sat on the steps outside, needing a gasp of air, out of the peering eyes of my family's faces.
I peered up at the cloudy sky, and wondered if Aiden was doing the same. I wished the moon was out, or that I could see some semblance of stars, so it would be more possible. The weather in my hometown was less rainy, the sun was out more often. So less clouds to cover the sky. Aiden would be able to see the tinkles of light in the blue-black void, wouldn't he?
I sighed, and as the familiar anxiety that had eluded me came back to claim it's reigns, I wished more than anything that life could slow down. My human life was getting hazier every day, I remembered less and less as time went on. But I remember my brother's face- vividly; I held onto him so tightly among any other human memory, he was the most important. I missed him. So much, that there was a ghost of aching in my chest, and it reminded me of how it felt to lie in the street, on the wet pavement, cold and dying.
I felt like I was dying all over again.
And it occurred to me that along with all this vampire-ness, I didn't really know who I was anymore. I wasn't Jace, the human teenage girl who was going to school in the middle of a pandemic, who hated snow and loved hot chocolate and had an older brother who protected her from everything, but I didn't feel like me now. Who was I as a vampire, besides a newborn with a thirst for human blood I could barely control? Every Cullen had a personality, obviously, with interests and hobbies and ways to bide their time and a history and a future ahead of them. I felt like a dweller in between, unsure of who I was. And I knew, just knew that it had something to do with my brother. A part of me was missing, and I wouldn't feel whole until I saw him.
I decided I would talk to Carlilse. I would persuade him, beg him even to let me see him. And soon. I wouldn't stop until he said yes. An absolute answer, no maybe's or somedays. And before the Volturi came, where my future seemed uncertain.
Monday night.
I sat on the couch, reading the last few pages of Wuthering Heights and it was very late. I had plans to meet Leah the next afternoon after her morning shift at work. Carlilse came down the stairs from his office, almost silently, but when I saw his figure in my peripheral vision my head snapped up to look at him.
"Night shift at the hospital?" I asked him nonchalantly, my eyes shifting from the book to his face.
He looked back at me, surprise coloring his marble features.
"Ah Jace, yes. I'll be back tomorrow evening." He said dismissively, and then cringed, like he'd said something he didn't mean to.
"Okay, well I was wondering when you have a chance-"
"I must go." He said quickly, and flitted- or scrambled- out the door, his frame vanishing from the room in a single moment before I could finish my question.
"O-kay." I pronounced. "Guess not." I shrugged and read the last line of Emily Brontë's work-
I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how anyone could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
I could see why Bella enjoyed the book, but I guess it just wasn't really my thing. I'd find a way to thank her for lending it to me.
I sighed, my brain still half on Carlisle as I closed the book and placed it carefully in my lap.
His odd behavior was poking at my brain. He had come down the stairs, and... Sneaked? Or tried to? Like he was trying to make sure I didn't know he was leaving?
What would be the reason for that, if he was simply leaving for work?
And then when I caught him, he was... Abashed? Embarrassed? I wasn't sure. I'd never seen Carlisle act that way before.
"Yo, Jace!" Emmett exclaimed, coming out from the kitchen.
"What's up Em?" I placed the book on the night table beside me, looking up.
"Wanna go for a drive?" He asked, balancing keys in his hand. "I'm dead bored and need something to do, we could probably go to Olympia or something. You can take the wheel." He threw the keys my way and I caught them dexterously. I looked at them sitting in the middle of my palm, wary.
"Uh, in your Jeep?" I linked my finger into the chain, studying the ignition key.
Emmett nodded. "Yeah, or whatever other one you want. Let's go." He walked towards the far wall in the direction of the garage with a grin, gesturing for me to follow him. I stood and followed, feeling my body go rigid with anxiety.
I'd seen the garage before, but I'd never gotten in any of the various sports cars that my family owned, only Edward's Volvo, or Carlilse's Mercedes. Cars were not necessarily my thing, but they definitely looked nice and it didn't surprise me that they liked the especially fast ones, not after I'd seen Edward drive.
