24 | THE KISS
"Well, I can't," he whispered before he kissed me.
On my forehead.
Feeling his soft lips press onto my skin, all that rushing excitement dwindled into disbelief. I certainly hadn't expected him to kiss me up until a few seconds ago, yet that brief flare of anticipation was enough to leave me wishing for what he didn't give me.
"Did you really just do that?" I asked under my breath as he leaned back, his hands still holding my face.
He bit back a laugh when he saw my expression. "Are you disappointed?"
"Yes," I said, only to sigh right after. My hands went to hold his wrists and guide them away from my face. "I don't know, Jungkook. I don't know if you're serious or just messing with me half the time, and romance is probably the last thing I need right now, but you're... you're just so confusing!"
"Let me be as clear as I can for you," he spoke carefully while his hands slid into mine and interlaced our fingers. "I like you, Jangmi. I know I joke around and tease you a lot, but my feelings for you are real. They have been for a long time."
"Then why didn't you kiss me?" I asked, detecting the faint irritation in my own voice. What bothered me wasn't just the absence of the kiss, but the loss of a chance to better understand my feelings for him.
"I just don't want to do it if you're not ready for it yet. You still have a lot to remember." Jungkook paused, those dark roast eyes searching every sliver of emotion in me. His voice lowered, "Believe me, Red, it just about killed me not to kiss you. It still is killing me."
My eyes followed a raindrop as it fell from a damp strand of his hair and trailed down the smooth skin of his cheek to the corner of his lips. I looked away. "You're not the only one."
Jungkook inhaled and stepped back, dragging a hand down his face with a groan. "Do you not understand the power you have over me by now?" He stared at me through the sheets of rain that separated us. "You saying that only makes it harder."
I scoffed in spite of my fluttering heart. "Well, sorry for being frustrated after you teased me with a kiss and didn't follow through."
He threw his hands up in exasperation and his hood fell back. "I was trying to be considerate by waiting until you remember more about me!"
"Oh, yeah, how considerate of you to go in for a kiss then plant it on my forehead at the last second like a wuss!" I yelled above the rain.
"A wuss?! I was being a gentleman!"
"A gentleman wouldn't have gotten me all excited only to fail to deliver!"
"Stop talking around it and just say it. You wanted me to kiss you and you still do," he said firmly as he closed in on me for the second time.
"In your dreams," I muttered when he came only a step apart from me.
"I'm giving you a chance, Jangmi," he said in a deepened tone as he stared down at me. "Say it and I'll be happy to give it to you. But if you don't, I'm walking away because I can't keep-"
"I want you to kiss me."
My words were all it took for him to go quiet. Our eyes locked with intensity, each waiting, challenging the other to act first. Jungkook's hands slowly found my waist, sliding between my jacket and my shirt. Without looking away, I smoothed my palms over his chest and felt him inhale at my touch. He pulled me into him by the small of my back but made no further move.
His hesitation was my opportunity. My hands went to the back of his neck and I rose onto my toes, bringing his face closer. A faint sigh escaped his mouth when my fingers threaded into his hair. Our breaths mingled as our lips parted, and he was just about to press his mouth to mine when I shifted to kiss his cheek instead.
"Better to wait," I whispered in his ear. Dropping back to flat feet, I found him astonished. "I'm just returning your gentlemanly manners. I am a lady, afterall." I patted his chest and he let out a chuckle.
"Touché," he said breathlessly, far more amused and impressed than I'd guessed he would be. There wasn't a hint of annoyance in him.
"Goodnight, Jungkook."
He released my waist and watched me as I went to climb the remaining stairs. A hidden smile spread over my lips the moment he could no longer see my face.
"Goodnight, Red."
~
What. The hell. Was that?
"You've done it now, Jangmi," I mumbled to myself as the door clicked shut behind me. Resting against the wooden frame, my mind ran through what happened. Jungkook's darkened stare, the firmness of his hold, the warmth of his chest, and that final shape of his lips as they lifted in awe of me, accepting the challenge I'd proposed.
A shiver ran over my skin as I recalled the determination that lit up his eyes as I was leaving. Shrugging out of my jacket, I placed it on my desk chair before walking to my bed and grabbing the blanket on its edge. Wrapping the soft material around me, I fell back onto the mattress and stared at the ceiling.
It was undeniable, the attraction between Jungkook and me. What I still questioned, though, was whether I felt for him anything beyond that chemistry. As much as I wished to kiss him, I realized that he was right. Waiting to learn more about our entangled past was the smartest choice.
