April
Wednesday
I walked to my place, with nothing but the hopes of not running into Karabo. I didn't want to see the sight of him anymore. As I walked the streets of Braamfontein, I kept asking myself what Nyiko meant by 'Karabo tells her everything'? I pray she doesn't know my secret with Karabo because if she knows, she can use it against me, telling Sihle.
I got to my place and lie in bed. I didn't want to do anything that will make me use my brain. I opened my laptop and started watching a movie, which even though I was watching, I had no idea what was happening.
My phone started ringing; it was my sister, thank God. I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, but with Tshifhiwa, definitely not about the sex part. I can't tell her I lost my precious thing. As if it's precious.
We talked, she asked me about the June exams; if I'm prepared and all. I told her what she wanted to hear, 'everything is good, and I'm ready'.
"What are you doing this weekend?" she continued, and I could sense she wanted more than just to talk, me babysitting her place.
"Nothing, unless I receive an assignment at the end of the week then I will be doing that."
"Okay, you can do your assignment here. I want you to visit me this weekend, I miss you," she begged, and I just laughed, is not about missing me.
"Really? You miss me? Just tell me how long you want me there," I said, already ahead of her.
"The whole weekend, I will pick you up on Friday after school and bring you back on Sunday," she said, and you could hear from her voice she is crossing her fingers.
"The whole weekend, you know I don't like that side is so quiet. What will I be doing?"
"You will be studying; all you have to do is be available,"
"Who did you fool now?" I asked. I knew this has to do with some poor guy.
"Come on, Tshedza. Just say yes," she begged.
"But why do I have to be the one suffering because of your men?"
"Okay, I will pay you," she jumped in and well, then she was talking.
"Sold," I shouted, and she laughed. We finished our call,
After a few minutes of continuing watching my movie, I heard Sihle's knock; it was passing 6. I opened for him, and he walked in with a bunch of books, to study with me.
We set our studying areas, he sat on the bed while I sat on my chair across the desk. He has never come to study with me before, this was the first time, and I didn't know if it will work. We managed to go for half an hour without disturbing each other until I got tired of pretending. I couldn't study, I had to find a way to get into him.
"When you leave on Friday for the funeral, I'm also leaving to visit my big sister for the whole weekend," I said as I try to get between him and his books.
"Okay cool, I guess we'll see each other on Sunday," he said, not giving me any attention, so focused on his books.
After a few minutes of him studying, and me staring at my books, I stood up and walked toward the bed, I couldn't pretend to study anymore. I climbed the bed and nicely closed his books while he lies there surprised, watching every move I make.
Maybe we can just do it and get over with it
That was the thought running all over my head. I was no longer sure if I would be able to wait for next weekend...
But I will be at my sister's, maybe I can wait
My mind continued juggling every thought it can reach, while my body climbs on top of him. He pulled me down to him and kissed me passionately. After a while of kissing, I slowly squeezed my hand inside his buttoned jeans and boxers, to feel his penis. He jumped off the bed, already positioning his penis back to order.
"What are you doing?" he asked as he stood far away from the bed. I looked at him, surprised, without knowing what to say. "You can't do that Tshedza, once you raise this one, there will only be one way to put him down," he continued.
"So be it," I said, joining him while he stood 2 feet from the door.
"You want to do it now?" he asked, surprised, and on his surprised face, I could see he was starting to be disappointed in me like I am weak and not patient. I realised it was time for me to go back on being a good girl and stop seducing him.
"No, I was just touching you. We are doing it next weekend," I said as I lie, and his face started lighting up, and I could see the pride in him. He was proud of me. "I'm going to take a shower," I continued, already collecting my toiletry and towel. I couldn't stand to be near him while my mind was still possessed. He nodded as he walked back to the bed and opened his books; I guess that would be the last time we study together.
I walked to the shower room just to be away from him. I found myself standing under the falling warm water as it makes a popping sound from my shower cap. From my instinct, I could feel there was someone in the room, so I closed the tap.
"Are you okay?" the voice asked, and yes, my instinct was correct.
"Yah I'm fine," I said as I wipe my eyes to see who it was. It was hard to see through the transparent shower door because of the steam all over. So, I just continued talking to a ghost.
"Is that you are just standing in there for long," she said, with a concerned voice.
"Oh, are all the showers taken? I thought they were empty. I'm finishing up," I said, surprised. Is hard to find all showers occupied at this time, unlike in the morning.
"No, there are enough showers; you can take as long as you want. I was just concerned, that's all," she responded.
"Oh, thanks," I said as I still couldn't see her.
"You are welcome," her voice said as it fades away. She walked out before I could ask who it was. I don't know anyone with that voice. I opened the tap back on and continued with my madness of standing under the water. How long have I been here, anyway? I asked myself.