I often spent time with Rosalie in here when she made adjustments and even though we didn't share the common interest of cars, she'd taught me a bit about the mechanisms. I held the car up as a jack for her and she would narrate what she was doing underneath.
"So," Emmett clapped his hands together and turned to me expectantly. "Which one do you wanna drive?"
My eyes widened. "Uh, drive?"
"Yeah."
"In one of these?" I pointed to the cars.
"Yeah. Which one?"
"I don't know."
"Pick any one of them, just don't tell Rose if you choose hers." He chuckled.
"Em, I don't know how to drive."
"Oh." He thought for half a second, and then shrugged. "So?"
"What if I wreck or something?"
"We'll get a new one."
"I need my license. I don't even have a permit."
He shrugged again. "Carlilse can get you one. We can get you a fake ID, too." He winked.
"Emmett, we don't drink alcohol."
"And?"
I sighed. This was beside the point. "How am I going to drive one of these things if I don't know how?"
"I'll teach ya." He grinned.
I raised my eyebrows deliberately, skeptical. "You are going to teach me how to drive?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Will we get in trouble?" I crossed my arms across my chest.
He chuckled. "Probably. But what's Esme going to do, ground us?"
I frowned. "I don't want to upset her."
He sighed and took a step towards me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I'd gotten used to his height, but it still startled me how small I felt next to him.
"Jace, let your elder give you some advice." He brought his face down to my level and rested a giant arm on my head. "Live a little. What are you so afraid of anyway? It's not like you'll die in a car crash."
I cringed. "I guess not."
"Which one, then?"
I glanced around the space again and laid eyes on Alice's Porsche. "Will Alice mind?"
Emmett shrugged. "Let's do it." He grabbed a set of keys off the wall as I placed the Jeep keys in the same place, and we met on opposite sides of the vehicle. He threw the keys at my direction and with a teasing grin, and vanished into the car. I inhaled, settling the nerves that were suddenly swarming, and got into the driver's seat.
"See? This ain't so bad, is it?" Emmett sat in the passenger seat beside me as I drove slowly down the three mile path from the house.
"We're not even out of the driveway yet. And we're going 10 miles an hour." I snickered, but he was right. My nerves calmed just a bit, but I knew it would be a different story once we got to the road. I didn't expect any traffic, and it was 2 am so cars would be scarce and far in between. But some small, irrational voice in my head was imagining the worst.
"Wanna listen to some music?" Emmett reached for the radio.
"No!" I jerked my hand from the wheel to grab his wrist, careful to keep my other hand steady to steer. "No music. I need to focus on not crashing, Emmett."
"Okay, jeez, kid."
I exhaled a breath I didn't realize I inhaled.
Emmett didn't speak until another beat passed.
"Can I have my hand back?" He said.
"Oh. Sorry." I let go of his wrist and had both hands gripping the wheel.
Emmett released an exaggerated breath. "Yeesh, you're a nervous wreck. You do know we're vampires right? You're literally indestructible. What's your problem?"
I stared straight ahead, the nerves locking all of my muscles into place. I didn't know how to answer his question. Anxiety was fierce in my gut, flipping my stomach over like a pancake.
My knuckles were white, and I tried to conjure the will not to crush the material underneath my grip. I'm sure Alice wouldn't appreciate my smashing her steering wheel.
"Can you drive a little faster?" He asked. I heard what he said, but it went through one ear to the other.
"Kid, you're going 5 miles an hour. Step up the pace."
I ignored him still. He sighed but didn't say anything else for another few minutes.
"Do you plan on getting out of the drive sometime this century?" He poked again, and then his whole body tensed in reaction to something. "Shit."
This caused my anxiety to heighten, and I jerked the car to a stop. "What is it?" My ears perked up, and the sound of a vampire racing towards the car ensued.