My thoughts helplessly drifted to what kissing him would've been like, if it would've been sweet or heated, soft or passionate. But abruptly, I jolted upright as the vision of Jungkook was replaced with a particular masked face.
Oh, wonderful.
The two brothers were not only warring in reality but in my own head, too.
~
The next morning, Hoseok texted me to meet him in the same room our class had been relocated to. I arrived first, finding the room eerily dark and empty. Only a few streaks of morning rays trickled in through the small windows near the ceiling, capturing the drifting dust particles. I flicked the bronze lights on and set my bag down, quickly changing into my pointe shoes and tying my hair up.
A short time later, music played from the speakers and I began warming up at the barre. Bringing my arm out to my side, I glanced toward the mirror to observe my form. Movement from the corner of the room caught my vision, and my arm dropped to my side when I spotted Hoseok at the door, wearing black from head to toe.
Within the seconds before either of us spoke, a sense of déjà vu tugged at me, leading my mind back to when Hoseok had watched me dance from the doorway during our first lesson. Then it brought me back to the image of a younger Hoseok doing the same. The ghost of that memory and my current reality merged as I looked at him, and my opposing feelings toward both versions of him struggled to coincide. Familiarity, trust, comfort belonged to the Hoseok of my past, while intrigue, longing, excitement belonged to the Hoseok of my present.
"I forgot to tell you that we won't be dancing."
The memory faded from reach as I met his heavy gaze. "What? Why?"
He stepped into the room, his black shoes tapping against the dark floor. "We need to talk about last night. We can practice this evening."
I recalled the way he suddenly fled the night before, how he tore away from my grasp. Maybe he'll offer some sort of explanation.
"Did we really have to meet this early?" Jungkook's groggy voice came from the doorway as he walked in. His hair was slightly disheveled, and he wore loose sweatpants and a hoodie.
"We don't have class together today and I wanted to make sure we talked sooner rather than later," Hoseok said.
"Why here?"
"I'd already told Jangmi to meet me here."
What Hoseok said made Jungkook glance at me. My cheeks went hot as I remembered the night before, the way he stared down at me in the rain with our forms pressed together.
Clearing my throat, I moved toward them and grabbed my bag. "I picked up on a few things last night, but I didn't get any new memories."
"That's okay, it'll take some time. But what did you pick up on?" Hoseok asked as the two of them watched me changing my shoes.
"Well, for starters, Taehyung was acting weird. He gave me a necklace."
Jungkook frowned. "A necklace? Do you have it with you?"
With a nod, I pulled the jewelry out of a pocket in my bag. Straightening up, I held it out for them to see. "He said it would keep the nightmares away."
Hoseok crossed his arms, eyeing the necklace with apprehension. "Did it?"
Glancing between the two of them, I shrugged. "It could just be a coincidence, but I forgot to take it off last night and I never had a nightmare."
The brothers shared a look, silently conversing with one another.
"If it is protecting me from the nightmares, does that mean it's not him?"
"No. He could be doing it just to earn your trust." Hoseok's words seemed to linger like he was leaving something out.
"But why would he try to stop the one way he's been contacting me?" I asked as I placed the necklace back in my bag.
"He has other ways." Hoseok's eyes held mine and my heart thudded against my chest.
"I don't think we can say either way. It's definitely odd but we can't be sure until you actually remember him, Jangmi," Jungkook said. "Besides, I thought Namjoon was acting weird, too."
"Namjoon? What did he do?" I asked, struggling to remember anything suspicious of him.
"I was testing him when I kissed your cheek. He seemed bothered by it."
"He did seem a bit uncomfortable, but I wouldn't say he was bothered. It probably seemed like it came out of nowhere," I said.
"When did this happen?" Hoseok questioned, looking between the two of us.
"Before you came," Jungkook brushed him off before returning his attention to me. "Namjoon's planning to help you with your music for the project, right?"
I nodded. "Him and Yoongi."
"I don't have a good feeling about Yoongi," Hoseok said. "You shouldn't meet with the two of them alone."
"Great, so all three of us are suspicious of different people."
"Yoongi couldn't have been any pushier about you going to the masquerade," Hoseok continued.
"It was a little weird," Jungkook added, "But all last year, Jimin told us how excited he was for you to go with us, so maybe he had that in mind."
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Well, now I'm even more confused than before."
Jungkook glanced at his brother, debating his next words. When his eyes found mine, he spoke. "You need to keep spending time around them. The closer you get to them, the more likely it is that you'll remember. And if he thinks you've dropped your guard, he's more likely to slip up."
"No." The mask did nothing to lessen the power in his voice.