"I was thinking of following you, I bet it was a nice shower," Sihle said the moment I got in my room, already packing his books in his backpack. He is leaving, good, I still can't be on his presence.
"Yeah. The water was so good I found myself just standing there," I said, still in my towel. I thought of teasing him by dropping my towel, but I thought that would be too much for him. We have never seen each other completely naked; we can't start now. We kissed each other good night and then he left.
I put my body lotion, and in my pyjamas, I was. I couldn't study anymore, it's not even like I was studying before, so I opened another movie.
It was passing 9 when I heard a knock, I paused my movie and walked toward the door. I opened the door just hoping is not Karabo. I didn't want to see Karabo near me anytime soon, I have been warned. It wasn't Karabo, it was a girl who I have seen sometimes in this building.
"Hi," she said, and I was just standing there confused what she wants. "I'm the lady in the shower room, the concerned one," she described herself, and I could already tell by her voice.
"Oh hi, at least now I can put a face on a voice," I said.
"Can I come in?" she asked, and I just opened wide for her, wondering why she wants to come in. "Wow, your room is nice. I'm sharing mine so is not that pleasant, especially my roommate's side," she continued as she looks around and I just smiled, still wondering what is happening.
"Thanks. I used to share at high school, so I wanted space for once," I said as I close the door behind me.
"Oh, that's why they got you this one, lucky you," she said, and I just smiled, still wondering what she wants. "Oh, don't be surprised why I'm here, is that I don't have friends here, so I thought maybe I could make one. You always seem friendly, and you don't gossip like these bitches so..." she continued like she knew I was wondering why she was in my room. She was right, though, girls here gossip more than they study. When you go to the kitchen, there will be gossiping, in the shower, gossiping, they could even hear each other's voice under the running water.
"Oh, I also don't have friends here. My best friend stays at JSE," I said.
"Mine stays at Jubilee. So, we are just lost souls here by ourselves, we can hang out if that's okay with you," she really knows what she wants and goes for it. "I'm Hazel," she continued, giving me a handshake and I awkwardly gave her a handshake too.
"I'm Tshedza," I said back. She sat down on my bed while she asks about my movies, already scrolling my laptop. She was friendly but too forward. We talked about things, including our boyfriends.
"I know yours, he stays here too, right?" she said after I told her about Sihle.
"Yeah. How do you know him?"
"I have seen you guys together, you look cute together," she said, and I just smile.
"Where does yours stay?" I asked, joining her on the bed too.
"He goes to UJ, a bit far but I go there most of the weekends. He doesn't come here; my roommate is a bitch," she said, and we just laughed.
We continued talking about where we went to high school; she's a Jo'burger and went to Parktown Girls. She's doing a BA. Well, that I had to guess, and I guessed right. You could see by how free spirit she is, that's just another thing I love about art students; they are just down to earth.
We talked where I ended up teaching her a few basic Venda words. She taught me some few Tswana words. It was nice hanging with her, as we talked about our different cultures.
"Wow, I was right; you are way nice. I'm glad I came to say hi," she grinned as she gets ready to go.
"Yah I'm glad too hey," I chuckled, walking her to the door. I really was glad though, she was amusing, and it would be nice to have someone to ask salt from around this building.
"Good night," she smiled, looking at me and I said it back as I hold the door for her to walk out. She slowly leaned toward me, and while I was still figuring out if she wants to hug me or something, she placed her lips on mine and kissed me as I just stood there, surprised. After she was done, she smiled and then left me just standing at the door, still frozen. Did she just kiss me? I have never kissed a girl before.
I stood there by the door, still sinking in what just happened. Why did she kiss me? Is not like she's gay, she has a boyfriend, and I have a boyfriend.
I closed and locked the door and walked toward the bed. I could still taste her cherry lip balm in my mouth. It was a shock for me. I mean I went to girls high, I never thought of making out with one. There were gays there, and some would hit on me, but they never succeeded because I always told them I was straight. Now, this one, she just came out of the blue, and the weird thing is I couldn't stop her. Even though I didn't kiss her back, I should have stopped her, but I didn't.
I'm sorry about that. I realised I caught you off guard. I know you are straight, and I'm also straight, but there is nothing wrong with trying something else She sent a message on WhatsApp.
It's okay. I just didn't expect that I responded.
I realised, am I your first girl? She asked.
Yes, you are. Was I? I asked but, in a moment, I realise that was a stupid question, I was definitely not her first.
No, you are not my first She responded with a hiding emoji.
Oh, okay. Good night? I texted, feeling a little bit jealous I didn't know why.
Good night Tshedza She replied, and I threw my phone away and mused myself to sleep.