"Emmett," Bella's chiding voice came first, and then her figure appeared in front of the car, and she was staring down the oaf beside me through the windshield, "What are you doing with Jace?"
Emmett's body relaxed deliberately, and a silly grin spread across his jaw. "Hey, Sis. Oh, you know, teaching the kid how to drive."
Bella crossed her arms with her lips pursed. "Definitely not well based off what I just witnessed. Are you sure that's entirely legal? And in Alice's car?"
Emmett shrugged. "You know we're not above breaking the law."
"And of all people you could've asked to teach you, you chose him?" Her gaze shifted to me then.
My reply was a squeak. "He offered."
Bella made her way to the passenger's side. "Jeez, Em, she's scared out of her wits. You're a terrible Driver's ED teacher. Out."
He shrugged and in seconds, him and Bella were swapped. "I'll just run to Olympia. See ya Jace, good luck." He winked at me and vanished into the trees.
Bella turned to me with a small regarding smile. "You okay?"
My hands were still gripping the wheel. I might actually have to replace it. I exhaled a breath before replying to her. "Yeah, just nervous. Never driven before." At least, the one time I did, it hadn't ended well.
"What are you nervous about?"
I studied her face for a moment. Her expression was soft, and one look into her eyes told me that she wasn't making fun like Emmett had, she was really asking.
"Crashing. Hitting a tree." My voice quivered, and I expected her to laugh. Instead, she nodded.
"And I take it you're already aware that you'd come out of the crash unscathed being what we are?"
It was my turn to nod. "The trees are more likely to break than I am." I glanced out the window at the various groves outside of the car.
"So you know you won't get hurt if something goes wrong, right?"
"I know, I just- there's a human self-preservation instinct that's freaking me out. I don't trust myself to do this right."
"Well, how about this? What can you do now that you couldn't do when you were human?"
"Uh..." I thought about it, and for some reason, it took a second for it to come to the surface. "See dust?" When you're human, you can see dust particles fall and float in the air in rays of sunlight, but when you're a vampire, it was everywhere. Esme was very particular about keeping the house clean so not to have them about constantly.
Bella smiled. "Okay, and your reflexes are better too." I nodded.
"That would make it virtually impossible to crash. Most wrecks are caused because humans have poor reflexes. Driving would be as natural for us as running. You would have to purposely drive into a tree to crash."
I pondered this for a second, and it made me feel a little better.
"So can we try? At more than ten miles an hour?" Her tone was teasing, just barely, and I humored her with a smile. "And if you feel like you're not in control, we'll try later."
I sighed, looking at my white hands gripping to steer, my leg frozen in position on the brake, and then ahead of me at the drive that led to the main road. I liked that she said we, like we were driving together. She was telling me I wasn't alone in this. "Okay."
Except I didn't move. A beat passed.
"Do you want me to talk through it with you?" Bella asked, sensing my hesitance.
I turned my head and gave her a grateful smile. "Please."
"Okay, here's how we'll do this." She shifted her position in the passenger's seat so that her entire body was facing me. "I'll ask you a question, and you'll drive."
I processed it. "But the distraction will make it hard to focus."
"No, trust me. Our minds work differently, remember? We can think about many things at once."
I blew some air out of my mouth, anxiety trickling down my throat. Bella seemed to sense this.
"Trust me."
I looked her in the eyes, and even though both of my hands were on the steering wheel, it felt like we were holding hands in a weird, mind-link way and so I did trust her.
"Okay, I'll try."
"Slowly take your foot off the break and press onto the gas." She said, and I turned my head back to look out in front me, doing exactly as she said. The car began to move forward, and the anxiety went to my stomach.
"Just drive at what ever pace you want until we get the road, okay?" I nodded, gathering the courage I needed and went at a leisurely pace of seven miles an hour. She didn't laugh at me.
"What did you think of Wuthering Heights?" She asked casually.
I wasn't sure if I could answer, but I did. "It was okay. I prefer modern classics, to be honest."
"Like what?" Bella continued as if we were in a perfectly regular conversation about books.