"Hoseok-"
"The only time she should be around any of them is when one of us is there, too. And we're not going to use her as bait to get him to reveal himself."
Jungkook clenched his jaw. "That's not what I was getting at. She doesn't need to go alone, we can find a way to keep an eye on her but she still needs to be around them enough to jog her memory. So far that's the only thing that has worked."
"Can't the two of you try to remember him, too? Why are we only focusing on me?" I asked.
Hoseok shook his head. "We've tried but it hasn't worked. You've already gotten a few memories back, so you're the main one we're counting on."
"They're hardly even memories." My brows furrowed as stress tangled into my voice. "They're flashes at best. What if I can't remember in time? How long can we wait until he hurts someone else or does something to me?"
"Hey," Jungkook said softly as he reached for my hand. "We're not going to let him do anything to you, alright?"
Our eyes met and I sent him a faint smile, but there was no missing the gaze that scorched through our locked hands. When I glanced at Hoseok, he redirected his sight to the mirror.
"We'll keep you safe," he said quietly, finding my eyes in the reflection.
I chose to believe in their promise, ignoring the twinge of doubt that nipped at my gut.
After agreeing that we needed to interact with the others more often, the three of us went our separate ways to take on the classes of the day. Though my urge was to sit somewhere else, I took the same seat beside Taehyung in our shared period. I'd even remembered to wear the necklace so as to not tip him off. He was quiet as usual, but I caught him pointedly checking to see if I was, in fact, wearing the gift.
When he asked if I had a nightmare, I answered that I hadn't. His face was inexpressive as he nodded. Then the professor began his lecture, and no other words were exchanged between us.
I carried on throughout the rest of my day, letting the routine of school temporarily distract me from the mayhem that kept edging into my life and my mind.
The sky was just beginning to darken when I left my final class. As I exited the building and stepped outside, a rushing breeze cooled my face and swept through my hair. Only two steps in the direction of my dorm, my phone dinged.
Hoseok
Are you out of class?
Yes, why?
Meet me at the opera house.
Right now?
Yes
Readjusting the bag on my shoulder, I went to head in the opposite direction. The center of campus was lively as students went to their different destinations, but the crowd dissipated the farther I walked. The outskirts of campus were empty in comparison, save for a straggler or two.
Coming up to the large building in all its Gothic glory, I scaled the stone steps up to the entrance. The inside greeted me with silence. The only life in the large space came from a girl who sat on a couch in the corner, reading a book that kept her oblivious to my presence.
I walked under the sparkling chandeliers, up the grand staircase, down the long hallway until I reached the small, hidden door. Turning the knob confirmed that it was unlocked, so I wasted no time in entering and closing it behind me. As soon as I was on the ledge of the fly loft, a dark figure seized my attention.
The dim lights were already on, allowing me to make out his form just like the last time. Only he wasn't dancing, but rather pacing back and forth on the stage, then pausing briefly and making a faint movement with his feet or his arms. After a moment of watching, I realized he must've been running over a potential choreography in his head.
The platform rattled slightly as I took an extra step forward, and Hoseok turned to look at me.
"Hi," I said awkwardly.
"Are you planning to stay up there all night or are you going to come down and join me?"
Whether it was something in his voice or something in the way he phrased it, he caused my heart to flutter.
I went climbing down the ladder, and as I got to the missing rung, Hoseok's hands reached up to hover right near my waist, ready to stabilize me if needed. He backed away as I hopped onto the floor, and I turned to face him.
The question I had for him got caught in my throat as his eyes captured mine, alight with anticipation and that same craving I'd noticed when he first asked me to be his dancer.
"Why did you want to meet here?" I asked in a near-whisper.
He took his time, gaze roaming over my face before he answered. "I feel safer here. No risk of anyone seeing."
"Seeing what?"
"You're going to dance."
"I figured that much, but-"
"With me."
• • •
A/N: so you were bamboozled. I fooled ya. I'm sorry for that, but I know about half of you were jumping for joy when you realize Jungkook didn't actually kiss her lips. The other half of you... well, just remember who's on the edit above^
I know this chapter wasn't very eventful. It took longer to write than I'd hoped because school is intense right now, so I opted to end it a little short to get it out sooner. I may take an extra week for the next update because I have three big projects and several final exams coming up.
But anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know of any theories you may have going on, and tell me if there's anything specific you're hoping to see in the next chapter ;)
Take care of yourselves. Good luck with classes/work! Don't let the stress of the world weight you down, do your best to find the light ❤
Your tired-but-happy-to-see-you author,
Kat
November 4, 2020