Feeling guilty for my behavior at church, I wrestle with whether to call Matt, making it hard to concentrate. Resting my head on my hand, the tidal wave trying to break through to the surface wins. I know I behaved badly.
Buzzing again, its Will. Slamming my phone into my bag, I mutter, "Leave me alone." I need help, but I hate when people tell me what to do. It feels like they're trying to control me.
Buzzing once more, I groan, grabbing my phone out of my bag. Preparing to let Will have it, I see it's Aunt Beth's number. Wishing everyone would stop calling, I see Aunt Beth's text...CALL ME PLEASE.
Hitting her name, she says hello on the first ring. She doesn't sound like herself.
"Everything okay?" I ask, preparing for the worst.
I hear her take in a breath and let it out. "Will's here."
Almost like the words scramble my brain, I think she just told me Will's here. "Can you repeat that? I don't think I heard you correctly."
Aunt Beth exaggerates her words. "Will. Is. In. Iowa"
"What? Why?" My voice is high and panicked, drawing stares from other tables. Speaking quieter this time. "How do you know he's here?"
"He stopped here looking for you. I told him you were at the Memorial Union studying."
Thrashing around looking for him. "Is he coming here?" I whine, "I don't want to see him. Did he say why he's here?"
"He said he needs to talk to you. To see you." Her voice sounds grave, like she's keeping something from me.
Continuing to scan the basement, by my calculations I have half-an-hour to devise a plan. "Thank you for letting me know." Trying to keep her from worrying, I add. "I'm sure it'll be fine. He probably just misses me."
"Let me know if you need anything." There's a pause, right before I hang up, she says, "Please call me and let me know before you head home."
Reassuring her, my mind is all over the place as soon as I hit end.
Thinking about last October, I recall Allie's 18th birthday. Her mom bought three kegs and tons of hard liquor. The night felt like a mini reunion.
Home from college, I'm enjoying talking to friends I haven't seen for months. Feeling warm and fuzzy from all the drinks, I find myself flirting with Will even though he hasn't called.
Around midnight, Will suggests, "I'll give you a ride home. You know your brother will kill me, if I let you drive home"
Allie strolls behind him and gives me the "he looks hot tonight" look. It's true. Everything about him is poised and put together. His wardrobe is better than mine.
Smiling, I agree, "I just need to grab something."
Finding Katie, I let her know I'm leaving with Will, "Don't tell my brother. He gets all weird when he knows I'm with Will."
"Like I even talk to Max. You know you're going to regret this tomorrow." Katie tries her hardest to convince me. "Stay. We can go to my house later and watch a movie."
Giving her a big hug, I say, "Thanks for looking out for me, but I'm going." Laughing, when she pouts, I shove her. "Come on. You know I've loved him since I was 12."
"Call me tomorrow."
In the car, he turns on my favorite song. "It's still early. Do you want to stop by my place to have a drink before I take you home?" Giving me his killer smile, "We can sit on the deck and watch the waves roll in."
I'm sure a hundred girls have been out there, but right now I don't care. "Just one." Playing a little hard to get.
A loud bang shakes me out of the memory. Laughing hysterically, a couple of guys high five at their stupid prank.
I regret getting in Will's car that night, especially since he blew me off the next day.
Watching Will step into the same room as me, the air changes. I can't breathe. Of course, he bought all the best winter gear for his trip here. It's not like he pays his credit card bill anyway, so what does he care that he'll never use it again.
Spotting me from across the room, his eyes lock with mine, making my stomach flutter. Barely breathing, I'm not ready to face him. Does he want me to come home?
Stalking towards me, he stops in front of me.
Finally, I ask, "What are you doing here?"
"Are you going to invite me to sit down, or have you lost your manners since being in Farmville?"
Studying him, it's like looking at him through new eyes: shaped eyebrows and perfectly manicured nails. Calling him on his heirs, I snap, "Don't be such a snob. The people here are a lot nicer than in the places you hang out."