"Anything John Green, specifically The Fault In our Stars. Harry Potter, of course, minus J.K. Rowling. Rick Riordan, and..." I listed off a few of my favorite authors, my mind still sharp on the drive ahead of me.
Okay, the car was still going the way I wanted it to.
Bella laughed lightly. "Great books, yeah, but I'm not sure they'd be considered modern classics."
"Pfft, watch, they will be." I increased my speed to ten miles an hour, feeling more sure. Just a little.
"Do you have a favorite line or anything?" She asked.
I thought for a second, seeing the main road through the trees a mile down.
"It's kinda long." I said, sheepish.
"Do you remember it?"
I smiled. "Yes." I had read it just last week, thinking of Leah.
"Say it to me."
"What?"
"I want to hear it."
"Okay.." I collected my thoughts, still thinking hard on keeping the steering wheel straight, and tried my best to be sure my brain was working right, and I realized it didn't take a lot of effort. "So in The Fault In Our Stars, Augustus and Hazel are on the plane on their trip to Amsterdam, right? And right then, he just admits his love for her in this really amazing, sort of cheesy romantic way."
She nodded, giving me a small, encouraging smile. You can do it, she seemed to be telling me. "And what'd he say?"
"You want me to say it?" I was confused.
She nodded encouragingly. "Do it, try."
I breathed and decided not to question it, feeling nervous not for driving this time, but because I was afraid I would mess up the words. Feeling sheepish, I spoke one of my favorite monologues from Augustus Waters. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been turned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."
Bella was quiet for a beat. "Wow. He just, says that? That's sort of... beautiful."
I realized we were now at the end of the drive, ready to turn on the main road, and that I had recited the line with no effort to memorize it. I just knew it, whereas if I was human, it may have taken more time to simply state it like that, and my confidence grew slightly. I wasn't human. I could do this, couldn't I?
"Yeah I know, heavy, huh? Have you read it?" I turned right onto the road before letting myself overthink it, and drove at twenty miles an hour, slowly speeding up to thirty five. A small giggle escaped me, and the burst of energy that exerted my chest made me feel nearly euphoric: pride.
"I have not." Bella answered, smiling widely. "But you know what?"
"What?"
"You're driving." She beamed, and I reflected her.
"I know!"
"Go to fifty." She said, a mischievous tone in her voice.
"What?"
"Go faster!" She laughed, a free, careless laugh.
"Okay.." I pressured the gas pedal a bit, and sped to forty. Forty five. Fifty. The engine revved in tune as the asphalt began speeding past beneath us. A small spark, a little part of me leaped, the anxiety still there, but barely.
"Jace." Bella said.
I breathed. "Yeah?"
"You're doing it. You're driving. How does it feel?"
"It feels..." I stared ahead at the dark road, which I could see clearly through, even without the headlights, and let my fear melt away. I was doing this, and I wasn't crashing, and she was right. I didn't have to think about it; driving was as easy as running.
I giggled again, exulting. I pushed harder on the gas, speeding up to sixty. Seventy. Eighty.
"Roll the windows down."
I didn't question her, the exultance filling my hands, and did as she said. The air flowed into the car and in my hair and it felt as if I was running, and I laughed, free and happy and child-like. We were nearing one hundred now, speeding down the roads in Forks.
***
"Your dad would ban me from ever having a license." I teased, letting my body relax in a position so that my shoulders were no longer tensed.
Bella smiled, staring out the window as the trees flew past. "Do you want a license?"
"Maybe after I learn a little more. A permit for now."
She nodded.
A moment passed and I turned my head to look at her, now confident in my peripheral driving. "Thanks for doing this, by the way. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you."
She shook her head. "You would've figured it out. You're stronger than you think."
I smiled at her, even though I didn't really agree. "Thanks."
"Can I ask something?" She said.
I felt my eyebrows knit together. "Yeah, what is it?"
She turned her face to me and her expression was suddenly solemn. "Why were you so afraid to drive in the first place? I mean, most people are excited about it but you were so.."
"Anxious?"
"Yeah."
I took a second to answer, and turned my eyes away from her to the road. "When I was younger, my brother tried to teach me how to drive. I reacted the same way, so I never ended up learning."
She seemed to know that wasn't all, and waited for me to continue.
"You know about my parents dying, right?"
I didn't look at her but I know she nodded. "I'm sorry." She said, her voice soft.
I shook my head. "I don't remember them, but I have flashbacks of it. Like, visions?"
She nodded.
"Anyway, they died in a car crash. My brother and I escaped nearly unscathed by some miracle, but they weren't so lucky. I've always sort of been scared to be at the wheel ever since, and I guess driving made me feel like that little kid again. I don't know if that makes any sense."
"It makes sense." She encouraged. "I'm proud of you."
This made me look back at her face. "For what?"
"I mean, everything? You're a lot stronger than you realize."
I shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know."
"You are. I'm really glad you and Nessie are friends. She needs someone like you in her life."
I shook my head. "Nessie is a lot stronger than she realizes, too. She's brilliant."
Bella coughed a small, breathy laugh. "She gets that from her father."
I smiled. "Edward is brilliant?"
We exchanged glances. "Most of the time." She said sullenly, and I realized that the mood wasn't joking anymore. She glanced out the window again, avoiding my gaze.
"Is everything okay with you guys?" I asked, hoping I wasn't being intrusive. "You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable."
She was quiet for a moment, and then answered. "We keep fighting about Renesmee and Jacob. We're both stubborn, so obviously it's not going well." Her gaze was still shifted to the window, and I wondered if she was purposely doing that so I couldn't see the pain on her face.
"It's that bad?" I asked.
"Yeah. It's that bad."
"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"
She met my eyes, and I was right. Pain. A sad smile reached her face. "I don't think there's anything you can do."
"Is that why you're not with him right now? Why you did this?"
She shook her head. "No, I did want to help you. But yeah."
I frowned. "He won't listen?"
"We... we have very different perspectives on the matter. I see where he's coming from, but I also know how Nessie feels. I just wish he would understand." She groaned, and laid her head back on the seat, looking human.
"What about a compromise?"
"Hmm?" She had covered her eyes with her arm.
"Maybe try his perspective, take what he tells you and put yourself in his shoes. Tell him to do the same."
"But what if he won't? He's so stuck on his word, it's hard to move him at all."
I sat rigid for a few minutes, in silence as we sped down the highway. Think. I wanted to help her. I wanted to do something for her in return for helping me through this, to make her feel less alone.
Bella sighed, "It's okay, Jace. It's not your problem. But thanks for listening anyway."
I didn't respond.
"Jace?"
"How old is Renesmee?" I asked abruptly.
"Um, literally?"
"I mean in general. As far as her maturity goes and everything."
"Maybe seventeen now. Why?"
"I think I know why Edward is so upset."
"Yeah, because he doesn't want her to be with Jacob."
"No, it's because he's afraid of losing her."
"What do you mean?"
"Think about it. How long have you had Renesmee? She obviously didn't grow up as a normal kid. There wasn't enough time to enjoy her childhood."
"Well, yes, but we always knew that."
"But what if it's hitting Edward now, now that she's at the age of wanting to be romantically involved with Jacob? He might feel like he's being left behind. He might feel alone in this, especially with the Volturi coming soon."
Bella frowned, and then her expression turned to realization. "You're right."
"I am?"
"Yes, you're right!" She face-palmed her self. "How had I not realized before? He's my husband, for Pete's sake. Jace, can you turn the car around?"
"You can run, if you need to get back home faster."
She gave me a look. "Are you sure? You'll be okay driving by yourself?"
I grinned. "Hey, I'm practically expert now, I had a good teacher. Go get your man."
She smiled. "Thank you, Jace. Really." She gave me a swift hug and vanished out the car door.