Looking at the two guys taking turns punching each other in the arm, he scoffs, "They may be nice, but do they have manners?"
Rolling my eyes, "You didn't answer my question. Why are you here?"
"I miss you."
I don't know if it's the morning I've had or the fact that he came without asking me, but I go off. "I lived within your reach for years, and you blew me off. Now you fly across the country to see me. Why? Because you think I might get over you?"
Something flashes in his eye. "Maybe the distance brought into perspective what I lost."
"You don't even know me, Will." I try to hold my composure. A few months ago those words would've been my undoing.
Leaning in, he grins. "I think I know you pretty well. Better than anyone else out there, unless that's changed." He studies my reaction.
"Just because you're the only guy I've had sex with doesn't mean you know me better than anyone." I lied, but as far as he knows it's the truth. Being reminded that there's another guy stings, I push it out of my mind.
"You're hiding something from me. I can feel it."
Rolling my eyes, I snap, "You're paranoid."
He laughs, "No one talks to me like you. Most girls do whatever I want. But not you."
Spotting Matt out of the corner of my eye, he's watching us from the stairs. He looks angry. Pushing away from the table, I hurry towards him. Watching him turn back up the stairs, I call out, "Matt. Wait."
Turning towards me, his brows furrow, there's a new intensity in his eyes. He points, "Is that why you left church without explanation? And why you wouldn't return my phone calls?" Waving his hand, he barks, "You knew your boyfriend was coming the whole time, didn't you?"
"He's not my boyfriend." Struggling to find the words, tears run down my cheeks. "I know this looks bad. I had no idea Will was coming."
"Who is he?" His teeth are clenched.
"He's a guy from home." I whisper.
Throwing his hands in the air, "So he is your boyfriend. Is that why you refused to go out with me? Why didn't you just tell me?"
Shaking my head, "He's not my boyfriend. It's more complicated than that."
Will's voice cuts into the conversations. "We've been seeing each other for over a year."
Glaring at him, I snap, "Will. Shut up and go sit down. This doesn't involve you."
"I think it does. Are you seeing another guy?" Will's jaw tightens.
"No. I mean. Yes." Words are not my friend right now.
Turning on his heel, Matt walks away. Chasing after him, I call his name.
Stopping, the pain in his eyes cuts worse than his anger. I'm not good for him. Staring at the ground, I feel about as low as I can get. All I can say is, "I didn't know he was coming. I'm confused." Bursting into tears, I gulp, "I'm so sorry." Then walk away.
Heading back to Will, I'm numb. Sliding into my chair, I glare at him through my tears. "You're a real jerk sometimes. Why didn't you just stay here?"
Completely ignoring the fact that I'm upset, he defends himself. "Don't you think you should apologize for hiding the fact that you have a boyfriend?" With an arrogant grin, he adds, "He's not even your type."
Losing my last shred of control, I yell. "Who's my type? You? The jerk who likes to have sex occasionally and never calls." Continuing, I move my hair off my shoulders, "Or the arrogant rich guy who looks at me like an accessory ?" Putting my head on the table, I'm crushed because I described the guys I usually pick.
"Calm down. People are staring." Will leans in lowering his voice. "I've never seen you so moody. Even if he's your boyfriend, it doesn't mean you can't hang out with me."
"It actually does mean I can't hang out with you... if he's my boyfriend." Refusing to spend one more minute with him, I grab my stuff. "I need to run back to Huxley to get some things for Bible Study tonight. It's not my fault you didn't check with me before you came." Crossing arms across my chest defiantly, I wait for him to argue.
"Since when do you go to Bible Study?" Will scoffs but backs off. Calling after me as I walk away, he says, "My room is at Prairie Meadows Casino, if you change your mind." He says it like it tastes sour. "I'll probably be up all-night gambling, since the room is less than adequate. Call anytime."
Relaxing a bit, I say, "Maybe we can have lunch tomorrow before you leave."